510 Survival Jokes for Making Light of Tough Situations

If you’re here, it means you’re ready to dive into the wilderness of survival jokes.

Not just any jokes, but the pick of the litter.

That’s why we’ve assembled a campfire list of the most hilarious survival jokes.

From wilderness puns to outdoor one-liners, our collection has a joke for every adventure.

So, let’s embark on the rugged trail of survival humor, one joke at a time.

Contents show

Survival Jokes

Survival jokes are a testament to our ability to find humor even in the most challenging circumstances.

They are not only about the survival situations themselves, but the human resilience and ingenuity that arises when facing adversity.

From Bear Grylls’ extreme expeditions to our own experiences of surviving the Monday blues, survival provides rich fodder for comedy.

Crafting a solid survival joke involves a dash of irony, a sprinkle of absurdity, and a hearty helping of the unexpected (just like any good survival situation).

They remind us that even when things get tough, there’s always room for a chuckle.

Are you ready to brave the wilds of humor?

Let’s dive headfirst into survival mode with these survival jokes:

Why did the bear bring a ladder into the survival camp? To reach the bear necessities!
What did the hiker say when he ran out of water? “I guess I’m on my last ‘legs’ of survival!”
What did the survivalist say to the pessimistic camper? “Don’t worry, I’m positive we’ll survive!”
Why don’t horses use smartphones? Because they can’t find the stable network!
Why did the chicken bring a ladder to the survival party? To survive the pecking order!
What do you call a bear that doesn’t quit? Unbearable!
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired!
Why did the camping chair struggle to survive? Because it couldn’t take the pressure!
Why did the survivalist take a nap in the desert? Because he wanted to catch up on his “sand”-man sleep!
Why don’t trees like parties? Because they are afraid of getting lit!
Why did the chicken cross the road during a survival challenge? To prove it wasn’t just a chicken, but a survivor!
Why did the man stare at the can of orange juice? Because it said “concentrate”!
What do you call a survivalist who accidentally sets their tent on fire? A hot mess!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder into the jungle? In case they needed to climb higher in the food chain!
What do you call a dinosaur who can survive in cold weather? A Brrr-rex!
What do you call a bear that plays the piano? Beethoven!
Why do bears never get lost in the woods? Because they always have their “bear-ings”!
What do you call a survivalist who loves to tell jokes? A hilarious survivor!
Why do cannibals not eat clowns? Because they taste funny!
How do you survive a zombie apocalypse? By sticking together, it’s a dead-end job!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder into the wilderness? Because they heard the trees were outstanding in their height!
Why don’t scientists ever trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something!
Why don’t elephants use computers? They are afraid of the mouse and would rather rely on their survival instincts!
Why did the tree go to survival school? It wanted to branch out and learn new skills!
Why did the survivalist always bring a pair of sunglasses to the jungle? Because they wanted to look cool while surviving the wild!
Why did the survivalist bring a pencil and paper to the desert? In case they needed to draw their last will and sand-testament!
Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi to be with!
Why did the tomato turn red during the survival competition? Because it saw the salad dressing!
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!
Why don’t bears wear shoes? Because they prefer to go bearfoot!
Why did the survivalist bring a pencil to the jungle? In case he needed to draw some “shade” from the dangerous sun!
Why did the hiker bring a map to the comedy club? Because he wanted to “navigate” through all the laughter!
Why did the grape survive in the desert? Because it raisin’d the bar!
What do you call a bear that wears armor? A survivor of the wild!
Why did the survival expert bring a ladder into the jungle? To make sure he was one step ahead of danger!
What did the survivalist say when they found a squirrel in their backpack? “I guess I’ve got a nutty companion for survival!”
Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? Because he was outstanding in his field!
Why did the math book survive the shipwreck? Because it had a lot of problems to solve!
Why don’t airplanes eat at fancy restaurants? Because they can’t handle the high prices!
What did the survivalist say when he found a hidden stash of candy? “Sweet survival skills!”
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up.
Why did the chicken join a survival group? Because it heard they were experts in pecking order!
Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out!
What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hi, bud!”
How did the survivalist survive in the desert? He had an oasis of funny jokes to keep him hydrated with laughter!
Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off the boat? Because if they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat!
Why do mummies make great survivalists? They always wrap things up!
Why don’t vampires like garlic? Because it’s a real pain in the neck!
What did the survivalist say to the bear? “I don’t need to outrun the bear, I just need to outrun my friend!”
Why did the survivalist take a nap during a blizzard? They wanted to sleep like a snowman and chillax!
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny and are hard to swallow!
Why did the chicken go to survival school? To learn how to cross the road safely!
How do you survive a lion attack? Don’t go to the zoo with a steak strapped to your back!
Why do ants never get sick? Because they have little anty bodies!
Why did the squirrel bring a parachute into the forest? For emergency “tree”-landing during survival missions!
Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left!
Why did the mushroom always survive in the wild? Because it had a “fungi” to be around with!
Why did the survivalist wear a bedsheet? So he could ghost his way out of dangerous situations!
What do you call a survival expert who’s also a comedian? A hilarious survivalist!
Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted!
What do you call a group of penguins on a survival adventure? An “ice-solation”!
What did the survivalist say to the mosquito? “You better buzz off!”

Short Survival Jokes

Short survival jokes are like a crackling campfire on a chilly night—warm, illuminating, and full of spark.

These jokes are perfect for camping trips, adventure gatherings, or those times when you need a quick, hearty chuckle.

The charm of short survival jokes lies in their ability to blend humor with the spirit of resilience, delivering a roaring laughter in just a brief moment.

And now, buckle up!

Here are some short survival jokes that will ignite your sense of humor while adding a dash of adventure to your day.

What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain!
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs!
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers!
How do you survive a zombie apocalypse? Stay alive, or become one!
Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open!
Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
What’s the best way to survive a bear attack? Play dead…really well!
What’s the best way to survive a zombie apocalypse? Stay alive!
How do survivalists stay warm? They huddle close together in “survival blankets”!
What do you call a snowman with a sunburn? A puddle!
What’s the best way to survive in the jungle? Don’t go there!
Why did the tomato turn to the mushroom? Because he couldn’t ketchup!
Why don’t vampires attack lawyers? They don’t like the taste of bloodsuckers!
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
How do trees survive in the forest? They just wing it!
What’s the most dangerous season? Flu season!
Why don’t zombies attack clowns? Because they taste funny!
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of music? Survival rock!
Why don’t mountains get cold in the winter? They wear snow caps!
Why do mountain climbers always bring a map? Just in case!
How do you survive a zombie apocalypse? Stay on the good side!
Why do bicycles never survive in the wild? They’re two-tired!
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
Why did the chicken survive the apocalypse? It had incredible cluck!
I started a fire using just two sticks. I needed matches.
What’s a zombie’s favorite type of exercise? Dead-lifts!
How do you survive a bear attack? Play dead… really well!
What did one snowman say to the other? Do you smell carrots?
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs!

Survival Jokes One-Liners

One-liner survival jokes are the epitome of humor delivered in a tight package.

They’re the verbal equivalent of building a shelter in a storm – swift, compact, and surprisingly effective.

Crafting a good one-liner demands a mix of wit, resourcefulness, and a deep understanding of the art of humor.

The challenge lies in combining the setup and punchline in a concise form, delivering maximum laughs with minimum words.

May these survival one-liners find you well and spark a fire of laughter in your belly:

Survival tip: If you encounter a lion in the wild, just pretend to be a large, delicious salad.
Why did the computer go to survival school? To learn how to survive a crash!
To survive a bear attack, simply offer it some bear-y nice compliments.
Survival tip: If you’re ever stranded in the wilderness, just remember that bears can’t resist a good karaoke session.
My survival strategy is to avoid camping at all costs.
Survival tip: Never challenge a campfire to a staring contest – you’ll always get smoked.
My survival skills are so impressive that I can find the nearest exit in any building within 30 seconds.
Survival tip: If you ever get lost in the woods, just follow the sound of your stomach growling – it’ll lead you to the nearest food truck.
My survival plan is to always have a full tank of gas and a playlist of catchy songs in case of a zombie apocalypse.
I have a survival kit ready for any situation – it’s called takeout menu.
I’m not a survivor, I’m a thriver.
The true test of survival is trying to assemble IKEA furniture without the instructions.
If life gives you lemons, use them to make a battery and charge your phone for emergency calls.
The key to survival is to stay calm… and not trip over your own shoelaces while running away.
Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be bagels!
When life gives you lemons, throw them at someone who is camping without a mosquito net.
I don’t always survive, but when I do, I make sure to tell everyone about it.
Surviving a zombie apocalypse would be so much easier if they weren’t so picky about eating brains.
You know you’re a survival expert when your biggest fear is running out of Wi-Fi signal in the middle of the woods.
Survival rule #1: never go grocery shopping when you’re hungry. It’s a jungle out there.
My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
Why did the survivalist refuse to share their food? They were very shellfish!
The key to survival is not getting caught when eating the last cookie in the jar.
I tried to survive on a desert island, but it was a sand-wich.
My survival plan during a zombie apocalypse is to dress up as a zombie and join their army. They’ll never suspect a thing.
Survival is all about adapting, so I’ve started treating my alarm clock as a suggestion.
My survival strategy involves running away from my problems…literally.
I’m not a survival expert, but I did watch all seasons of “Survivor”
When life gives you lemons, make a survival kit out of them.
I once attended a survival workshop, but I only survived the boredom by doodling on my “How to Build a Shelter” handout.
In survival situations, remember that a banana is not only a great source of potassium but also a handy weapon for fending off other hungry survivors.
The key to survival is always having a friend who runs slower than you do.
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the desert? Because they heard the sand dunes were climbing to new heights.
I tried to survive a zombie apocalypse by hiding in a cornfield, but they found me. Turns out, they were stalk-ing me.
I’m not saying I’m a survival expert, but I did once survive an entire day without Wi-Fi.
I may not be a survival expert, but I know how to outrun a squirrel with my lunch.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear… who’s really good at survival!
Survival of the fittest? I’m still trying to figure out how to open a bag of chips without making noise.
Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them!
I survive on caffeine and sarcasm.
If you can survive a family vacation, you can survive anything.
If at first, you don’t succeed at survival, try hiding the evidence.
If you’re ever lost in the wilderness, just start a rumor that there’s free WiFi nearby.
I’m not afraid of anything… except running out of coffee during a survival situation.
Survival tip: Always keep a spare battery for your smoke detector… just in case your cooking skills are too fire.
My survival skills are so advanced, I can find the nearest Starbucks in the middle of the wilderness.
When in doubt, just remember: survival of the wittiest!
I’m not saying my survival skills are excellent, but I once survived a game of Monopoly with my family.
Life is like a rollercoaster – survival is optional, but screaming is mandatory.
Survival tip: always carry a snack in case of emergency hunger.
Survival fact: If you’re lost in the woods, the best way to find your way back is to make the trees feel guilty for letting you get lost in the first place.
I asked the librarian if they had any books on survival. She said, “Yes, but they’re currently checked out.” .
Survival tip: Surround yourself with people who can’t cook. That way, you’ll always be the chef.
I always carry a compass in case I get lost in the middle of a shopping mall.
If you ever get stranded on a desert island, just remember: coconuts make great companions… until you realize they can’t talk back.
I learned how to start a fire using only two sticks. Unfortunately, they were both Twix bars.
I’m not saying I’m a survival expert, but I did once survive a family reunion without getting into an argument.
My survival skills are so good, I can survive a trip to the grocery store without buying unnecessary items.
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the forest? To reach the highest level of survival!
If you’re ever trapped in quicksand, just throw yourself a lifeline by posting a picture of it on Instagram.
When faced with a dangerous situation, remember the three S’s of survival: Scream, Sprint, and Selfie for evidence later.
If you ever find yourself stranded on a deserted island, just remember that coconuts make great soccer balls until you find a way to escape.
Survival tip: Never underestimate the power of a good nap.
Survival tip: Always carry a mirror to make sure you still look fabulous even in the wilderness.
The key to survival is knowing how to hide the cookies from your kids.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, I bet it still made a sound.
Survival is like eating a burrito, you just have to take it one bite at a time.
Surviving Mondays should be an Olympic sport. I’d win gold every time.
Survival rule #1: Never trust a sneeze when you’re holding a bowl of soup.
The trick to surviving a boring lecture is to imagine yourself as the protagonist in a thrilling action movie.
My friend keeps telling me that I’m too reliant on technology. I think he’s just jealous because I can download my personality onto a USB drive.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
What did the ocean say to the boat during a survival storm? Nothing, it just waved!
I’ve mastered the art of survival by always keeping a slice of pizza in my pocket for emergencies.
Why was the math book so good at survival? It had all the right angles!
Survival tip: Always carry snacks, because you never know when the hunger might strike.
The key to survival is to always carry a snack in your pocket.
My survival strategy during a bear encounter is to play dead. The trick is to convince the bear that you’re a boring meal.
I once got lost in the jungle and had to survive by eating my own snacks. Turns out, trail mix is not a sustainable diet.
Survival tip: If you’re ever lost in the woods, just start talking about how much you love technology and Siri will find you.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
In the game of survival, I’m definitely on the beginner level… or maybe just spectating from the sidelines.
I once survived a camping trip by pretending to be a tree and blending in with nature.
I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He replied, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make it on Mondays.”
Survival tip: Always carry a jar of glitter with you. If you encounter a predator, throw it in their eyes and run away while they’re blinded by fabulousness.
Surviving a horror movie is all about making smart choices, like never investigating strange noises and always running in high heels.
If there was a zombie apocalypse, my survival strategy would be to become friends with the zombies – they’re probably just misunderstood.
Survival tip: If you ever get lost in the woods, just start talking about politics and someone will come to argue with you.
Surviving family gatherings is all about mastering the art of polite nodding and pretending you’re interested in everyone’s life stories.
Survival tip: Treat life like a game of hide-and-seek, and never let it find you.
I told my friend I was practicing my survival skills by sleeping on rocks. He said, “That sounds like a hard place to rest.”
The best way to survive a bear attack is to befriend the bear and convince it to start a circus act with you.
Survival tip: Always carry a map and a compass. Unless you’re in a horror movie, then just run blindly in the opposite direction of danger.
My friend said I should “live each day as if it’s my last.” So today, I’m not paying my bills.
If life gives you lemons, don’t just make lemonade – use them to survive in the wild by squirting them in the eyes of any predators.
The secret to survival is not panicking when the Wi-Fi signal drops to one bar.
I’m not afraid of a zombie apocalypse, I’m more terrified of running out of coffee.
Survival tip: Always carry a can of confidence as your emergency ration.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
The ultimate survival challenge is trying to eat chips without making any noise in a quiet room.
My survival skills include being able to find the closest exit in any situation – especially if there’s free food involved.
If you find yourself stranded on a desert island, just go to the second star to the right and straight on till morning.
Survival tip: Always carry a spoon in case you come across a bowl of ice cream.
When it comes to surviving a zombie apocalypse, I like to think I’d be the first to go… mostly because I have zero survival skills.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
My survival technique: act like I know what I’m doing until someone else takes charge.
I’ve survived on instant noodles for so long that I’m starting to think I’m immune to expiration dates.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field of survival tactics!
I tried to learn survival skills from a squirrel, but all I got was a lesson in hoarding nuts.
I’m not saying I’m a survival expert, but I once made it through a whole day without checking my phone.
Survival of the fittest? More like survival of the one with the best WiFi signal.
Surviving a zombie apocalypse is easy, just make sure you’re faster than your slowest friend.
My survival strategy is to avoid camping with a bear Grylls fan.
The best way to survive a horror movie is to be the token character who has common sense and stays away from danger.
Surviving Mondays should be considered an Olympic sport.
I’m so prepared for any survival situation that I have a “Survival Kit” that consists of pizza delivery menus and Netflix subscriptions.
My friend said I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta!
I’m not afraid of zombies or monsters, but running out of toilet paper during a survival situation is a nightmare.
The key to survival is staying one step ahead of the zombies…or at least slower than your friends.
I’m not lazy, I’m just in “energy-saving mode” for survival purposes.
Surviving Mondays is a real challenge… I’m still working on it.
Surviving a family dinner is a true test of survival skills.
I went camping once and it was in-tents!
I asked my friend how he survives without coffee. He said, “I sleep at night.”
The true survival skill is being able to find the TV remote in a couch full of cushions.
Life is tough, but I’m tougher.
My survival strategy: pretend I know what I’m doing.
I’m so bad at survival skills that I once got lost in my own backyard.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy, so I got drunk.
They say laughter is the best medicine, but survival instincts come a close second.
Surviving a zombie apocalypse is easy – just outrun your slowest friend.
In a survival situation, it’s important to stay calm, think rationally, and avoid any dangerous situations that might interrupt your Netflix binge-watching marathon.
My survival strategy during a blackout is to use my phone’s flashlight to look for snacks in the fridge.
Survival rule #1: Never trust a squirrel with your secret stash of acorns.
My survival strategy in the wild is to always bring a GPS… or at least a really good Wi-Fi connection.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is definitely not for you.
They say laughter is the best medicine, so if I ever find myself stranded on a deserted island, I’ll just start telling jokes to coconuts.
I tried to eat a clock to survive, but it was too time-consuming.
My camping trip was intense. In tents, that is.
What do you call a survival artist who can’t swim? A miracle worker!
My survival plan for a zombie apocalypse is to befriend them with my amazing dance moves.
I don’t always survive, but when I do, it’s because I found the last slice of pizza.
The real challenge of survival is resisting the temptation to press the snooze button in the morning.
Surviving a Monday feels like successfully navigating a jungle filled with deadlines and caffeine withdrawals.
I tried to be a minimalist, but survival instincts kicked in and now I’m a hoarder of survival kits.
Life is all about survival of the wittiest.
I told my wife I could survive a month in the wilderness with just a pocket knife and a can of Spam. She laughed and handed me the car keys.
I’ve learned that the key to survival is to never let anyone see how many times you’ve tripped over a tree root.
I told my boss I couldn’t come to work because I’m stuck in a survival video game. He said, “Just bring your console to the office.”
When life gives you lemons, just hope that one of them is a survival guide.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough to survive.
Why did the man bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
If you’re ever stranded on a deserted island, remember that coconuts are nature’s way of saying, “You should have packed snacks.”
The key to survival is to make sure you’re always the second-slowest person running away from a bear.
I tried to go camping once, but my survival instincts kicked in and I booked a hotel instead.
When life gives you lemons, add vodka and survival mode activated!
I Googled “how to survive a zombie apocalypse” and the first step was “delete your internet history.”
Surviving Monday mornings is a true testament to human strength and willpower.
If life gives you lemons, squeeze them into your water bottle and hope the citric acid scares away any bears nearby.
My survival strategy involves avoiding all situations that require me to run more than 10 feet.
I asked the wilderness guide how to survive a bear attack. He said, “Don’t wear bear-y clothes.”
I tried to survive on a deserted island once, but the mosquitoes were the real rulers of that land.

Survival Dad Jokes

Survival dad jokes are the ideal mix of humor and wilderness witticisms that will have you groaning and chuckling simultaneously.

These are the type of jokes that are so awful, they’re absolutely hilarious.

Perfect for camping trips, bonfire gatherings, or just to lighten the mood during a power outage, these jokes guarantee a hearty laugh in even the most dire of situations.

Prepare for the puns, brace for the belly laughs.

Here are some survival dad jokes that will ensure your humour survives any situation:

Why did the comedian take survival classes? Because he wanted to be able to “joke” his way out of any tight spot!
What’s the best way to survive a bear attack? Don’t get caught by a bear!
Why did the survivalist bring a fan to the desert? To create a “survival breeze”!
Why did the survival instructor bring a ladder to the desert? Just in case he needed to reach the “sand”wiches!
Why did the survivalist take a box of crayons on a camping trip? In case they needed “emergency color-in” supplies!
What do you call a bear who is a survival expert? A “grrrrrr”-vivor!
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal and ensure its survival for many more years!
Why don’t ants ever get lost in the wilderness? Because they have excellent ant-tennas!
Why did the survival instructor bring a ladder to the wilderness? In case he had to scale back his plans!
What do you call a bear that survives a winter in Alaska? A “polar survivor”!
Why don’t eggs go to war? Because they might crack under the pressure!
Why did the desert dwellers start a band? Because they wanted to make sand music and survive the monotony of their surroundings!
Did you hear about the guy who survived on nothing but coffee? He had a latte of perseverance!
Why did the survivalist become a musician? Because he wanted to “beat” the odds and make it through any situation!
What did the tree say to the lumberjack? I’m falling for you, but I’m trying to survive!
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No-eye deer!
Why did the music lover do well in a survival test? Because he knew how to “rock” his way through difficult situations!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the desert? So they could reach the high desert island!
Why did the baker excel at survival challenges? Because he knew how to “rise” to the occasion!
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? “Dam! I need to find another way to survive!”
Why did the bear bring a backpack when going camping? So it could bear all the essentials!
Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish, focused on their own survival!
Why do survivalists never go hungry in the woods? Because they always pack a good supply of s’mores!
Why did the adventurer bring a map to the grocery store? To navigate the cereal aisle and find his way to survival!
Why did the survivalist always carry a map? In case they got “disoriented” and needed to find their way back to dad jokes!
What do you call a camper who can survive without bug spray? A “mos-quit-it-all”!
Why don’t ants ever get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies to survive any illness!
What did the grape say after it was stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Why was the survivalist so good at telling jokes? Because they always had a “sur-vival” instinct for humor!
I always keep a map and compass with me when hiking. Not because I get lost easily, but because I like to “navigate” the situation.
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat the mushrooms in the forest? He thought they were too fungi to survive!
Why was the belt arrested? It was holding up a pair of pants!
I saw a squirrel gathering nuts for the winter, so I asked it for some survival tips. But all it said was, “Just go nuts!”
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing and wanted to blend in for its own survival!
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing running for its life!
What do you call a group of rabbits hopping together for survival? A hare-raising adventure!
What do you call a person who survives a zombie apocalypse? A “corpse-ticipant”!
Why did the survival expert bring a ladder to the desert? To help him reach the sand-wich!
What did the big wave say to the little wave in a survival situation? “Don’t worry, I’ve got your back!”
What did the ocean say to the sailboat? Nothing, it just waved and hoped for survival!
Why don’t skeletons fight in wars? They don’t have the guts for survival!
Why did the survivalist bring a mirror to the deserted island? So he could always reflect on his survival skills!
Why did the vegetable always win at survival games? Because it had a lot of greens!
Why couldn’t the bicycle find its way home? Because it lost its bearings!
What did the wilderness survival instructor say when his students asked how to escape a bear attack? “You don’t have to be faster than the bear, just faster than your slowest friend!”
Why do survivalists make good comedians? Because they always have a “knack” for finding humor in tough situations!
What do you call a survivalist who can’t swim? A “watered-down” version!
Why did the camping stove go to therapy? It was having trouble igniting the spark of survival!
Why did the turtle cross the road? To prove it’s not a chicken and can survive any challenge!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear that’s surviving on the bare necessities!
Why did the tomato turn red while hiking in the woods? Because it realized it had no ketchup!
Why did the math teacher always carry a ladder? To help his students with their problems!
Why did the hiker always carry a map in his pocket? Because he didn’t want to get lost in the punchlines!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
Why did the survival expert bring a ladder to the desert? In case he wanted to “climb”ate the situation!
What do you call a bear who can survive without food for days? A gummy bear!
How do you survive a zombie apocalypse? Just keep a “grave” face and “shamble” on!
Why do seagulls live near the sea? Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels, and that’s not a survival strategy!
Why did the adventurer bring a pencil and paper when lost in the jungle? To “draw” a map, of course!
How do you know if someone is a true survivalist? They can start a campfire with just two sticks and a credit card bill!
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one, he wanted to be prepared for survival!
Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish when it comes to survival!
Why was the math book so good at surviving? Because it had lots of “problems” to solve!
What do you call it when a snowman has a temper tantrum? A meltdown!
What did the survivalist say when he found a hidden treasure? It’s time to cash in my survival skills!
Why did the astronaut bring a ladder to space? Because they wanted to reach for the stars!
Why did the chicken join the survival training camp? To improve its cross the road survival skills!
Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
Why did the survivalist bring a pencil and paper into the wilderness? To draw their own survival map!
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
Why did the tomato turn to the mushroom for advice? Because it was a fun-gi to survive with!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the desert? In case he needed to play “sandwich” solitaire!
How do you survive a bear attack? Play dead… but make sure it’s in a Shakespearean accent!
Why did the survival instructor bring a pencil to the jungle? In case they needed to draw some survival tips!
Why did the survivalist only bring one shoe to the desert? In case he needed to run for his life!
Why did the tree survive even during tough times? Because it had strong roots and knew the importance of branching out!
Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to the other side about survival of the fittest!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the jungle? In case he needed to “cheetah” his way out of dangerous situations!
Why did the survivalist always carry a pencil in the wilderness? In case they needed to draw survival plans!
Why did the survivalist bring a magnifying glass to the forest? To start a “fire-ation” process!
Why do survivalists make great comedians? Because they always know how to find humor in any dire situation!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the desert? To climb up the “sand-wich” formation!
What’s the best way to survive a shark attack? Stay out of the water!
Why did the cowboy carry a lasso during a survival challenge? He wanted to rope-tie his way out of any trouble!
Why did the survivalist open a bakery? Because he kneaded dough to survive!
Why did the tomato turn purple? It was trying to ketchup with the others!
How do you survive in the wild without any food? Just go camping with a group of friends who can’t cook!
Why are survivalists great at math? Because they can count on their fingers and toes while braving the wilderness!
What do you call a person who survives by eating insects? A “bug-etarian”!

Survival Jokes for Kids

Survival jokes for kids are the swiss army knives of the humor world—versatile, surprising, and able to bring a smile at the most unexpected moments.

These jokes not only entertain but also subtly teach kids about the importance of resilience, problem-solving, and the concept of survival in a fun and lighthearted way.

Plus, survival jokes for kids can be an entertaining segue into learning about nature, camping, and the great outdoors, making wilderness feel less intimidating and more amusing.

Ready to embark on a laughter-filled adventure?

Here are some survival jokes that’ll have them chuckling around the campfire:

Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker? Because he wanted a well-balanced meal!
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!
Why did the lion bring a fishing rod to the jungle? He wanted to catch some fresh tropical fish!
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
Why did the turtle bring a book to the desert? Because it wanted to dive into a sand-tastic story!
What do you call a snail who cut off its own shell? Homeless!
Why did the bear bring a suitcase to the forest? Because it wanted to have a bear-y nice trip!
How do trees survive in the winter? They take a deep root and stay grounded!
Why did the teddy bear bring a ladder to the jungle? To survive a bear climb attack!
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school? Because her students were so bright!
Why did the chicken bring a map when it went camping? Because it didn’t want to get lost in the coop!
What do you call a squirrel that’s really good at survival? A “nut-let” – they always know how to stay prepared!
Why did the cow go to space? Because it wanted to see the moooon!
Why did the tomato turn red in the wilderness? Because it saw the “sauce” of survival!
What do you call a survival expert who loves to dance? A “survival-dancer” – they always know how to “move” in the wild!
How does the ocean say hello? It waves!
What do you call a bear without an ear? B!
Why did the mushroom bring a flashlight to the forest? Because it wanted to be a fungi in the dark!
How do you survive a lion attack? Be faster than the person running next to you!
What’s the best day to go to the beach? SUNday!
Why are spiders great at survival? Because they always “web” themselves a way out of any situation!
What did one math book say to the other? I’ve got too many problems!
What do you call a fish that can survive without water? A “deep”-end-ent!
Why did the chicken join the band? It had the best survival skills in drumsticks!
What did one blade of grass say to the other during a drought? We’re in this together, let’s stay rooted!
Why did the tomato turn blue? Because it was holding its breath!
What kind of tree can you carry in your hand? A palm!
Why did the chicken go to space? To visit the Milky Way!
Why do trees never go to survival school? Because they can just wing it!
What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!
Why do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales!
How do you organize a space party? You just planet!
What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!”
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange!
What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
What do you call a fish that wears a crown? King of the sea!
Why do mountains never get lost? Because they always know which way is “peak” performance!
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well!
What did the ocean say to the beach when it started to rain? Nothing, it just waved!
Why did the chicken bring a compass to the forest? To make sure it didn’t get caught “winging” it!
Why did the lion bring a rope to the jungle? To help him survive through the mane event!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear – it’s the ultimate survival snack!
Why did the bird go to school? To improve his “tweeting” skills!
Why did the mushroom survive in the dark forest? Because it had a fungi to rely on!
What did the tree say to the squirrel during a storm? Hold onto your nuts, it’s going to be a wild ride!
Why do bees always know how to find their way back to the hive? Because they have a great “buzz” sense!
What do you call a fly without wings? A walk!
Why did the bee go to the doctor? Because it had hives!
What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? A dino-snore!
Why did the plant always carry an umbrella? Because it wanted to be prepared for a photosynthesis shower!
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What do you call a dinosaur that can survive underwater? A swim-osaurus!
How do you survive a zombie apocalypse? Just stay calm and keep your brains to yourself!
Why did the tomato turn red while surviving in the refrigerator? Because it saw the salad dressing!

Survival Jokes for Adults

Who claims adults can’t relish a hearty survival joke?

Survival jokes for adults elevate the humor bar, fusing sharp wit with a dash of audacity.

Just like a well-prepared survival kit, these jokes blend elements of humor, wisdom, and a pinch of risqué for a truly unforgettable laughter session.

These jokes are perfect for camping trips, adventurous get-togethers, or simply to break the ice during a heavy discussion among friends.

Here are some survival jokes that are primed for adults:

Why did the survivalist always carry a jar of peanut butter in their backpack? In case they needed to ‘spread’ some survival knowledge!
What did the survivalist say when he found a stream of clean water? “Water way to survive!”
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the desert? Just in case they needed a high ground advantage against the cacti!
How did the survivalist react when a bear attacked? He ran faster than his friends!
Why do survivalists make great comedians? They can always find humor in the direst of situations!
Why did the survivalist wear a tuxedo to the camping trip? Because they believed in dressing for success, even when surviving in the great outdoors!
Why did the survivalist start a band? Because they believed in the power of survival metal!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the desert? To reach the ‘sand’wiches on the top shelf!
Why did the camping trip turn into a disaster? The survival guide was written in invisible ink!
How did the survivalist make a call for help when stranded on a deserted island? They sent a message in a bottle, along with their phone bill!
Why did the hiker always carry a map? Because he couldn’t trust his “compass” to find his way back!
What did the survivalist say to their friends before going on a camping trip? “I’ll see you in tents!”
Why did the survivalist always bring a tent to parties? Because they knew how to pitch a good time!
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired! Survival of the fittest wheels!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the desert? To reach the high desert plants and survive with fresh food!
What did the survivalist say to the mountain lion? “You don’t scare me, I’ve watched enough Nat Geo!”
Why did the adventurer bring a tent to the jungle? In case he wanted to “canopy” himself from danger!
Why did the survivalist carry a map in the jungle? So they could leaf their way back home!
How did the survivalist survive in a zombie apocalypse? He had a “grave” sense of humor!
Why did the survivalist join a cooking class? To learn how to make a gourmet meal out of a can of beans during an apocalypse!
Why did the survivalist only hang out with mathematicians? They loved calculating the odds of survival together!
Why did the survivalist become a chef? They wanted to master the art of turning basic ingredients into a gourmet meal, even in the wilderness!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the wilderness? To survive a game of solitaire!
What did the survivalist say when he found a bag of Doritos in the wilderness? “Nachos? I’m saved!”
Why did the survivalist always carry a mirror? To reflect on how good he was at surviving!
Why did the survivalist take up skydiving? Because falling from the sky seemed easier than surviving on land!
Why did the survivalist always have a dog by their side? Because they knew a canine companion was their fur-ever friend in the wild!
Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets! Survival of the richest!
Why did the musician always carry a pencil? Because he couldn’t sharp his music without it!
What did the survivalist say after successfully starting a fire? “I’m on fire! Oh wait, that’s just the flames.”
Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems to solve! Survival of the smartest!
Why did the survivalist enroll in a cooking class? Because they wanted to learn how to make a meal out of any wild plant or herb, just in case!
Why did the survivalist become an expert in Morse code? They wanted to ‘tap’ into new survival techniques!
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To survive the slide!
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat the clock? He didn’t have time for seconds!
Why did the survivalist bring a pillow to the rainforest? To ensure a ‘cushioned’ survival experience!
What did the survivalist say when asked about their favorite TV show? “Survivor, of course! It’s my inspiration!”
Why did the survivalist start a fashion line in the wilderness? They wanted to create “survival chic”!
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus!
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! Survival of the best swing!
What did the survivalist say when they finally found a clean water source in the wilderness? “Now that’s what I call a well-deserved survival drink!”
Why do survivalists never invite bears to their parties? Because they can’t bear the thought of uninvited guests!
What did one survivalist say to the other while lost in the woods? “I hope we packed some snacks, because we’re gonna be here awhile!”
What do you call a survivalist who’s also a comedian? A jokester in the wild, trying to survive on laughter alone!
What did the survival expert say to the procrastinator? “Survival of the fittest, not the laziest!”
Why did the survivalist refuse to play cards in the wilderness? Because they didn’t want to ‘deal’ with any wild ‘cards’!
Why did the survivalist bring a map and compass to the desert? So they wouldn’t get ‘sand’wiched between dunes!
Why did the survivalist bring a mirror to the Arctic? To see if they could really ‘break the ice’ with themselves!
Why did the camper always carry a deck of cards? In case he needed to play “Go Fish” for his dinner!
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the gym? In case he wanted to “muscle” his way out of there!
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved! Survival of the waviest!
Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback!
Why do survivalists always have a positive outlook? Because they believe every problem is just an opportunity for an adventure!
Why did the survivalist refuse to play cards with the group of hikers? Because they were tired of being dealt bad hands in the wilderness, and they wanted to avoid any wild card situations!
What’s the best way to survive a zombie apocalypse? “Braaains” and running shoes!
Why did the camper take a pillow to the bear-infested forest? So he could “bear” the thought of sleeping on the hard ground!
What did the survivalist say when he found a snake in his sleeping bag? “Well, that’s a “python” of trouble!”
Why did the survivalist always carry a pack of gum in their survival kit? Because they believed in the power of chewing gum to keep their spirits high during tough times!
What do you call a person who survives solely on coffee? A caffeine-dependent organism!
Why did the survivalist fail at archery? He couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of music? Wilderness and Rock ‘n Roll!
Why did the survivalist always carry a spoon in the wild? They believed in fighting off wild animals with souperior utensils!
Why did the survivalist always carry a mirror? So they could signal for help or take a quick selfie in the wild!
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Survival of the fittest theory!
Why did the survivalist join a gym? They wanted to be prepared for any physical challenge, even the apocalypse!
Why did the survivalist always carry a pencil and paper in the jungle? To document the ‘tree’mendous moments!
Why did the survivalist bring a boombox on his adventure? So he could listen to some survival rap!
Why did the tree go to the bank? It needed to branch out its investments!
What did the survivalist say when they found a watermelon in the desert? “Looks like nature has some juicy survival tips!”
Why did the adventurer take a nap under a tree during a dangerous expedition? Because they wanted to rest in pieces!
What did the survivalist say to the pessimistic camper? “Don’t worry, the first rule of survival is to stay positive… and watch out for bears!”
Why did the hiker bring a map to the desert? Because even if they got lost, they could still pretend to be a tourist!
Why did the survivalist carry a ladder in the desert? So they could climb to the top of a cactus and scream for help!
Why did the vampire get a job at the blood bank? He always wanted to work for a good vein-ture!
Why did the survivalist always carry a magnifying glass in the desert? To start a “fiery” conversation with the sun!
Why did the survivalist start a YouTube channel? To share their tips and tricks on surviving awkward social situations!
How did the survivalist escape a bear attack? They played deadpan comedy and the bear couldn’t bear it!
Why did the survival instructor bring a ladder to the desert? In case they wanted to climb up a cactus!
Why did the survivalist bring a pencil and paper to the jungle? So they could draw their own map after getting hopelessly lost!
Why did the survivalist take a job at the bakery? They wanted to prove they could rise to the occasion in any environment!
What did the survivalist say to the mosquito? “You can buzz all you want, but you won’t find any blood here. I’ve got bug spray!”
Why did the survivalist take up gardening? To learn how to ‘root’ for their own survival!
Why did the hunter bring a ladder to the jungle? Because he heard the lions were prideful!
Why did the survivalist become an expert at tying knots? So he could knot get lost in the woods!
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the grocery store? Because they wanted to navigate the treacherous aisles and avoid any unexpected sales!
What did the survivalist say when they found a mosquito in their sleeping bag? “Looks like I’ve been bitten by the bug of survival!”
Why did the survivalist become a comedian? Because laughter is the best “sur-vival” technique!
What did the survivalist say when asked about their favorite type of music? “Survival of the hippest!”
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! Survival of the boniest!
How do survivalists stay entertained during a long hike? They play “I Spy with my Wilderness Eye!”
What did the survivalist say when they ran out of water? “I guess it’s time to start drinking my own sweat!”
Why do survivalists never get lost in the woods? Because they always take the “forest” path!
Why did the survivalist carry a mirror in the wilderness? So they could reflect on their survival skills!
Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together? Because they don’t want to go downhill on their survival skills!
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat clock hands? He didn’t want to be caught in a time crunch!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the desert? To reach the “sandwich” at the top of the cactus!
What did one survival instructor say to the other? “Let’s stick together, we need to survive this staff meeting!”
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the jungle? To play a game of survival solitaire in case they got lost!
Why did the survivalist bring a dictionary on his expedition? So he could look up the definition of “survival”!
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat the mushrooms he found in the wild? He didn’t want to risk getting a fungi-tis!
Why did the survivalist bring a can opener to the jungle? In case he needed to “unleash” his survival skills!
What did the survivalist say when they found a mosquito in their shelter? “Well, at least we have a blood donor!”
Why did the hiker bring a ladder on his trek? In case he wanted to reach new heights!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the desert? To climb to the top of the food chain!
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it!
Why did the hipster drown? He went ice skating before it was cool!
Why do survivalists make terrible actors? They can never fake being surprised by the unexpected!

Survival Joke Generator

Keeping your humor alive in the wild can often feel like walking a tightrope without a safety net.

(Do you get the survival instinct?)

That’s where our FREE Survival Joke Generator swoops in to the rescue.

Designed to weave cunning puns, raw humor, and playful survival phrases, it formulates jokes that are guaranteed to ignite bursts of laughter around the campfire.

Don’t let your humor get lost in the wilderness.

Use our joke generator to brew jokes that are as sharp and captivating as your survival skills.

FAQs About Survival Jokes

Why are survival jokes popular?

Survival jokes tap into the human spirit’s ability to find humor even in the most challenging situations.

They are popular because they create a sense of camaraderie and help lighten the mood, even when the going gets tough.

Can survival jokes help in difficult situations?

Definitely!

A good survival joke can ease tension, build morale, and create a sense of unity in difficult situations.

In stressful or challenging times, a bit of laughter can be a very powerful coping mechanism.

How can I come up with my own survival jokes?

Consider different survival scenarios—stranded on a desert island, lost in a jungle, or stuck in a mountain blizzard. You can even think about everyday challenges, like surviving a Monday at the office.
Think about the tools, skills, and resources associated with survival, such as making fire, finding food, building shelters, etc.
Find humor in the absurdity or irony of these situations. Survival often requires creativity and determination, which can lead to funny moments.
Use puns and wordplay related to survival terminology. For instance, terms like survival of the fittest, wild, or adventure can be spun into humorous punchlines.
Remember to keep it light and fun. The goal is to make people smile, not to distress them.

Are there any tips for remembering survival jokes?

Associating survival jokes with certain scenarios or situations, like camping trips, hiking adventures, or even survival TV shows, can help them stick in your mind.

You can also create a mental image of the joke to remember it easily.

How can I make my survival jokes better?

The key to a great survival joke is surprise and relatability.

Find common ground with your audience, use unexpected twists, and play with survival-related words or phrases.

Practice is also essential, as timing and delivery can significantly enhance the humor of your joke.

How does the Survival Joke Generator work?

Our Survival Joke Generator provides an instant dose of humor.

Just enter keywords related to your survival-themed situation, then press the Generate Jokes button.

Within seconds, you’ll have a collection of hilarious survival jokes ready to lighten the mood.

Is the Survival Joke Generator free?

Absolutely, our Survival Joke Generator is completely free to use!

You can generate as many jokes as you need to keep your content entertaining and fun.

Go ahead and add a touch of humor to your survival-themed conversations or posts.

Conclusion

Survival jokes are a unique way to add a dash of resilience to everyday conversations, making life a bit more enjoyable with each chuckle.

From the quick and humorous to the lengthy and hilarious, there’s a survival joke for every situation.

So next time you’re braving the wilderness, remember, there’s humor to be found in every challenge, trial, and triumph.

Keep spreading the laughs, and let the good times roll like a survivalist’s swiss army knife.

Because after all, a day without laughter is like a day without survival skills—unthinkable and, frankly, a bit less adventurous.

Happy joking, everyone!

Wilderness Jokes That Will Have You Laughing in the Great Outdoors

Survival Kit Jokes That Are Essential for a Good Laugh

End of the World Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Until the Apocalypse

Desert Island Jokes for Those Stranded on Humor

Campfire Jokes to Lighten Up Your Night