859 Deadpan Jokes for Every Poker-Faced Comedian

If you’ve landed here, it means you’re ready to delve into the realm of deadpan jokes.

Not just any jokes, but the finest of the lot.

That’s why we’ve assembled a collection of the most amusing deadpan jokes.

From dry quips to understated zingers, our compilation has a joke for every facet of life.

So, let’s journey into the poker-faced heart of humor, one joke at a time.

Contents show

Deadpan Jokes

Deadpan jokes are the masters of humor, wrapped in a cloak of serious demeanor.

They’re all about delivery and timing, with a punchline often so subtly woven into the narrative that it can catch you off guard.

Deadpan jokes have a special way of turning ordinary situations into moments of unexpected humor, all with a straight face.

This is comedy stripped down to its bare essentials – no funny voices, no slapstick humor, just a well-placed, cleverly constructed punchline that hits when you least expect it.

Whether it’s a one-liner that seems to be stating the obvious or a longer narrative that leads you down one path only to surprise you with a humorous twist, deadpan jokes are a unique form of comedy that can bring a room to laughter in the blink of an eye.

Prepare for a comedic journey with a straight face as we dive into these deadpan jokes:

Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? He had mastered the art of solving crimes with a straight face.
I asked a deadpan comedian if he has ever had a dramatic moment in his life. He replied, “No, my life has always been a flatline.”
I tried to tell a deadpan joke to a statue, but it didn’t crack a smile. I guess it was just too stoned-faced to appreciate humor.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a gardener? Because he wanted to keep a straight face while tending to his dry sense of humor.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a mail carrier? Because they loved delivering deadpanletters.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a taxi driver? Because they loved delivering deadpanorama views.
Why did the deadpan comedian fail as a tour guide? His jokes about historical landmarks were met with stone-faced silence.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a math teacher? Because he loved the idea of teaching straight lines to students!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? Because he was always dead serious about solving hilarious crimes!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a gardener? Because he wanted to cultivate a deadpan-tomato.
I went to a deadpan comedy show and the comedian started his set by saying, “I hope you’re ready for a night of absolute silence and minimal laughter.” He wasn’t kidding.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a DJ? Because he had a knack for dropping deadpan beats that got the crowd laughing.
What do you call a deadpan comedian who loses his voice? A mime in need of a career change.
Why did the deadpan comedian go to the dentist? Because his jokes were too dry, and he needed a good cavity filler.
How does a deadpan comedian greet people? With a straight face and a deadpan shake.
Why did the deadpan doctor become a stand-up comedian? He wanted to cure people’s sadness with his deadpan humor.
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked if he had any jokes about construction? “Sorry, I can’t build up to that level of comedy.” .
Why did the deadpan astronaut become a comedian? He realized that in space, no one can hear you laugh, so he brought deadpan humor back to Earth.
Why did the deadpan scientist become a stand-up comedian? He discovered that his poker face was the key to cracking everyone up.
What did the deadpan comedian say when he lost his job? “Well, I guess I’ll have to find another grave situation.”
How did the deadpan comedian react when he won the lottery? He deadpan-dedly stared at the ticket and said, “Well, that’s something.”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a hairstylist? Because they loved giving deadpancuts.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a banker? Because he loved counting deadpennies and making serious withdrawals of laughter.
Why did the deadpan comedian go to the dentist? Because he heard they had a great deadpan of gas!
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked if he had a sense of humor? “No, it’s been dead for years.”
How does a deadpan comedian order his coffee? “I’ll take it black, just like my humor!”
Why was the deadpan comedian always so successful? He never cracked under pressure.
What do you call a deadpan comedian who’s also a chef? A sarcastic saucier.
Why did the deadpan comedian always carry a ruler? So he could measure the extent of his audience’s lack of reaction after every joke.
Why did the deadpan comedian start an herb garden? For some dry wit.
Why did the deadpan athlete become a comedian? He wanted to deliver punchlines as flawlessly as deadpan-tomime.
Why did the deadpan actor always carry a map? In case he needed to find the punchline.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a mime? Because he found it easier to communicate without using any facial expressions!
Why did the deadpan comedian bring a ladder to their show? To raise the bar on humor!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a gardener? Because he thought it was the perfect way to grow deadpan-tastic punchlines.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a gardening club? Because they had the perfect deadpan delivery for planting jokes in people’s minds.
How does a deadpan comedian make a pancake? With a straight face, of course!
What did the deadpan comedian say when they won an award? “I’m honored, but I’m keeping a straight face.”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a mailman? Because he always delivered his punchlines with perfect timing.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a gardening club? Because they had a knack for delivering dry humor!
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked if he ever laughs at his own jokes? “Not even at gunpoint!”
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
Why did the deadpan comedian never buy new clothes? He preferred dry wit.
What do you call a deadpan ghost? A translucent-dead.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? Because they had a knack for delivering punchlines silently, just like turning pages in a book.
How do you make a deadpan comedian laugh? Tell them a joke and wait for their expression to crack… or not.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a painter? Because they loved creating deadpanoramas.
Why did the deadpan comedian go to therapy? Because he couldn’t crack a smile.
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked if they were feeling okay? “I’m as lively as a cemetery.”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? Because they could solve mysteries without even raising an eyebrow.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a fisherman? He loved telling dead-panfish jokes.
Why did the deadpan comedian never get a standing ovation? Because his audience was too stunned to clap.
Why did the deadpan comedian bring a ladder to the comedy show? Because he wanted to bring his humor to a higher level.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a funeral director? Because he found the perfect audience who appreciates his dry wit!
Why did the deadpan comedian become an archaeologist? He loved digging up ancient puns with a straight face.
Why did the deadpan detective quit his job? He was tired of being too dead-serious all the time.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a restaurant? Because he wanted to serve up deadpan humor as the main course and keep a straight face while doing so.
Why did the deadpan comedian bring a ladder to the comedy club? So he could reach new heights of deadpan delivery!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? Because he had a knack for keeping the silence deadpan.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a garden? Because he enjoyed dead-pan-ting flowers.
Why did the deadpan comedian go to the dentist? He needed a good deadpan-ning!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? Because he was great at solving punchline crimes!
What did the deadpan comedian say to the overly emotional clown? “Why so serious?”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a gardener? Because they had a knack for planting dead pansies.
Why did the deadpan comedian excel at playing poker? He could keep a straight face even with a terrible hand.
How did the deadpan comedian respond when someone asked if they were funny? “I’m just here for the dead silence.”
Why did the deadpan comedian always bring a broom on stage? He liked sweeping the audience with his deadpan delivery.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a doctor? He had a knack for delivering straight-faced diagnoses.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a magician? Because he was tired of people expecting him to crack a smile.
I went to a deadpan comedy club and the performer’s opening line was, “I’m going to tell you a joke now.” And that’s exactly what he did.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? He had a talent for keeping the library dead-quiet with his jokes.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a magician? Because he wanted to make his audience disappear without them even realizing it!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? Because he preferred the quiet laughter of books over the loud laughter of an audience.
Why did the deadpan comedian go to the dentist? Because he wanted to get his funny bone extracted.
What did the deadpan comedian say when someone told them they had a deadpan delivery? “Thank you for stating the obvious. Now, please stop laughing.”
Why did the deadpan comedian always carry a thermometer? So he could deliver jokes that were absolute zero on the laughter scale!
Why did the deadpan actor become a gardener? He wanted to perfect his deadpansies.
I asked a deadpan comedian if they had any good jokes. They replied, “I don’t know, do you?”
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why did the deadpan actor become a chef? He wanted to master the art of deadpancake making.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a flight attendant? He was great at delivering deadpan announcements at 30,000 feet.
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked if he had any siblings? “Yes, but they’re all dead serious too.”
Why did the deadpan comedian start a gardening business? He had a way of making plants feel deadpan-tastic.
Why did the skeleton refuse to go to the comedy club? He couldn’t stomach the deadpan jokes.
Why did the deadpan chef become a surgeon? He wanted to perform dead-pancreas transplants.
I tried to tell a deadpan joke to my friend, but he didn’t react. I guess it went over his head… like all my jokes!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a chef? Because their food was so bland, it was funny!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a barber? Because they knew how to give people a haircut without cutting corners on deadpan humor.
Why did the deadpan artist become a comedian? He wanted to paint smiles on people’s faces with his deadpan humor.
Why did the deadpan comedian go to the dentist? To get a straight-faced smile.
What do you call a deadpan comedian who works as a chef? A stoic cook.
Why did the deadpan comedian open a bakery? Because they knew how to deliver a punchline, but also how to deliver pastries.
Why did the deadpan comedian never lose at poker? Because he always kept a straight face, even when he had a royal flush!
Why did the deadpan comedian take up gardening? Because he wanted to plant some deadpansies and grow a garden of dry humor.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a doctor? Because they had the perfect bedside droll!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a painter? Because he wanted to capture the essence of humor without actually showing it on his face.
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked if he ever laughed out loud? “I’m dead serious, I never do!”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a lawyer? He enjoyed delivering punchlines without cracking a smile.
I asked a deadpan comedian if he had any pets. He said, “Yes, I have a turtle. It’s a real shell of a comedian.”
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked if he wanted to hear a knock-knock joke? “No, I prefer knock-silence.”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a locksmith? He enjoyed deadlocking punchlines without any emotion.
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked about his sense of humor? “I have one, it’s just on life support.” .
Why did the deadpan comedian become a flight attendant? Because they could keep a straight face even during the funniest turbulence.
Why did the deadpan comedian become an electrician? They were always good at killing the current mood.
What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hi, bud!”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a painter? Because he knew how to paint a funny picture without using any colors.
What did the deadpan comedian say when someone told him he had no expression? “Oh really? You must be a detective.”
Why did the deadpan musician join a band? He wanted to play the straightest-faced bass guitar in history.
What do you call a dead comedian? A corpse-edian.
Why did the deadpan comedian take up gardening? Because he wanted to master the art of delivering dry humor!
Why did the deadpan magician never reveal his tricks? He wanted to keep the audience dead-panspired.
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked if he ever gets emotional? “I’m as dry as the Sahara, my friend!”
Why did the deadpan comedian join a circus? Because they could juggle deadpan expressions better than juggling balls.
What did the deadpan comedian say when someone asked if he could do impressions? “Sure, I can do a great impression of someone who cares.”
What did the deadpan comedian say when someone told him his jokes were too dry? “Well, I guess I’m just dehydrated with laughter.” .
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked about his favorite type of comedy? “Dry humor, of course.”
Why did the deadpan doctor become a comedian? He wanted to prescribe laughter as the best medicine with a perfectly straight face.
Why did the deadpan comedian fail as a magician? Because his tricks were too transparent, just like his humor.
Why did the deadpan comedian go to the doctor? He had a serious case of irony deficiency.
Why did the deadpan comedian join a band? For the dead beats.
Why did the deadpan comedian always carry an umbrella? Just in case his jokes fell flat, he could still provide some dry humor!
I went to a deadpan comedy show, and it was so quiet that I could hear a cricket yawning.
What did the deadpan comedian say when someone asked if he was feeling okay? “I’m dead-pan-tastic.”
Why did the deadpan teacher become a stand-up comedian? He wanted to educate people through deadpan-tomime.
Why did the deadpan comedian open a locksmith business? Because he wanted to unlock the world’s sense of humor, one deadpan joke at a time.
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked if he ever breaks character? “Only when the moon turns blue and pigs fly!”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a news anchor? Because he knew that delivering punchlines with a straight face was more entertaining than delivering the news.
Why did the deadpan athlete become a coach? He could never crack a smile while playing, so he decided to train others without breaking character.
What do you call a deadpan comedian who’s also a chef? A master of dry seasoning!
What did the deadpan comedian say when he found a spider in his soup? “Waiter, there’s a dead-panther in my bowl!”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a therapist? Because they had a talent for making people laugh without even cracking a smile.
What did the deadpan comedian say when they tripped and fell? “I guess I was just deadpanning it too well.”
Why did the deadpan comedian start a band? Because he wanted to play his dry wit on the drums and keep a straight face while doing it.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
Why did the deadpan comedian bring a ladder to the comedy club? He wanted to raise the bar for dry humor.
Why did the deadpan comedian always carry a map? So he could navigate through his jokes without cracking a smile.
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked if they could keep a secret? “I can, but I won’t.”
Why did the deadpan comedian always wear sunglasses? So that his jokes wouldn’t be too bright for the audience.
What did the deadpan comedian say to the audience after a particularly dry joke? “You’re laughing on the inside, I can tell.”
Why did the deadpan comedian go to the bank? To withdraw some deadpan-ding money.
I asked a deadpan comedian if he has any kids. He replied, “I don’t know. I haven’t checked my basement lately.”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a lifeguard? Because they knew how to save lives while keeping a straight face and a deadpan delivery.
I asked a deadpan comedian if he ever gets emotional. He replied, “Only when someone tells me I’m not being deadpan enough.”
Why did the deadpan comedian refuse to eat breakfast? Because he couldn’t find a cereal killer.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up.
What did the deadpan comedian say to the heckler? “You know, I’ve heard better insults from my toaster.”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a sculptor? Because he wanted to mold his jokes with a straight face!
Why did the deadpan comedian fail as a magician? They always revealed the tricks with a straight face.
I attended a deadpan comedy show and the comedian told a joke with a perfectly straight face. The punchline? “I’m sorry, I was expecting laughter, not a response.”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a chef? Because they couldn’t crack a smile, but they could crack an egg.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a band? Because he wanted to perform dead-panpipe music.
Why did the deadpan comedian join a circus? Because he wanted to see if he could make the clowns laugh with his deadpan delivery.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a fashion line? Because he wanted to design clothes that were as straight-faced as his jokes.
Why did the deadpan comedian bring a ladder to the comedy club? In case he needed a higher level of deadpan humor.
Why did the deadpan comedian fail as a weatherman? He could never deliver the forecast with a straight face.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a locksmith? Because he’s an expert at cracking dry jokes!
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked if he had any emotions? “I don’t know, I’m not really feeling it.” .
Why did the deadpan comedian take up archery? Because he wanted to have the straightest face while hitting the bullseye!
I once saw a deadpan comedian perform at a funeral. He had the audience laughing so hard, it brought the deceased back to life… just to ask what they were laughing about.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? Because he always knew how to keep a straight face during a punchline investigation.
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a magician? Because they loved pulling deadpanimals out of hats.
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked to tell a joke? “I don’t joke. I’m deadpan serious.”
Why did the deadpan comedian join a book club? Because he loved reading jokes with a straight face!
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked if they wanted to hear a joke? “I’m not humor-us.”
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked about his dating life? “I’m single and ready to not mingle.” .
How do deadpan comedians make a point? With a straight face, of course!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a math teacher? He had a knack for making even numbers sound odd.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a tailor? Because he knew how to sew a joke seamlessly without bursting into laughter.

Short Deadpan Jokes

Short deadpan jokes are akin to the sharpness of a straight-faced comedian—quick, unexpected, and humorously stoic.

These jokes are perfect for a quick chuckle, a witty tweet, or that moment at a social gathering when you want to display your dry sense of humor.

The charm of short deadpan jokes lies in their ability to deliver a punchline with a stone-faced seriousness, creating laughter out of the most unexpected corners.

And now, hold your smirks!

Here are short deadpan jokes that serve up a straight-faced giggle in just a few words.

What’s a deadpan’s favorite type of music? Dry-vy rock and roll!
Why did the mime become a deadpan comedian? No one could tell!
Why did the deadpan magician’s tricks always fail? He had no delivery!
Why don’t kleptomaniacs ever get puns? They always take things literally!
What do you call a fish wearing a crown? King Neptune!
Why did the scarecrow become a stand-up comedian? Deadpan delivery!
How did the deadpan comedian introduce himself? Hi, I’m…
Why did the deadpan comedian get into acting? To show emotion… maybe.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a podcast? To entertain… or not.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a magician? To disappear… sort of.
What’s a deadpan comedian’s favorite type of weather? Dry humor!
Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a lifeguard? No waves, no reactions!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a gardener? To grow deadpan-tastic jokes!
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!
How did the deadpan comedian respond to a knock-knock joke? Dead silence.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a band? Deadpan drumming is silent!
What’s the deadpan comedian’s favorite exercise? Deadlifts!
How do you organize a space party? You just planet!
Why was the tomato blushing? Because it saw the salad dressing!
I went to a seafood disco last night and pulled a mussel.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!
Why was the deadpan chef fired? He always served dry humor!
Why did the deadpan comedian join a bakery? To master dry humor!
What’s a deadpan comedian’s favorite accessory? A straight face mask!
Why did the skeleton go to the party? For the deadpan humor!
What’s a deadpan’s favorite exercise? Deadlifts, of course!
Why did the deadpan actor receive an award? His performance was lifeless!
What’s a deadpan comedian’s favorite type of humor? No laughing matter!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a gardener? He liked dry wit!
Why was the deadpan chef terrible at cooking? He never added seasoning!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a teacher? To teach no-laughs!
What’s a deadpan comedian’s favorite sport? The deadlift!
Why was the deadpan guitarist so popular? He always played without emotion!
What’s the deadpan comedian’s favorite type of music? No-tations!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a chef? No reaction needed!
Why was the deadpan comedian a terrible tailor? He couldn’t sew-rious jokes!
What’s the favorite dessert of a deadpan comedian? Dry humor!
Why was the deadpan comedian a terrible waiter? He couldn’t deliver punchlines!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a weatherman? For his dry forecasts!
What do you call a deadpan horse? A “neigh”-sayer!
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
What did the deadpan detective say to the suspect? “I’m not amused.”
What’s the secret to deadpan comedy? A poker face and zero laughter!
What do you call a deadpan magician? The master of straight faces!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? To investigate humor crimes!
What’s the deadpan comedian’s favorite drink? Straight-faced coffee.
What do you call a deadpan comedian with a broken watch? Timing-less!
Why did the poker player make a great deadpan comedian? Straight face!

Deadpan Jokes One-Liners

One-liner deadpan jokes are the epitome of dry humor wrapped in a single sentence.

They’re the verbal equivalent of a straight face delivering a zinger – unexpected, sharp, and effortlessly amusing.

Crafting a good deadpan one-liner requires a combination of wit, timing, and a deep understanding of the power of understatement.

The challenge lies in balancing the set-up and punchline in a condensed form, delivering a wave of amusement with a poker face and minimal words.

Here’s to hoping these deadpan one-liners find you embracing the art of subtle humor:

Deadpan humor is like a roller coaster ride. Except instead of laughing, you just sit there with a blank expression the whole time.
I’m not saying I’m funny, but I do have a very deadpan delivery.
I love deadpan humor. It’s like a slow-motion punchline to the face.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a mime? Because he couldn’t find a straight-faced gig.
Why did the deadpan comedian refuse to perform at the zoo? He didn’t want to be upstaged by the deadpan-ders.
My deadpan roommate is so serious, he once convinced a telemarketer that he was a robot designed to reject sales calls.
I once attended a deadpan workshop, and the instructor taught us how to laugh on the inside to save energy.
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.
I’m so deadpan, I could make a funeral director burst out laughing.
I asked the deadpan comedian if he had any hobbies, and he replied, “I collect blank expressions.” Classic.
Why did the deadpan comedian refuse to perform at the circus? Because he didn’t want to bring the clowns down.
I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He replied, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make it on Tuesdays.”
Why did the deadpan stand-up comic always carry a shovel? Because he was great at burying punchlines.
I went to a comedy show, but the comedian’s deadpan delivery made me think I was at a funeral.
I tried to learn deadpanning from a mime, but they refused to break character.
Why did the deadpan actor become a dentist? Because they could always keep a straight face while saying, “Open wide.” .
I told a deadpan joke at a funeral, and everyone laughed so hard they started crying.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
Did you hear about the deadpan comedian who became a chef? His specialty was serving straight-faced pancakes.
I tried to tell a deadpan joke once, but it fell flat… just like my sense of humor.
I asked the waiter if they had any deadpan specials, and he just stared at me blankly. I guess that was the joke.
Why did the deadpan comedian go to the dentist? For a straight face alignment.
My doctor told me to try deadpan humor for stress relief, but now everyone thinks I’m just really monotone.
They say deadpan comedians have no emotions, but I beg to differ…they make me feel dead inside.
People often mistake my deadpan humor for an actual funeral.
I have a deadpan sense of humor, but I can’t be blamed for my face – it’s just resting deadpan.
Why did the deadpan comedian never make any facial expressions? Because he didn’t want to crack a smile…or any other part of his face.
My deadpan delivery is so good, I could probably make a mime laugh out loud.
I’m not saying I’m a genius, but I once figured out the square root of negative one while I was waiting for my microwave popcorn to finish.
I’ve mastered the art of telling jokes so dry, they’re practically a desert.
They say laughter is contagious, but my deadpan humor is so contagious, it leaves people in stitches – literally.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a mortician? Because he wanted to make people laugh until they died!
My friend asked me to describe myself in one word. I said, “Deadpan.” He replied, “That’s two words.” I said, “Exactly.”
They say I have a deadpan expression, but that’s just because my face is on life support.
My friend has mastered the art of deadpan humor, but I’m still waiting for the punchline.
I told my deadpan friend that I’m going to become a stand-up comedian. He replied, “I wouldn’t stand up for it.”
My deadpan uncle’s poker face is so good, he once won a game of charades without making a single gesture.
I was going to audition for a role in a zombie movie, but they said my deadpan expression was too convincing.
I asked the deadpan comedian if he likes puns. He replied, “They’re not punny enough.”
My dad has such a deadpan sense of humor that I’m not sure if he’s joking or just being himself.
Deadpan humor is my secret weapon for keeping a straight face during awkward situations.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
I tried to join the deadpan club, but they didn’t find my application amusing.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a gardener? Because they loved deadheading flowers and keeping a straight face while doing it. .
I’m the king of deadpan. I’ve mastered the art of delivering punchlines without any punches.
I have a black belt in deadpanning. It’s invisible, just like my emotions.
My friend is so deadpan, I have to ask him if he’s being serious or just trying to make me laugh.
I was going to tell a deadpan joke, but I decided to keep a straight face instead.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a plumber? Because he wanted to fix everyone’s leaky jokes.
I have a fear of emotions. They might give me a heart attack.
I love telling jokes in a monotone voice. No one expects a punchline to hit them like a brick.
I’ve been practicing my deadpan delivery, but people keep asking me if I’m okay.
My friend tried to tell a deadpan joke, but it fell flat…just like his delivery.
My deadpan expression is so good, I could be a professional mime.
I told a deadpan joke to my friend, but he didn’t laugh. He just stood there, stone-faced, as if he were made of concrete.
Why did the zombie become a stand-up comedian? Because he could deliver deadpan jokes without even having a pulse!
I have a deadpan face. It’s so expressive, it can make a mime laugh out loud.
I asked my deadpan friend if he could lighten up, and he replied, “Sure, I’ll switch to a 40-watt bulb.”
I tried to tell a joke with a deadpan delivery, but it died on stage.
My face is my best poker face.
Why did the deadpan comedian never get a second date? Because he always left his date hanging… in suspense.
My deadpan humor is so dry, it needs to moisturize with a desert.
I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
Deadpan humor is like a ghost – it’s there, but you’re never quite sure if it’s real or just your imagination.
What do you call a deadpan delivery that falls flat? A face plant.
I have a deadpan delivery, so when I told my friend they were in denial, they thought I was serious.
My deadpan friend is so serious that when he tells a joke, people think he’s giving a TED talk.
I have a deadpan delivery that could make a stand-up comedian jealous.
My friend told me I have the perfect face for deadpan comedy. I said, “Thanks, I’ve been practicing my poker face.”
My deadpan jokes are like ghosts – they haunt you with laughter when you least expect it.
What do you call a deadpan comedian who can’t stop laughing? An oxymoron.
I asked my boss if I could take a day off work, he said, “Sure, if you can find a day that ends in Y.”
Why did the deadpan comic wear sunglasses? So nobody could see the lack of expression in their eyes.
My deadpan expression could make a poker player look like a clown.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
I used to play dead in a zombie movie, but I didn’t make the cut.
What did the deadpan comedian say when asked if they had any emotions? “Dead inside, just like mypan.” .
Being deadpan is like a superpower – I can make people laugh without even cracking a smile.
Why did the poker player become a deadpan comedian? Because he was an expert at keeping a straight face!
I’m so deadpan, even my GPS says “You have reached your destination” without any enthusiasm.
My deadpan humor is so dry, it could use a little moisturizer.
I’m the master of deadpan comedy, my jokes are so lifeless they’re alive.
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a doctor? Because he never laughs at his patients’ hilarious X-rays.
I tried to tell a deadpan joke to my friend, but they said it was too lifeless.
Why did the deadpan comedian bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house.
What did the deadpan comedian say when he got a job at the morgue? “Finally, a place where my humor won’t go over people’s heads.”
My doctor told me I have a serious case of deadpanitis. I said, “That’s a very straight-faced diagnosis.”
Why did the deadpan comedian never become a doctor? He couldn’t give a straight-faced diagnosis.
The comedian’s deadpan delivery was so good, I thought he was a mortician moonlighting as a stand-up comic.
My favorite type of humor is so dry, it could be used as kindling.
They say I have a face for radio, but with my deadpan humor, I have a voice for silent films too.
My deadpan coworker is so good at sarcasm, he could give lessons to a robot.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough, so I went into the banking business and now I’m rolling in it.
I tried to tell a joke about deadpan, but no one laughed. They were all deadpanning me.
They say deadpan humor is an acquired taste, which is why I’m still waiting for someone to acquire it.
I went to a deadpan wedding, and the bride and groom exchanged their vows with the enthusiasm of two statues getting married.
Why did the deadpan comedian refuse to use emojis? He said, “I don’t want to express my emotions, even in text.”
I told a deadpan joke to my friend, and he responded with a laughter so silent, I thought I accidentally told a mime joke instead.
My friend told me I should do stand-up comedy, but I think I’ll just sit down and deadpan instead.
I used to be a circus clown, but I quit because I couldn’t get the juggle right.
Why did the deadpan comedian fail as a doctor? Because he couldn’t deliver punchlines without flatlining the audience!
I tried to tell a deadpan joke to a mime, but he still didn’t crack a smile.
My doctor told me I have a deadpan sense of humor. Well, at least it’s not contagious!
I asked my friend how he stays so deadpan, and he replied, “I practice my poker face by playing solitaire.”
I went to a comedy show, but the comedian’s deadpan delivery was so good, I couldn’t tell if he was joking or just really depressed.
I tried to compliment a deadpan comedian on his show, and he responded with a blank stare that made me question if I accidentally insulted him instead.
My deadpan humor is so dry, even the Sahara desert is jealous.
I’m not a doctor, but I can give you a fake diagnosis with a straight face.
My wife told me I was immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
I’m so deadpan, my emotions are on permanent vacation.
They say I have a deadpan personality, but I prefer to think of it as “emotionally efficient.”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? Because he’s always stone-faced during a murder investigation.
I have a deadpan delivery that could put a zombie to shame.
My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a surgeon? He wanted to make people laugh their guts out.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a mime? Because actions speak louder than deadpan words.
I tried to teach my dog deadpan humor, but he just couldn’t stop wagging his tail after every punchline.
I applied for a job at a morgue, but they said I didn’t have enough grave-ity.
Why did the deadpan comic go broke? Because he refused to crack a smile and accept tips.
I went to a deadpan comedy show and laughed so hard on the inside, I almost forgot to actually laugh on the outside.
I don’t always tell dad jokes, but when I do, he laughs.
My wife asked me if I think she’s too obsessed with deadpan humor. I couldn’t give her a straight face answer.
My deadpan sense of humor is so dry, it’s practically a desert.
My friend asked me if I’m a good listener. I replied, “I’m deadpanning, so you tell me.” .
Deadpan humor is like a zombie: it never gets old.
My face is so deadpan, I could be a statue of boredom.
I decided to join a deadpan comedy club, but the initiation process was so serious, I thought I accidentally joined a secret society instead.
People say my deadpan delivery is so good, I could have a second career as a funeral director.
My deadpan delivery is so spot-on, I once convinced someone I was a robot programmed to tell jokes.
My deadpan friend tried to start a laughter club. It failed miserably because no one could tell if he was serious or not.
People say I have a deadpan sense of humor, but I prefer to call it “zombie comedy” – it’s dying to make you laugh.
I tried to do stand-up comedy but my delivery was so deadpan that the audience thought I was delivering eulogies.
My friend asked me if I could tell him a joke about silence. I said, “Sure, but you might not hear it.”
I told my friend a deadpan joke and he responded with “You must be fun at parties.” Little did he know, I’m the life of a party… a funeral party.
I asked my friend if they liked my deadpan humor, and they responded with a blank stare… I think they got it.
My deadpan jokes are so subtle, they’re practically comatose.
Why did the comedian go to the cemetery? He wanted some dead-pan material.
I tried to make a deadpan joke to a mime, but they didn’t react. I guess I nailed it.
People say I have a deadpan delivery, but I assure you, my jokes are very much alive.
My deadpan comedy routine is so good, people often ask if I’m just being serious.
I wanted to join the Deadpan Society, but they never cracked a smile when I told them the punchline was “knock, knock.”
My doctor told me I have a deadpan personality. I guess I’ll just have to grin and deadpan it.
My acting skills are so good, I can play dead without even trying.
I attended a deadpan convention, and the highlight of the event was a seminar on how to perfectly execute an emotionless wink.
I tried to join a deadpan comedy club, but I couldn’t keep a straight face during the initiation ceremony.
I’m so deadpan, people often mistake me for a statue. I’m just committed to perfecting my comedic timing.
I once told a deadpan joke so dry, it created a desert in my living room.
My deadpan delivery is so good, I once got mistaken for a zombie.
They say my jokes are as deadpan as a zombie, but I still manage to slay the crowd.
They say laughter is the best medicine, but deadpan humor is like a placebo – it looks real, but it doesn’t actually do anything.
I’m on a whiskey diet, I’ve lost three days already.
Why did the deadpan actor get fired from the morgue? He kept cracking up the cadavers.
I have a deadpan delivery, but it’s not because I’m funny. It’s because I’m dead inside.
My deadpan friend asked me if I’ve heard his new comedy routine. I replied, “No, I haven’t heard anything.”
My boss told me I should try using deadpan humor in the office. Now everyone thinks I hate my job. They’re not wrong.
I’m the king of deadpan, I can make a funeral procession erupt in laughter.
My friend asked me if I could take a joke. I replied, “I can, but I’ll probably deadpan it.” .
People say I have a face for radio and a voice for silent movies. I call it deadpan perfection.
I’m so deadpan, I could make a robot laugh uncontrollably.
My doctor told me I have a severe case of deadpan syndrome. I didn’t react to the diagnosis.
I asked the deadpan comedian if he ever smiled, he replied, “Only when I accidentally step on a LEGO.” .
Why did the deadpan comedian refuse to tell knock-knock jokes? Because they didn’t want to give anyone the satisfaction of a response.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough, but I couldn’t make enough bread, so I loafed around for a bit before getting a rise out of my boss.
My therapist told me I have a problem with deadpan delivery. I said, “No, I don’t.”
They say deadpan comedians have a dry sense of humor, but mine is more like a desert.
My friend is so deadpan, he could win a staring contest with a statue.
I have a deadpan sense of humor, but don’t worry, I won’t kill the punchline.
When it comes to deadpan humor, I’ve got a PhD in Serious Laughter Studies.
My friend tried to tell me a joke about a deadpan delivery, but his expression was so flat, I couldn’t tell if it was funny.
I have a black belt in origami, I can fold under pressure.
Why was the deadpan comedian always late to shows? Because they were always taking their timing very seriously.
My jokes are so deadpan, they need a defibrillator to get a laugh.
I went to a comedy club and the comedian’s deadpan delivery was so good, even the crickets were laughing.
I tried to do deadpan humor once, but my face got so bored, it left me for someone with more expression.
I tried to tell a deadpan joke, but the audience was so unresponsive, they needed a defibrillator to revive their sense of humor.
I took a deadpan humor class, but the teacher never showed up. I guess the joke was on us.
My deadpan friend is so good at telling jokes, it’s like he’s a professional undertaker – he always buries the punchline.
I have a deadpan expression because it’s the only way to prevent my face from cracking up.
I’m so deadpan, I could make a mime crack a smile.
Why did the deadpan comedian get kicked out of the library? He was too quiet, and they mistook him for a book.
I have a talent for telling jokes so dry, they need a glass of water to go with them.
Why did the scarecrow become a stand-up comedian? Because he was great at delivering deadpan jokes!
They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, which is why I’ve been practicing my deadpan so much.
I have a great poker face, but my deadpan face is even better.
My deadpan delivery is so good, I can make a funeral director crack a smile.
My deadpan delivery is so good, I can make a corpse laugh.
I tried to make a joke about deadpan, but it fell flat.
When someone asked me if I have a sense of humor, I replied, “Yes, it’s just on life support.”
I bought a deadpan once, but it just sat there, expressionless.
Deadpan comedians don’t cry at sad movies; they just pretend to have something in their eye.
I once tried to start a deadpan competition, but nobody showed any interest.
My deadpan friend always keeps a straight face, which makes it hard to tell if he’s joking or just being serious.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a mortician? Because he wanted to practice his deadpan delivery every day.
I went to a comedy show where the comedian was so deadpan, the audience thought it was a funeral.
Deadpan humor is like a zombie – it’s dead, but it still manages to get a few laughs.
My therapist asked me why I never show any emotions. I told her it’s because I’m deadpansexual.
I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know which comes first.
I told my doctor I couldn’t stop making deadpan jokes. He said, “Don’t worry, it’s just a dry sense of humor.”
Why did the deadpan comedian refuse to perform on Halloween? He said, “I can’t do deadpan when everyone is dressed like the living dead.”
My therapist told me I have a deadpan sense of humor. I guess that means I laugh on the inside.
Why don’t skeletons play music in church? Because they have no organs.
My friend told me a deadpan joke about a broken pencil, but I didn’t get the point.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a plant nursery? Because they were tired of being the only one without a sense of humor.
My deadpan delivery is so good, I could host a funeral with a straight face.
My friend told me I have a deadpan sense of humor. I replied, “I guess you could say it’s six feet under laughter.” .
My deadpan delivery is so good that when I told my friends I won the lottery, they couldn’t tell if I was serious or just pretending to be excited.

Deadpan Dad Jokes

Deadpan dad jokes are the epitome of dry humor, delivered with a straight face and an absolute lack of emotion, making them unexpectedly hilarious.

They’re the type of jokes that catch you off guard with their straightforwardness, making the punchline even more amusing.

These jokes are perfect for any occasion, whether it’s a family dinner, hanging out with friends, or just a casual conversation at the office.

Get ready for some impassive laughter.

Here are some deadpan dad jokes that are guaranteed to tickle your funny bone:

Why did the deadpan comedian become a weather forecaster? Because he always delivered his jokes with a dry delivery.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? Because he loved solving deadpan mysteries and delivering punchlines at the same time.
Why did the deadpan comedian fail as a magician? Because their tricks were so deadpan, nobody could tell if they were actually performing magic!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a lifeguard? He could save lives without even raising an eyebrow.
Why did the deadpan comedian make a great poker player? Because he had the ability to keep a “straight face” at all times!
Why did the deadpan stand-up comedian have a hard time getting applause? Because his delivery was so dry, people thought he was a desert.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a teacher? Because he knew how to deliver lessons with a deadpan expression!
I tried to tell a deadpan joke at a funeral, but everyone took it too seriously. Guess I need to work on my timing.
Why did the deadpan comedian always bring a ladder on stage? To reach new levels of deadpan humor.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a barber? He loved trimming the excess laughter and leaving only the deadpan.
Why did the deadpan musician only play funeral dirges? He loved the dead-pan-tomime.
Why did the deadpan comedian love math? It was the perfect equation for dry humor: no laughs divided by zero emotions.
Why did the deadpan comedian join a band? Because their straight face made them the perfect drummer, keeping the rhythm without any funny business!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a tour guide? Because he could narrate the dullest places with a deadpan expression!
Why did the deadpan comedian never join a circus? Because he couldn’t juggle deadpan expressions with clown antics.
Why did the deadpan comedian never get cold? Because he always had a “stone-cold” demeanor!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a doctor? Because he had great bedside dry sense of humor!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a weatherman? Because their ability to keep a straight face made them the best at forecasting, no matter how unpredictable the weather was!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a pilot? Because they can fly through a stand-up routine without cracking a smile!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? Because he was always on the case with his poker-faced humor!
Why did the deadpan comedian never invest in the stock market? Because he couldn’t handle the highs and lows.
Why did the deadpan comedian fail as a chef? Because their cooking was so tasteless, it made everyone crack up!
Why did the deadpan comedian enjoy playing poker? Because he had a talent for keeping a straight face, even when dealt a bad hand.
What do you get when you mix a deadpan comedian and a mime? A duo with double the straight faces.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? Because their deadpan delivery made even the most boring books sound exciting!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a gardener? Because he could always keep his plants straight-faced and serious, just like him!
Why don’t skeletons fight in wars? They don’t have the nerve.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a banker? Because he could handle money with a straight face, no laughing at the cash register.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? Because they were the best at keeping a straight face during interrogations!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a weatherman? Because he could deliver forecasts with a completely straight face, rain or shine.
Why did the deadpan comedian work at the bakery? He loved delivering his punchlines with a straight face, no flake.
I told my deadpan friend a joke, and he just stared at me. Guess it was too “dry” for his taste.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a gardener? Because they know how to weed out any unnecessary humor!
Why did the deadpan comedian never get startled? Because he had nerves of “dead” steel!
Why did the deadpan comedian get a job at the bakery? Because he kneaded dough without cracking a smile.
Why did the deadpan comedian have a successful career? Because he never cracked a smile.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a tailor? He knew how to stitch together deadpan humor with a straight face.
Why did the deadpan comedian never win any awards? Because his jokes were too straight-faced for the judges!
Why did the deadpan comedian fail as a weatherman? Because he could never forecast a single joke, always leaving people in a drought of laughter.
Why did the deadpan comedian fail as a chef? Because he could never add enough seasoning to his jokes!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? His poker face was perfect for solving cold cases.
Why did the deadpan comedian join a cooking class? Because he wanted to learn how to make his jokes as deadpan as possible.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? Because he always kept a straight face, even at crime scenes.
Why did the deadpan comedian go to art school? Because he wanted to perfect his straight face.
Why did the deadpan comedian excel at chess? Because he always knew how to deliver the “deadliest” punchlines!
Why did the deadpan comedian go to the dentist? To get his straight face checked.
How does a deadpan comedian keep a straight face during a performance? By practicing rigor mortis.
Why did the deadpan astronaut float in space with a straight face? He didn’t want to be the butt of any space jokes.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a detective agency? Because his poker face made it easy to solve mysteries without giving anything away!
Why did the deadpan musician struggle to find success? Because his performances were so deadpan, nobody could tell if he was actually playing the instruments or just pretending!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a chef? His deadpan delivery made his dishes taste even better.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a gardener? He loved the art of planting deadpan-trees and watching them grow without any reaction.
Why did the deadpan comedian join a mime troupe? Because he found a group of people who appreciate his lack of emotions!
Why did the deadpan comedian enjoy fishing? Because he could always reel in the laughs without cracking a smile!
I once told a deadpan joke to my friend, but he didn’t react. So I asked him, “Are you okay?” He replied, “I’m just practicing my deadpan skills.”
Why did the deadpan actor become a taxi driver? Because he could navigate the city streets with a straight face, even during rush hour!
Why did the deadpan actor always win at poker? Because he had a straight face every time!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a chef? Because he always kept a straight face while slicing onions, no tears involved.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a painter? Because he loved creating dry humor on canvas!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? Because he could keep a straight face even when solving the toughest cases.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a gardener? He knew how to plant the seeds of deadpan humor and watch them grow.
What do you call a deadpan chef? A cook who can serve a dish without cracking a smile.
Why did the deadpan comedian never get lost? Because they always had a straight face and a deadpan sense of direction!
Why did the deadpan comedian refuse to go to the bakery? Because he couldn’t find any rolls that matched his deadpan delivery.
Why did the deadpan comedian become an archaeologist? He was an expert at unearthing dry humor.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? Because he had mastered the art of delivering deadpan book recommendations.
What’s the favorite type of music for a deadpan comedian? Deadbeat, of course.
Why did the deadpan comedian join the circus? He wanted to be the master of deadpan balancing acts.
Why did the deadpan comedian never become a doctor? Because he had a tendency to deliver “flat” diagnoses!
Why did the deadpan comedian never cry? Because he had no “tear” in his eye!
Why did the deadpan comedian become an archaeologist? Because they have a knack for digging up dry humor!
Why did the deadpan comedian refuse to tell knock-knock jokes? Because he didn’t believe in opening doors to humor.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a surgeon? Because he could perform surgeries with a straight face, no jokes during operations.
Why did the deadpan actor quit his job? He couldn’t keep a straight face in comedy roles.
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it was holding up a pair of pants.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? Because they always crack the case without cracking a smile!
Why do deadpan comedians make terrible firefighters? Because they refuse to put out any fires, they just stand there with a straight face.
Why did the deadpan magician make a terrible stand-up comedian? His punchlines were always flat.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? Because he enjoyed keeping a straight face while reading deadpan books!
Why did the deadpan comedian start a gardening hobby? Because he wanted to grow some deadpan-tastic punchlines.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a goalkeeper? Because their poker face made it impossible for anyone to score a goal on them!
Why did the deadpan comedian go to the dentist? Because he wanted some straight-faced humor!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a poker player? Because his face was already a master at not showing emotions!
Why did the deadpan comedian fail as a tour guide? Because he couldn’t muster up any enthusiasm for the sights!
Why did the deadpan comedian go to the bank? He wanted to make a straight-faced deposit.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a mathematician? Because he loved calculating deadpan delivery to the decimal point!
Why did the deadpan comedian become an astronaut? Because he wanted to explore the outer limits of deadpan humor!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a mailman? He could deliver packages without showing any emotion.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a meteorologist? Because he loved delivering forecasts with a deadpan expression.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a statue? Because his lack of expressions made him the perfect model!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a professional poker player? Because he knew how to keep a straight face while delivering deadpan jokes.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a gardener? He could trim hedges without even smirking.
Why did the deadpan athlete always win the race? Because they never let any emotion cross the finish line.
I’m a master of deadpan humor. No, really, I have a black belt in it.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a chef? Because he could whip up a deadpancake in no time.
Why did the deadpan comedian fail as a lifeguard? Because their deadpan jokes made everyone laugh so hard they forgot how to swim!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a lifeguard? Because he could deliver dry jokes while saving lives!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? He could always shush people without cracking a smile.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a chef? Because he could turn any situation into a stone-cold recipe.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? Because he always had a straight face and never cracked a smile during interrogations!
What do you call a deadpan musician? A player who hits all the right notes without a trace of expression.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a dentist? He could always keep a straight face while dealing with toothaches.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a chef? Because they always deliver their jokes with a straight face and a side of irony!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a tour guide? Because he could show people around with a straight face, no puns on the tour.
Why did the deadpan comedian become an accountant? Because he knew how to balance humor with seriousness!
I asked a deadpan comedian if he knew any knock-knock jokes. He replied, “No, but I can tell you the exact decibel level of a door being knocked.”
Why did the deadpan comedian always carry a map? So he wouldn’t lose his punchlines.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? Because he could keep a straight face even when dealing with overdue books.
Why did the deadpan comedian join a circus? Because he found a way to juggle seriousness with humor.
Why did the deadpan comedian join a rock band? Because he could play the guitar with a face that showed absolutely no emotion.
Why did the deadpan comedian never make a sound? Because he had a “mute” point!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a mime? Because he was already a pro at not saying a word!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a painter? Because he could create masterpieces with a deadpan brushstroke!
Why did the deadpan detective always solve the case? He never cracked a smile.
I tried to tell a deadpan joke at a party, but nobody laughed. They just thought I was being serious.
Why did the deadpan comedian go broke? His delivery was too dry.
Why did the deadpan chef only make plain toast? He didn’t want to add any punchlines.
What’s the secret to a successful deadpan comedian? Never cracking a smile, just like a broken mirror.
Why did the deadpan weatherman become popular? Because his forecasts were always so dry and emotionless that people found them strangely amusing!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a lifeguard? Because he could save lives with a straight face, no funny business near the water.
Why did the deadpan comedian open a pet store? Because he always had a straight-faced fish tank.
Why did the deadpan comedian join the circus? Because he wanted to show off his ability to juggle emotions without cracking a smile!
Why did the deadpan teacher become a librarian? Because they knew how to keep the silence deadpanning.
Why did the deadpan comedian go to the supermarket? To find some canned laughter!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a chef? Because he loved serving up some serious deadpancakes!
Why did the deadpan athlete always win? He had a stone-cold poker face.
Why did the deadpan comedian never become a weather forecaster? He couldn’t sprinkle any humor into his forecasts, it was always dry.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a gardening business? Because he wanted to tell some really dry jokes!
Why did the deadpan comedian go to the dentist? Because he needed to work on his delivery of dead tooth jokes.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? Because he could keep a straight face even in the most hilarious situations.
Why did the deadpan comedian switch careers? Because he didn’t have any expressions left to give!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? Because he loved keeping things quiet and expressionless!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a math teacher? Because they excel at calculating the perfect timing for their punchlines!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? Because he was always straight-faced when delivering clues.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a surgeon? Because they know how to perform a joke with surgical precision!
Why don’t skeletons ever fight each other? Because they don’t have the guts.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a landscaping business? Because he could mow lawns with a straight face, no laughing grass.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a bakery? Because his bread always had the driest and most straight-faced humor, making it the perfect choice for a deadpan joke on the go!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? He was an expert at delivering punchlines in a quiet, monotone voice.
Why did the deadpan comedian never become a chef? He couldn’t sauté the enthusiasm for his jokes.
Why was the deadpan comedian terrible at poker? Because he never cracked a smile, even when he had a full house.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? He was a master at keeping a poker face during interrogations.
Why did the deadpan comedian always carry a mirror? So he could practice his deadpan expression wherever he went.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? Because they can shush any attempt at making them laugh!
What did the deadpan comedian say when someone asked if he had any hobbies? “I collect blank expressions.”
Why did the deadpan comedian make a terrible surgeon? Because he couldn’t perform any operations without cracking a smile!
What do you call a deadpan magician? An illusionist with a straight face.
Why did the deadpan comedian become an astronaut? Because he could always reach for the stars without cracking a smile.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a gardening business? Because he could always deliver a dry punchline.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a surgeon? Because their calm and deadpan demeanor made patients feel at ease, even during the most intense surgeries!
Why did the deadpan magician always fail to impress the audience? Because he never cracked a smile, even when he made the magic happen.
Why did the deadpan comedian go to the library? Because he wanted to check out some irony!
Why did the deadpan comedian become an astronaut? He wanted to explore space with a straight face.
Why did the deadpan actor always carry an umbrella? To protect his jokes from getting too dry!
What’s the favorite TV show of a deadpan comedian? The Deadpan Files, where nothing ever happens.
Why did the deadpan actor never get caught in a lie? Because he was always straight-faced.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a mime? Because he didn’t need to change his expression to make people laugh.
Why did the deadpan magician struggle to perform tricks? Because his expressions were always so straight-faced, nobody could tell if he was actually doing anything!
Why did the deadpan actor become a chef? Because he could perfectly season every dish with his deadpan deliveries!
I went to a deadpan comedy show, but I think the audience was confused. They kept waiting for a punchline that never came.
Why did the deadpan comedian fail as a weatherman? Because he always forecasted dull skies and a chance of deadpan.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a construction worker? He loved building up the tension before delivering his punchlines.
Why did the deadpan teacher bring a ladder to class? To raise the stakes.
Why did the deadpan actor always carry a thermometer? To measure the temperature of his jokes!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? Because he loved delivering deadpan punchlines in a quiet atmosphere.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a painter? Because they know how to brush off any attempts at humor!
Why did the deadpan comedian refuse to tell knock-knock jokes? Because he didn’t want anyone to think he was door-mant!
Why did the deadpan comedian become an actor? Because his natural talent for not showing emotions was highly sought after in serious roles!
Why did the deadpan comedian join a band? Because he loved playing deadpan-drum, always keeping the beat without cracking a smile.
Why did the deadpan actor never get a parking ticket? Because his jokes always left the meter laughing!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a chef? Because he could always serve up a deadpan-cake with a straight face.
Why did the deadpan comedian never enjoy roller coasters? Because he preferred “flat” humor!
Why did the deadpan actor prefer silent movies? Because he believed actions spoke louder than words, especially when there were no words involved.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a banker? Because they always keep a straight face even when dealing with funny money!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a locksmith? Because he had a talent for cracking jokes without smiling.
Why did the deadpan magician never reveal his tricks? He didn’t want to give away any “dead” giveaways.
How does a deadpan comedian make tea? They steep it with a straight face.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a news anchor? Because he could deliver the driest news with a straight face!
Why did the deadpan comedian love math? Because he could always deliver jokes with “calculated” precision!
Why did the deadpan teacher become a favorite among students? Because his lectures were so monotone and serious that they couldn’t help but find them hilariously dry!
I asked a deadpan actor to show me his best poker face. He replied, “I’m sorry, I only deal in solitaire.”

Deadpan Jokes for Kids

Deadpan jokes for kids are the silent movie stars of the humor world—expressive, surprising, and always leaving the young ones in fits of giggles.

These jokes teach children the art of dry humor, where the punchline comes in a flat, emotionless delivery.

It’s a hilarious way for them to understand how timing and tone can make even the simplest sentence funny, nurturing their comedic skills in a unique way.

Moreover, deadpan jokes for kids help them learn how to keep a straight face while telling a joke, a great exercise in self-control and patience.

Ready to get them laughing with a straight face?

Here are the jokes that will have them chuckling without cracking a smile:

Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed!
Why did the clock look so serious? It was always ticking with a deadpan attitude, never cracking a smile!
Why did the skeleton bring a ladder to the comedy show? To reach the deadpan punchline!
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
Why did the werewolf decide to pursue a career in comedy? His deadpan delivery was hair-raisingly hilarious!
Why don’t bicycles stand up on their own? Because they are two-tired!
Why did the pencil always have a straight face? Because it had a sharp sense of deadpan humor!
Why did the chicken tell deadpan jokes? Because it wanted to crack up the other farm animals!
Why did the math book look sad? It had a deadpan cover and couldn’t solve any funny equations!
Why did the baker start doing stand-up comedy? Because he wanted to add a pinch of deadpan humor to his bread jokes!
Why did the skeleton go to the comedy club? Because he wanted to practice his deadpan delivery!
Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to its deadpan ancestor!
Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
Why did the robot become a comedian? Because it had a deadpan delivery that always cracked up the audience!
Why did the math book look so serious? It had a deadpan face because it had too many problems to solve!
What did the dry cleaner say to the customer who brought in a haunted shirt? “This ironing is a real deadpan experience!”
Why did the skeleton go to the comedy club? To perfect its deadpan delivery!
Why don’t bicycles stand up by themselves? Because they’re two-tired!
Why did the shoe go to therapy? It had a deadpan sole and needed a laugh to lift its spirits!
Why did the light bulb refuse to turn on? It had a deadpan filament and couldn’t see the humor!
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well, but it kept a deadpan face anyway!
What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me!
Why did the chicken cross the road? To tell a deadpan joke on the other side, of course!
Why did the ghost start a comedy club? Because it had the best deadpan delivery, hauntingly hilarious!
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the heart for it!
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? Because he had a deadpan sense of humor and didn’t need a funny bone!
Why did the rock win the comedy contest? It had the most deadpan sense of humor, stone-cold funny!
Why did the vampire become a stand-up comedian? He had a knack for deadpan humor, especially when it involved necks!
Why did the scarecrow never get promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why couldn’t the bicycle find its way home? It lost its bearings!
What did one traffic light say to the other? Stop looking at me, I’m changing!
Why did the pencil become a comedian? Because it loved making deadpan drawings!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why did the clock decide to pursue a career in comedy? Because it had impeccable timing for delivering deadpan punchlines!
Why did the banana become a comedian? Because it had the perfect deadpan peel!
Why did the tree want to become a comedian? Because it wanted to leaf everyone in stitches with its deadpan sense of humor!
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a bad case of deadpan-itis!
Why did the chicken go to comedy school? It wanted to learn how to tell jokes in a deadpan style, without cracking a beak!
Why did the robot enroll in a comedy class? To learn how to master the art of deadpan humor, circuitously funny!
Why did the pencil never become a comedian? It couldn’t do a deadpan sketch without breaking!
Why did the mathematician become a deadpan comedian? Because he could calculate the perfect timing for his jokes!
Why did the bee go to the doctor? It had hives!
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved!
Why did the skeleton refuse to perform comedy shows during the day? Because his deadpan jokes only worked under the moonlight!
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired of maintaining a deadpan expression!
What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!
Why did the bee become a stand-up comedian? Because it loved telling deadpan jokes, buzzkillers!
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby.
Why did the mummy become a stand-up comedian? He knew how to deliver deadpan humor, even without facial expressions!
What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
Why did the broom go to school? Because it wanted to sweep the class.
Why did the ghost become a comedian? Because it mastered the art of deadpan humor – it was boo-tiful!
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
Why did the pencil never make anyone laugh? Because it had a deadpan point of view!
What did the zombie say after telling a joke? “I killed it!”
Why did the computer become a stand-up comedian? Because it could deliver jokes with a deadpan interface!
Why did the tomato turn to the cucumber and say, “I’m feeling saucy today”? Because it wanted to test its deadpan delivery skills!
Why did the clock go to the principal’s office? It had a deadpan face and was accused of “watching” too much time go by!
Why did the pencil lose its job? Because it couldn’t draw a deadpan expression!
Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a deadpan virus and needed a byte of humor!
Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to the other side.
What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
What’s the best way to catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
Why did the computer go to the comedy show? Because it heard the jokes were deadpan hilarious!
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the deadpan joke coming!
Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left.
What’s a dentist’s favorite time of day? Tooth-hurty.
Why did the vampire quit its job as a comedian? It couldn’t keep a deadpan expression with all those fang-tastic jokes!
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing with a deadpan expression!
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? Because he had no body to go with him!
Why did the pirate go to school? To improve his “arrrrrrrt” skills!
Why did the pillow go to the comedy club? It wanted to learn how to deliver jokes with a perfectly deadpan expression, even when it’s soft and fluffy!
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one without showing any deadpan reaction!

Deadpan Jokes for Adults

Who says adults can’t appreciate a well-delivered deadpan joke?

Deadpan jokes for adults are the epitome of dry humor, delivering punchlines with a straight face and monotone voice.

They’re clever, subtle, and often require a second to sink in, making them perfect for those who love intelligent humor.

Just like the best comedians who master the art of deadpan, these jokes combine elements of wit, sarcasm, and a healthy dose of absurdity that will have you laughing in no time.

Ideal for cocktail parties, social gatherings, or just for a good chuckle on a quiet evening, these jokes are designed to tickle the funny bone of any adult with a good sense of humor.

Here are some deadpan jokes that are perfect for adults:

Why did the deadpan comedian start a landscaping business? Because he wanted to tell jokes while mowing the grass without anyone laughing!
Why did the deadpan actor’s career never take off? Casting directors thought he was always just reading lines without emotion.
I tried out deadpan comedy once, but nobody laughed. I guess I should have expected that.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a flight attendant? They were excellent at keeping a straight face even during the most turbulent jokes!
Why did the tomato turn to the mushroom for advice? Because it was feeling saucy!
Why did the deadpan comedian never get invited to parties? Because his deadpan delivery killed the mood every time!
I went to see a stand-up comedian who specialized in deadpan humor. It was so dry, I had to bring my own water bottle to the show.
Why did the deadpan comedian refuse to tell knock-knock jokes? Because he found the concept of surprise far too stimulating!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? They were an expert at solving cases with their stone-cold expressions!
Why was the deadpan comedian so good at playing poker? Their poker face was always on point!
Why did the deadpan comedian never become a chef? He couldn’t find a recipe that didn’t require a pinch of humor!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? He never laughed at crime scenes, even if they were pun-ishing!
I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
Why did the deadpan musician join a heavy metal band? He found it ironic to play lively music with a lifeless expression!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a tailor? He found it was the perfect way to stitch together his jokes with no expression!
I tried to tell a deadpan joke at a funeral once. It was a grave mistake.
Why did the deadpan comedian go to therapy? To learn how to express emotions, deadpan-style.
I asked my friend if he had any good deadpan jokes. He replied, “No, but I do have a vacuum cleaner that sucks… literally.”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a surgeon? He could cut up a room with his dry wit!
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a garden? Because they wanted to grow their own collection of dry humor!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a gardener? Because they could really deliver dry humor!
How did the deadpan comedian react when his joke bombed? He gave a standing ovation… for himself.
Why did the deadpan athlete prefer solo sports? He didn’t have to pretend to be excited or celebrate with teammates when he won!
I asked the barber for a haircut that would make me look like a million dollars. He gave me a mirror.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a gardening business? Because they had a knack for planting deadpan-tastic jokes in every conversation!
I asked the deadpan comedian if he ever tells funny jokes. He replied, “No, I only tell jokes that make you question your sense of humor.”
What did the deadpan stand-up comedian say to the heckler? “Your jokes are as lifeless as my delivery!”
Why did the deadpan comedian go to the doctor? Because he had a severe case of being too serious and needed a prescription for laughter.
Why was the deadpan comedian a terrible poker player? They always had a straight face!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a therapist? They were great at making people laugh while keeping a completely stoic demeanor!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? Because they knew all the best deadpan jokes to keep the library quiet and entertained!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a lawyer? Because he had a perfect poker face for the courtroom!
Why did the deadpan dentist have a hard time making patients laugh? Because he always had a poker face during procedures!
Why was the math teacher always so serious? Because he took equations too literally!
Why did the deadpan comedian join a mime troupe? Because they realized they could be hilarious without saying a word!
I wanted to be a barber, but I couldn’t cut it.
Why did the deadpan actor always play the same character? Because he couldn’t show any emotion!
Why did the deadpan detective have a hard time solving crimes? Because he couldn’t crack a smile or a case!
I asked my boss if I could have a raise. He replied, “Technically, anyone can have a raise, but I’m not giving you one.”
Why was the deadpan comedian a terrible baseball player? Because they always hit a deadpan!
Why did the deadpan chef never get any Michelin stars? Because his food lacked flavor and enthusiasm!
I saw a deadpan comedian perform once, and I couldn’t tell if they were doing stand-up or practicing for a staring contest.
What did the deadpan comedian say when someone asked if he ever smiled? “Smiling is for amateurs.”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? Because he could solve crimes without showing any excitement!
I tried to teach a deadpan comedian how to use emojis, but they just sent me a blank text message.
Why did the deadpan writer struggle to sell his comedy scripts? His humor was too dry, and the jokes flew over most people’s heads!
Why did the poker player make a terrible comedian? He couldn’t master the art of deadpan delivery!
My friend told me he had a job at a bakery, but I didn’t believe him. I thought he was just kneading dough.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a professional mourner? Because he could cry on cue without feeling a single ounce of sadness!
Why did the deadpan comedian become an astronaut? Because he wanted to crack jokes without gravity!
Why did the deadpan comedian get into stand-up comedy? He was tired of people not knowing if he was serious or not!
Why did the deadpan actor struggle in romantic roles? His lack of emotions made it hard to believe he had any chemistry with his co-stars!
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
Why did the deadpan comedian start a gardening business? Because he loved deadpan-trees!
Why did the deadpan comedian fail as a magician? He couldn’t pull off any tricks without cracking a smile!
I asked my friend if he has seen the movie “Constipation” and he replied, “No, but I’ve heard it hasn’t come out yet.”
Why did the deadpan comedian excel at poker? Because he could bluff without anyone suspecting a thing!
Why did the deadpan doctor become a stand-up comedian? He had a knack for delivering bad news with a straight face.
What do you call a deadpan comedian who likes to fish? A master of deadpan-ders!
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
Why did the deadpan comedian refuse to perform at a funeral? He didn’t want to outshine the guests with his lifeless humor!
Why did the deadpan chef have trouble at the bakery? He couldn’t make any dough rise without cracking a smile!
Why did the deadpan comedian join a yoga class? Because they wanted to perfect the art of deadpanning while striking a pose!
Why don’t scientists trust stairs? Because they are always up to something!
I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waist of time.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a teacher? Because he wanted to see if his students could crack a smile!
Why did the deadpan doctor become a psychiatrist? He wanted to help people find humor in their own madness!
Why did the deadpan comedian take a job as a waiter? So he could serve up some dry humor!
Why did the deadpan weatherman never get promoted? Because he had no expression, rain or shine!
I went to see a deadpan comedian, and all I got was a blank stare and a feeling of existential dread. It was hilarious!
Why don’t skeletons ever play music in public? Because they have no organs to carry a tune, and no sense of humor either.
I bought a new thesaurus yesterday. When I got home, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
What did the deadpan comedian say when someone asked him if he had a favorite joke? “I have plenty, but I won’t be sharing any.”
Why did the deadpan comedian become an accountant? He was a master at balancing humor and seriousness!
I was going to tell you a joke about an elevator, but it had too many ups and downs.
Why did the deadpan athlete never win a race? He always finished in second place with a straight face.
How did the deadpan comedian react when someone told him he had a dry sense of humor? He replied, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize laughter required watering!”
I told a deadpan joke to my friend. His response? “I don’t get it.” Mission accomplished!
Why don’t skeletons go trick-or-treating? They have no body to go with!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a mime artist? Because they could express their deadpan humor without uttering a single word!
I asked a deadpan comedian if he could make me laugh. He replied, “I could, but I choose not to.”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? Because he could shush people with just one look!
I asked my dad if he ever tried to be an actor. He replied, ‘No, but I’ve been a waiter for years!’.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a therapist? Because he knew how to keep a straight face while dealing with all kinds of emotions!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? Because they had a knack for cracking stone-faced cases!
Why did the deadpan comedian never blink? Because he didn’t want to miss a dead joke!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? He had a knack for solving cases without ever cracking a smile!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a chef? Because they mastered the art of serving up jokes with a straight face.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a lifeguard? Because they could save lives without cracking a smile.
Why was the funeral director terrible at telling jokes? His deadpan delivery always killed the punchlines!
My deadpan friend’s birthday was yesterday. When I asked how he celebrated, he replied, “By not showing any excitement.”
Why did the ghost go to the party? For the boos!
Why did the deadpan comedian refuse to use emojis? Because their face was already an expressionless masterpiece!
Why did the deadpan magician never receive applause? His tricks were too lifeless to impress anyone!
Why did the deadpan professor get fired? His students couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.
What did the deadpan comedian say when he was asked if he found anything funny? “I find everything funny, on the inside.”
Why did the deadpan comedian become an archaeologist? He had a talent for digging up humor from the past!
Why was the mummy always so serious? It was an expert at deadpan-derma!
Why did the deadpan chef become famous? His secret ingredient was a complete lack of enthusiasm.
I asked my dad if I could watch the TV. He said, “Yes, but don’t turn it on.”
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing, but it couldn’t care less.
What do you call a deadpan comedian who gets lost in the desert? Dry wit in a dry climate!
Why did the deadpan actor never win an Oscar? Because his performance was so emotionless, the Academy thought he was just playing dead!
Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be bagels!
Why did the deadpan magician’s tricks never impress anyone? He never reacted to the applause.
I told my therapist I have a fear of speed bumps. He said it’s just a phase.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a news anchor? He could deliver deadpan punchlines while reporting serious news!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a professional mime? Because they found a way to express even less emotion.
Why did the deadpan teacher excel in math class? She always found a way to make numbers seem even more lifeless than they already were!
Why did the deadpan comedian become an undertaker? He wanted to bury his emotions deep down.
I went to a seafood restaurant and asked the waiter if they served fish. He replied, “No, we only talk to them.”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a gardener? Because he was tired of being the only one who didn’t crack a smile!
Why did the deadpan magician’s tricks always fail? Because he never had any surprise in his act!
I told a deadpan joke to my dentist. His response? “Open wide and let’s see if you still find it funny.”
Why did the deadpan musician’s band always sound terrible? They played every note with zero enthusiasm.
I used to work at a cemetery, but I couldn’t handle the deadpan atmosphere.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a mathematician? Because they loved calculating deadpan jokes!
Why did the deadpan comedian decide to become a mime? Because he realized he could express his emotions just as effectively by saying nothing at all!
Why did the deadpan actor become a security guard? Because his poker face was perfect for catching thieves off guard!
Why did the deadpan gardener never get hired? Because his plants were always droopy, just like his face!
Why did the deadpan comedian fail as a detective? Because he couldn’t solve the case of the missing punchline!
Why did the deadpan comedian refuse to laugh at his own jokes? He didn’t want to break character!
I asked a deadpan comedian if they ever laughed, and they responded with a blank stare.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? Because they excelled at shelving their emotions and delivering jokes with a deadpan expression!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a surgeon? Because their deadpan delivery could keep even the most nervous patients calm during surgeries!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a flight attendant? Because he had mastered the art of keeping a straight face during turbulence!
My doctor told me I need to break a sweat every day, so I’ve started hiding from the air conditioner.
I once saw a deadpan comedian perform in a graveyard. The audience was dying of laughter, but he remained stone-faced as ever.
Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted!
Why did the deadpan comedian’s delivery always fall flat? He was just too good at playing dead!
Why did the deadpan comedian refuse to join a laughter club? He believed in a straight face society.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a mortician? Because he wanted to work with a more lively audience!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a therapist? He knew how to keep a straight face even in the most serious situations!
Why did the deadpan comedian get a job as a receptionist? Because they always had the perfect poker face!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a baker? Because they kneaded a new career!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a surgeon? Because he wanted to make jokes while cutting people up, all while maintaining a straight face!
My friend thinks he is a comedian because he always tells deadpan jokes. Well, he’s dead wrong.
Why did the deadpan musician never sell any albums? Because his songs had no rhythm or emotion!
Why did the deadpan actor become a gardener? Because he wanted to cultivate a sense of humor… or maybe he just really likes plants.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a waiter? Because he wanted to serve up some deadpan humor alongside the meals!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? So he could shush people with his silent jokes!
Why did the deadpan comedian excel at poker? He never gave away his hand or his emotions.
Why did the deadpan comedian fail as a wedding planner? Because he couldn’t bring himself to smile even when the bride walked down the aisle!
Why did the skeleton go to therapy? It needed to work on its deadpan expression!
I used to work at a bakery, but I couldn’t handle the pressure. So I decided to knead some dough instead.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a chef? Because he wanted to serve up some cold, hard laughs along with his food.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a mathematician? He loved working with deadpan-numbers!
Why did the deadpan comedian get kicked out of the library? Because his book of jokes was too dry!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, with no expression whatsoever.
Why did the deadpan comedian always carry a thermometer? So he could keep his jokes at a cool temperature!
I was going to tell you a joke about the Dead Sea, but it’s too dry.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a chef? Because he could dish out humor without a hint of emotion!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a tour guide? Because they could keep a straight face even when telling the most hilarious historical facts!
I tried to catch some fog yesterday, but I mist.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a taxi driver? He loved driving people around and deadpanning their stories!
I told a deadpan joke to a mime, and they responded with absolute silence. I guess they couldn’t even mime a chuckle.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a surgeon? Because they enjoyed delivering punchlines with a straight face as much as they enjoyed delivering stitches!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a librarian? He loved deadpan-books, especially the ones with no plot twists!
My friend said he knew a guy who could bring any dead animal back to life. I said, “That’s impossible!” He said, “No, really, he’s a taxidermist.”
Why did the deadpan comedian become a mortician? They wanted to take their deadpan delivery to a whole new level!
Why did the mime struggle to become a deadpan comedian? It couldn’t resist breaking the silence!
Why did the deadpan comedian join a mime troupe? He wanted to express his emotions without saying a word.
Why did the deadpan detective fail at solving crimes? He always took everything literally.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough. So I decided to rise to the occasion.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a detective? Because they were skilled at cracking dead jokes without showing a hint of amusement!
Why did the deadpan comedian never win any awards? Because people always thought he was just being serious!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a flight attendant? He knew how to deliver deadpan humor at cruising altitude!
Why did the deadpan comedian always carry an umbrella? He wanted to stay dry, just like his humor.
My friend told me I should be more assertive. I said, ‘Okay. Starting tomorrow.’.
Why did the deadpan comedian become a doctor? He had a great bedside manner – he never cracked a smile!
Why did the deadpan comedian become a poker player? Because they knew how to keep a straight face even when their jokes fell flat!

Deadpan Joke Generator

Writing a deadpan joke can be as dry as a desert.

(No laugh?

That’s the point!)

Enter our FREE Deadpan Joke Generator to the rescue.

Engineered to integrate bone-dry humor, understated wit, and subtle punchlines, it creates jokes that are guaranteed to evoke a smirk.

Don’t let your humor become as flat as a pancake.

Use our joke generator to develop jokes that are as sharp and unexpected as a cactus in a desert.

FAQs About Deadpan Jokes

What are deadpan jokes?

Deadpan jokes are a type of humor where the joke-teller delivers a hilarious or absurd punchline with a straight, emotionless expression or tone.

The humor lies in the contrast between the seriousness of the delivery and the unexpectedness of the joke itself.

Why are deadpan jokes considered funny?

The comedy in deadpan jokes comes from the stark contrast between the serious delivery and the comedic punchline.

It’s the surprise element, combined with the straight-faced, emotionless delivery that often catches the audience off-guard, triggering laughter.

How can I develop my own deadpan jokes?

Observe the world around you with a critical and humorous eye. Absurdity is everywhere, and the best deadpan jokes often stem from everyday situations.
Work on your delivery. Deadpan humor relies heavily on a flat, emotionless delivery. Practice your poker face and neutral voice.
Consider timing. The pause before the punchline can heighten the comedic effect.
Be concise. A quick, direct punchline usually works best with deadpan humor.
Don’t be afraid to use irony, sarcasm, or understatement. These are all key elements in deadpan humor.