429 Bagel Jokes to Make Your Day a Baker's Delight

If you’re here, it means you’re ready to roll into the world of bagel jokes.

Not just any jokes, but the pick of the pan.

That’s why we’ve baked up a list of the most hilarious bagel jokes.

From dough-lightful puns to crusty one-liners, our compilation has a joke for every aspect of life.

So, let’s bite into the chewy center of bagel humor, one joke at a time.

Contents show

Bagel Jokes

Bagel jokes are a deliciously delightful way to inject some humor into your day.

These jokes aren’t just about the circular breakfast food, but also the culture and quirks that come along with it.

Be it the famous New York vs.

Montreal bagel debate, the various toppings and spreads, or even the iconic bagel and lox combo, there’s a ton to work with.

The best bagel jokes are all about clever wordplay, fun puns, and playing with the unique characteristics of bagels themselves (like the fact they’re the only bread with a hole in the middle).

Ready for a rollicking, ring-shaped ride?

Prepare to knead some humor into your day with these irresistible bagel jokes:

Why was the bagel not able to make friends? It had a hard outer shell!
Why don’t bagels make good comedians? They’re always getting toasted!
Why did the bagel break up with the cream cheese? It just couldn’t find a “hole” lot of compatibility.
Why did the bagel start a band? Because it already had all the dough-minant instruments!
Why did the bagel go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t feeling “hole”some!
Why did the bagel get hired at the comedy club? It had a lot of dough to rise to the occasion!
Why was the bagel crying? It felt a little “hole” inside!
Why did the bagel lose at poker? It was all-in with a hole card.
What did the bagel say to the toaster? “I’m hot stuff, you can’t resist me!”
What did one bagel say to the other bagel at the party? You’re the “hole” reason I came here!
What do you call a bagel that can dance? A twist and shout bagel!
Why don’t bagels make good comedians? They always get a little too toasted.
What did the bagel say to the toaster? “You make me feel all warm and toasty inside!”
Why was the bagel feeling down? It was feeling lox-t.
Why don’t bagels ever get into fights? They always prefer to “roll” with it!
What did the bagel say to its friend who was having a bad day? Don’t worry, everything will be “dough-kay”!
What do you call a bagel that can play the piano? A dough-minant seventh!
Why did the bagel break up with the toaster? It wanted to find a bun that was hotter!
Why was the bagel crying? Because it had too many “loaf” problems!
How do you know if a bagel is on a diet? It’s a little lox-in the middle!
Why did the bagel break up with the donut? It just felt a hole lot better without the glaze!
Why did the bagel go to the baseball game? It heard they were having a “roll call”!
Why did the bagel become a comedian? It just couldn’t resist the dough puns!
Why don’t bagels ever get in trouble? They always know how to roll with it!
What did one bagel say to the other bagel during a race? “We knead to catch up!”
What did the everything bagel say to the plain bagel? You’re so plain, it’s not even a-maize-ing!
What did the everything bagel say to the plain bagel? You’re just so bland, try spicing things up!
Why did the bagel break up with the donut? Because it found someone who really rolls its dough!
Why did the bagel break up with the doughnut? It felt a hole in its heart.
What did the bagel say to the slice of cheese? “You’re my butter half!”
Why did the bagel get a job as a detective? It wanted to dough some investigating!
What did the bagel say to the bread when it asked for dating advice? I don’t know, I’m just trying to find my perfect “hole-mate”!
Why did the bagel join a gym? It wanted to get rid of its doughy middle!
Why did the bagel bring a ladder to the bakery? To get a higher roll in life!
Why did the bagel get arrested? It was caught loitering around the cream cheese!
What do you call a bagel that can do magic tricks? An “everything” magician!
Why was the bagel always calm? Because it had a lot of lox on its mind!
How do you make a bagel laugh? You give it a “roll” on the floor!
Why did the bagel bring a ladder to the party? It wanted to get a higher dough-wn!
How do bagels greet each other? They say, “Glazed to meet you!”
Why don’t bagels go to the zoo? They’re afraid of the doughnuts!
How do you get a bagel to stop biting? You just tell it to quit bageling around!
What do you get when you cross a bagel with a balloon? A donut on a diet!
Why was the bagel so good at math? It always knew how to count its rolls!
Why was the bagel sad? Because it didn’t have any lox in life!
Why do bagels never win an argument? They always get toasted!
Why did the bagel visit the bakery every day? It kneaded the company.
Why did the bagel go to the gym? It wanted to get a good gluten-free workout!
Why was the bagel feeling down? It was “hole”ly unimpressed with its day!
How do you make a bagel smile? Put a “glaze” on its face!
What did one bagel say to the other bagel at the party? “You’re everything I’ve bagel-ed for!”
Why don’t bagels make good detectives? They always get too toasted on the job!
What did the bagel say to the toaster? “You’re the bread and butter of my life!”
How do you know if a bagel is happy? It’s smiling from one hole to the other!
How does a bagel tell time? It uses its hands and a shmear of cream cheese!
Why don’t bagels ever get arrested? They always know their “rolls.”
Why did the bagel get hired at the bakery? It had a lot of “dough”nations!
Why was the bagel always friends with the cream cheese? They just had a special “schmear.”
What did the bagel say to the knife? You’re a cut above the rest!
Why did the bagel start a band? Because it wanted to make some dough with its friends!
How do bagels greet each other? They say, “Gluten morgen!”
What’s a bagel’s favorite type of car? A stick-shift!
How do you catch a bagel? You put cream cheese on a bear claw!
Why did the bagel refuse to play baseball? It didn’t want to get toasted by a fastball.
What did the bagel say to the loaf of bread? You’re a-crumby friend!
What did the bagel say to the donut? You’re really good at glazing! I’m totally jelly.
Why don’t bagels make good detectives? They always get caught in a doughnut hole.
What did the bagel say to the toaster? “I’m really hot, but I can’t handle the pressure.” .
What do you call a bagel with a smiley face? A happy roll.
What’s a bagel’s favorite type of math? Dough-nuts and bolts.
Why did the bagel go to outer space? To find the perfect space jam!
Why did the bagel win the race? It had a lot of dough on its side!
Why did the bagel break up with the doughnut? It just couldn’t handle the hole relationship!
Why was the bagel struggling to make friends? It had a tough crust to crack!
Why did the bagel hire a bodyguard? It wanted to protect its dough.
How do you catch a runaway bagel? Use cream cheese as bait!

Short Bagel Jokes

Short bagel jokes are like a well-rounded breakfast—simple, tasty, and always leaving you wanting more.

They make for perfect ice breakers in text messages, social media posts, or that moment in a conversation when you need a quick chuckle.

The beauty of short bagel jokes lies in their ability to deliver a wholesome laugh in just a bite-sized format.

They are both pun-tastic and light-hearted, perfectly kneaded to tickle your funny bone.

And now, get ready to roll in laughter!

Here are some short bagel jokes that will leave you in a hole lot of hilarity.

Why don’t bagels go to school? They’re already well-kneaded!
Why was the bagel stressed? It had too many lox to handle.
Why was the bagel upset? It had too many filling-less days!
Why did the bagel stop making jokes? It ran out of lox!
What did the bagel say to the toaster? I’m bread-y for anything!
Why don’t bagels like playing sports? They don’t want to get toasted!
How does a bagel propose? With a diamond onion ring!
Why do bagels make great comedians? They always have a good “roll”!
How does a bagel say hello to a donut? Gluten morgen!
Why was the bagel sad? Because it was feeling a bit “holey.” .
What do you call a scared bagel? A jelly-filled donut!
How does a bagel greet its friends? It says “gluten tag!”
Why do bagels make terrible detectives? They always get toasted!
How does a bagel apologize? It says, “I’m sorry, I’ll dough better!”
What do you call a ghost bagel? A “boo-gel”!
Why do bagels never go on vacation? They always get toasted!
What do you call a bagel that can sing? A tuneful carbohydrate!
What’s a bagel’s favorite kind of car? A “Rolls-Royce”!
What’s a bagel’s favorite exercise? A “roll” in the dough!
Why did the bagel start a band? It kneaded some rhythm!
Why don’t bagels go on vacation? They can’t find a good lox!
Why don’t bagels like to go skydiving? They’re afraid of lox!
Why did the bagel apologize? It had a hole lot of regrets!
Why don’t bagels like math? They prefer to be plain!
Why did the bagel bring an umbrella? In case of “flour”y showers!
What’s a bagel’s favorite day of the week? Fry-day!
How does a bagel greet its friends? With a “roll”ing high-five!
What’s a bagel’s favorite sport? Toast-minton!
Why don’t bagels like to fight? They’re all about “peace” and love!
How does a bagel greet a slice of bread? Gluten tag!
What’s a bagel’s favorite type of music? Roll and rock!
Why did the bagel stop working out? It didn’t have enough gluten!
Why don’t bagels ever get into fights? They’re too well-rounded!

Bagel Jokes One-Liners

Bagel jokes one-liners are the cream cheese of comedy – rich, satisfying, and spread thick with humor.

They’re the comedic equivalent of biting into a fresh bagel – the crunch of the crust, the soft, warm inside, and the delightful surprise of flavor in every bite.

Creating a good bagel one-liner requires a mix of wit, timing, and a deep fondness for the power of puns.

The challenge lies in kneading the setup and punchline into one doughy bite, delivering maximum humor with minimal words.

Here’s hoping these bagel one-liners leave you rolling with laughter:

What do you call a bagel that can’t make up its mind? A flip-flop bagel!
Why did the bagel break up with the cream cheese? It felt like it was being spread too thin.
What do you call a bagel that’s a detective? A dough-nut hole investigator.
What did the bagel say to the toaster? “You’re always toasting me up!”
Why did the bagel bring a ladder to the bakery? To reach the upper crust!
Why don’t bagels like to fight? They always end up getting toasted!
Why did the bagel become a stand-up comedian? It always had a good punchline!
Why did the bagel go to therapy? It had serious dough-pression!
Why was the bagel crying? It had too many holes in its life.
Why did the bagel break up with the bread? It said they were just too doughy for each other.
Why did the bagel apply for a job as a teacher? It wanted to spread some knowledge!
I caught my bagel talking to itself, turns out it was just bagel-ogging.
What did the bagel say to the loaf of bread? You’re loafing around, but I’m on a roll!
My favorite exercise is a bagel workout – I do a lot of rolling and stretching!
What’s a bagel’s favorite sport? Tennis, because it loves to play with a slice!
Why did the bagel bring a map to the beach? It didn’t want to get toasted.
What did the bagel say to the bread? “You’re just a “loaf”-er compared to me!”
Bagels and I have a deep relationship, it’s called a “hole-y” matrimony.
I tried to make a bagel pun, but I can’t even “loaf” around with it.
I don’t trust people who don’t like bagels; they’re just not rolling right.
I told my bagel a joke, but it didn’t laugh. Guess it just wasn’t in a loopy mood.
Why did the bagel get a job as a comedian? It knew how to deliver a good “punchline”!
Why did the bagel apply for a job at the bank? It wanted to earn some extra dough.
Why did the bagel apologize? Because it kneaded some forgiveness!
Why do bagels make terrible comedians? Because their jokes are always too crumby!
What did one bagel say to the other at the party? “You’re looking a little toasted tonight.”
Why did the bagel go to therapy? Because it had too many emotional “bagel-gage”!
Why was the bagel sad? Because it felt empty inside!
I told my bagel it had a hole lot of potential, but it just rolled its eyes.
A bagel walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.” Classic.
Why was the bagel sad? It felt a little lox in life.
Why was the bagel feeling down? It just couldn’t rise to the occasion!
What did the bagel say to the toaster? I want to be bread and butter with you.
Why did the bagel refuse to play hide-and-seek? Because it always got caught in a roll!
Why did the bagel break up with the donut? It just couldn’t find the perfect hole mate!
What did the bagel say when it saw a doughnut? You’re just a twisted friend!
Why did the bagel take up gardening? It wanted to grow into a roll model.
Bagels are proof that good things come in dough packages.
What did the bagel say when it crossed the finish line? “I’m on a roll!”
What do you call a bagel that can ride a bike? A roll-ing stone!
I asked my bagel if it wanted to play hide and seek. It said, “I don’t know, I’m kind of on a roll.”
Why was the bagel upset? It felt a little doughpressed!
What did the bagel say to the cream cheese? “You really spread joy in my life!”
What did the bagel say to the donut? You’re just a hole lot of sweet talk.
Why don’t bagels like to make new friends? They don’t want to get too dough-cial.
What did the bagel say when it saw its reflection? “I’m just a-dough-able!”
What do you call a bagel that can swim? A lox and float!
What did the bagel say to the toaster? “You’re my only slice mate.”
I like my bagels like I like my friends – well-rounded and not too crusty.
I’m a bagel connoisseur, I know how to “roll” with the best of them.
Why don’t bagels ever smile? They’re always feeling a little lox-t.
What did the bagel say to the toaster? I’m hot, you’re hot, let’s make some toasty magic.
What did the everything bagel say to the poppy seed bagel? “You’re my everything!”
Why did the bagel stop going to therapy? It couldn’t find inner peace!
How do you unlock a bagel’s car? With a loxsmith!
I tried to impress my date by juggling bagels, but it was a hole disaster.
What’s a bagel’s favorite type of exercise? Rolling out the dough.
I put the “hole” in “whole wheat bagel.”
Why was the bagel feeling down? It couldn’t find its raison d’etre.
Why did the bagel go to the art museum? It wanted to see some dough-nalisa paintings!
Why did the bagel refuse to play cards? It was tired of being kneaded!
How does a bagel greet its friends? With a “hole” lot of love!
I’m not just a bagel lover, I’m a doughnut betrayer.
What did the bagel say to the donut? “You’re so full of yourself!”
Why did the bagel blush? Because it saw the toaster’s hot coils.
I tried to make a bagel pun, but I donut think it worked.
A bagel is just a donut that went to yoga class.
How do you catch a runaway bagel? Use a lox and bagel!
I tried to make a bagel pun, but it just wasn’t lox-ical enough.
Why did the bagel fail the math test? It couldn’t solve the “hole” problem!
How did the bagel propose to the donut? With a big carat of onion.
Why did the bagel get a job as a detective? It heard there was a lot of dough involved.
What did the bagel say to the bread loaf? You’re just a square, while I’m well-rounded.
Why was the bagel a great comedian? It always had a good “roll”!
I asked my bagel if it wanted to join a band, but it said it was already in a dough-wop group.
Why did the bagel get a job at the bakery? It kneaded dough to make some bread.
Why was the bagel always invited to parties? It was the ultimate roll model!
What did the bagel say to the toaster? You really heat me up, baby!
I told my bagel a joke, but it didn’t laugh. It just gave me a smize!
What did the bagel say to the coffee? You’re just my cup of joe-lly good friend!
Why did the bagel blush? Because it saw the cream cheese spreading on it!

Bagel Dad Jokes

Bagel dad jokes are a delightful mix of wit and hilarity that can make anyone chuckle and groan simultaneously.

They’re the kind of jokes that are so cheesy, they’re actually amusing.

These jokes are ideal for breakfast table chit-chats, family reunions, or simply to brighten up someone’s day.

Prepare yourselves for the facepalms.

Here are some bagel dad jokes that are guaranteed to amuse:

Why did the bagel file a police report? It got cream-cheesed!
What did the bagel say to the loaf of bread at the party? “You’re toast of the town!”
Why was the bagel feeling lonely? It didn’t have a soulmate!
Why don’t bagels make good comedians? Because their jokes always fall flat.
Why did the scarecrow eat a bagel? Because it needed some brain food!
How do you know a bagel is on a diet? It’s always counting its sesame seeds!
What did the bagel say to the donut? You’re just a glaze in my life!
Why did the bagel get a job as a detective? It wanted to solve the mystery of the missing cream cheese.
Why did the bagel break up with the toaster? It just wasn’t getting enough warm compliments!
Why do bagels never smile? Because they’re always in a hole lot of trouble.
What did the bagel say to the baguette? “You’re so thin, you’re practically un-rye-sistible!”
Why did the bagel break up with the toaster? It just wasn’t their bread and butter!
Why did the bagel join a band? Because it knew how to roll with the dough!
What did the bagel say to the toaster? I want to be toasted to perfection, not burnt to a crisp!
How does a bagel greet its friends? With a “glaze” and a smile!
How do you make a bagel smile? You give it a lox of compliments!
What’s a bagel’s favorite type of dance? The “dough”sey-dough.
Why did the bagel become an artist? Because it wanted to make some dough!
What’s a bagel’s favorite board game? Twister – they love getting all “knot” up!
Why was the bagel crying? Because it felt “torn” between being savory or sweet!
Why don’t bagels go on vacation? Because they don’t like to loaf around.
What’s a bagel’s favorite type of movie? A “hole” lot of drama!
Why did the bagel stop seeing the donut? It realized they weren’t dough-mesticated!
Why don’t bagels like to fight? Because they’re always rolling away from conflict.
Why was the bagel always calm and relaxed? Because it had a lot of “dough” to knead.
Why did the bagel win an award? Because it was the best thing since sliced bread!
Why did the bagel go to therapy? It had a lot of emotional “bagel-gage” to work through!
What did the bagel say to the donut? You’re just a pretender, I’m the real roll model here.
Why did the bagel get promoted at work? It always rose to the occasion!
Why don’t bagels like to fight? They prefer to roll with the punches!
Why did the bagel start a band? It wanted to make some “dough” while having a jam session.
Why did the bagel call the police? Because it got creamed!
Why did the bagel get arrested? It was caught lox-ing the door!
What did the bagel say to the toaster? “I’m hot, you’re hot, let’s get toasted together!”
Why did the bagel stop going to school? It was tired of getting creamed!
Why did the bagel become an actor? It loved playing the “hole”ywood roles.
Why did the bagel hire a lawyer? It got into a jam.
What kind of bagel can fly? A plain bagel – no toppings!
Why did the bagel take a break from work? It needed to get a little toasted!
How do you fix a broken bagel? With some “dough-it-yourself” repair!
Why did the bagel win the race? It knew how to roll with the punches.
Why did the bagel get in trouble at school? It couldn’t stop spreading cream cheese rumors!
Why don’t bagels like playing baseball? They always get cream cheese-ed out!
Why did the bagel go to the spa? It kneaded a little relaxation.
What did the bagel say to the loaf of bread? “You’re really loafing around, aren’t you?”
Why did the bagel become a detective? Because it always has a “loaf” of clues!
Why did the bagel lose at poker? It couldn’t handle the dough!
Why do bagels make terrible detectives? They’re always getting toasted in the line of dough-ty.
Why did the bagel join a band? It wanted to be part of a jam session!
How does a bagel say hello? It gives a gluten-freeze!
Why did the bagel become a comedian? It had a lot of “rolling” material.
Why do bagels never go to war? Because they’re always trying to avoid gluten!
What did the bagel say to the toaster? I’m so hot, you could say I’m a “toasted” bagel!
Why did the scarecrow eat a bagel? Because it heard it was outstanding in its field.
Why did the bagel go to the gym? It kneaded to work out!
Why was the bagel feeling lonely? It needed a little more lox and companionship!
Why don’t bagels go to the gym? They don’t want to get doughy.
Why did the bagel get a promotion? It rose to the occasion!
How do you fix a broken bagel? With cream cheese and a little dough determination!
Why did the bagel join the gym? It wanted to be a “well-rounded” individual.
How do you turn a bagel into a pizza? Just add tomato sauce, cheese, and bake it!
Why did the bagel bring an umbrella? In case it got a little toasty in the toaster.
Why did the bagel stop being friends with the donut? It thought the donut was too “holey”
How do bagels express their love? They say, “You’re my hole world!”
Why was the bagel sad? It couldn’t find a lox it could relate to.
Why do bagels never get lonely? Because they always have lox of friends.
What did the bagel say to the donut? You’re the “hole” reason I exist!
What did the bagel say to the bread? You’re so kneady!
Why was the bagel always so calm? It had a lot of inner “piece.”
How do you talk to a bagel? You don’t, you just give it a schmear!
Why don’t bagels like to play sports? They donut have enough gluten!
Why don’t bagels like math? Because they prefer to multiply by doughnuts!
What do you call a bagel that can sing? Adele – because it has a great “roll” range!
Why did the bagel break up with the donut? It was tired of all the glaze and games.
Why are bagels so good at math? They know how to use pi(e) as a constant.
Why was the bagel crying? Because it felt un-loafed!
Why did the bagel become a police officer? It wanted to catch all the doughnut criminals!
Why did the scarecrow eat bagels every morning? Because they’re his favorite way to start the “dough”!
Why was the bagel shivering? Because it was a little bit doughy!
Why did the bagel stop going to the gym? It couldn’t find a good “roll” model.
How do you catch a runaway bagel? With a bagel leash!
Why did the bagel stop hanging out with the donut? It felt like they were always going in circles.
How do bagels greet each other in the morning? With a “roll” out of bed!
What do you call a bagel that can’t stop telling jokes? A bagel comedian!
What does a bagel say to its mom? Donut worry, I’m just loafing around!
Why did the bagel win an award? It was a real “everything” bagel!
Why was the bagel at the gym? It needed a good workout to become a doughnut!
Why did the bagel get a job as a detective? Because it always knows the hole story!
Why was the bagel so sad? Because it felt a little flat.

Bagel Jokes for Kids

Bagel jokes for kids are like the merry-go-rounds of humor—an endless circle of fun, wholesome and always a crowd pleaser amongst the little ones.

These jokes not only encourage kids to laugh and lighten up, but also to understand the charm of puns and wordplay, nurturing a love for humor that’s as delightful as a freshly baked bagel itself.

Moreover, bagel jokes for kids have the added advantage of making breakfast times exciting, turning that circular bread on their plate into a reason for laughter.

Ready to roll out the fun?

Here are the jokes that’ll have them bursting into fits of giggles over their breakfast bagels:

How does a bagel answer the phone? Ahoy, hoy!
What did the bagel say to the donut? “You’re looking quite a-hole-some today!”
Why did the bagel bring a ladder to the store? Because it wanted to get to the top shelf!
What do you call a bagel that can’t stop playing music? A “roll”ing stone bagel!
Why do bagels never go on vacation? Because they’re always on a “roll”!
What do you get when you cross a bagel with a spider? A website that’s always “bagel-ing” for attention!
Why did the bagel get into a fight? Because it was always getting toasted!
Why don’t bagels make good pets? Because they always get eaten!
Why did the bagel become a detective? Because it always knew how to solve a roll-ing mystery!
Why was the bagel afraid of the toaster? It didn’t want to get toasted!
What did one bagel say to the other bagel at the party? Let’s have a “hole” lot of fun!
Why did the bagel become a detective? It loved solving “dough”nuts mysteries!
Why did the bagel go to the beach? To catch some rays!
What did the bagel say to the bread? You’re a real “dough”bie!
Why did the bagel refuse to play soccer? It was afraid of getting ‘bagel-ed’!
What did the bagel say to the toaster? “You’re my “heat” of the moment!”
Why did the bagel get an award? Because it was the best “roll” model!
What’s a bagel’s favorite type of music? Poppy-seed tunes!
What’s a bagel’s favorite dance move? The twist and “dough”nut!
How does a bagel keep its money? In a bagel bank!
Why did the bagel bring an umbrella? In case it rained doughnuts!
Why was the bagel sad? Because it couldn’t find a hole mate.
Why did the bagel take a nap? It was feeling a little ‘bagel’d out!
How do you turn a bagel into a musical instrument? Put some lox on it and you’ve got a salmonica!
Why was the bagel sad? Because it didn’t have a hole lot of friends!
What did one bagel say to the other at the party? “You’re the “cream cheese” to my bagel!”
Why did the bagel lose at poker? Because it was on a roll!
How do bagels get their hair done? They go to the dough-salon!
Why was the bagel always smiling? Because it had a hole lot of fun!
What kind of bagel can fly? A plain bagel, because it’s not filled with anything!
What do you get when you cross a bagel with a snowman? Frosty the Doughman!
What did the bagel say when it won an award? “I’m so “dough-lighted”!”
What did the bagel say to the doughnut? You’re so sweet, you make me hole!
Why did the bagel get hired? Because it had a lot of experience, it was well-rounded!
How do you know when a bagel is scared? It gets all flaky!
What do you get when you cross a bagel with a computer? A bagel that crashes a lot!
Why did the bagel go to space? It wanted to be the first “dough-nut” in orbit!
How does a bagel greet its friends? It gives them a big doughy hug!
Why was the bagel shivering? It was feeling a little ‘brrr’-ead!
Why did the bagel go to school? To get smarter with all that dough.
What do you call a bagel that can tell jokes? A comedi-doughnut!
Why was the bagel always on a diet? Because it didn’t want to feel too doughy!
Why did the bagel bring a ladder to the bakery? It wanted to reach for the “sky”ing doughnuts!
How does a bagel apologize? It says, “I’m sorry, I donut mean to offend you.”
Why did the bagel go to school? It wanted to get a little ‘dough’ for its education!
Why was the bagel in the library? It wanted to check out some ‘dough’y tales!
Why did the bagel stop playing sports? It was afraid of getting cream-cheese injuries!
What is a bagel’s favorite dance move? The Twist and Lox!
Why did the bagel go to space? To see if it could find the “hole” universe!
Why did the bagel take a vacation? It kneaded a break!
Why did the bagel join the circus? It wanted to become a “roll” model!
Why did the bagel stop going to school? It couldn’t find a lox it liked.
Why did the bagel bring a ladder to the bakery? Because it wanted to rise to the occasion!
Why did the bagel go to the doctor? It was feeling a little under the weather!
Why do bagels make terrible comedians? Because they always get a little “crust”y!
What did one bagel say to the other bagel at the party? Let’s ‘raisin’ the roof!
What did the bagel say to the loaf of bread? You’re the yeast I can do!
Why did the bagel lose the race? It couldn’t keep up with the fast “loaf”ers!
How does a bagel keep its money safe? It uses dough bank.
Why did the bagel join a band? Because it had good “roll” models!
Why do bagels make great detectives? They always find the hole truth!
Why did the bagel break up with the toaster? It said it needed some space.
Why did the bagel go to space? It wanted to become an “everything” bagel!
What’s a bagel’s favorite exercise? Bagel-a-robics!
How do bagels greet each other? With a ‘hole’y handshake!
What do you get when you cross a bagel with a dinosaur? A dino-mite breakfast!
Why did the bagel get a job at the bank? Because it knew all about dough!
What do you get when you cross a bagel with a baseball player? A pinch hitter.
Why did the bagel stop seeing its therapist? It couldn’t stop talking about its dough-blems!

Bagel Jokes for Adults

Who says adults can’t indulge in a little carb-loaded comedy?

Bagel jokes for adults certainly turn up the heat on wit, marrying sophisticated humor with a sprinkle of risqué delight.

Just like a perfectly toasted bagel, these jokes blend elements of humor, intellect, and a smidgen of irreverence to create a hearty laugh.

These jokes are ideal for breakfast meetings, coffee dates, or simply as an ice-breaker in a tense boardroom situation.

Here are some bagel jokes that are fresh out of the oven for adults:

Why did the bagel go to jail? It was caught “doughing” something illegal!
What did the bagel say to the doughnut? You’re just a “glazed” imposter!
Why do bagels never go to jail? They always get a good toast lawyer!
What did the bagel say to the baguette? “You’re totally twisted, but you have a nice shape!”
Why did the bagel join the circus? It wanted to be a dough-nut of balance!
Why did the bagel go to space? It wanted to be the first breakfast food on the moon!
Why did the bagel get an award? It was the most well-rounded in the bakery!
What do you call a bagel with a great sense of humor? A real “dough-larious” treat!
Why did the bagel go to therapy? It had too many twists and turns in its life!
Why do bagels always win arguments? They always have a lot of dough to back them up!
Why did the bagel go to the dentist? It needed a filling replacement!
What did the bagel say to the doughnut? “You’re the “hole” package!”
What’s a bagel’s favorite type of workout? Carbo-loading!
What do you call a bagel that’s a detective? Sherlock Loaf!
How does a bagel flirt? It uses its best “dough” eyes!
Why don’t bagels like to fight? They don’t want to get creamed!
Why was the bagel feeling down? It had a tough roll in life!
Why don’t bagels go on vacation? They don’t want to get toasted in the sun!
Why did the bagel refuse to run for office? It didn’t want to be put in a sticky situation!
What did the bagel say to the toaster? I feel so hot when you pop me in!
Why don’t bagels ever go on vacation? They’re afraid of getting toasted!
Why did the bagel break up with his girlfriend? She was too much of a dough-mestic!
Why did the bagel become an astronaut? It wanted to explore the space between its layers!
Why did the bagel become a lawyer? It wanted to make dough in the courtroom!
What did the bagel say to the toaster? “You’re hot, but I’m a little toasted too!”
Why did the bagel hire a personal trainer? It wanted to get a little more well-rounded!
What do you call a bagel that tells jokes? A pun-ful bagel!
What do you call a bagel that can play the guitar? A jammin’ dough-nut!
Why did the bagel break up with the toaster? It was tired of being heated all the time!
Why did the bagel start meditating? It wanted to become one with the dough!
Why was the bagel feeling stressed? It had a lot of dough to handle!
Why did the bagel break up with the donut? It thought they were too doughpendent!
Why did the bagel go to jail? It couldn’t stop lox-ing everything up!
Why did the bagel break up with the cream cheese? It found someone “hotter” – jalapeno!
Why did the bagel go to school? It wanted to get a good education and become a roll model!
Why did the bagel refuse to go on a date with the croissant? It said, “I don’t knead the drama!”
Why was the bagel always so tired? Because it couldn’t stop rolling out of bed!
Why did the bagel break up with the croissant? It couldn’t handle all the flakiness!
What did the everything bagel say to the plain bagel? You need to spice up your life a little!
Why did the bagel break up with the donut? It found someone with a little more dough!
Why was the bagel sad? It felt lox without its cream cheese!
Why did the bagel refuse to play cards? It didn’t want to get “spread” too thin!
Why did the bagel stop going to therapy? It realized it just needed to “loaf”!
How did the bagel propose to the cream cheese? It gave her a car-bagel and said, “We’re butter together!”
Why was the bagel always so calm? It knew how to roll with the punches!
Why did the bagel refuse to go skydiving? It was afraid of becoming a bagel splat!
How does a bagel communicate with its computer? It uses Wi-Fry!
Why did the bagel break up with the toaster? It wasn’t ready for that kind of “heat”!
Why don’t bagels ever go on vacation? They’re always too dough-stressed.
How did the bagel propose to his girlfriend? With a ring of course!
What did the bagel say to the toaster? “I’m hot and toasty, baby!”
Why did the bagel get a job as a banker? It was always good at rolling in the dough!
Why did the bagel fail the math test? It couldn’t figure out how to divide its hole into fractions!
Why don’t bagels like to make new friends? They are afraid of getting toasted!
Why did the bagel refuse to go skydiving? It was afraid of getting cream cheese on its face!
What did the bagel say to the toaster? “I’m ready to get hot and steamy with you!”
What’s a bagel’s favorite type of movie? A rom-com with lots of dough-ntents!
Why did the bagel break up with the cream cheese? It just couldn’t handle the schmear pressure!
Why did the bagel get a job at the bank? It wanted to become a dough-posit expert!
Why was the bagel always stressed out? It had too many holes to fill!
What did the bagel say to the bread who was feeling down? Don’t worry, everything will be all lox!
Why did the bagel refuse to go on a date? It was already dough-ting someone else!
Why did the bagel go to the gym? It wanted to get in shape for bikini season!
Why did the bagel break up with the donut? It found a “hole” lot of other options!
Why do bagels make terrible comedians? They always get stale punchlines!
Why was the bagel sad? It realized it was just a “hole” lot of nothing!
How do you make a bagel smile? Put a hole lot of cream cheese on it!
Why did the bagel go to therapy? It had an emotional roll problem!
Why did the bagel become a lawyer? It wanted to be a real “dough”-cument expert!
How did the bagel propose to the muffin? With a big doughnut hole ring!
What did one bagel say to the other at the bakery? “We’re in a roll together!”
What did the bagel say to the donut? You’re just a twisted bagel wannabe!
Why did the bagel lose the race? It didn’t have enough dough!
What do you call a bagel that can fly? A plain bagel with wings!
What did the bagel say to the toaster? “I’m getting a little toasty in here!”
What did the bagel say to the donut? You’re just a pretender, filled with hot air!

Bagel Joke Generator

Creating the perfect bagel joke can sometimes seem like you’re just going round in circles.

(See what I did there?)

That’s where our FREE Bagel Joke Generator comes to your rescue.

Crafted to knead clever puns, doughy humor, and crusty punchlines together, it creates jokes that are guaranteed to be a hit at the breakfast table.

Don’t let your humor become stale and hard.

Use our joke generator to bake up jokes that are as fresh and delightful as your bagels.

FAQs About Bagel Jokes

Why are bagel jokes so popular?

Bagel jokes are popular due to the widespread love for this bakery item.

They’re simple, punny and also relate to a common breakfast scenario, making them a hit amongst all age groups.

Can bagel jokes help in social situations?

Definitely!

Bagel jokes are a fun and light-hearted way to kick off a conversation or lighten the mood.

They can bring a smile to anyone’s face and help create a friendly atmosphere.

How can I come up with my own bagel jokes?

Start by understanding the basics of bagels—their shape, texture, common toppings, and associations with breakfast or brunch.
Take note of terms related to bagels (e.g., hole, dough, poppy seed, cream cheese). These words can be cleverly incorporated into your jokes.
Think about the setting of your joke. Maybe it’s a bakery mishap or a breakfast faux pas? Your humor should reflect this.
Play with familiar phrases or idioms, and add a bagel twist to them.
Bagel jokes are perfect for puns and wordplay. Don’t hesitate to get creative with your language.

Are there any tips for remembering bagel jokes?

Try to associate bagel jokes with situations where they could be relevant—breakfast or brunch gatherings, coffee shop visits, or bakery shopping.

Linking the jokes with these instances can make them easier to remember.

How can I make my bagel jokes better?

The best bagel jokes are those that resonate with your audience, have an unexpected twist, and cleverly play with words.

Practice is key, so keep sharing your jokes and take note of the ones that get the biggest laughs.

How does the Bagel Joke Generator work?

The Bagel Joke Generator is designed to provide instant humor.

Simply enter keywords related to your bagel-themed situation and click Generate Jokes.

Within seconds, you’ll have a list of funny bagel jokes ready to share.

Is the Bagel Joke Generator free?

Yes, the Bagel Joke Generator is completely free!

You can generate as many jokes as you want to keep your content lively and amusing.

So go on, add a sprinkle of humor to your social media platforms with our delightful bagel jokes.

Conclusion

Bagel jokes are a deliciously amusing way to sprinkle fun into everyday conversations, making life a bit more delightful with each chuckle.

From the quick and clever to the lengthy and laugh-out-loud, there’s a bagel joke suitable for every occasion.

So next time you’re slicing into a bagel, remember, there’s humor to be found in every hole, crust, and crumb.

Keep toasting to the laughs, and let the good times roll in dough.

Because after all, a day without laughter is like a day without bagels—unthinkable and, quite frankly, a bit less satisfying.

Happy joking, everyone!

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Toasted Bagel Jokes for a Crispy Chuckle

Bagel and Lox Jokes to Keep You Smiling All Day