742 Neanderthal Jokes to Spark Laughter in Archaeologists

If you’re here, it means you’re ready to dig into the world of Neanderthal jokes.

Not just any jokes, but the most primeval puns.

That’s why we’ve gathered a list of the most uproarious Neanderthal jokes.

From prehistoric punchlines to comedic cave paintings, our compilation has a joke for every epoch of life.

So, let’s delve into the ancient humor of Neanderthal hilarity, one joke at a time.

Neanderthal Jokes

Neanderthal jokes are a humorous way to poke fun at our ancient relatives and their prehistoric lifestyle.

They’re not just about the cavemen themselves, but about the contrast between their primitive world and our modern, technology-filled lives.

From their notorious lack of sophistication to their iconic grunting language, Neanderthals provide a rich source of comedy.

Creating the perfect Neanderthal joke involves playing around with stereotypes, imagining funny scenarios in a world without technology, and highlighting the ironies of evolution.

Ready to step back in time?

Get ready to chuckle like it’s 40,000 BC with these Neanderthal jokes:

• Why did the Neanderthal start a rock band? Because he had a huge “Neanderthalent” for music!
• How do you make a Neanderthal laugh? Just tell them a stone-age joke!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play cards? He always got confused between clubs and cavemen!
• Why did the Neanderthal wear a loincloth? Because he didn’t want to look Neandernaked!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found a prehistoric joke book? “This is so old, it’s practically written in stone!”
• How did the Neanderthal feel about technology? He thought it was just a bunch of “stone” age nonsense!
• Why did the Neanderthal start a landscaping business? Because he was tired of being called a Neander-fall!
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever go to comedy shows? They’re tired of hearing stone-age jokes.
• What did the Neanderthal say when he was asked if he had a date for the weekend? “Yeah, February 17, 40,000 BC.”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he finally discovered fire? “Hot diggity dino!”
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever tell secrets? Because they always cave in!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play cards with the modern humans? He always ended up with a full set of clubs!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a pillow to the dinosaur exhibit? To take a Neander-nap-saur!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the archaeologist? “Stop digging up my past!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to eat the mammoth? It was too paleolithic for his taste!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a club? He wanted to be prepared for any “rocks” thrown his way!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play hide and seek? Because they never knew where to draw the line!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to wear a watch? He always said, “Time is relative, but I’m not!”
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a car to the beach? Because he wanted to make a Neanderthal parking lot!
• Why did the Neanderthal become a musician? Because he was tired of being a stone-age rockstar!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found out his friend was dating a Homo sapien? “You’re dating outside the cave? Unbelievable!”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he couldn’t find his spear? “I really need to get things sharp!”
• Why did the Neanderthal fail his math test? He couldn’t count past “one rock, two rock, three rock…”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to eat the mammoth? He thought it was too hairy to digest!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his pet dinosaur? “Sit, boy. Sit! Good T-Rex!”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw a modern human? “You must be a distant relative, because you’re so good-looking!”
• How did the Neanderthal invent the wheel? He reinvented it… 50 times.
• Why did the Neanderthal wear a watch? Because he wanted to make sure he wasn’t running late for the Ice Age!
• How did the Neanderthal fix their broken spear? With prehistoric duct tape, of course!
• How did the Neanderthal become an artist? He was tired of only drawing blank stares!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can’t make up his mind? Indecaveman!
• How did the Neanderthal send messages? By fossil phone!
• How did the Neanderthal start a fire? He went on a match.com date.
• How did the Neanderthal fix his broken spear? He used a little bit of caveman-ity!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a ladder to the party? Because he wanted to look down on everyone else!
• Why did the Neanderthal start a landscaping business? He had a knack for making things look prehistoric!
• How did the Neanderthal chef discover fire? He tried to cook a frozen dinner and ended up with a barbecue!
• Why did the Neanderthal become a fashion designer? He loved creating “prehistoric” trends!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend who was always late? “You need to be more Neander-punctual!”
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever tell secrets? Because they can’t keep their cave mouths shut!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend who always made bad jokes? “You need to work on your Nean-der-talents!”
• Why did the Neanderthal always bring a map to the grocery store? He couldn’t find the Neanderthal section.
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever go swimming? They can’t find a bathing suit that fits their fur!
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the library? He was trying to bring back a book that was “overdue” by 10,000 years!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the therapist? He had a lot of unresolved issues… from the Ice Age.
• How did the Neanderthal ask his girlfriend to marry him? He gave her a rockin’ engagement ring!
• Why did the Neanderthal take a nap in the fireplace? He wanted to sleep like a log!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a spoon to the hunting party? He heard they were going to catch a soup!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw a woolly mammoth? “I’d better brush up on my hair care routine!”
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a ladder to the cave? To reach the high notes while singing “Neanderthal-ujah.”
• Why did the Neanderthal always feel lonely? Because he couldn’t find a date in his carbon dating range!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can’t remember things? A fossil with memory loss!
• Why did the Neanderthal take his clothes off before entering the cave? Because he didn’t want to make a Neanderfall!
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever go on blind dates? Because they can’t handle the pressure of being set up!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a laptop to the cave? He wanted to update his “Facebook” status!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found a mammoth in his backyard? “I guess I’ll just have to move!”
• What do you call a Neanderthal with a bad sense of direction? A lost cause!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a club? In case he ran into some “rocking” problems!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he got a job at the bakery? “I can finally bring home the bread!”
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the art gallery? He heard they had some amazing cave paintings on display!
• What do you call a Neanderthal that can play a musical instrument? A rock star!
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever go hungry? Because they always have plenty of dinosours!
• Why did the Neanderthal open a bakery? Because he kneaded a change in his diet!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the caveman? “Do you even lift, bro?”
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the zoo? He kept telling the gorillas that they were his ancestors.
• What did the Neanderthal say to his neighbor? “Can I borrow a cup of fire?”
• Why did the Neanderthal go to school? To brush up on his “prehistoric” knowledge!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the therapist? He had a Stone Age midlife crisis!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a gym bag to the office? Because he heard it was a good way to work on his “cavemen”tality!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a ladder? In case he wanted to climb the evolutionary ladder again!
• Why did the Neanderthal wear a suit to the party? He wanted to make a good first impression in his Neanderth-best!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw a funny cave drawing? “That’s a real cave-in joke!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to go to the art museum? He said, “I don’t understand all this ‘prehistoric’ artwork!”
• How do you know if a Neanderthal has been using your computer? The internet history is full of “rock” puns!
• How did the Neanderthal fix his car? With a club and a lot of grunting!
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the library? He couldn’t stop grunting in the silent section.
• What do you call a Neanderthal who loves disco music? A cave dancer!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the modern human? “I think we’re going to need a bigger gene pool!”
• How did the Neanderthal break up with his girlfriend? He said, “You belong in the Stone Age, and I’m more evolved.”
• What do you call a Neanderthal who solves mysteries? Sherlock Hominid.
• Why did the Neanderthal become an artist? He wanted to draw attention to himself!
• Why was the Neanderthal upset at the museum? He thought the exhibits were too “prehistoric”!
• How did Neanderthals send mail? By using a “mailstone”!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the dentist? To get his teeth checked for fossils!
• Why did the Neanderthal become a musician? Because he had a great sense of rhythm, even if he was a little caveman-ish!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who is a great artist? Pablo Picasso-Neanderthal.
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a map? They didn’t want to get lost in the Stone Age!
• How did the Neanderthal find his way home? He followed the “Homo Erectus” signs!
• Why did the Neanderthal get a job as a baker? He kneaded the dough… with his hands.
• Why did the Neanderthal start a rock band? Because he wanted to be a fossil pop star.
• Why was the Neanderthal always cold? He refused to wear a Neandertall coat!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play cards with the Homo sapiens? He thought they were all bluffing with their “intelligence”!
• Why did the Neanderthal never get a girlfriend? He couldn’t understand why Homo sapiens were so “homo-sapiens-tual.”
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can’t play poker? Bluffalo!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to art school? They wanted to brush up on their cave painting skills!
• Why did the Neanderthal start a landscaping business? He wanted to pave the way for the future!
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever invest in the stock market? They don’t like the idea of trading in stonks!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he won the lottery? “I’m going to trade in my club for a mansion!”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he invented the wheel? It’s a real game-changer, stone-age style!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his pet dinosaur? “I love you from my head to-mammoths!”
• Why did the Neanderthal become a chef? He wanted to master the art of “meat and greet”!
• How did the Neanderthal start his mornings? With a big bowl of Pebbles cereal!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to wear a watch? He said, “I can always tell when it’s time for a nap!”
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever go on vacation? They don’t like getting stuck between a rock and a hard place.
• What did one Neanderthal say to the other when they found a fossil? “I bet they didn’t see that coming!”
• What did the Neanderthal say after inventing the wheel? “That’s how I roll!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to join the circus? He didn’t want to be boxed into a stereotype!
• How did the Neanderthal ask someone to marry them? They would say, “Will you be my prehistoric partner?”
• How did the Neanderthal hurt his finger? He was trying to put the alphabet in alphabetical order!
• Why did the Neanderthal start a baking business? Because he heard he could make a lot of dough!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw a mirror? “Wow, that guy looks just like me!”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found out his friend was dating a Homo sapiens? “She’s way out of your era!”
• How did the Neanderthal become the life of the party? He always brought the club!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the modern human? “Me like you, but you no caveman good!”
• Why did the Neanderthal start using a smartphone? He heard it was a great way to stay in touch with his Paleolithic friends.
• What did the Neanderthal say when asked if they wanted dessert? “I’ll have a Stone Age cone, please!”
• What did one Neanderthal say to the other when they were running late? “We’re going to miss the dinosaur race!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to go on a blind date? He didn’t want to be accused of being Neander-shallow.
• Why did the Neanderthal go to therapy? Because he had some unresolved fossils!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who is a computer genius? A Neandertech.
• How did the Neanderthal win the argument? He always had a club up his sleeve.
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the zoo? He tried to steal the dinosaur exhibit.
• What do you call a Neanderthal who lost all his tools? An archaeologist’s dream.
• Why did the Neanderthal get a job at the bakery? He wanted to make some prehistoric dough!
• What do you call a Neanderthal with one brain cell? Gifted!
• Why did the Neanderthal become an archaeologist? He was tired of living in the past and wanted to dig it up instead.
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can fix anything? A “handy-man” of the stone age!
• Why did the Neanderthal get a promotion? Because he was outstanding in his field… literally!
• Why did the Neanderthal always bring a flashlight to the cave? He didn’t want to stub his toe on any prehistoric furniture!
• Why did the Neanderthal join a gym? He wanted to get in touch with his primal fitness!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who lost his car? Prehistoric UBER driver!
• What did the Neanderthal call his favorite rock? His “boulder” buddy!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he invented the wheel? “It’s time to roll into the future!”
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the dentist? He had a floss of cavemen-teeth.
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a pencil and paper? In case he had to draw a conclusion!
• How did the Neanderthal get a date? He took her to a cave painting exhibit, it was very Neander-thralling!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a flashlight to bed? To see if his dreams were cave paintings!
• How did the Neanderthal make a phone call? He used two cans and a really long string!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can predict the weather? A meteorolo-grrrrrrist!
• How did the Neanderthal know his wife was cheating on him? He found another guy’s club in the cave!
• How did the Neanderthal feel when he invented the wheel? Like he was rolling in his cave.

 

Short Neanderthal Jokes

Short Neanderthal jokes are like discovering a perfectly preserved fossil—unexpected, intriguing and sure to put a smile on your face.

These jokes are perfect for quick text messages, social media posts, or for lightening the mood during a history discussion.

The charm of short Neanderthal jokes lies in their ability to blend ancient history with modern humor, sparking laughter in just a few words.

And now, let’s time travel back to the Paleolithic era!

Here are short Neanderthal jokes that deliver a hearty laugh in just a few words.

• What do you call a Neanderthal who’s good at math? Count Rockula!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who is always on time? Punctual-saurus!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the caveman? Nothing, they’re extinct!
• How did the Neanderthal fix his computer? With a lot of Neander-FAILs!
• How did the Neanderthal fix his broken computer? With a stone-age reboot!
• What’s a Neanderthal’s favorite social media platform? Insta-grunt!
• How do Neanderthals like their coffee? With plenty of “cave-in-a-moo!”
• How did the Neanderthal ask for a drink? “Grog, please!”
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can’t drive? Wheel-y challenged!
• Why did the Neanderthal become a chef? He loved to meat people!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he got a job? Ooga booga!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who loves to party? A caveman-go!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he won an argument? I rock!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the therapist? He had stone-age anxiety!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he received a gift? It’s caveman-tastic!
• How did the Neanderthal start a fire? By rubbing two dinosaurs together!
• How did the Neanderthal communicate? With pre-historic emojis, of course!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can’t swim? Neanderthal in distress!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a club? For a good knocker.
• Why did the Neanderthal get a time-out? He couldn’t stop flintching!
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever get lost? They always follow their “Gneiss” instincts!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can sing? A “Cro-Magnon-tastic” performer!
• Why did the Neanderthal join a gym? To get ripped… literally!
• What’s a Neanderthal’s favorite sport? Rock climbing!
• How did the Neanderthal feel when he discovered fire? He was lit!
• What do you call a Neanderthal with a cold? A paleontologist!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to college? To get a Prehistoric degree!
• Why don’t Neanderthals make good comedians? Their humor is too prehistoric!
• What do you call a fashionable Neanderthal? A prehistoric trendsetter!
• How do you recognize a fashionable Neanderthal? They wear Cro-Magnificent outfits!
• How did the Neanderthal solve math problems? He carried a count-abacus!
• What do you call a Neanderthal with a shovel? A Homo erectus!
• How did the Neanderthal react to losing a fight? He got clubbed!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can’t stop laughing? A giggle-a-tar!
• Why don’t Neanderthals make good chefs? They can’t handle the heat!
• Why don’t Neanderthals use cell phones? They’re extinctinct!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the mathematician? “I’m not square!”
• How do Neanderthals navigate the jungle? They use a dino-GPS!
• How did the Neanderthal get a date? He used carbon dating!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to share his lunch? He was caveman-gry!
• How do Neanderthals like their steak? Paleolithic!

 

Neanderthal Jokes One-Liners

Neanderthal one-liner jokes are the perfect blend of prehistoric humor and modern wit wrapped into a single sentence.

They’re the verbal equivalent of discovering an ancient fossil in perfect condition – surprising, intriguing, and undeniably amusing.

Crafting a good Neanderthal one-liner requires a sense of humor that’s as timeless as the Neanderthals themselves, coupled with a sharp wit and a knack for comedic timing.

The challenge is to embed the setup and punchline into one succinct phrase, delivering a powerful comedic punch with a mere handful of words.

Here’s to hoping these Neanderthal one-liners unearth a hearty laugh from the depths of your diaphragm:

• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play cards with the Homo sapiens? He always ended up with a Neanderthal hand!
• Why did the Neanderthal go on a diet? He wanted to look Neander-thincredible in his loincloth.
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw a refrigerator? “Wow, a cold storage cave!”
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the comedy club? He heard they were doing a “knock-knock” joke.
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw a modern smartphone? “Is that a cave painting with a glow?”
• How did the Neanderthal propose to his cavegirlfriend? “Let’s make our love last through the Stone Age!”
• Why did the Neanderthal start a bakery? Because he couldn’t resist making caveman rolls!
• What do you get when you cross a Neanderthal with a vampire? A caveman who loves to bite the necks of dinosaurs!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend after a successful hunt? “You totally roc(k) that mammoth!”
• I asked a Neanderthal to borrow his club, but he said he couldn’t lend a hand.
• I’m not saying I’m a Neanderthal, but my dance moves haven’t evolved much since the Ice Age.
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a bone to the music concert? He wanted to rock ‘n’ roll!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the comedy club? He wanted to laugh his Neander-thal off!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend after a successful hunting trip? “We really knocked ’em stone-age!”
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a ladder to the bar? Because he wanted to reach a higher level of intoxication.
• What did the Neanderthal call his new invention? The wheel. It was a real Neander-thriller.
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend who always stole his lunch? “Stop taking me for granite!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to go to the barber? He didn’t want anyone messing with his Stone Age style!
• What do you call a Neanderthal with a car? A “wheel-y” cool dude.
• Why did the Neanderthal become a stand-up comedian? He had a knack for delivering “stone-cold” jokes.
• Why did the Neanderthal start a bakery? He wanted to make some Neanderthal bread and butter!
• Did you hear about the Neanderthal who opened a bakery? His specialty was stone-cold buns!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found out he was related to a caveman? “Well, that explains a lot!”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he was asked to join the modern world? “I’m not sure, I’ll have to think it over…”
• Why did the Neanderthal become a chef? He was tired of eating raw meat and wanted to try a more “prehistoric” cuisine.
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the library? Because he couldn’t understand the Dewey Decimal System!
• If Neanderthals had access to social media, their profiles would have definitely included the hashtag #RockSolidStyle.
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to go bowling? He was afraid of getting stuck in the Stone Age!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to eat the tasty berries? He found them a bit too “stone-agey.”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he was asked if he wanted fries with his meal? “No, I’ll have a side of mammoth, please!”
• Why did the Neanderthal build a time machine? He wanted to go back to the Stone Age to see if he left the oven on.
• I asked a Neanderthal if he wanted to play hide and seek, but he said, “I’m already hiding from evolution.”
• How did the Neanderthal catch fish? He went for a swim and grabbed the ones that didn’t swim away!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play hide-and-seek? He thought the whole concept was too Paleolithic!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a club? He believed in the saying, “If all else fails, hit it with a big stick.”
• Why did the Neanderthal wear a fur coat to the beach? He wanted to avoid any Neander-chilling moments.
• What did the Neanderthal do when he found a club that was too heavy? He started working out at the “Paleo-liftics” gym!
• What’s a Neanderthal’s favorite drink? Primitive-colas.
• Why was the Neanderthal so good at baseball? He always knew how to hit it out of the cave!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play hide and seek? He didn’t want to be labeled as “prehistoric” at hiding.
• Did you hear about the Neanderthal who opened a bakery? He specialized in “prehistoric loaves”!
• Why did the Neanderthal break up with his girlfriend? She told him he had a caveman-ner.
• I tried to impress a Neanderthal with my knowledge of history, but he said, “That’s too modern for me.”
• What do you call a Neanderthal with an excellent sense of humor? A pun-dertal!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a map? So he wouldn’t get “cave”-lost.
• Why did the Neanderthal always bring a spear to parties? He liked to make an entrance.
• Why did the Neanderthal go on a diet? He heard it was a great way to make his waistline paleo-thin.
• Why don’t Neanderthals use email? They prefer to communicate in grunts and cave paintings!
• What do you call a Neanderthal that can juggle? A caveman-dextrous!
• Why did the Neanderthal get in trouble with his boss? He couldn’t resist using “Ug” as a placeholder in his emails!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he discovered fire? “Hot dang, that’s a bright idea!”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw a cavewoman with a unibrow? “Nice unibrow, it’s a real Neander-thriller!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to use the wheel? He thought it was too “tyre”-ing.
• Why did the Neanderthal become a dentist? He was tired of people thinking his lack of dental hygiene was a Neandertal trait!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play hide-and-seek? He never wanted to be “it” because he hated being “Neanderthal out”!
• Why did the Neanderthal open a barbershop? He wanted to give the best “caveman cuts” in town.
• What did the Neanderthal say when he won the lottery? I’m going to live in my cave and call it a Neander-mansion.
• I asked a Neanderthal how he kept his hair so stylish, and he replied, “I never brush it, I just let it evolve naturally.”
• What’s a Neanderthal’s favorite exercise? The Paleolithic plank!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found out he was going extinct? “It’s not me, it’s Ugg.” .
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw a modern human? “Wow, they’ve really evolved from our family tree!”
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend after a long day of hunting? “I’m so tired, I could use a mammoth-sized bed!”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw the first Homo sapiens? “These guys are going to Neander-fail evolution!”
• What did the Neanderthal say to the caveman comedian? “You’re a real fossil of humor!”
• Why was the Neanderthal always broke? He couldn’t grasp the concept of money and kept trading rocks for goods.
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw a Homo sapiens wearing a suit? “Well, aren’t we dressed to impress…”
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the comedy club? His jokes were too paleolithic.
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to go to the dentist? He thought it was a “prehistoric” practice.
• Why did the Neanderthal take up gardening? He wanted to grow his own rock garden!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the waiter at the fancy restaurant? “I’ll have the mastodon steak, rare please!”
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a car to the party? Because he wanted to drive everyone wild!
• What did the Neanderthal say when asked about his favorite band? “Definitely the Rolling Stones, they’re the original rockers!”
• Why was the Neanderthal always found at the comedy club? He loved a good laugh, especially when it came to stone-age humor!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he invented the wheel? It’s revolutionary, but it’s got a few kinks.
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to go to the comedy club? He thought it was too “stone-age” for his taste!
• My Neanderthal ancestors would be proud of me – I can successfully open a jar of pickles without any tools.
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the comedy club? He had a prehistoric sense of humor.
• I told a Neanderthal joke at the museum, but nobody laughed. I guess they were all stuck in the Ice Age.
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the grocery store? He needed to stock up on caveman-berries!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the therapist? He had a case of prehistoric stress.
• Why did the Neanderthal become a weatherman? He loved predicting Stone Age fronts!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he invented fire? “I’m on fire! No really, I’m on fire!”
• How did the Neanderthal fix his computer? He used a few well-placed rocks and a lot of cave man-ual labor!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to use a smartphone? He preferred using a “prehistoric” mobile device.
• Why did the Neanderthal start a band? Because he wanted to rock out with his caveman crew!
• How did the Neanderthal propose to his cavewoman? He asked, “Will you be my Neanderthalentine?”
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can play the piano? A “prehistoric maestro”!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a club? He liked to be on the cutting edge of fashion!
• Why did the Neanderthal become a stand-up comedian? He wanted to make people laugh like a cave-maniac!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play cards with the humans? Because he always got caught bluffing with his stone face!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the time traveler? “You’re not from around this epoch, are you?”
• Why did the Neanderthal get a pet dinosaur? He wanted someone to help him with his neander-tasks!
• My Neanderthal friend is always complaining about the cost of living. I guess he prefers the Stone Age.
• Why did the Neanderthal get in trouble at the supermarket? He couldn’t understand the concept of a checkout line.
• I asked a Neanderthal if he knew any good jokes. He said, “Sorry, I’m a little prehistoric with humor.”
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend after they discovered fire? “Man, this is really heating things up!”
• Why did the Neanderthal only eat raw meat? He didn’t know how to Neander-thaw.
• They say laughter is the best medicine, which is why Neanderthals probably lived so long – they had a great sense of “cave” humor.
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the library? He refused to use his inside voice, insisting he was just practicing his Neandertall tales!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the hair salon? He wanted a Neander-cut.
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the library? He was caught trying to check out a stone tablet without a library card.
• Why did the Neanderthal become a stand-up comedian? He wanted to prove that primitive humor never goes extinct.
• I tried to teach my Neanderthal friend how to use a computer, but it didn’t go well. Every time I said “click,” he started looking for rocks.
• Why did the Neanderthal start a fire in his cave? He wanted to roast his marshmallows ’til they were Neanderthal gooey.
• Why was the Neanderthal chef so popular? He always knew how to make a mean dinosaur stew!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the waiter at the restaurant? “I’ll have the Paleolithic special, hold the gluten!”
• I went on a date with a Neanderthal, but it didn’t work out. Turns out, we had different tastes in clubs – I preferred the ones made of chocolate.
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to use a smartphone? He preferred to communicate in grunts and groans.
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a map? He didn’t want to take any wrong turns on the evolution highway!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found a bone? “This really takes me back.”
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a club? For those “knock-knock” jokes, of course!
• What do you call a Neanderthal that is good at math? A count-abacus.
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a torch? He thought it was a bright idea.
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend who was always late? “You need to work on your Neander-thall time management skills.”
• What’s a Neanderthal’s favorite type of music? “Rock” and roll, of course!
• I told my Neanderthal friend that I’m a vegetarian, and he said, “Meat is the only reason I learned how to make fire.”
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the museum? He couldn’t resist the urge to “bone up” on his history.
• Why did the Neanderthal fail at stand-up comedy? His punchlines were too pre-historic.
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found out he was getting a promotion? “Ug… me go from caveman to caveman-ager!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to eat fast food? He preferred slow-roasted mammoth burgers.
• I went on a trip to the Neanderthal Museum, but the tour guide had a thick accent and kept saying “liver” instead of “Neanderthal.” It took me a while to figure out we weren’t visiting an organ exhibit.
• Why did the Neanderthal start a bakery? Because he kneaded dough just like his ancestors!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he invented the wheel? “This will revolutionize the way we roll!”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found a new cave? “It’s a-ma-rock-ing!”
• What did the Neanderthal say to his date? I’m a little primitive, but I’ll make you go wild.
• Did you hear about the Neanderthal who opened a bakery? He made a killing with his Stone Age bread.
• Why did the Neanderthal always bring a club to the comedy show? He liked to hit the punchlines!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to go to the gym? He didn’t want to break a bone while exercising his “caveman” strength!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the caveman comedian? “You rock!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play cards? He couldn’t handle the Neandertension!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the fashion designer? “I need a more rockin’ outfit, something that will make me look Neandertallicious!”
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the art class? He couldn’t draw a straight line without a cave-manual.
• What did the Neanderthal say when he won the lottery? “Ug… me hit jackpot! Me now able to afford all the rocks and sticks I want!”
• Why did the Neanderthal visit the dentist? He wanted to get his cave-teeth checked!
• I tried to dress up as a Neanderthal for Halloween, but people kept mistaking me for a hipster. Maybe the beard was a bit too much.
• Why did the Neanderthal open a bakery? He wanted to make some Neander-throlls with a stone-age twist!
• Did you hear about the Neanderthal who started a diet? He called it the Paleolithic plan!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to wear a tuxedo? He didn’t want to look too homo sapiensational!
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the library? He refused to quiet down and kept shouting, “Ugh, ugh, ugh!”
• Why did the Neanderthal wear a watch? He wanted to be ahead of his time!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the modern human? “You Homo sapiens think you’re so smart, but I’ve got a “Neanderthal” of knowledge!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to watch modern movies? He thought they were too much of a Cro-Magnon affair!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw a modern human? “Talk about an upgrade!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to use a smartphone? He said it made him feel too “prehistoric”!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his cave friend? “I’m starting a Paleolithic rock band, wanna join?”
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a dictionary? He wanted to understand his pre-historic texts!
• How did the Neanderthal end up on a reality TV show? He was the original cave survivor.
• Did you hear about the Neanderthal who opened a bakery? He made a lot of dough!
• Why did the Neanderthal apply for a job at the circus? He heard they needed a caveman act.
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play cards with the Homo sapiens? Because they always had a Neander-fall.

 

Neanderthal Dad Jokes

Neanderthal dad jokes take a humorous swing at our prehistoric predecessors and their lifestyle, guaranteed to bring a chuckle or a cringe to your face.

These jokes are just the right mix of wit and good-natured humor, that can leave you laughing and groaning at the same time.

Perfect for lightening up casual conversations, dinner table banter, or even a history class, these jokes are a great way to add a touch of humor and creativity to your interactions.

Prepare to go back in time with a hearty laugh.

Here are some Neanderthal dad jokes that are bound to tickle your funny bone:

• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to go to the comedy club? He thought the jokes were too Paleolithic!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his buddy after they finished building their hut? “Let’s go clubbing!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to go to the dentist? He was afraid of getting prehistoric cavities!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he invented the wheel? “It’s a round of applause for myself!”
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the doctor? Because he had a fossil infection!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to participate in the Stone Age Olympics? He always got stuck in the Paleolithic era!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend who always told bad jokes? “You really need to evolve your sense of humor!”
• Why did the Neanderthal start a gardening club? Because he loved getting his “hands-dirty” in the soil!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to wear a watch? He couldn’t get the hang of prehistoric time!
• What did the Neanderthal say when his friend asked for directions? “I don’t know, I’m not that Homo sapiens!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play cards with the other cave people? He was afraid of all the cheetahs.
• How did the Neanderthal propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a rock and said, “You make me feel like a stony-age man!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to use modern tools? He thought they were too “rock and roll” for his taste!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his Neandergalentine? I’m glad we’re not extinct, because you make my heart beat like a primal drum.
• How did the Neanderthal ask his crush to go out with him? He said, “I’m not a Homo Sapien, but I’m Homo-super-interested in you!”
• What did the Neanderthal say to his son when he caught him lying? “You better not be telling me a Neander-thal-ie!”
• Why did the Neanderthal become an archaeologist? He had a bone to pick with history.
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw a woolly mammoth? “Oh, look! My ex-mammoth-in-law!”
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a dictionary? He loved to define his own “stone-age” words!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he discovered fire? This is lit, literally!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play cards with the Homo sapiens? He didn’t want to deal with the “Cro-Magnonopoly”!
• What did the Neanderthal do when he heard a funny joke? He laughed so hard, he lost a few more teeth!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to eat the fast food burger? He preferred his meals to be of the Stone Age variety.
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend who always made bad puns? “You’re really bringing down our neander-talents!”
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the eye doctor? He was tired of always seeing things in the Stone Age!
• What do you call a Neanderthal with a great sense of humor? A barrel of laughs with Stone Age charm!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he couldn’t find his favorite tool? “I guess it’s time to go clubbing!”
• What do Neanderthals use to clean their teeth? A club brush!
• Why was the Neanderthal always invited to parties? He was a real “rockstar” with his stone tools!
• Why did the Neanderthal get in trouble at school? He couldn’t resist the urge to cave in to peer pressure!
• What did the Neanderthal use to fix his computer? A Neanderthal-tape!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his son when he misbehaved? “You’re grounded… in the Stone Age!”
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a ladder to the art gallery? Because he wanted to see the Cro-Magnon Lisa!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a club? In case he needed to “strike” up a conversation!
• What did the Neanderthal say when his friend asked if he wanted to go hunting? “Sure, I’m always up for a “stone-age” adventure!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play hide-and-seek? Because he was always extinct at hiding!
• What did one Neanderthal say to the other while hunting? “I hope we don’t make any neander-tales!”
• How did the Neanderthal feel when he invented the wheel? Rolling with excitement!
• Why did the Neanderthal start a gardening business? He wanted to put the “stone” in horticulture!
• How do Neanderthals send messages to each other? They use Stone-Mail!
• Why don’t Neanderthals go to the beach? Because they’re afraid of being caught in a sand-wich!
• Why did the Neanderthal start a fashion trend of wearing animal fur? He thought it was the latest “caveman-ista” style.
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to join the gym? He believed in a natural selection of the fittest.
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play cards with the other cavemen? Because he was tired of always being dealt a Neander-thal hand!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the dentist? He had a Neanderthaul in his tooth!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play cards with the other cavemen? Because he was always getting caught with a Neanderthal in his sleeve!
• What did the Neanderthal say when asked if he believed in climate change? I don’t know, but I think it’s getting a little chillier in here.
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found out he had a long-lost cousin? “Well, that’s prehistoric!”
• Why did the Neanderthal always win at hide and seek? Because nobody could find him in his cave.
• What did the Neanderthal say to the time traveler? “Nice club you got there!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to ride the woolly mammoth? He thought it was a bit too hairy for his liking!
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever take baths? Because they prefer the ice age.
• How did the Neanderthal feel about technology? He thought it was a bit “prehistoric” compared to his cave-dwelling days!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to use modern tools? He thought they were just a bunch of “new-fangled” ideas.
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a pencil to the hunting party? He wanted to draw some attention!
• How did the Neanderthal make his coffee? He brewed it in a stone-age espresso machine!
• Why did the Neanderthal start a construction company? He loved working with “stone-age” materials!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend who couldn’t find his way home? “You need to use your Neanderthal-GPS!”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he couldn’t find his favorite club? I guess it’s a Neanderthal in a haystack!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the comedy club? He wanted to have a few laughs-stone!
• Why don’t Neanderthals use cell phones? Because they can’t get a good signal in the Stone Age!
• Why did the Neanderthal become a doctor? He loved to cure his patients with a good club sandwich!
• How did the Neanderthal start his day? With a “stone-age” cup of coffee!
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever get lost? Because they always have a prime-ape to guide them!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the archaeologist? I don’t mean to be blunt, but your job is prehistoric!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his son? When you grow up, I hope you become a real neanderthalgent!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who won a race? First-place-sapiens!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to join the modern workforce? He believed in the philosophy of “work smarter, not harder… or at all!”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found a bone? “I’ve got a bone to pick with you!”
• How did the Neanderthal start a fire in his cave? He took a crash course in flintology.
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found a rock with a fossil inside? “Talk about a blast from the past!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to wear shoes? He preferred to walk barefoot in the Stone Age fashion show.
• Why did the Neanderthal start a fashion trend of wearing animal hides? He wanted to show off his prehistoric sense of style.
• How did the Neanderthal start a fire? He made sparks fly with his stone-age pickup lines!
• How do you get a Neanderthal to stop biting his nails? Offer him a nice plate of tricera-tacos!
• Why was the Neanderthal bad at dating? He couldn’t handle the pressure of making a first impression without a club!
• What did the Neanderthal say when asked about his cooking skills? “I’m not a great chef, but I can definitely make a mean caveman stew!”
• Why was the Neanderthal painter’s artwork so popular? It had a lot of stone-age appeal!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a club? Because he didn’t want to be caught off-guard in a game of rock-paper-scissors.
• What did the Neanderthal say when his wife asked if she looked fat in her loincloth? “Of course not, honey. You look mammoth!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to go to the hair salon? He didn’t want to “neander-fall” into the stylist’s hands!
• Why did the Neanderthal struggle in math class? He couldn’t comprehend the concept of “division” without using a spear!
• How did the Neanderthal fix his broken spear? With duct tape from the Stone Age Depot.
• Why did the Neanderthal invite the saber-toothed tiger to his party? Because he wanted to have a roaring good time!
• Why did the Neanderthal open a bakery? Because he kneaded a new occupation.
• What did the Neanderthal say when he was asked if he wanted a steak? “Yes, I’m a caveman, of course I want it rare!”
• What do you call a Neanderthal with a degree in biology? A prehistoric scholar!
• Why did the Neanderthal become a comedian? Because he had a great sense of “caveman” humor!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his wife when she asked if he was listening? “I’m all ear!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to use modern tools? He didn’t want to take anything for granite!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend when they had a disagreement? “Let’s not fight like cavepeople!”
• How did the Neanderthal feel after discovering he could make stone tools? He was absolutely flint-hearted!
• How did the Neanderthal know when it was time to go to bed? He heard the “Yawn-der-thal” chorus!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he won the lottery? “I’m going to buy a whole mountain range and call it Neandermoney!”
• Why don’t Neanderthals use email? They still prefer sending rock-mails!
• Why did the Neanderthal wear a helmet while hunting? He didn’t want to become an “endangered species”!
• What do you call a Neanderthal that can play the guitar? A rock star-chaeologist!
• Why did the Neanderthal get in trouble at school? Because he couldn’t resist playing with his club instead of paying attention!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he accidentally stepped on a bug? “Oops, I guess I just caused an ‘extinct’-ident!”
• How did the Neanderthal know it was going to rain? He saw a lot of mammoth clouds in the sky!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can’t catch a ball? A fossil-fumbler!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a ladder to the cave? Because he wanted to reach new heights in his dwelling.
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend who was always late? “You need to get with the times, man! Or at least the prehistoric times!”
• How did the Neanderthal communicate with his neighbors? Through Neander-mail!
• Why did the Neanderthal become an archaeologist? He wanted to dig up his family tree.
• Why did the Neanderthal start a lawn care business? He wanted to mow down all the competition!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the annoying salesman? I’m sorry, I don’t have the patience to deal with your Cro-Magnonsense.
• Why did the Neanderthal decide to become a comedian? He had a knack for getting laughs from his Neander-friends!
• What do you get when you cross a Neanderthal with a computer? A mega-byter!
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the museum? He couldn’t resist giving the exhibits a “prehistoric thumbs up”!
• Why did the Neanderthal take up painting? He wanted to leave his mark in prehistoric art history.
• What did the Neanderthal say when asked about his excellent hunting skills? “I guess you could say it’s in my Neander-genes!”
• How did the Neanderthal find his way around? He used his Neander-GPS!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can drive a car? A Wheelanderthal!
• How do Neanderthals send messages? By Neander-tail!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the amusement park? He wanted to ride the wheel of evolution!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend who was always late? Hurry up and evolve already!
• Why don’t Neanderthals like fast food? Because they can’t catch it!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he discovered fire for the first time? “Hot stuff, coming through!”
• How did the Neanderthal become a successful entrepreneur? He started a business selling “rock” solid products!
• How did the Neanderthal feel after winning the lottery? He was Neandert-hrilled!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he invented fire? “Hot diggity dog, this is revolutionary!”
• What did the Neanderthal say to his date? I’ll cave your heart, you stone-age beauty!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to share his food? Because he didn’t want to become a Neander-thin.
• What do you call a Neanderthal who is always telling jokes? A pun-dertal!
• Why did the Neanderthal always bring a club to the party? He wanted to make a good “impression”!
• What did the Neanderthal say when his cave collapsed? “I guess that’s how the Neanderfalls!”
• How did the Neanderthal become a successful comedian? He always knew how to make a prehistoric punchline.
• What do you call a Neanderthal with one leg longer than the other? Eileen!
• Why did the Neanderthal carry a map in his loincloth? In case he got lost in his own cave.
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friends when they discovered fire? “Looks like we’re heating things up around here!”
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a club with him? He wanted to be the original club sandwich maker!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his date? Can I take you out for a Neander-thall?
• Why did the Neanderthal open a bakery? He loved making prehistoric doughnuts!
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the library? He refused to return his overdue stone-age books!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the modern human? You think you’re so advanced, but my forehead is still bigger than your brain.
• Why did the Neanderthal start a rock band? He wanted to experience the prehistoric rock ‘n’ roll!
• Why did the Neanderthal start a new fashion trend? Because he wanted to make a caveman statement.
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the therapist? He had a hard time expressing his emotions in grunts!
• What did the Neanderthal say after inventing fire? “This really sparks my interest!”
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a flashlight to his cave? Because he wanted to see his way out of the Stone Age.

 

Neanderthal Jokes for Kids

Neanderthal jokes for kids are like the fossil finds of the humor universe—ancient, intriguing, and always popular with the curious young minds.

These jokes not only make kids chuckle, but they also spark interest in learning about human evolution, history, and prehistoric times.

They teach children that even topics as old as the Neanderthals can be exciting and funny.

Moreover, Neanderthal jokes for kids have the added advantage of making learning about history and archaeology an enjoyable venture, converting those mammoth-sized topics into a source of amusement.

Ready for some prehistoric humor?

Here are the jokes that’ll have them roaring with laughter, right from the Stone Age:

• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend when he saw a dinosaur? “Look, a blast from the past!”
• What do you call a Neanderthal who won’t share his toys? A selfish caveman!
• What do you get when you cross a Neanderthal with a kangaroo? A fur coat with big pockets!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a suitcase to the cave? He was going on a rocky mountain adventure!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who is always late? A fossil of tardiness!
• Why did the Neanderthal always bring a pencil to bed? Because he wanted to draw his dreams!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend when they discovered fire? “Let’s have a s’more-stone barbecue!”
• What do you get when you cross a Neanderthal with a bicycle? A bicycle that needs training wheels!
• How did the Neanderthal start a fire? He rubbed two sticks together… and then ordered takeout!
• Why don’t Neanderthals use cell phones? Because they can’t get any reception in their caves!
• What did the Neanderthal wear to a fancy party? A Neander-TUXEDO!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a pencil and paper? Because he wanted to draw attention to himself!
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of school? He couldn’t stop rockin’ the prehistoric dance moves in class!
• What do Neanderthals use to clean their caves? Prehistoric sweepers!
• How did the Neanderthal paint his cave? With prehistoric brushes and dino-sore arms!
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever go to the dentist? Because they can’t find a floss-i-llama!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a map? Because he was afraid of getting lost in the Stone Age!
• What did the Neanderthal get when he crossed a sheep and a dinosaur? A woolly mammoth!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to ride the dinosaur? Because he thought it was too fossil-fying!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he lost his cave? “I’m in a real state of Neander-fall!”
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a dinosaur to school? He heard it was a class pet!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a spear? To keep his dinner in line!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend when they were late for dinner? “Sorry, I was stuck in the Stone Age!”
• What do Neanderthals use to fix their cars? Dino-saw tools!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found a fossil? “Look, I found my long-lost cousin!”
• How did the Neanderthal count his fingers? One, two, skip a few, many!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend? “I’m so glad we’re Neander-PALS!”
• Why did the Neanderthal take his pet dinosaur for a walk? Because it needed some Jurassic exercise!
• Why did the Neanderthal become a rock collector? Because he wanted to have a “rock-solid” hobby!
• How did the Neanderthal clean his cave? With a broom and Neanderthal dustpan!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a club? Because he didn’t want to go clubbing without it!
• Why don’t Neanderthals use cell phones? They don’t have the fossils for it!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a dictionary to the cave? He wanted to learn some new “caveman-tongue” words!
• How did the Neanderthal communicate before cell phones? He used rock and scroll!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw a woolly mammoth? “Wow, that’s one big fuzzy friend!”
• What did the Neanderthal do when he lost his club? He went to the nearest paleontologist to get a fossil tool!
• Why did the Neanderthal always bring a clock to the cave? Because he wanted to rock around the clock!
• Why did the Neanderthal start a garden? He wanted to grow his own club sandwiches!
• Why did the Neanderthal keep a pet dinosaur? He wanted someone to clean up after him!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a book to the hunting trip? To brush up on his Neander-knowledge!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a shovel to the beach? Because he wanted to make a sandcastle like his ancestors!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a car to the Stone Age? Because he wanted to rock and roll!
• How do Neanderthals send messages? By using a “Rock-et”!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a ladder to the library? He wanted to reach the “prehistoric” section!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a ladder to the football game? Because he heard the Giants had a great defense!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to art school? Because he wanted to draw a picture of his ancestor!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found a woolly mammoth? “I’m going to have a mammoth feast tonight!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play hide and seek? He never wanted to be found in the Stone Age!
• Why don’t Neanderthals use smartphones? Because they can’t find any reception in the Stone Age!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the museum? He wanted to take a look at his family tree!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw a mammoth? “I’m going to be friends with him, woolly or not!”
• What did the Neanderthal say after inventing the wheel? “It’s a real roller-stone!”
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a club? Because he didn’t like to get his hands dirty!
• How did the Neanderthal fix his computer? He smacked it with his club and called it a “technical knock-out!”
• Why don’t Neanderthals play cards? They can’t handle the Neanderthal shuffle!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play hide-and-seek? Because he never got the concept of hiding!
• Why did the Neanderthal take a nap in the library? Because he heard it had a lot of good stone tablets!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can tell jokes? A Neander-comedian!
• Why did the Neanderthal get a pet dinosaur? Because he wanted a “prehistoric” companion!
• How do Neanderthals clean their caves? With prehistoric brooms and dustpans!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the dentist? Because he had a “jaw-some” toothache!
• Why did the Neanderthal take a ladder to the art museum? Because he wanted to see the cave paintings up close!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a ladder to the cave? Because he wanted to climb the evolutionary ladder!
• How did the Neanderthal feel when he found out he was going extinct? He was in denial!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who tells jokes? A prehistoric comedian!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the modern human? “You think you’re so Homo sapien-tastic!”
• How did the Neanderthal communicate? He used cave-ernacular!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can fix anything? A Neander-TOOL!
• How did the Neanderthal fix his broken computer? With Stone Age software updates!
• Why did the Neanderthal never wear a watch? He always lived in the Stone Age!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who won’t stop talking? A Neander-thrall!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the dentist? To get his “caveman” smile fixed!
• What do you get if you cross a Neanderthal with a dinosaur? A dino-sore-lover!
• How did the Neanderthal ask his crush out on a date? He said, “I think you’re dino-mite!”
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a map? Because he didn’t want to be called a wander-thal!
• How did the Neanderthal fix his broken wheel? He used some stone-age mechanics!
• Why did the Neanderthal become a chef? Because he wanted to make prehistoric meals!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a map to the desert? In case he wanted to find the nearest ice cream shop!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he won the race? “I’m a Neander-WIN-ner!”
• Why did the Neanderthal become a chef? He loved making prehistoric meals!
• What did the Neanderthal say after winning a race? I’m unbeatable!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a pencil and paper? To draw his own cave-tures!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a ladder to the cave? Because he heard the ceiling had some “hanging out” space!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the dinosaur? “I love you a fossil lot!”
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a car to the party? Because he didn’t want to ride a dinosaur!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found out he had cavities? “I guess I shouldn’t have been eating so many rocks!”
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a map to the park? So he wouldn’t get lost in the Stone Age!
• What’s a Neanderthal’s favorite type of exercise? Flint-stoning!
• Why did the Neanderthal become a fashion designer? He wanted to create the trendiest loincloths!
• How did the Neanderthal start a fire? He used his “flint” and “steal” skills!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to school? To improve his primitive math skills!
• How did the Neanderthal paint his cave? With a “prehistoric” brush, of course!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a map? Because he didn’t want to take the wrong way and get lost in time!
• How did the Neanderthal like his steak? Very, very rare!
• What did the Neanderthal use to check the weather? A “stone” tablet!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the time traveler? “Me no understand your fancy gadgets!”
• Why did the Neanderthal go to art school? He wanted to draw pictures in Neander-TALL caves!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who won’t share his food? A meat hoarder!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to art school? To become a caveman-go!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the art museum? To see the cave paintings, of course!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw a flying dinosaur? “I didn’t know they had air-meat!”
• What do you get if you cross a Neanderthal with a vampire? A creature who can’t find its necks-t meal!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the dentist? To improve his Neander-smile!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can’t play hide and seek? A missing-link!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw the first dinosaur? “Whoa, that’s a big lizard!”
• What did the Neanderthal say to the cashier at the supermarket? Keep the change, I only use rocks as currency!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to ride a bicycle? He was afraid of becoming a fossil fuel!
• Why did the Neanderthal start a band? Because he had a lot of rocks to roll!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to art school? He wanted to paint a masterpiece on the cave walls!
• What do you get when you cross a Neanderthal and a vampire? A cave that sucks!
• Why did the Neanderthal sit on the clock? He wanted to be on the dawn of time!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a dinosaur to the party? Because he wanted to have a “prehistoric” good time!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a ladder to the cave? Because he heard the food was up on a higher level!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a pencil to the cave? To draw on the walls, of course!

 

Neanderthal Jokes for Adults

Who said Neanderthals didn’t have a sense of humor?

Neanderthal jokes for adults playfully fuse primal wit with modern sarcasm, creating an irresistible blend of humor.

Just like a perfectly concocted prehistoric brew, these jokes blend elements of knowledge, humor, and a spark of naughtiness for a hearty chuckle.

These jokes are perfect for barbecues, campfires, or simply to add a touch of humor to a casual conversation among friends.

Here are some Neanderthal jokes that are perfect for adults:

• How did the Neanderthal propose to his cavewoman? He handed her a rock and said, “You make my world prehistoric!”
• Why did the Neanderthal always get lost in the forest? He had a terrible sense of Neander-direction!
• Why did the Neanderthal carry a club to the nightclub? He wanted to make sure he could “club” it on the dance floor!
• Why did the Neanderthal always wear a helmet? He wanted to protect his “thick-headed” reputation!
• Why did the Neanderthal always bring a ladder to the party? He wanted to be the life of the cave!
• What do you get when you cross a Neanderthal with a vampire? A creature who chews on people’s bones instead of sucking blood!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the cavewoman? “You rock my world!”
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the dentist? He needed a prehistoric root canal!
• Why don’t Neanderthals make good comedians? They’re always getting their punchlines clubbed!
• How did the Neanderthal get out of the cave? He prehistorically pressed the exit button!
• How did the Neanderthal show his love? He gave his partner a prehistoric rock, saying, “You rock my world!”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw a modern human? “You look so Homo sapiens-sational!”
• How did the Neanderthal ask his crush out? He said, “Ugga bugga, want to club together?”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to become a chef? He didn’t want to get fired for using real dinosaur eggs in his recipes!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a pencil to the hunting expedition? In case he came across a drawing board!
• How do you know if a Neanderthal has been using your computer? Your mouse is covered in fur!
• What did the Neanderthal call his dating app? “Tinder-woah!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to use modern technology? He thought smartphones were just a bunch of dinosaur bones glued together!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his date? “You make my heart pound like a mammoth stampede!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to go to the party? He thought he would feel out of his element!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to therapy? He had an existential crisis about his caveman identity!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the clumsy caveman? “You need to get a grip!”
• What did the Neanderthal say to his crush? “You make my stone-age heart beat faster!”
• Why did the Neanderthal become a chef? He wanted to make the first ever paleo diet!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to therapy? He had a really rocky relationship with his cavewoman!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the chiropractor? He had a bone to pick with his posture!
• How do Neanderthals communicate online? They use emoti-grunts instead of emojis!
• How did the Neanderthal start a fire? He tried to strike a match on his forehead!
• Why did the Neanderthal start a bakery? He wanted to make history with his famous caveman rolls!
• Why did the Neanderthal start a bakery? He wanted to specialize in “Paleolithic Pastries”!
• How did the Neanderthal fix his computer? He used a Stone Age program!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he saw a modern human? “Ugh, they must have skipped leg day!”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he won the lottery? “I’m going to buy a cave with a view!”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he made a discovery? “Neander-WOW!”
• How did the Neanderthal propose to his cavegirlfriend? He said, “I love you more than mammoth meat!”
• Why did the Neanderthal open a bakery? He wanted to be known as the “Flintstone Chef”!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found out he was part Homo sapiens? “I guess I’m just a Nean-the-half”!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a ladder to the party? He wanted to raise the roof in his cave!
• How did the Neanderthal fix his computer? He used a stone-age version of Ctrl+Alt+Delete: Hit it with a rock, reboot, and hope for the best!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to use a smartphone? He preferred the “stone age” of communication!
• What do you call a Neanderthal with a PhD? A prehistoric doctor!
• Why was the Neanderthal chef terrible at making soup? He always forgot to thaw the vegetables first!
• Why did the Neanderthal get in trouble at school? He couldn’t resist drawing stick figures on the cave walls!
• Why did the Neanderthal become a hairstylist? He loved giving people a prehistoric cut!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his date? “I’m not like those other guys, I still know how to make a good cave painting!”
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a club? He believed in being well-armed for any primitive fashion emergencies!
• Why don’t Neanderthals like talking on the phone? They prefer to use their own primitive language, grunting!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend after a good meal? That was a real cave-in-dining experience!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to pay his electricity bill? He was living in the Stone Age!
• How did the Neanderthal know when it was time for lunch? He could hear his stomach groaning in the Stone Age!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he met the modern human? “You look like you could use some evolution!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to eat fruit? He believed that real men only ate meat off the bone, not stuff that grew on trees!
• Why did the Neanderthal start a fashion trend? He wanted to rock the “stone-age chic” look!
• Why was the Neanderthal always on time? He lived in the Stone Age, so he didn’t have to worry about Daylight Saving Time!
• What did the Neanderthal use to fix his broken spear? Dino-tape!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play cards with the other primates? He said they were dealing with a bunch of “ape-shuffle”!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play cards with the modern humans? He always got confused when they asked for a “straight flush”!
• Why did the Neanderthal get a gym membership? He wanted to work on his “caveman” physique!
• How did the Neanderthal feel after inventing the wheel? It really got things rolling!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play golf? He said he couldn’t find a club that was made out of stone!
• How did the Neanderthal make a phone call? He used his “prehistoric” cellphone!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he invented the wheel? “Wow, this is really going to revolutionize rock transportation!”
• Why don’t Neanderthals go to concerts? They can’t handle the Paleolithic music!
• How did the Neanderthal propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a rock and said, “Let’s make our love last as long as this stone!”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found a fossil in his backyard? “Well, that’s a blast from the past!”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he won the lottery? “Ugga bugga jackpot!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to take public transportation? He didn’t want to “ride” with Homo sapiens!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to use smartphones? He didn’t want to be accused of being too Homo sapiens-dependent!
• Why did the Neanderthal invent the wheel? He wanted to roll into the future with style!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he opened a restaurant? “Meat you there!”
• How did the Neanderthal keep warm in the ice age? He sat next to the fireplace!
• Why don’t Neanderthals make good comedians? Because their jokes are prehistoric!
• Why was the Neanderthal always cold? He couldn’t find a fur coat in his size!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a hammer? He wanted to be prepared for any “stone” age emergency!
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever go to the movies? They can’t handle the paleo popcorn!
• Why was the Neanderthal always in trouble at work? He could never remember to put the rocks back on the cave entrance!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can’t tell a joke? A Neander-thud!
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the library? He refused to use his inside voice and insisted on grunting loudly while reading!
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever go to fancy parties? Because they always get stoned!
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever win at poker? They can’t handle the Stone Age!
• How did the Neanderthal propose to his girlfriend? He handed her a rock and said, “Let’s rock this cave together!”
• How did the Neanderthal break up with his girlfriend? He said, “It’s not you, it’s Cro-Magnon!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play hide and seek? He was tired of being the missing link!
• How did the Neanderthal chef prepare his food? He always used primal cuts!
• How did the Neanderthal ask for a date? He grunted, “Me like you. You like me?”
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can’t remember anything? A forgethecall!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he won a bet? “I bet you didn’t see that coming!”
• What do you call a Neanderthal who is always late? An “old-school” procrastinator!
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the library? He refused to keep his voice down during the Stone Age section!
• Why did the Neanderthal start a rock band? He wanted to bring back the Stone Age of music!
• Why was the Neanderthal a terrible comedian? He always forgot his punchlines, just like he forgot fire!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend who borrowed his club? “You better return it, or I’ll go Nean-der-there and kick your butt!”
• How do you make a Neanderthal laugh? Tell them a prehistoric joke, they’ll crack up!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he was asked to join a choir? “I’ll sing it my own way, in Neanderthal harmony!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play cards? He always thought the deck was stacked against him!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can navigate the internet? A cyber-stone-age explorer!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a dictionary to the cave? He wanted to understand all the “caveman” language jokes!
• What do you call a Neanderthal that’s a great musician? A rock star!
• How did the Neanderthal impress his crush? He offered to take her on a prehistoric date: a romantic walk through the fossilized remains of a dinosaur graveyard!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to play hide and seek? He didn’t want to be mistaken for a fossil!
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever go shopping? They prefer the convenience of cave delivery!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend who was always late? “You need to evolve and get a sense of time!”
• Why did the Neanderthal never win at poker? He always had a “stone face” expression!
• What did the Neanderthal say when his date stood him up? “I guess she couldn’t handle my primeval charm!”
• What did the Neanderthal say to the bartender? “Give me a shot of that fermented mammoth milk!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to become a stand-up comedian? He couldn’t grasp the concept of “knock, knock” jokes!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to join the rock band? He thought they were too “mainstream” for his cave-dwelling taste!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found out he was going extinct? “Oh no, I don’t want to be a fossil, I’m not that old!”
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the library? He couldn’t understand the concept of “reading between the lines!”
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found a fossilized bone? “That’s one for the ages!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to use a computer? He said it was too hard to type with rocks instead of fingers!
• How did the Neanderthal fix his broken spear? With the Jurassic Fix-it Kit!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to use a smartphone? He said he preferred “cave calls” instead of cell phones!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can write? A “stroke” of genius!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a map? He refused to ask for directions!
• What did the Neanderthal call his rock band? The Flintstones!
• How did the Neanderthal make his bed? With a stone Age quilt!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to take a selfie? He couldn’t find a cave wall big enough to fit his face!
• How did the Neanderthal musician know it was time to stop playing? He could see the audience was starting to fossilize!
• Why did the Neanderthal start a fashion line? He wanted to bring back the “pre-historic” look!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to join the Homo sapiens’ dance party? He didn’t want to risk stepping on any “fossil” fuels!
• How did the Neanderthal know his wife was cheating on him? He found a dinosaur bone under his pillow!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a ladder to the soccer game? He heard it was a high-stakes match!
• Why did the Neanderthal start a gardening business? He had a knack for making Stonehenge look like a beautiful rock garden!
• Why did the Neanderthal become a stand-up comedian? He wanted to show off his “stone-age” sense of humor!
• How did the Neanderthal start a fire? He tried rubbing two Boy Scouts together!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he couldn’t find his club? “I’m really falling behind in the Stone Age!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to wear a watch? He didn’t want to be a second-hand citizen!
• What do you get when you cross a Neanderthal with a vampire? Someone who everyone is afraid to invite over for dinner!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to art school? To learn how to draw his own cave paintings!
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to eat seafood? He didn’t want to be called a “caveman” eater!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he tripped and fell? “Ooga booga, I meant to do that!”
• What did the Neanderthal call his pet dinosaur? His “pre-historic” companion!
• Why did the Neanderthal bring a ladder to the party? Because he heard the drinks were on the rocks!
• What do you call a Neanderthal who can’t walk properly? A caveman with a rocky start!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a club with him? To be prepared for any unexpected encounters with in-laws!
• What did the Neanderthal say to his friend who always complained? “Stop cave-mplaining!”
• Why did the Neanderthal go to therapy? He had some unresolved issues with his caveman father!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the modern human who called him primitive? “Hey, I may be a Neanderthal, but at least I don’t take selfies all day!”
• Why don’t Neanderthals play golf? They prefer the more ancient sport of boulder-throwing!
• What did the Neanderthal say when he found a time machine? “I’m taking this back to the Stone Age!”
• Why did the Neanderthal get kicked out of the library? He couldn’t stop talking about the Stone Age!
• Why did the Neanderthal go to the doctor? He had a really bad case of the “Caveman Flu”!
• Why don’t Neanderthals ever make good comedians? Their punchlines tend to be a bit too Stone Age!
• Why did the Neanderthal always carry a club? He wanted to be prepared in case he stumbled upon a modern-day salesperson!
• Why did the Neanderthal fail at stand-up comedy? He always got stuck in the punchlines!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the cavewoman after a bad joke? “You’re so prehistoric, even your humor is outdated!”
• Why did the Neanderthal refuse to become a stand-up comedian? He was afraid his jokes would go extinct!
• What did the Neanderthal say to the cavewoman after a romantic dinner? “I hope you’re not on a paleo diet because you’re a real catch!”
• What did the Neanderthal say to his wife after a long day of hunting? “I’m beat, can you please light the fire?”

 

Neanderthal Joke Generator

Cracking a primitive yet funny Neanderthal joke can feel like inventing fire without a spark.

(You see the caveman reference?)

That’s where our FREE Neanderthal Joke Generator comes to rescue your humor.

Engineered to fuse witty caveman puns, timeless humor, and playful expressions, it creates jokes that are guaranteed to ignite laughter.

Don’t let your humor go extinct like the Neanderthals.

Use our joke generator to forge jokes that are as archaic and amusing as a Neanderthal discovering fire.

 

FAQs About Neanderthal Jokes

Why are Neanderthal jokes popular?

Neanderthal jokes offer a humorous take on our prehistoric ancestors.

They cater to our fascination with history, evolution, and the contrast between modern human behavior and that of our ancient relatives.

These jokes often involve clever puns or wordplay, making them a hit with lovers of smart humor.

 

Can Neanderthal jokes help in social situations?

Definitely!

Sharing a Neanderthal joke can be a fun and unexpected way to spark a conversation about history, evolution, or simply to inject some humor into a gathering.

These jokes can be great icebreakers, especially in an academic or educational setting.

 

How can I come up with my own Neanderthal jokes?

1. Start by learning more about Neanderthals—their lifestyle, appearance, the theories about their existence and extinction. This knowledge will give you a solid base for your humor.
2. Think of scenarios that highlight the differences between modern humans and Neanderthals, or scenarios that playfully suggest similarities.
3. Experiment with puns, particularly those involving prehistoric or evolutionary terms.
4. Twist well-known phrases or sayings to fit a Neanderthal context.
5. Don’t be afraid to be a bit silly or absurd. Remember, humor often lies in the unexpected!

 

Are there any tips for remembering Neanderthal jokes?

Try associating Neanderthal jokes with relevant topics or situations—during a history lesson, a museum visit, or when watching a prehistoric-themed movie or documentary.

Linking these jokes to certain contexts can make them easier to recall.

 

How can I make my Neanderthal jokes better?

The secret lies in the delivery.

A great Neanderthal joke combines smart humor with an element of surprise.

To refine your jokes, share them with others and note their reactions.

This can help you understand what works and what doesn’t, and will let you tweak your jokes for maximum laughs.

 

How does the Neanderthal Joke Generator work?

Our Neanderthal Joke Generator is your quick-fix solution for prehistoric humor.

Simply enter keywords related to your joke’s context or theme, and hit the Generate Jokes button.

Within seconds, you’ll have a list of hilarious Neanderthal jokes to enjoy and share.

 

Is the Neanderthal Joke Generator free?

Absolutely, our Neanderthal Joke Generator is completely free!

You can generate an unlimited number of jokes to keep your content entertaining and fresh.

So go ahead and get started, and let the laughter begin!

 

Conclusion

Neanderthal jokes are a charming way to infuse a dash of humor into everyday conversations, making life a bit more amusing with each hearty laugh.

From the short and sly to the lengthy and hilarious, there’s a Neanderthal joke for every occasion.

So next time you’re diving into prehistoric humor, remember, there’s laughter to be unearthed in every grunting, hunting, and cave-dwelling scenario.

Keep igniting the chuckles, and let the good times stone and roll.

Because after all, a day without laughter is like a day without Neanderthals—unimaginable and, frankly, a bit less interesting.

Happy joking, everyone!

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Evolution Jokes That Are Unapologetically Intelligent

Stone Age Jokes for a Rib-Tickling Blast from the Past