887 Longship Jokes for Sailors Seeking a Good Chuckle

If you’re here, it means you’re ready to sail into the world of longship jokes.

Not just any jokes, but the finest from the fjords.

That’s why we’ve compiled a fleet of the most hilarious longship jokes.

From Nordic wordplay to oar-some one-liners, our compilation has a joke for every voyage in life.

So, let’s embark on this voyage of longship humor, one joke at a time.

Contents show

Longship Jokes

Longship jokes will surely steer your sense of humor in the right direction!

These jokes are not just about the impressive vessels themselves, but also the intriguing Viking culture that created them.

From their notorious reputation as seafaring warriors, to their innovative shipbuilding skills, Vikings certainly provide a vast sea of comedic material.

Creating the perfect longship joke involves clever wordplay, historical quips, and even the unpredictable nature of the sea voyages the Vikings embarked on (like battling fierce storms or navigating the vast, unknown waters).

Ready to set sail on a sea of laughter?

Launch into amusement with these longship jokes:

What did the Viking say when his longship got stuck on the rocks? “I guess we’ve hit a fjord-stop!”
Why did the Viking’s longship have a bar on board? So they could have a “booze cruise”!
What did the longship captain say when he saw a seagull on the mast? “Sail-gull, we have a stowaway!”
What do you call a Viking longship that’s been hit by a wave? A sailboat!
What did the longship say to the iceberg? “I’m breaking up with you, it’s not you, it’s fjord!”
Why did the Viking longship join a cooking competition? It wanted to show off its seafaring chef skills!
Why did the Viking bring a ladder onto his longship? He heard the captain wanted to raise the stakes!
What’s a longship’s favorite type of exercise? Row-bics.
Why did the longship have trouble making friends? It was always “sailing” away from social situations!
How did the Viking captain keep track of time on the longship? He used a Viking watch, it had two hands and a long face!
What did one longship say to the other during a race? “I’m gonna leave you in my wake!”
Why did the Viking always have a longship full of musicians? Because he loved rock and row!
Why did the longship never make it as a comedian? Its jokes were too row-boat!
Why did the longship’s crew always bring a map to the battle? So they wouldn’t get lost at Scandinavia!
Why did the longship start a band? Because it heard it could make a “wave” in the music industry!
Why did the longship become a stand-up comedian? It wanted to sail through its career with laughter!
What did the longship captain say when his crew asked for a raise? “Sorry, but I can’t afford to give you a Viking salary!”
Why did the Viking captain bring a mop on his longship? Because he heard it was time to swab the fjords!
What did the longship say when it bumped into a rock? “Oh, ship!”
What did the longship say to the pirate ship? “You arrrrrrrrrrr-e no match for me!”
Why did the longship get a ticket? It was caught Viking and boating!
Why did the Viking’s longship sink? Because it had too many leaks and Vikings can’t swim!
How do longships like to relax? They go on “cruise” control!
Why did the longship captain bring a map to bed? So he could find his way to dreamland!
What do you call a longship with a sunburn? A Viking who forgot to apply sunscreen!
Why did the longship refuse to go out on a stormy day? It didn’t want to get all ship-faced!
Why did the longship become a fashion model? It had a great stern-look.
What do you call a longship that’s afraid of the water? A chicken of the sea!
Why are longships so successful in battle? Because they always “Norse” how to win!
What do you call a longship that can’t swim? A shipwreck waiting to happen!
What do you get when you cross a longship and a comedian? A hilarious vessel that always delivers “ship-tickles”!
Why did the longship start a stand-up comedy career? It had a great sense of “sailor” humor!
Why did the longship have trouble finding a date? It was always too stern!
What do you call a clumsy longship captain? The captain who always misses the boat!
What do you call a Viking longship with a sunroof? A convertible plunder-mobile!
Why did the Viking bring his cat on the longship? Because he heard it was great at “meow-ing” the sails!
What did the longship say to the lighthouse? “I see your light, but I’m still “shore” I’m lost!”
Why did the Viking longship get into a fight? It had a bad temper(a).
Why did the longship bring a ladder to the gym? It wanted to work on its rowing machine!
Why did the longship get into trouble with the law? It was caught sea-sick-ing!
What did the Viking say when he saw his longship being attacked by a giant squid? “Release the calamari!”
Why did the Viking buy a longship? Because he couldn’t find a parking spot for his dragon boat!
Why did the Viking longship go to the gym? It wanted to bulk up its biceps for rowing!
Why did the longship bring a ladder to the battle? To board the enemy ship and say, “I’m coming aboard!”
Why do longships make terrible comedians? Their timing is always off-shore.
What’s a Viking’s favorite type of boat? A longship, of course! They’re in-Fjord-able!
What did the Viking say when he saw his longship sink? “Oh fjord, not again!”
What did one longship say to the other? “I’m all aboard with you!”
What did the longship say to the iceberg? “I hope you’re ready for a Viking clash!” .
Why did the Viking always bring his longship to the gym? Because he liked to row-lax!
Why did the Viking chef always cook on a longship? Because he heard it was a great place to dish out sea-food!
Why did the longship visit the dentist? It had a Norse toothache!
Why did the longship decide to go to therapy? It had Viking identity issues!
What do you call a longship that can’t stop laughing? A “giggling galley”!
What do you call a Viking who loves to sing on a longship? A “sea-shanty” enthusiast!
What did the longship say to the ocean? “I’m all decked out and ready to sail, let’s rock the boat!”
What’s a longship’s favorite TV show? “Game of Thrones” – it loves all the ships!
Why did the Vikings bring their longships to the theater? Because they heard the show was going to be “shipwreck-ting”!
Why did the longship take a nap? It needed to catch up on its Zzz-fjords!
What’s a Viking’s favorite song to sing while sailing on a longship? “Row, row, row your boat, gently down the fjord!”
How do longships stay fit? They do a lot of row-bics!
Why did the Viking captain hire a comedian for his longship crew? He wanted to keep their spirits high-tarrrrrrrrrred!
What did the longship say to the other boat? “I’ve got the longest history in the Fjords!”
Why did the longship captain bring a map to the comedy club? So he could find the sea-ting area!
What did the Viking say when he accidentally bumped into another longship? “Oh, long time no sea!”
Why did the Viking always bring a ladder on his longship? So he could raid and pillage on a higher level!
What do you call a longship that tells jokes? The laughing stock of the sea!
How did the Vikings communicate on their longships? They used Norse code!
What did the sailor say when the longship started sinking? “Abandon ship? But I just painted it!”
Why did the Viking always bring a map on his longship? So he wouldn’t get lost-sea!
Why did the longship apply for a job at the bakery? It wanted to work on its dough-nuts!
What did the longship say to its crew when they were lost at sea? “I guess we’re all in the same boat!”
What did the longship say when it won the race? “I’m a Viking-nificent winner!”
Why did the Viking only invite his friends with good balance on the longship? Because he didn’t want anyone to rock the boat!
What did the longship say to the pirate ship? “I’m a Viking and you’re a plankton!”
How do longships communicate? They send Viking voicemails!
Why did the Viking bring his longship to the gym? He wanted it to have better row-bics!
Why did the longship go to the comedy club? To show off its great “ship” of humor!
Why did the longship captain wear a life jacket? In case he hit an iceberg-berg-berg-berg!
What did the longship say to the stormy sea? “You can’t sink my spirit, I’m always afloat with laughter!”
What did one longship say to the other? “I’m all “fjord” it if you want to sail together!”
Why did the longship’s crew love eating fish? Because they could never resist a Viking snack!
Why do longships make great comedians? They always know how to sail-larious jokes!
What did the Viking captain say when his longship sank? “I guess it’s time to Norse and swim!”
How do Vikings navigate their longships on foggy days? With Norse code!
How do longships navigate in foggy weather? They trust their gut…er…their longship’s compass!
Why did the longship captain start a band? Because he wanted to rock the boat on his musical voyages!
Why did the longship crew always bring sunscreen? Because they didn’t want to get too Nordic burned!
Why did the longship go to therapy? It couldn’t get over its Viking tendencies!
What do you call a longship with no steering wheel? A rowboat!
How did the Viking captain keep his longship so clean? He always made sure to “sweep” the decks!
Why do longships make terrible chefs? They’re always dishing out sea-food!
Why did the Viking’s longship always arrive on time? Because they never hit snooze on their Viking alarm clocks!
What did the Viking say when he saw a seagull sitting on the longship’s mast? “Look, we have a high-flying first mate!”
Why did the longship go to the doctor? It was feeling a bit “ship”-ish!
How do you make a longship laugh? Just give it a good “boat” of humor!
What did the longship say to the iceberg? “You may be cold, but I’m ice-breakingly funny!”
How do longships navigate through storms? With a Viking GPS, of course!
Why do longships make great comedians? They always have a Viking sense of humor!
What did the Viking say when he ran out of space on his longship? “I guess it’s time to downsize my crew!”
Why did the longship take up knitting as a hobby? It wanted to make sure it had a proper sail!
Why do longships never get lonely? Because they always have a boat-load of friends!
How does a longship get around town? It sails through the streets on a Viking GPS!
Why did the longship get a ticket? It was caught speeding in a school of fish!
How do Vikings navigate their longships? They use the “Fjord-Maps” app!
Why did the Viking wear a helmet on the longship? Because he didn’t want to be board!
Why did the longship refuse to play cards with the pirates? It didn’t want to deal with any ship-shape!
Why did the longship captain always bring a broom on board? To sweep the enemy off their feet!
Why did the longship captain bring his parrot on board? It was the captain’s “matey”!
Why did the longship go to the dentist? It had a case of “plaque-ing” sails!
Why did the longship bring a ladder to the beach? It wanted to boardwalk like a true Viking!
Why did the longship captain get a ticket? He was caught speeding in a 5-knot zone.
Why did the longship become a pirate? Because it wanted to seize the day and sail the seven “seas” of comedy!
What’s a longship’s favorite music genre? Sea-Dee.
Why did the longship captain bring a map to the party? So he wouldn’t get lost at sea-lebrations!
How did the Vikings navigate their longships at night? They used the North Star-ling!
What did the longship say to the ocean? I’ve got you all figured out, you’re just a big wave goodbye!
Why did the longship take up painting? It wanted to become a “master mariner”!
What did the Viking say to the longship? “I can’t believe you’ve been sailing me for so long!”
Why did the Viking refuse to upgrade his longship? He didn’t want to shell out for a new sail!
Why did the Viking bring his pet parrot on the longship? Because it could always find the Norse way!
What did the longship say to its crew when it couldn’t find a parking spot? “We’re in a bit of a tight “spot”!
Why did the longship captain always bring a broom to sea? So he could “sweep” away any obstacles!
Why did the longship’s crew always bring their swords to bed? Because they slept with a Viking edge!
Why do longships make great comedians? Because they always have a bow and arrow!
What did the longship say to the pirate ship? “I’m sorry, but you’re really keel-ing the vibe!”
Why do longships make terrible comedians? Their punchlines always seem to miss the boat!
Why did the Viking captain bring a ladder on the longship? So he could scale things up!
What did the longship captain say to his crew when they won a battle? “We really nailed it!”
Why was the longship always hungry? Because it couldn’t stop devouring the sea!
Why was the longship considered a great comedian? It always had a “shipload” of jokes!
Why did the longship become a stand-up comedian? It was tired of being a sea-sick vessel!
What did the Viking captain say to his longship crew when they were feeling lazy? “Row-mance me with your oars!”
What do you get when you mix a longship with a joke? A hilarious Norse vessel of laughter!
What did the captain say to the longship crew when they hit an iceberg? “I guess we’ve got a Viking cold problem!”
What do you get when you cross a longship with a soda? A Viking vessel that’s always a-float-ing!
How do Vikings prefer to navigate their longships? They use Norse code!
Why did the longship become a comedian? Because it knew how to deliver shiploads of laughs!
What do you call a longship that has gone to the gym? A vessel that’s ripped-tide!
What did the longship captain say to the crew after a successful raid? “We really sailed through that one!”
Why did the longship captain become a comedian? He knew how to “sail-liver” a good joke!
What did the longship say when it ran out of oars? “I’m rowed out!”
Why was the longship always successful in battle? Because it had a “spear”-it animal instinct!
Why did the longship go to the gym? It wanted to work on its Viking muscles!
What did the longship say to the pirate ship during a race? “You’ve got no sail!” (Unfair, I know, but hey, it’s a joke!).
Why did the longship wear a life jacket? It didn’t want to make any waves!
Why did the Viking use a longship instead of a regular boat? Because he wanted to be extra Thor-y!
What did the longship captain say to the crew during a storm? “Hold on to your oars, this is going to be a bumpy ride!”

Short Longship Jokes

Short longship jokes are like a swift sail on a Viking vessel – quick, exciting, and bound to make a splash.

These jokes are perfect for text messages, social media posts, or to lighten the mood during a history lesson.

The beauty of short longship jokes lies in their ability to weave together humor and history, delivering chuckles with a hint of the past.

And now, let’s set sail!

Here are short longship jokes that will have you laughing like a Viking in no time.

Why do longships never get lost? They always have a Viking navigator!
How did the longship propose? With a romantic sail down the aisle!
Why did the longship captain bring a ladder? To reach Valhalla faster!
What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of longship? A YO-HO-HO-rowship!
Why did the longship go to the gym? To get shipshape!
Why do longships make great comedians? They always have oar-iginal material!
What do you call a longship with a broken oar? A rowboat!
What do you call a longship that’s feeling down? A Viking vessel-low!
What did the longship say to the ocean? I’m ready to conquer-wave!
Why did the longship captain love math? He was always counting Norse!
What’s a Viking’s favorite mode of transportation? A longship, they row-manticize it!
How did the longship become a captain? It sailed through the ranks!
Why did the Viking wear a helmet while sailing? For longship protection!
What do you call a longship that plays pranks? A joker ship!
Why did the longship become a detective? It loved solving ship-mysteries!
Why did the Viking captain love his longship? It had oar-inspiring power!
What did the longship say to the sailboat? “Row you doin’?!”
What did the longship say to the pirate ship? “You’re sternly outnumbered!”
Why do longships never get lost? They always Norse their way!
How do longships apologize? They say, “I’m Norse-y for my actions!”
Why did the longship captain always carry a map? Because it’s Norse-essary!
Why did the longship join a choir? It loved singing sea-hymns!
Why did the Viking captain like his longship? It had oar-some features!
Why did the Viking captain always carry a map? For longship navigation!
What do you call a longship that’s always cold? An iceberg-ship!
How does a longship talk to its crew? With Viking-ular communication!
Why did the longship captain become a comedian? To sail the “funny-seas”!
What did one longship say to the other? “You’re my Viking best-friend!”
Why did the longship go to school? For Viking-ucation!
What did the longship say to the iceberg? Nice to break you!
Why do longships make great comedians? They always bring the pun-chline!
What’s a longship’s favorite song? “Row Your Boat” by Sea-nana!
What’s a Viking’s favorite type of longship snack? Sea-salted herring!
Why did the longship take up yoga? To improve its Viking stance!
What do you call a Viking who always wins at sea? Ship-shape!
What do you call a longship with no sails? A sail-less adventure!
What’s a longship’s favorite TV show? “Vikings of Anarchy”!
Why do Vikings make great sailors? They have a knack for longships!
Why don’t longships ever get lost? They always Norse the way!
How do longships greet each other? They wave their oars!
Why did the longship become a pirate? It couldn’t find a car-ship!
What’s a pirate’s favorite type of longship? The planktonic vessel!
Why was the longship always so calm? It had excellent sea-manship!
What’s a longship’s favorite dance move? The Viking Vortex!
What did the Viking say to his longship? You float my boat!
What do you call a longship’s favorite TV show? “Vikings of Anarchy!”
What’s a longship’s favorite type of music? “Sea” shanties, of course!
Why did the longship get in trouble? It couldn’t keep afloat!

Longship Jokes One-Liners

One-liner longship jokes sail swiftly across the sea of humor, delivering a wave of laughter in a single sentence.

They’re the verbal equivalent of a Viking’s longship cutting through the vast ocean – daring, swift, and effortlessly entertaining.

Creating a good one-liner demands a mixture of wit, timing, and a deep understanding of the power of brevity.

The challenge is to pack the sail and the wind – the setup and punchline – into a single, potent phrase, delivering a gust of laughter with minimum words.

Here’s to hoping these longship one-liners navigate you to the shores of laughter:

The longship captain was so organized, he kept his ship in shipshape condition.
Why did the longship refuse to take the pirate on board? It didn’t arrrr-gree with his fashion sense!
What did the longship captain say when he lost his map? “Oh ship, not again!”
Why did the viking’s longship have a gym? So they could always row with the flow!
What did the Viking say when asked how he made the longship sail so fast? “I guess it just has a Norse for speed!”
Why did the longship hire a cleaning crew? It needed to de-“mess” the deck!
The most stylish way to sail into battle is on a longship with a Viking helmet and a snorkel.
Why did the Viking captain bring a ladder on board his longship? Because he heard the seas were full of high tide.
I asked a Viking if he named his longship. He said, “Of course, it’s my boat-y call!”
Why did the longship become a pirate? It got tired of being a “viking” tourist attraction.
Why was the longship so good at math? It always knew how to count on its sail-fingers!
What did the longship say to the waves? “I’m in Norse control!”
Why did the longship apply for a job at the bakery? It kneaded dough to sail through the seas!
My longship told me it was feeling a bit seasick, so I gave it some “oar”-ange juice.
I asked my longship if it wanted to go on a cruise, and it replied, “Norse-way!”
My longship has a great sense of humor; it’s always making hilarious fjord jokes.
What did the longship captain say when asked about his favorite drink? “Sailor-Tea!”
What do you call a longship that’s missing its sails? A sail-lon!
What did the longship say to the rower who was always late? “You’re really kraken me up!”
What’s a Viking’s favorite type of ship? The longship, because they can “row” the boat!
I asked a Viking what he named his longship, and he replied, “Ship Happens!”
What did the Viking say to his longship when it was acting up? “You’re starting to drift away.”
Why did the Viking pirate get a longship? Because he wanted to sail the Norse seas!
Why did the Viking captain always carry a pen and paper on the longship? He wanted to jot down any “wave” of inspiration that hit him!
What did the Viking say when he couldn’t find his longship? “Where the ship did it go?”
What did the captain of the longship say to his crew when they got lost? “We’re all in the same Viking boat!”
Why did the longship’s crew never get scurvy? They always had a Viking supply of oranges.
I tried to build a longship in my backyard, but it turned out to be a Viking failure.
Why did the longship’s crew throw a party every time they successfully raided a village? Because they liked to celebrate their plunderful achievements!
Why do longships never get lost? Because their navigation system is Norse-proof.
What did the longship say to its sailors when they were feeling down? “Don’t worry, we’ll “ship” through this together!”
Did you hear about the Viking who tried to sell his longship? He couldn’t because it had too many “oar-fers”!
My friend tried to convince me to buy a longship, but I told him I couldn’t afford the “oar”-insurance.
I tried to sail a longship once, but I got oar-rible seasickness.
I asked the longship if it wanted to go on a date, but it just gave me a stern look.
What did the longship say to the iceberg? “You’re breaking the ice, let’s set sail!”
What did the sailor say when the longship hit an iceberg? “I guess we’ll have to break the ice!”
I tried to make my longship dance, but it just kept doing the Viking shuffle.
My longship took up knitting as a hobby, but it struggled to navigate the treacherous waters of purling and stitching.
My longship ran out of gas, so now it’s just a shortship.
What do you call a longship that loves to dance? A ship-hop enthusiast!
Why was the longship always docked by the comedy club? Because it wanted to have a good laugh on the pier!
Why did the Viking refuse to use GPS on the longship? He preferred to navigate by “Odin-tuition!”
What do you call a Viking who loses his longship? A re-Viking!
What’s the best way to describe a longship’s sense of direction? “Ship-faced.”
Why did the Viking captain always bring a longship on his dates? Because he wanted to “sail” right into her heart!
What do you call a Viking who can navigate a longship with their eyes closed? A Sea-sy Rider!
My longship captain is always so serious, he’s got a stern demeanor.
What did the longship say to the oar? Don’t worry, I’ve got your back-stern!
Why did the longship captain refuse to play cards with the other sailors? Because he was afraid of getting decked!
Why did the longship join a gym? Because it wanted to get “ship” shape!
What did the Viking say when their longship hit an iceberg? “That’s Norse you’re gonna sink us!”
What’s a pirate’s favorite type of Viking ship? The longship, because it’s arrrrrr-mazing!
How do longships stay in touch with each other? They use Viking-messaging!
What’s a viking’s favorite type of music? Sea-shanties on a longship!
I asked the longship captain if he knew how to navigate. He replied, “I’ve got it all figured Norse!”
Why did the Viking always bring his longship to the party? Because he knew it would make a “boat-load” of waves!
I heard the longship crew had a cooking competition. They were all vying for the title of “Best Nordicook.”
Why did the Viking put wheels on his longship? He wanted to go full speed ahead on land too!
Why did the longship love math class? It enjoyed solving problems with Viking-agebra!
What’s a Viking’s favorite breakfast? A longship of oatmeal!
Why did the Viking always bring extra wood on the longship? Just in case they needed to Nordic up a conversation!
I heard Vikings used to have longships to avoid awkward conversations with their in-laws.
Why did the longship crew always bring their own pens? Because they didn’t want to get ink-erupted.
Why did the Viking always bring his cat on the longship? To catch any fish that fell overboard – it was a meow-rine biologist!
Why did the Viking longship have a hard time getting a date? It was always too “fjord-ward” for anyone’s taste!
What did the viking say when asked about his longship’s speed? “It’s oar-some!”
Why did the Viking bring a mop on the longship? In case they had to swab the deck-ar.
How did the longship get a promotion? It had outstanding sea-manship!
Why did the Viking’s longship have a gym onboard? So they could work on their rowbics!
What did the Viking say when he couldn’t find his favorite longship? “I guess it’s sailed away without a trace!”
Why did the Viking captain bring his pet parrot on the longship? He needed a sidekick for all his sea-dventures!
What do you call a longship with no crew? An “oar”-dinary boat!
What do you call a longship that’s been at sea for too long? A seaweed ship!
Why did the longship’s crew start a band? They heard they could make some Viking money!
What do you call a longship’s favorite dance move? The Viking shuffle!
I asked my longship if it wanted to grab a drink, but it said it was too busy “sail-ing” the seven seas.
Why did the longship get a job at the bakery? It wanted to make some Viking dough!
I saw a longship with a sign that said “Free Viking Tours.” Turns out it was just a Norse joke.
Why was the Viking longship always out of shape? Because it was constantly raid-yating!
I wanted to take a job on a longship, but I couldn’t handle the oar deal.
What did the longship say to the iceberg? Nice to meet you, but I’m feeling a bit ship-wrecked!
I told my friend I wanted to take a longship cruise, and he asked if it was a Viking-themed dating service.
How do you know if a longship is trying to flirt with you? It keeps dropping anchor signals!
I accidentally joined a Viking longship crew thinking it was a kayak tour.
Why did the longship captain become a comedian? He wanted to sail the seas and make everyone laugh their plank off!
Why did the Viking paint his longship pink? Because he wanted to “ship” in style!
How did the Viking fix his longship’s leak? With Norse sealant.
Why did the Viking captain bring a ladder on the longship? Because he heard the ship had a high-deck!
Why did the longship refuse to go on a diet? It didn’t want to lose any Viking weight!
Why did the longship always win the dance competitions? Because it had the best “ship-hop” moves!
What did the Viking captain say when he found out his longship was haunted? “I guess we have a ghost ship on our hands, lads!”
What do you call a Viking who can’t steer a longship? A “ram”bunctious sailor!
Why did the Viking paint his longship blue? Because he wanted to sail the “blue” seas!
I asked my longship if it could do the Macarena, but it just replied, “I’m more of a Viking ship than a dance floor.”
I told my longship it needed a makeover, so now it’s a Viking yacht.
Why did the Viking always bring a map on his longship? Because he didn’t want to get lost at sea and become a Norse-alien!
I saw a longship playing soccer. It was great at scoring goals, but struggled with offside calls because of its longshipshape.
What do you call a Viking warrior who can navigate a longship blindfolded? A real seafaring dare-sail!
What did the Viking captain say when his longship hit an iceberg? “Oh ship!”
What do you call a Viking who loves to tell jokes on a longship? A pun-dering explorer!
What did the longship say to the iceberg? I’m gonna Norse you out of my way!
My longship tried to become a poet, but all it could come up with were oarsome rhymes!
Why did the longship become a comedian? It had a knack for Viking the audience laugh!
What’s a pirate’s favorite longship feature? The “arrrrr-rows”
I tried to impress my longship by learning to play the accordion, but it said it preferred “row”ck music.
Why did the Viking captain bring a ladder on the longship? To raise the “sea-level”
Why did the longship join a gym? It wanted to row with the big boys!
What did the Viking say to his longship when it made a mistake? “You really Odin apology.”
Why did the Viking captain bring his longship to the casino? He heard they had a good raid-iation rate!
Why did the longship refuse to attend the party? It didn’t want to make a Viking fool of itself!
I tried to build a longship in my backyard, but the neighbors weren’t too happy about the mast poking into their garden.
Why did the Viking captain make all the crew members walk the plank? Because they couldn’t “sea” the longship!
Why did the Viking always win the boat races? Because he had a longship advantage.
What did the longship say to the iceberg? “You’re not “cool” enough for me!”
What do you call a Viking longship with a faulty GPS? A shipwreck waiting to happen!
I told my friend I wanted to buy a longship, and he said, “Don’t you think it’s a bit “ship”eccentric?”
I saw a longship with a bumper sticker that said, “My other ride is a drakkar.”
What did the longship say to the iceberg? “Nice to meet you, I’m a big fan of your work!”
I tried to impress my crush by building a model longship, but it sank faster than my hopes of dating them.
Why did the longship go to therapy? It had separation anxiety from its oars.
Why did the longship bring a ladder to the party? Because it wanted to join the high seas-cial club!
Why did the Viking paint his longship with racing stripes? He wanted to make sure it was fjord-able!
Why was the longship always prepared for battle? Because it always had a Viking plan.
What do you call a Viking longship with a built-in bar? A Booze Cruise!
My longship told me it wanted to be a stand-up comedian, but I told it to stick to sailing because it couldn’t make any good jokes—only sea-worthy puns!
What did the longship say to the rower? “You’re oar-some!”
I can’t believe Vikings had longships, yet they didn’t invent Viking drive-thrus.
Why did the Viking captain love his longship? Because it gave him a real sense of oar-ganization!
Why do Vikings prefer longships over regular boats? Because they like to go all in with their long game!
What did the Viking say when they won the lottery? “I’m gonna buy the longest ship in the fjord!”
Why did the longship start a clothing line? Because it wanted to sail in style with the latest Viking fashion trends!
What did the Viking captain say when his longship got a flat tire? ‘We’re in a fjord spot now!’.
Why did the longship hire a personal trainer? It wanted to build up some port-ly muscles!
What did the viking say to his longship? “You’re the oar to my heart!”
Why do Vikings always bring a map on their longship? So they don’t get lost in the fjords!
Why did the longship captain become a stand-up comedian? Because he was a “puntastic” sailor!
Why did the longship always win races? It had oar-inspiring speed!
I wanted to impress my crush, so I took her on a romantic longship ride…but she said it was too row-mantic.
What did the Viking say when he saw a longship with a flat tire? “Looks like they need a Norse change!”
What kind of exercise do longships do? Rowbics!
Why did the viking refuse to sail on a longship? Because he didn’t want to row the boat!
Why did the longship never get invited to parties? Because it always “sailed” away too early!
What did the sailor say to the longship when it was late? You need to row faster, you’re lagging ship!
Why did the longship go to the therapist? It had deep-sea emotional issues!
What do you call a Viking longship with a broken sail? A shipwreck-ommendation.
What do you call a Viking ship with a hole in the hull? A sieve-king longship!
I asked a Viking sailor if he enjoyed his longship voyage, and he replied, “It had its ups and downs.”
Why did the Viking captain always bring his GPS on the longship? Because he couldn’t rely on the Norse to find their way!
What did the longship use to send messages? Norse code!
What did the longship say to the pirate ship? “I’m going to “ship” you off to the plank!
What do you call a Viking longship with a flat tire? A slowboat!
Why did the longship take a nap? Because it was Viking tired!
Why did the Viking captain use a compass on his longship? Because he wanted to Nordic-ate his way around.
I wanted to buy a longship, but the price was just too Norse-y.
What do you call a longship that performs stand-up comedy? A “ship” of fools!
I asked the longship captain if he ever gets seasick, he said, ‘Nah, I’m just always a Viking so I’m always rowing.’.
What’s a Viking’s favorite part of a longship? The ship-sy daisy flowers on the bow!
My longship is so old, it has a bumper sticker that says, “I survived the Great Viking Migration.”
Why did the longship go to therapy? It couldn’t handle all the emotional baggage from pillaging and plundering.
How do you know if a longship is happy? It gives you a wave!
Why did the longship always carry a map? So it wouldn’t get Norse-trated!
Why did the Viking buy a longship? Because he needed a boat with Nordic track!
What do you call a longship that can’t drive? A “boat-astrophe”
What do you call a Viking longship that’s really good at poker? A viking bluffer!
Why did the longship captain take a nap? He needed to catch up on his “ship” shuteye!
What’s a Viking’s favorite type of longship? The kind that sails the “fjord”est, of course!
Why did the longship join a dating app? It was looking for a long-term relationship on the open seas!
Why did the Viking take his longship to the party? He wanted to make a grand entrance, sailing through the living room!

Longship Dad Jokes

Longship dad jokes are a unique blend of humor and history that are sure to make any viking or medieval enthusiast chuckle and roll their eyes simultaneously.

They’re the type of jokes that are so corny, they’re actually hilarious.

Ideal for historical themed parties, educational events, or simply to bring a touch of Norse fun to your daily routine.

Prepare yourself for the chuckles mixed with sighs.

Here are some longship dad jokes that are bound to make waves:

What do you call a longship that is in a hurry? “Fleet”-footed!
What did the longship say to the port? Can I dock here or do I need a fjord permit?
Why do longships make great soccer players? They know how to ‘tackle’ any opponent!
What did the longship say to the other ships in the harbor? “I’m feeling a bit floaty today, how about you?”
Why did the longship have trouble making friends? It always kept its distance, fearing a “longshipwreck”!
What do you call a longship that’s trying to be sneaky? A ship that’s trying to go undercover!
Why did the longship bring a mop to battle? To clean up the enemy’s ship after they were boarded!
Why did the Viking refuse to upgrade his longship? Because he didn’t want to sail into debt!
Why do longships never get lost at sea? Because they have great Norse navigation.
What do you call a longship that has lost its way? A “sea”-king directions!
What did the viking say when his longship got stuck in a storm? “I guess we’re going to be in a bit of a pickle-sail!”
Why do longship captains never get lonely? Because they always have their crews for companionship!
Why did the longship’s crew get in trouble? Because they couldn’t keep their oars straight!
What did the longship say when it finally reached its destination? “I’m shore glad we made it!”
How do you know a longship is tired? It starts to drift off course!
Why did the longship start a band? It wanted to launch some Viking metal music!
What’s a Viking’s favorite mode of transportation? A longship, of course! It’s “oar-some”!
How do you know if a longship is a good listener? It always gives you its full ear-sail attention!
How did the Viking captain know his longship was getting old? It started to develop Norse pains!
What did the longship say to the wave? Nothing, it just waved back.
Why did the longship become a musician? It had great rhythm in its oars!
What’s a Viking’s favorite way to travel? By longship, of course!
Why was the longship always cold? Because it had lots of draft!
How did the Vikings navigate their longships in the dark? They used Norse lights!
What did the longship say to the sailor? I’ve got your back, stern to bow!
What’s a Viking’s favorite type of music? Sea shanties, of course, to get them in the longship spirit!
Why did the longship go to therapy? It had a lot of baggage from all those Viking raids!
How do longships communicate with each other? Through Viking-tal signals!
Why did the longship crew invite the musician on board? They wanted some “sail-sations” on their voyage!
What did the Viking say to his longship when it needed repairs? “Don’t worry, we’ll hammer it out and make it ship-shape again!”
What do you get if you cross a longship with a pony? A Viking seahorse!
Why did the sailor bring a broom on the longship? To sweep the deck!
What do you call a longship that can’t swim? A boatload of trouble!
Why did the longship go to school? Because it wanted to improve its Viking-age group!
What did the longship say to the pirate ship? “I’m all fjord up and ready to sail!”
Why do longships make terrible comedians? Because their jokes always miss the ship!
How does a longship stay in shape? It rows on a Viking machine!
Why did the longship become an actor? It wanted to be a “star” of the sea!
Why did the longship take up painting? It wanted to explore its artistic sail!
How did the Viking ship captain motivate his crew? He told them, “Row, row, row your longship, gently down the stream!”
Why did the longship bring a sword to the ocean? Just in “case” it encountered a sea monster!
Why are longships always calm and composed? Because they have great sea-stability!
Why did the viking love his longship? Because it had a lot of oar-inspiring views!
Why did the longship hire a comedian? Because it needed to lighten the oar-load!
Why did the Viking bring his longship to the dentist? Because it had too many plaque-age problems!
Why did the longship love math? It was always sailing through numbers!
Why did the longship captain go to the doctor? He had oar-thritis!
Why do longships make excellent fishermen? Because they always catch the Norse-y stuff!
Why did the longship join a singing competition? It wanted to show off its “vocal cords”!
Why did the Viking captain bring his longship to the dance? Because he wanted to show off his epic moves on the deck!
What do you call a longship that’s been on a diet? A slimmer-ander!
Why do longships never go out of style? Because they’re always “in-viking”!
What did the longship say to the other boats in the harbor? “I’m just passing through, I don’t want to cause any Viking-age!”
Why did the longship join a gym? It wanted to have Viking biceps and triceps!
Why did the longship refuse to go fishing? Because it didn’t want to get caught in a net!
What did the longship say to the other boat? “I’m Viking you out for a ride!”
What do you call a longship that tells jokes? A “pun”dering Viking vessel!
What do you call a Viking who’s afraid of the ocean? A longship scaredy-cat!
Why did the Viking refuse to lend his longship to his friend? Because he didn’t want to set sail for disaster!
What do you call a longship that’s in a hurry? A “ship and quick” vessel!
Why did the longship captain bring a mop on board? Because he heard they were sailing through a fjord!
Why did the longship become a comedian? It wanted to sail-lute the crowd!
What do you call a viking who can row a longship faster than anyone else? A row-model!
Why did the longship always bring a paddle to parties? It didn’t want to miss out on any good oar-derves!
Why did the longship bring a ladder to the ocean? It wanted to reach the top of the tide!
What do you call a longship that’s really good at math? An arithmetic-vessel!
Why did the longship become a pirate? Because it couldn’t resist the arrrrrrr-t of sailing!
What’s a longship’s favorite type of game? Row, row, row your boat-racing!
Why did the Viking captain always bring his longship to parties? Because he wanted to make a grand entrance!
Why was the longship always so organized? Because it had its Norse in order!
Why did the longship open a bakery? Because it kneaded the dough to sail the seven loaves!
Why did the viking bring a ladder onto his longship? Because he heard the steering wheel was on the top deck!
What do you call a longship that’s lost its way? A viking vessel that’s gone adrift!
Why did the longship invite all the Vikings to the party? Because it wanted to have a shipload of fun!
Why did the Viking captain bring his longship to the office? Because he heard there were plenty of opportunities for board meetings!
Why did the longship captain bring a pillow to the battle? So he could take a nap on the high seas!
How does a longship navigate through rough seas? With its Viking compass-ion!
Why did the longship captain bring a ladder to the ocean? Because he heard the stakes were rising!
What did the longship say to the shore? Long time no sea!
What do you get when you cross a longship with a computer? A “keyboard” for sailing the virtual seas!
How do you know if a longship is happy? It’s always afloat with joy!
Why do longships have such great navigation skills? Because they always find their Norse!
What did the longship say to the rowers? “Quit “oar” you’ll capsize us with laughter!”
What did the longship say to the sailor? “I’ve got you Nordic-ed!”
Why did the Viking longship get a ticket? Because it was parked in a fjord-bidden zone!
Why do longships make great fishermen? Because they always catch the Viking’s dinner.
Why did the Viking refuse to upgrade his longship? He said, “If it ain’t broke, don’t Norse it!”
Why did the longship get a new mast? Its old one just couldn’t keep up with the tides!
What do you call a longship that’s also a comedian? A hilarious vessel.
Why did the Viking sailor refuse to buy a new longship? Because he thought it was too fjord-able!
Why do longship captains never get lost at sea? They have a “stern” sense of direction!
How did the Viking sailors entertain themselves on longship journeys? They played “sea-shanties”!
Why do longships love playing cards? Because they’re always ready to deal with the waves!
Why did the longship captain bring a mop on board? Because he wanted to sweep the Viking’s seas.
Why did the Viking paint his longship blue? So it could sail the seven “seas”!
How did the longship captain communicate with his crew? He used Norse code!
Why did the Viking take his longship to the dentist? Because he heard it had a good fjord plan!
Why did the Viking captain love his longship so much? It had a special plaice in his heart!
What did the longship say when it couldn’t find its way back? “I’m all at sea!”
What do you call a longship that’s been cleaned? A squeaky Viking!
What did the longship say to the dock? “Is that you, pier?”
What’s a longship’s favorite type of movie? Anything with a high sea-rating!
Why did the longship go to therapy? It needed help with its Nordic tendencies!
How do you know if a longship is happy? It raises its sail and waves!
What did the longship say to the sailor? I’m all about that Viking life!
Why did the longship become a comedian? It could always deliver a good ‘punch-line’!
Why did the longship take a detour? It wanted to make a quick Scandinav-turn!
Why did the Viking longship enroll in a gym? It wanted to build its core strength for those long voyages!
Why did the viking refuse to play cards on his longship? Because he was afraid of getting caught up in a game of “Sea-Lo”!
What did the longship say to the other ship? “I’ve got a mast-er plan!”
Why don’t longships ever get lonely? Because they have a crew who’s always on board!
Why did the longship bring a bar of soap on their voyage? To wash ashore!
Why did the longship captain refuse to play cards with the other sailors? He didn’t want to deal with a full deck!
What do you call a Viking who doesn’t like longships? A-row-matic!
How do you know a longship is good at telling jokes? It always has a mast-erful punchline!
Why did the longship bring a ladder to the battle? Because it wanted to board with style!
What do you call a longship that loves to dance? The Hokey-Pokey Viking vessel!
What’s a Viking’s favorite type of longship? One that’s fully Norse-certified!
Why do Vikings prefer longships over regular ships? Because they like to go the extra fjord!
Why don’t longships like to tell jokes? Because they’re afraid they might go overboard!
Why did the longship captain go to therapy? Because he was feeling Viking-ious!
Why did the longship get a gym membership? It wanted to be ship-shape for the next raiding season!
What’s a Viking’s favorite type of transportation? A longship, of course, because it’s the oar-dinary way to travel!
How do you make a longship laugh? Just “paddle” its funny bone!
What did the longship captain say to the crew before setting sail? “Don’t worry, we’ll navigate this ship-storm!”
What did the longship say to the iceberg? You’re just a frosty reception on my voyage!
Why did the viking captain bring his parrot on the longship? Because he wanted a bird’s-eye view of the situation!
Why did the Viking always bring a mop on his longship? Because he was always ready to clean up the seas!
What do you call a longship with a broken mast? A vessel under repair!
What do you call a longship with a sore throat? A hoarse ship!
Why did the longship start a bakery? Because it kneaded more dough!
Why don’t longships use smartphones? They prefer to be connected through their Viking long-distance!
How do you know if a longship is having a bad day? It’s a bit “fjord” to handle!
Why did the longship start taking singing lessons? Because it wanted to be a Viking opera star!
What did the captain say to his longship crew when they were lost? “We must be experiencing a shipwrecklessness!”
Why did the Viking longship take a nap? Because it needed some rest and f’jord’ation!
What’s a longship’s favorite movie? The Pirates of the Car-ib-bean!
Why was the longship always the life of the party? Because it always knew how to rock the boat!
What’s a Viking’s favorite type of ship? A longship, because it’s “Vike-ingly” good!
What did the Viking say when he bought a longship? “I’m ready to set sail and embark on a longship journey!”
Why did the longship go to school? It wanted to be a sea captain when it grew up!
How did the longship captain start his day? With a Viking cup of joe and a sailutation!
Why did the longship refuse to pay for its meal? It claimed it was on a “tide budget”!
Why did the longship refuse to go to the party? It didn’t want to be the odd Viking out!
Why did the longship captain start a band? Because he wanted to make some “oar-iginal” music!
What do you call a longship that’s always on time? A punctual-boat!
How did the vikings communicate during long sea voyages? They used Norse code!
Why did the longship’s crew become bakers? They wanted to sail dough-nuts across the sea!
Why was the longship so good at telling jokes? Because it had a great sense of Viking-humor!
Why did the longship’s crew start a band? They heard it would help them sail in harmony!
What did the Viking say when he couldn’t find his longship? “I guess it’s time to set a Viking expedition to locate it!”
Why do vikings make terrible comedians on longships? Because their jokes always tend to sail over people’s heads!
Why did the longship captain always carry a map? Because he wanted to “navigate” the jokes around!
How did the longship become so smart? It always studied the stern!
How did the Viking longship party end? They “sailed” off into the sunset!
Why did the longship captain start a band? He heard they were great at Viking-tar solos!
Why don’t longships ever get tired? Because they always have oar-energy!
What did the longship say to its captain? “I’m all a-board with your Viking leadership!”
Why did the longship captain bring a mop on board? In case they hit a “rough” patch of sea!
What did the sailor say when he saw a longship approaching? “Look, it’s a Viking traffic jam!”
Why did the viking wear two belts on his longship? Because he wanted to hold up his pants and his long-distance charges!
Why did the longship go to therapy? Because it was having “hull” of a time coping with stress!
What’s a Viking’s favorite type of music to listen to on their longship? Sea shanties, of course!
Why did the Viking buy a longship? Because he wanted to sail in style!
Why did the longship’s crew get into trouble? They couldn’t keep their Viking under control!
What do you call a longship that can play the guitar? A stringed vessel.

Longship Jokes for Kids

Longship jokes for kids are like the charming explorers of the humor world — adventurous, captivating, and always a crowd pleaser for the little ones.

These jokes stir up curiosity and ignite imagination in children, helping them delve into the fascinating world of history while having a good laugh.

They make learning about the ancient Norse seafarers, the Vikings, a fun and engaging journey.

Plus, longship jokes for kids have the unique advantage of combining education with entertainment, turning the historical Viking longships into a vessel of giggles and laughter.

Ready to embark on a hilarious voyage?

Here are the jokes that’ll have your kids laughing like they’re sailing on a longship:

How does a longship send messages? By sea-mail!
How do longships communicate with each other? They send each other Viking texts!
Why did the Viking take his longship to the barber? Because it needed a good crew-cut!
Why did the viking decorate his longship with flowers? He wanted it to be the “bloom-ing” best!
What did the Viking captain say to the longship crew when they won a race? “We’re on a roll!”
Why did the longship captain bring a parrot on board? To keep an eye on the crow’s nest!
Why did the longship start wearing glasses? It couldn’t sea-rrr properly without them!
What do you get if you cross a longship and a shark? A toothy Viking voyage!
How do Vikings navigate a longship in foggy weather? They use their “fjoggy” vision!
Why was the longship the best mode of transportation for Vikings? Because it was “sail”ing to their needs!
Why did the Viking go to the dentist? Because he had a longship tooth!
How do Vikings keep their longships in good shape? They take them to the Nordic spa for a Viking sauna!
Why did the longship bring a map to the library? It wanted to check out some Viking adventures!
What did the longship say to the pirate ship? A-boat time we had a race!
What’s a Viking’s favorite part of a longship? The oar-acle!
What did the longship say to the pirate ship? “You’re “knot” as fast as me!”
Why did the longship bring a sweater to the battle? Because it heard it was going to be a little draft-y!
Why did the Viking bring his longship to the party? Because he heard there would be plenty of “fjord” drinks!
What do you call a longship that’s asleep? A “snooze-cruise”!
How did the Vikings know their longships were getting old? They started “leaking” information!
How did the Viking decide which longship to buy? They took it for a test sail!
How did the viking longship communicate with other ships? By using Norse code!
Why did the longship visit the library? It wanted to check out some “sea”-rious books!
How do Vikings communicate with each other on their longships? They use Norse code!
What’s a longship’s favorite instrument? The sail-armony!
Why did the longship bring a compass to the party? So it wouldn’t get lost in the sea of people!
How does a longship greet its friends? With a Viking “Ahoy”!
What is a viking’s favorite type of ship? A longship, of course, it’s always “long-lasting”!
What do you call a longship that can’t stop talking? A chatty longboat!
Why was the longship’s crew always happy? Because they always had a “shore” thing to do!
How did the longship feel after a successful voyage? Ship-shape and Viking fashion!
What do you call a Viking’s favorite type of longship? Their “vessel” of choice!
Why are longships so good at telling stories? Because they have many tales to share!
How did the Vikings know their longships were fast? Because they always left a wake of laughter!
Why did the Viking captain paint their longship blue? So it could have a Viking hue!
What did the longship say to the captain? Can I have a little Viking advice?
What do Vikings use to keep their longships clean? A Viking shipshape!
What did the Viking call his longship after it won a battle? A “victory vessel”!
Why did the Viking longship go to school? Because it wanted to be a smart ship!
What do you call a longship that’s always telling tall tales? A ship of exaggerated adventures!
What did the Viking say when he saw his longship sinking? “Oh no, it’s Norse sense!”
Why did the Vikings use longships? Because they didn’t want to be called shortship!
What do you call a Viking ship that can’t stay afloat? A sinking longship!
What did the Viking captain say when his longship got stuck in the mud? “Oh ship!”
How do Vikings communicate on a longship? By “fjord”-able means!
What do you call a longship that sings? A “vocal” vessel!
How do Vikings keep their longships in top shape? They give them a “hull”-some cleaning!
Why did the longship eat its homework? Because it wanted to have a schooner meal!
What do you call a Viking who becomes a sailor? A longshipmate!
Why did the longship take a nap? It was tired of sailing and needed a “fjord” rest!
What do you call a longship that’s always in a hurry? A “speed” Viking!
Why are longships so good at math? Because they can count on their oars!
What do you get when you cross a longship with a pirate? A “boaty” treasure hunter!
Why did the Vikings take their longship to school? Because they heard there would be a lot of “seas” there!
Why did the longship bring a broom to the ocean? It wanted to sweep the sea clean!
Why did the Viking take his longship to the dentist? To get a “fjord” cleaning!
What do you call a longship that can play music? A rockin’ Viking vessel!
What did the captain of the longship say to his crew? “Row, row, row your boat, gently down the fjord!”
How did the Vikings navigate their longships in the dark? With their “sea”-crets!
How do Vikings make phone calls from their longships? They use their “sea-ll phones”!
Why do Vikings take their longships to the gym? To work on their row-muscles!
Why did the longship go to school? It wanted to learn how to “navigate” the high seas!
Why did the longship go to the dentist? It needed a “cap”tain!
What did the longship say when it won the race? “I’m the sail-iest ship of them all!”
Why did the longship go to school? To get smarter sails!
Why did the longship become a chef? Because it loved seafaring cuisine!
How do viking longships send messages? By using the post-horn!
Why did the longship bring a mop to the party? It wanted to make a splash!
What did the viking say to his longship after a successful voyage? “You’re an a-“boat”-solute champion!”
What did the longship say when it won the race? “I’m bow-tiful and I’m sternly fast!”
How do Vikings communicate on a longship? They use “fjord” telepathy!
What did the longship say to the shore? “Don’t worry, I’ll “wave” goodbye before I leave!”
Why did the longship invite its friends to a party? Because it wanted to have a good time with its shipmates!
Why was the longship feeling tired? Because it had been sailing all day and needed a long nap!
Why did the Viking’s longship never sink? Because it had an outstanding balance!
What did the longship say when it won the race? “I “sail”ed to victory!”
Why did the Viking bring a map on the longship? To navigate the Norse way!
What do you call a Viking who only travels on a longship? A seafaring Scandinavian!
Why did the Viking take a longship to school? Because he wanted to make waves in history class!
Why did the Viking take his longship to the library? Because he wanted to check out some “saga” books!
What do you call a longship that can sing? A Viking a-cappella!
Why did the longship love to exercise? It wanted to stay shipshape and seaworthy!
Why did the longship bring a map to the bakery? It wanted to find the best Danish pastries!
Why did the longship captain bring a ladder to the ocean? In case he wanted to climb aboard the clouds!
Why did the longship become a comedian? Because it loved making Viking jokes!
Why did the Vikings bring their longships to the park? Because they wanted to have a sail-ing competition!
What did the longship say to the lighthouse? “I’ve got my own guiding light!”
Why did the Viking take a longship to the gym? To work on their “row”bust muscles!
What do you call a longship that likes to dance? The “salsa-ship”!
Why did the longship become an actor? It loved being in the spotlight on the high seas!
What’s a Viking’s favorite game to play on a longship? Row, row, row your boat!
Why did the viking bring his longship to the library? Because he wanted to “check-out” some new adventures!
What did the Viking say to the longship when it reached the shore? “Oh buoy, we made it!”
How did the Vikings travel on their longships? By Viking waves!
What do you call a longship that likes to play hide-and-seek? A sneaky Viking vessel!
Why did the Viking bring a longship to the movie? Because they heard it had a great “cast”!
What do you call a Viking longship with a cold? A ship that’s all “ahoy-choo!”
Why did the Viking choose a longship instead of a car? Because they wanted to “explore” new horizons!
Why do viking longships never get lost? Because they always Norse where they’re going!
Why did the longship go to the gym? To stay in Viking shape!
Why did the Vikings love longships? Because they could sail the seven seas in style!
Why did the longship have trouble making friends? Because it always sailed away too quickly!
Why did the Vikings have longships? Because they couldn’t fit their dragon pets on regular boats!
How do longships communicate? They use Viking-tary signals!
Why was the longship so good at math? Because it always knew its shipshape angles!
What’s a longship’s favorite holiday? Anchors-giving!
Why did the viking enjoy sailing on a longship? Because it always gave him a “b-ship” experience!
What do you call a longship that can’t stop singing? A Vikinging superstar!
How do you know if a longship is happy? It’s all shipshape and Viking fashion!
What do you call a Viking sailing on a longship? A “row” model!
Why did the longship go to the repair shop? It needed some “oar”iginal fixes!
How do Vikings communicate with their longships? They “sail” them a message in a bottle!
Why did the Viking captain always carry a map on his longship? So he wouldn’t “sea” any trouble ahead!
Why did the longship go to the party? Because it wanted to make some waves!
Why did the longship join the gym? To get “anchor”-ed muscles!
What did the Viking say to his longship when it wouldn’t start? “You need to “oar”ganize yourself better!
How did the longship get its pirate nickname? It made everyone say, ‘Arrrrr-rrrrrr-rrrrrr-rrrrrr!’.
Why did the longship always win races? It had plenty of Viking power!
What did the little Viking say to his longship? “I love you a fjord-able amount!”
Why do Vikings make great longship captains? Because they never get sea-sick, only “sea-awesome”!
How do vikings measure the length of their longships? They use a “ruler” of course!
Why was the longship so good at math? Because it had lots of “hull” numbers!
Why did the longship bring a ladder to the ocean? It wanted to make sure it could climb aboard any wave!
What did the Viking say to his longship when it got a hole? “Don’t worry, we’ll patch it up and sail on!”
What’s a longship’s favorite kind of movie? Anything with “sea”-quel!
Why did the longship have trouble making friends? It was too stern!
What do you call a longship that likes to listen to music? A rock-and-row boat!
What do you call a Viking who loves longship races? Row-mantic!
What do you get if you cross a longship with a bird? A “spar-row” ship!
Why did the longship have a flag? To make sure it didn’t sink without being noticed!
Why did the longship bring a ladder to the party? Because it wanted to make a grand entrance on the “deck”!
Why did the Vikings love their longships so much? Because they were really “ship-shape”!
What do you call a Viking longship made out of cheese? A gouda-ship!
How did the longship apologize to the other boats? It said, “I’m sorry if I made any waves!”
Why was the longship a great storyteller? It had many tales from its voyages to share!
What did the viking say to his longship when it was time to go to bed? “Bed-boat, my trusty vessel!”
Why did the longship bring a ladder to the party? So it could go on a higher adventure!
How do Vikings keep their longships clean? They give them a good “s-cruise”!
Why did the longship’s crew bring a broom to battle? So they could “sweep” their enemies away!
What do you call a longship that tells jokes? A ship of funny puns!
How do longships communicate with each other? By “wave”lengths!
Why did the longship get good grades in school? Because it was always sailing through exams!
Why did the longship go to the gym? Because it wanted to stay in ship-shape!
Why did the Viking bring a ladder on his longship? So he could climb aboard and say, “I’m on the Viking top of the world!”
How did the longship become friends with the submarine? They had a whale of a time exploring the deep sea together!
What do you get when you cross a longship with a dragon? A fire-breathing vessel!
How do Vikings send messages from one longship to another? They use Norse code!
What did the longship captain say when he couldn’t find his crew? “I guess they’ve gone Viking somewhere!”
What did the Viking captain say to the longship crew when they were lost at sea? “Row, row, row your boat, gently down the fjord!”
What did the longship say to the captain? I’m ready to set sail-tastic adventures!
Why did the longship love math? It could always count on its crew!

Longship Jokes for Adults

Who says adults can’t enjoy a hearty longship joke?

Longship jokes for adults kick up the humor a notch, merging sophisticated wit with a hint of playfulness.

Just like the smooth sail of a Viking longship, these jokes blend components of humor, intellect, and a sprinkle of mischief for a laugh that is unforgettable.

These jokes are the perfect ice breakers for social gatherings, historical meetups, or simply to lighten the mood during a serious discussion among friends.

So, brace yourselves for a voyage into humor with these longship jokes that are perfectly crafted for adults:

How do longships stay fit? They engage in Viking workouts called “rowbics”!
What did the Viking say to his longship after a successful raid? “Great job, you really nailed it!”
Why did the Viking longship never sink? It had a great Norse!
Why did the Viking wear a helmet on the longship? To protect his Viking knowledge from being “raided” by other sailors!
What did the Viking say when he couldn’t find his longship? “I must have misplaced my Norse vessel!”
What did the longship say when it won the race? “I’m on a roll, pillaging and sailing the high seas!”
Why did the longship’s crew throw a party? They wanted to raise the Viking spirit!
How did the longship know it was in love? It couldn’t stop Viking about its crush!
How did the longship comedian get the crowd laughing? By unleashing a boat-load of Viking puns!
What did the longship say to the rowboat? “You’re oar-some, but I’ve got a Viking spirit!”
Why did the Viking captain bring his longship to the party? He wanted to make a grand entrance and be the ship talk of the town!
What do you call a longship with a cold? A Viking vessel with a runny nose!
Why did the Viking longship always have a good time at parties? It always brought the best “ale” on board!
What did the longship say to the sailboat? “You’re a little boat-y compared to me!”
Why did the longship captain become a baker? He kneaded dough for a living, but he missed the rise and fall of the waves!
What did the longship captain say to his crew when they were feeling seasick? “Don’t worry, it’s just a little “wave” of nausea!”
Why did the longship start doing yoga? It wanted to improve its “boaty” flexibility!
Why did the Viking captain always bring his longship to parties? Because it always made a splash!
Why did the longship decide to start a band? Because it had a fantastic Viking drummer on board, who could really rock the ship!
How did the longship make friends with the dolphins? It offered them free “fin” rides!
Why did the Viking captain start a band with his longship crew? They wanted to rock the “sea” notes!
What do you call a Viking who loves his longship more than anything else? A boaty call!
Why did the Viking refuse to ride the longship? He couldn’t find a parking spot for his helmet!
What’s a Viking’s favorite type of longship? The kind that’s fully equipped with a “sea-rena”!
Why did the Viking longship become a pirate? Because it wanted to “row” with the baddest crew on the high seas!
Why did the longship’s navigation system malfunction? It got seasick and lost its bearings!
Why did the longship refuse to go to the party? It didn’t want to embark on a social voyage!
What did the longship say to the iceberg? “You may be cool, but I’m a Viking ship, so I’m way cooler!”
Why did the longship captain bring his cat on board? To catch all the sea-mice, of course!
What did the Viking longship say to the ocean? “I’ve got my own wave, I don’t need yours!”
Why did the longship refuse to share its treasure? It was too possessive and didn’t like to split the pillage!
Why did the longship captain get a promotion? Because he always stayed afloat with his ship management skills!
What did the Viking longship say when it got tired of sailing? “I’m ‘fjord’ of this, I’m taking a break!”
What did the Viking sailor say to his longship after a successful raid? “Row, row, row your boat!”
Why was the longship captain always calm during storms? He knew how to keep his ship steady and Viking!
Why did the longship join a band? It wanted to show off its impressive “sea”-tar skills!
Why did the Viking refuse to clean his longship? He said, “I don’t want to be board!”
Why did the longship captain get a pet parrot? He wanted a first mate who could squawk like a pro!
What did the Viking say when he accidentally crashed his longship into a rock? “Oh ship!”
Why did the longship crew decide to become comedians? They wanted to sail through life with a laugh!
Why did the Vikings always have a good time on their longships? Because they knew how to “sail” a good party!
Why did the longship enroll in cooking classes? It wanted to learn how to make killer Swedish meatballs!
What do you call a longship that always tells tall tales? A Viking fibber!
Why did the longship’s crew start a band? Because they wanted to rock the boat and make some Nordic noise!
Why did the longship decide to become a detective? It was tired of being a pirate’s booty carrier and wanted to solve Viking mysteries!
What do you call a longship that needs a vacation? A sailboat!
Why did the Vikings love their longships so much? Because they could always go with the floe!
Why did the longship refuse to participate in the talent show? It didn’t want to show off its Viking moves!
Why did the longship start a band? It wanted to rock the seas with its heavy metal music!
Why did the longship apply for a job at the post office? It wanted to be the fastest ship-mail delivery service!
Why did the Viking longship refuse to go to the party? It had too many oars!
Why did the longship start a band? Because it had great Viking rhythm!
Why did the longship blush? It saw the other boats rocking a stylish Viking hat!
Why did the longship bring a ladder to battle? To reach the higher Viking-ground!
Why did the longship start a diet? It wanted to have a trim sail line!
Why was the longship always late? It kept getting caught in a time-warp!
What did the longship captain say to his crew when they got lost? “Don’t worry, we’re just sailing in the wrong fjord!”
Why did the longship go to therapy? It had an oar-ful lot of emotional baggage!
What’s a longship’s favorite movie genre? Shipwreck-ommendations!
What do you call a Viking ship that’s constantly complaining? A whine-and-ship!
Why did the longship start a rock band? It wanted to be known as the Ship of Vikings!
Why did the Viking captain love his longship so much? It was his sail-mate and his best Norse friend!
What did the longship say to the pirate ship? “I’m long gone before you know it!”
Why did the longship bring an alarm clock to battle? It wanted to wake up the enemy!
How do Vikings stay entertained on their longships? They play “sea”-riously intense games of cards!
Why did the longship crew bring duct tape on their voyage? To patch up any Viking holes!
How did the longship crew feel when they reached their destination? Ship-shape and Viking fashion!
Why did the Viking lose his job as a longship captain? He was always getting “board” with the route!
Why did the Viking always win the longship race? He had a lot of Norse power!
Why did the longship hire a personal trainer? It wanted to be ship-shape and ready for battle!
Why did the longship go to therapy? It had separation anxiety and couldn’t handle being away from the open sea!
Why don’t longships make good comedians? Their humor tends to be Viking-ent!
What did the longship say to the stormy sea? “Bring it on, I’ve got the power of Vikings!”
How did the longship keep its crew entertained during long voyages? They played “Row, row, row your boat” on repeat!
Why did the longship captain fail as a stand-up comedian? His jokes were always too sail-y!
Why did the Viking always bring his axe on the longship? In case he needed to chop down some sea monsters!
Why did the longship crew love to dance? Because they could really rock the boat!
What do you call a longship that likes to tell jokes? A pun-derful vessel!
What did the Viking say to his longship after it won the race? “You’ve really sailed it out of the park!”
How did the Vikings keep their longships so clean? They used Norse soap and Viking sponges!
What’s the secret to a successful longship voyage? Making sure the crew “sails” together!
Why did the longship hire a lawyer? It was involved in a hull lawsuit!
Why did the Viking take his longship to the chiropractor? It had a bad case of oar-some back pain!
What did the longship say when it hit an iceberg? “I’m Norse-ing through the water!”
Why did the longship start a band? It wanted to sail the high C’s!
What did the longship say to the ocean? “I’m the “master” of these waters, bow down to me!”
Why do Vikings love longships? Because they’re always “on board” for an adventure!
What do you call a longship that’s been transformed into a hotel? A Viking “cruise” ship!
Why did the longship’s sail file a complaint? It felt it was being “mast”reated!
What did the longship say to the small boat? I’m a Viking, you’re just a rower!
Why did the Viking chef love cooking on a longship? He could always whip up a sea-food feast!
Why did the longship refuse to go on vacation? It couldn’t find any Norse hotels!
Why did the longship invite the mermaid to join the crew? They needed a good sea-siren!
Why did the longship crew start a seaweed farm? They wanted to make sure they always had something to kelp them afloat!
Why did the viking chef bring a longship to the kitchen? He wanted to make some Viking stew!
What did the Viking say when his longship got stuck in the shallow water? “Well, this is ‘fjord’-able!”
What did the longship do when it got tired? It took a Viking nap!
Why did the Viking refuse to sail on the longship during winter? It was too “ship-faced” to handle the icy waters!
What did the longship say to the pirate ship? “I’m a real Norse, you’re just an arrr-mchair sailor!”
What do you call a Viking who can’t steer his longship properly? A Norse navigator!
Why did the longship crew start a bakery? They wanted to make some serious dough!
What did the longship say to the iceberg? “I’m breaking the ice, I’m long and ship-shaped!”
Why did the Viking captain have a hard time keeping his longship clean? Because his crew always left their “ship” around!
What did the longship say to the other boats in the harbor? “I’m the biggest ship here, so bow down to me!”
Why was the longship always on time? It had a Viking ship-clock!
What do you call a longship that is afraid of water? A ship-shy!
Why did the longship captain bring his pet parrot on board? To “polly”te the ship!
What did the longship captain say to his crew when they were lost at sea? “Don’t worry, we’ll just have to navigate by Norse!”
Why did the longship crew bring their own music on voyages? They didn’t want to get bored and go overboard!
How did the Viking captain improve his longship’s performance? He gave it a “buoy” job!
Why did the longship crew love their job so much? Because they got to be Vikings and set sail on epic adventures!
Why did the longship get a speeding ticket? It was caught “sailing” over the speed limit!
Why did the Viking captain name his longship “Facebook”? Because he wanted it to have a lot of likes and shares!
What do you call a group of Vikings sailing on a longship? A row-mance!
What’s a Viking’s favorite TV show? “Longship Shore” – it’s all about sailing and drama on the high seas!
What did the sailor say when his longship got stuck in a storm? “This is just a ship-storm of bad luck!”
Why did the longship take a cooking class? It wanted to learn how to make “seafaring” dishes!
Why did the longship captain hire a comedian as part of his crew? To keep the oars entertained during long voyages!
Why did the longship’s captain become a comedian? Because he knew how to “sea” the funny side of things!
Why did the Viking go to the chiropractor? His longship gave him a bad back!
What did the longship captain say when he realized they forgot the sails? “We’re all in the same boat now!”
What do you call a Viking ship that’s been to the gym? A strongship!
Why do Vikings prefer longships over regular boats? They like to make a grand entrance with their long-ship horns!
Why did the longship’s captain enroll in a cooking class? He wanted to master the art of seafaring cuisine!
Why did the longship captain bring a ladder on board? In case they wanted to reach the Viking high seas!
What did the sailor say when he saw his longship sinking? “Oh ship, here we go again!”
What do you call a longship with a broken rudder? A boat in “dire” straits!
What did the longship sailor say to his crewmates? “I’m not only a Viking but also a viking-torious sailor!”
How do Vikings navigate their longships? They use a “sea”ing eye dog!
Why did the Viking captain bring his longship to the party? He heard it was going to be a “row”-mantic affair!
Why did the longship join a gym? It wanted to row its way to a Viking six-pack!
How did the longship react when it won the lottery? It exclaimed, “I’m going to buy a Viking yacht!”
How do longships apologize after a collision? They send a Viking gift basket!
Why did the Viking refuse to play cards on the longship? He was afraid of dealing with the high seas!
Why was the longship captain terrible at telling jokes? Because his punchlines always sailed right past everyone!
What did the longship say to the stormy sea? “You can’t sink me, I’m built with Viking durability!”
What did the longship captain say to his crew when they got lost? “We’re just taking the scenic Viking route!”
What did the longship captain say to the crew when they discovered an iceberg? “No worries, we’ve got an ice breaker!”
Why did the Viking longship hire a musician? It needed someone to help “drum” up some excitement!
How do vikings communicate on a longship? They send each other Norse code messages!
Why did the longship’s crew always carry a compass? Because they didn’t want to lose their Nord-ings!
What did the longship say to the pirate ship? “I’ve got a bone to pick with you, matey!”
Why did the Viking bring a ladder on his longship? He wanted to reach new heights in raiding and pillaging!
What do you call a longship that’s always late? A procrastina-Viking!
Why did the Viking captain take his longship to the dentist? He heard he had a cavity in his molar longship!
Why did the longship’s crew always eat lunch at exactly 12 o’clock? They couldn’t resist having a “midday feast”!
Why did the viking go on a diet? He wanted to fit into his longship!
What did the Viking say when the longship got stuck on a sandbar? “Well, that ship has sailed!”
Why did the Viking write a book about his longship? Because he wanted to “publish” his voyage memoirs!
Why did the Viking captain take his longship to the gym? He wanted to row some Viking biceps!
Why did the Vikings prefer using longships for transportation? Because they wanted to sail in style and show off their impressive seafaring skills!
Why did the longship refuse to pay for repairs? It claimed it had “hull” insurance!
Why did the Viking always take his longship to the car mechanic? Because it had a Norse problem!
What do you call a longship that sings country music? A yee-har!
Why did the longship turn down the job offer? It wanted to sail instead!
What did the longship sailor say when he saw a pod of dolphins? “Look, Norse whales with fins!”
Why did the Viking captain love his longship? Because it always stayed afloat, even when it was under a lot of pressure!
What did the longship say to the river? “I’m going to sail all over you!”
What did the longship captain say to his crew when they were lost? “Fear not, we’re just exploring new waters!”
Why was the longship’s cook always popular with the crew? He made the best sea-food dishes on board!
What do you call a Viking longship full of cats? A fur-ocious fleet!
Why did the Viking captain bring his longship to the comedy club? He wanted to share some ship-loads of laughter!
What did the longship say to the stormy sea? “I’m all a-boat your waves!”
What did the longship captain say to the sailor who was always complaining? “Stop whining, or I’ll throw you overboard!”
Why did the longship crew feel like they were always on vacation? Because they sailed to new lands and had Viking adventures!
What do you call a Viking longship that’s lost at sea? A shipwreck-storation project!
Why was the longship always late for battle? It had a “sailing” problem!
Why did the longship never get seasick? It had a Viking stomach of steel!
Why did the longship captain join a comedy club? He wanted to become a “prow”fessional comedian!
Why was the longship in such good shape? Because it always had a Viking maintenance crew on board!
Why did the Viking captain decide to become a comedian? He heard it was a great way to “sea” laughs on his longship!
Why did the longship refuse to play cards with the other ships? It didn’t want to get caught up in a game of sea-rummy!
Why did the longship captain have trouble finding a date? He always set sail in the friend zone!
What do you call a Viking longship that’s having a bad hair day? A tangleNord!
Why did the longship become an entrepreneur? It wanted to sail into the business of success!
Why did the longship bring a ladder on its voyage? It wanted to reach new Viking heights!
Why did the Viking captain always bring his parrot on the longship? Because it was good at squawking and rowing!
Why did the longship captain decide to become a stand-up comedian? Because he had a great sense of Norse humor!
What did the longship captain say when he won a marathon? “I’m a Viking legend of the longship-athon!”
How did the longship captain respond when his crew asked for a raise? He said, “I’ll give you one, but don’t expect it to be very “pro-moot”!”
What’s a pirate’s favorite type of longship? One with a treasure chest!
What do you call a Viking who only builds longships during his coffee break? A java-rowist!
Why did the longship become a singer? It wanted to join a Viking band!
What’s a longship’s favorite type of music? Nordic rock and roll!
Why did the longship crew always bring extra oars? Just in case they needed to paddle their way out of trouble!
What did the longship captain say to his crew when they asked about the ship’s speed? “We’re not just fast, we’re Scandinavian-fast!”
Why did the longship captain always win at poker? He had a great poker “fjord” face!
What did the longship captain say when asked about his favorite type of music? “Sea Shanties, of course!”
What did the longship say when it bumped into a rock? “Sorry, I didn’t see you fjording there!”
Why did the longship captain always carry a map? Because he didn’t want to get Nord-ish and go in the wrong direction!
Why did the Viking captain start a longship rental business? He wanted to make some “oar”some profits!
What do you call a Viking longship that won’t stop talking? A blabberNord!
Why did the Viking longship become a stand-up comedian? It loved to “row”-tate through the crowd and make people laugh!
Why did the longship go to the cinema? It wanted to watch “The Fast and the Furious: Viking Edition!”
What did the captain of the Viking longship say when his crew couldn’t find any land? “Don’t worry, we’ll just keep sailing ‘fjord’!”
Why did the longship captain bring his pet parrot on board? Because he wanted a shipmate who could always find the mast!
What did the Viking say when his longship got upgraded with a spa? “Now I can enjoy a relaxing soak and be ship-shape at the same time!”
Why did the longship prefer sailing in the evening? Because it didn’t want to be caught in rush oar!
What did the longship say to the pirate ship? “Aye, aye, matey, let’s sail the high seas together!”
Why did the longship crew make excellent poker players? They were always ready to raise the Viking stakes!

Longship Joke Generator

Steering the ship of humor to the right direction can sometimes feel like a real sail-ache.

(See what I did there?)

That’s where our FREE Longship Joke Generator sails in to save the day.

Designed to merge clever puns, nautical humor, and playful phrases, it creates jokes that are guaranteed to navigate laughter.

Don’t let your humor sink under the sea.

Use our joke generator to craft jokes that are as smooth and entertaining as your longship voyage.

FAQs About Longship Jokes

Why are longship jokes so popular?

Longship jokes are a unique niche of humor that cater to history buffs, sailing enthusiasts, and those with a love for Norse culture.

The blend of historical references and sailing lingo makes these jokes both entertaining and educational.

Can longship jokes help in social situations?

Definitely!

Telling a longship joke can be a fun way to break the ice, especially among those who appreciate history or sailing.

They can also add a humorous twist to conversations about Vikings, exploration, or even boat building.

How can I come up with my own longship jokes?

Start by understanding the basics about longships—their structure, use, and significance in Norse culture.
Think about typical scenarios involving longships—sea voyages, Viking raids, or even boat construction.
Consider the language and terminology related to longships and sailing. There’s potential for puns and wordplay.
Try to incorporate elements of surprise or absurdity. Remember, the funniest jokes often subvert expectations.
Experiment with historical references. A good knowledge of Viking history can add depth to your jokes.

Are there any tips for remembering longship jokes?

Try to associate longship jokes with relevant situations or contexts, such as a history class, a trip to a museum, or even a boat race.

This can help make the jokes more memorable.

How can I make my longship jokes better?

The key to improving any joke is practice and feedback.

Try out your longship jokes on different audiences and see what gets the best reaction.

Also, don’t be afraid to revise and refine your jokes based on feedback.

How does the Longship Joke Generator work?

Our Longship Joke Generator can help you craft funny and engaging longship jokes.

Simply enter keywords related to your desired theme or context and hit the Generate Jokes button.

In no time at all, you’ll have a selection of hilarious longship jokes to choose from.

Is the Longship Joke Generator free?

Yes, the Longship Joke Generator is completely free to use!

Feel free to generate as many jokes as you want and add a dash of historical humor to your conversations.

Conclusion

Longship jokes are a thrilling way to inject some excitement into daily dialogues, making life a bit more enjoyable with each hearty laugh.

From the swift and clever to the long and side-splitting, there’s a longship joke for every occasion.

So next time you’re sailing into a conversation, remember, there’s humor to be found in every sail, mast, and deck.

Keep spreading the laughs, and let the good times sail and row.

Because after all, a day without laughter is like a day without longships—unimaginable and, frankly, a bit less adventurous.

Happy joking, everyone!

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