948 Survivalist Jokes to Fuel Your Wilderness Humor

If you’re here, it means you’re ready to brave the wilderness of survivalist jokes.

Not just any jokes, but the pick of the pack.

That’s why we’ve assembled a list of the most side-splitting survivalist jokes.

From wilderness puns to campfire one-liners, our compilation has a joke for every adventure life throws at you.

So, let’s delve into the rugged terrain of survivalist humor, one joke at a time.

Contents show

Survivalist Jokes

Survivalist jokes come with a twist of wilderness humor that can tickle your funny bone even in the most challenging situations.

They’re not only about survival scenarios, but also the extreme lifestyle and mentality that survivalists adopt.

From their obsession with being prepared for every calamity to their inclination towards self-reliance, survivalists offer plenty of fodder for comedy.

Crafting the ideal survivalist joke involves leveraging the dramatic, often unexpected and absurd situations one might encounter in the wilderness, and the relentless optimism and resourcefulness of survivalists themselves.

Ready for a wild laugh?

Brace yourself for chuckles that challenge the elements with these survivalist jokes:

Why don’t survivalists ever get lost? Because they always have a compass-ionate heart!
What do you call a survivalist who can never start a fire? A “match-less” adventurer!
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the grocery store? Because they wanted to survive the chaos in the produce section!
What do you call a survivalist who can never find their way back to camp? Lost and found!
Why did the survivalist bring a smartphone into the jungle? To take “selfie” defense courses, of course!
How does a survivalist prepare their dinner? They give it a “bear” hug before cooking it!
Why did the survivalist take up gardening in the apocalypse? Because they wanted to grow their own “zom-beans”!
Why did the survivalist take a shower in the rain? To save on water and show their wild side!
How do survivalists stay warm in the winter? They make s’mores over their campfire selfies!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of music? Wilderness tunes – they really know how to “rock” in the great outdoors!
Why don’t survivalists ever get lost in the forest? Because they always know where to “tree” themselves!
Why did the survivalist always bring a mirror? To make sure they were “reflected” in their survival skills!
Why did the survivalist always carry a pocket knife? Because they believed in being “knife and ready” for any situation!
What do you call a survivalist who loves to bake? A “flour” ranger!
Why did the survivalist bring a map into the desert? Because they wanted to “compass” themselves!
What did the survivalist say to the bear in the woods? “I’m just here for the s’mores, not a bear hug!”
Why do survivalists love camping so much? Because it’s in tents!
What did the survivalist say when asked how he stays motivated during tough times? “I just keep camping on!”
Why did the survivalist bring a parachute to the jungle? Just in case he needed to “leaf” in a hurry!
What do you call a survivalist with a pet rabbit? A “hoptimist”!
Why did the survivalist always carry a map and a compass? Because they refused to rely on “Google Survive”!
How does a survivalist make their coffee? They brew it with water they’ve purified by distilling their own sweat!
What did the survivalist say when asked about their favorite survival skill? “Oh, I can start a fire without matches – it’s just a matter of rubbing people the right way!”
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards into the woods? They were hoping to “deal” with any survival situation!
Why did the survivalist only eat food with expiration dates? Because they didn’t want to take any chances with survival of the fittest!
Why did the survivalist bring a can opener to a deserted island? To make sure they could “pop” off the island anytime!
How did the survivalist start a fire with just one stick? They told it a really cheesy joke and it burst into flames!
Why did the survivalist take up gardening during the apocalypse? They wanted to have a backup plan if their survival skills failed – they’d become a zucchini farmer!
What do you call a survivalist who loves camping? In tents!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the wilderness? They wanted to prove they could survive even the most intense games of solitaire!
How do survivalists make friends in the wilderness? They “branch” out and find some tree-mendous company!
How do survivalists stay fit? They do “survival yoga” to maintain their balance in the wild!
Why did the survivalist bring a map and a compass to the desert? To prove to the cacti that they’re not just wandering around aimlessly!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the deserted island? So they could play solitaire survival while waiting to be rescued!
What did the survivalist say when he discovered a hidden cave? “I’ve got a “spelunking” suspicion this will come in handy!”
Why did the survivalist bring a mirror on their camping trip? So they could reflect on how to survive better.
How does a survivalist prepare for a marathon? By “running” away from bears in the woods!
How does a survivalist cook a meal in the wild? They grill it and bear it!
Why did the survivalist refuse to wear camouflage clothing? They didn’t want to blend in with their food supply!
Why did the survivalist refuse to go on a roller coaster? They preferred facing the wild than a wild ride!
Why did the survivalist refuse to go camping with friends? Because they couldn’t bear it!
Why did the survivalist take up knitting? Because they needed to have a “survival stitch”!
Why did the survivalist always carry a can opener in the wilderness? Just in case they stumbled upon a can of survival beans!
Why did the survivalist take a cooking class in the wilderness? They wanted to learn how to “survive” on gourmet meals!
What did the survivalist say after successfully starting a fire? “I’m on fire today!”
How do survivalists communicate? They use Morse code during their family picnics!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the desert? In case they had to “sand”wich themselves between a rock and a hard place!
What did the survivalist say to the bear that was chasing him? “Can’t we just “paws” for a minute and talk this out?”
Why did the survivalist go to the comedy club? They wanted to sharpen their survival instincts!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the forest? In case he needed to “rise” above the situation!
Why did the survivalist always carry a can of beans? In case he needed to start a musical performance with a little “can-can”!
What do you call a survivalist who is afraid of bugs? A “buzz-kill” camper!
Why did the survivalist bring a tent to the desert? To have a “shade” of a good time.
Why did the survivalist always carry a map? So he could find his way back to civilization and order a pizza delivery!
What did the survivalist say when they found a group of zombies? “I guess it’s time to put my apocalypse plan into action!”
Why did the survivalist refuse to share his fire with anyone? He didn’t want to start a “burning” relationship!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards into the wilderness? In case they needed to “survive” a long game of solitaire!
What did the survivalist say when asked if they could survive in the Arctic? “I’m pretty chill about it, I’ve already packed my ice skates!”
What did the survivalist say to the mosquito? “I’m off-limits, blood-sucker!”
Why did the survivalist bring a backpack full of rubber bands to the jungle? To show the monkeys who’s really the king of survival knot-tying!
What did the survivalist say when he found a hidden cache of food? “I’ve struck pantry gold!”
Why did the survivalist refuse to swim in the lake? They didn’t want to be caught off guard by a surprise survival test.
What did the survivalist say when asked how he deals with fear? “I just pretend it’s a bear minimum!”
What did the survivalist say when he found a snake in his sleeping bag? “Well, this is a real constricting situation!”
Why do survivalists always carry a map? Because they can’t ask Siri for directions in the wilderness!
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the desert? So they wouldn’t just have to rely on their survival instincts to find their way.
Why did the survivalist bring a pillow to the wilderness? In case they needed a soft place to rest their “wilderness dreams” on!
What did the survivalist say when they found a delicious mushroom in the wild? “I’m a fungi, I mean fun guy!”
Why did the survivalist carry a map of the city during a zombie apocalypse? So they could navigate the streets and avoid becoming a “walker’s” lunch!
What did the survivalist say when they found a water source? “Well, well, well, look who’s “springing” to life!”
Why did the survivalist take a fishing rod to the apocalypse? To “catch” some post-apocalyptic fish and chips.
Why did the survivalist wear camouflage in the forest? Because they didn’t want to be mistaken for a tree hugger!
What did the survivalist say when he discovered a natural water source? “Well, this is a refreshing development!”
How do survivalists always know what time it is? They have “survival” instincts!
How do survivalists measure their success? By counting how many mosquito bites they’ve accumulated!
Why did the survivalist always carry a map and a compass? So they wouldn’t get “survival-ly challenged” and go in circles!
How did the survivalist cook their food? They used their “grill” instincts!
What did the survivalist say to the poisonous snake? “I’m venomously uninterested in your bite!”
Why don’t survivalists tell secrets in the forest? Because the trees have too many ears!
What did the survivalist say when asked if they could start a fire without matches? “Of course, I’m just waiting for the marshmallows to catch fire spontaneously!”
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the desert? Because they didn’t trust their GPS to find their way to the oasis!
How did the survivalist escape the bear attack? They played dead… and won an Oscar!
Why did the survivalist always bring a pencil to the forest? So he could draw survival plans!
Why did the survivalist bring a bear to their campsite? Because they wanted to have a “bear”-becue party!
What did the survivalist say when he encountered a bear in the woods? “I guess I won’t be winning any ‘Bear Grylls’ look-alike contests!”
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of tea? Camo-mile!
Why did the survivalist always carry a fishing rod? In case they needed to reel in some survival tips from the fish!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of humor? Wilderness puns – they’re always in-tents-ly funny!
What did the survivalist say when they found a hidden stash of food? “Now I can finally eat my way out of this mess!”
Why did the survivalist always carry a Swiss army knife? Because they believed in being “prepared for every Swiss-tuation!”
How did the survivalist find their way through the dense forest? They just followed the trail of breadcrumbs left by a clumsy hiker!
Why did the survivalist bring a can opener to the jungle? In case they stumbled upon a “canned” food tree!
How did the survivalist become friends with a bear? They offered it some “pawsitive” reinforcement!
Why don’t survivalists trust stairs? Because they are always taking steps backwards.
Why did the survivalist bring a portable fan into the desert? To make sure they always had a “survival breeze” on hot days!
What did one survivalist say to the other while camping? “I can’t bear the thought of leaving this place!”
How did the survivalist fix his broken compass? He gave it a good direction!
What did the survivalist say when they finally found a source of clean water? “Well, that’s a “fresh”ing sight!”
Why did the survivalist start a gardening club? Because they wanted to be prepared for the apocalypse with their own food source – survivalist green thumbs!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of math? Wilderness algebra – it’s all about “surviving” the numbers!
Why did the survivalist become a stand-up comedian? Because they always know how to “survive” a tough crowd!
Why did the survivalist bring a watermelon on their expedition? Because they wanted to have a “survival picnic” in the wild!
Why did the survivalist always carry a map and a dictionary? In case they needed to “navigate” their way through words!
Why did the survivalist bring a set of drums into the forest? Just in case they needed to start a “survival band” to scare away predators!
What did the survivalist say when they found a snake in their sleeping bag? “Well, guess I won’t be sleeping tight tonight!”
Why did the survivalist become a stand-up comedian? Because they knew how to lighten up any situation, even in the direst of circumstances!
What did the survivalist say when they saw a bear in the wild? “I guess it’s time to put my bear survival skills to the test!”
What did the survivalist say when they made a fire without matches? “I’m on fire! I’m a “match” made in survivalist heaven!”
How do survivalists make their coffee in the wild? They use the “brew” method!
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat mushrooms in the wild? Because he didn’t want to risk having a “fun guy” experience!
Why did the survivalist start a gardening club? Because he wanted to cultivate his survival skills!
What did the survivalist say when they found a hidden stash of canned food? “Looks like I’ve hit the jackpot! This is can-credible!”
Why did the survivalist take a nap in the bear cave? They wanted to have a “grizzly” sleepover!
How does a survivalist measure time? With a “thyme”r!
What do survivalists call a successful fishing trip? “Reel-y” good luck!
What did the survivalist say when they successfully started a fire without matches? “I’m really sparking up a new career here!”
Why did the survivalist start a band? They wanted to be the ultimate “survival of the phattest” rockers in the post-apocalyptic world!
What did the survivalist say after successfully building a shelter? “I guess I’m just a pro at making houses out of sticks and leaves. Move over, architects!”
Why did the survivalist keep a bottle of hot sauce in their emergency kit? In case they needed to spice up their survival meals!
Why did the survivalist become a stand-up comedian? Because their survival skills were a joke!
How did the survivalist become a comedian? He found humor in every survival situation, he truly is a laugh rafter!
How did the survivalist stay entertained during a power outage? They played “Guess the Edible Plant” in the dark!
Why don’t survivalists ever get lost? Because they always find their way back to their snacks!
Why did the survivalist refuse to share their water bottle? Because they were “well-hydrated” in keeping it to themselves!
What did the survivalist say when he found a mushroom in the woods? “I’m a “fungi” foraging expert!”
Why did the survivalist become an expert in knot tying? They wanted to be “knotty” by nature!
What did one survivalist say to the other when they found a pile of bones in the forest? “Looks like someone couldn’t bear to survive.”
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the desert? In case they got “sand”-wiched between two dunes!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the forest? So he could reach the top branches of his favorite tree for the perfect selfie!
What did the survivalist say to their friends when they built a treehouse? “I’m branching out my survival skills!”
How did the survivalist make a shelter out of sticks and leaves? They followed the instructions on a DIY beaver blog!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards into the jungle? To show the animals how to survive a game of poker.
What did the survivalist say when they finally mastered starting a fire without matches? “It’s lit, literally!”
Why did the survivalist become a chef? Because they realized survival was all about “eating well” in the wilderness!
What did the survivalist say when their friend asked for water in the wilderness? “Sorry, I can’t help you, I’m all tapped out!”
Why did the survivalist bring a phone to the jungle? To check if they had a “cell” signal.
What did the survivalist say to their friend who was scared of insects? “Don’t worry, I’ll teach you how to survive their creepy crawliness.”
What did the survivalist say when he couldn’t find his tent? “Looks like I’ve gone camping without a shelter!”
Why don’t survivalists ever go to fancy restaurants? Because they prefer dining in the wilderness, where they can “catch” their own food!
How do survivalists stay fit in the wild? They do “bear”obics!
Why did the survivalist bring a boombox to the wilderness? To see if they could attract any wild beats!
Why did the survivalist take a nap in the forest? To practice his survival hibernation skills!
What did the survivalist say when they saw a squirrel gathering nuts for the winter? “That’s some serious squirrel-vival skills!”
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the desert? They heard it was a high-risk area and wanted to take it to the next level!
Why did the survivalist always carry a pen and paper in the wilderness? So they could “jot” down any wild ideas!
What do survivalists use to cut their hair? “Wilderness Clippers” – it’s the latest trend!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of dance? The “break-dirt”!
Why did the survivalist become a comedian? He thought survival was a laughing matter!
Why did the survivalist start an herb garden in the wild? So they could have some “survival seasoning” on their meals!
What did the survivalist say to the bear in the woods? “Please bear with me, I’m just trying to survive here!”
Why did the survivalist love cooking with cast iron pans? Because they’re always in-tents!
What did the survivalist say when they found a hidden cave? “Looks like I’ve stumbled upon the ultimate survival condo!”
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder into the wilderness? So he could survive the high ground.
How did the survivalist train for the zombie apocalypse? They attended “marathons” and practiced outrunning the undead!
Why did the survivalist refuse to go camping with their friends? They didn’t want to be a part of any “in-tents” situation!
Why did the survivalist bring a watermelon on his camping trip? Because he wanted to “melon-camp” in style!
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat canned food during their adventure? They said, “Canned food is for those who can’t think out of the ‘can’!”
Why did the survivalist take a ladder into the wilderness? They heard it was a great way to “climb” the ranks of survival!
Why did the survivalist become a comedian? Because they knew how to make people laugh their way out of any dangerous situation!
Why did the survivalist always carry a can opener? In case they needed to survive the wild world of canned food.
What did the survivalist say when asked how he stays calm in dangerous situations? “I just remember to take it one s’more at a time!”
Why did the survivalist become an expert in plant identification? Because he wanted to “branch” out his survival skills!
Why did the survivalist only bring one shoe on their camping trip? Because they heard you should always pack an extra “soul”
What did the survivalist say to their friend who couldn’t start a fire? “Don’t worry, you just need to gather some sparks of inspiration!”
What did the survivalist say when he caught a fish with his bare hands? “Well, I guess I’m quite a catch myself!”
What did the survivalist say when they caught a fish? “I “reel-y” got the hang of this survival thing!”

Short Survivalist Jokes

Short survivalist jokes are like the spark from a flint—brief, surprising, and igniting a wildfire of laughter.

These jokes are perfect for campfire tales, wilderness retreats, or those times when you need a quick chuckle to lighten the mood.

The charm of short survivalist jokes lies in their ability to merge outdoor adventure and humor, delivering a burst of laughter in a survival-themed package.

And now, as they say in the wild, let’s get crackling!

Here are short survivalist jokes that will provide a hearty laugh in just a few words.

What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of bread? Sourdough, it’s always rising!
What do you call a survivalist who loves mathematics? A calculator-culating survivor!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite music genre? Wilderness-hop!
What did the survivalist say to the mosquito? You bug me!
How do survivalists find their way home? They just follow their compass-ion!
Why did the survivalist refuse to get a tan? Sunblock is camouflage!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite dessert? Crumble in the jungle!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite board game? “Risk-y Survival”!
How did the survivalist become a millionaire? They started as a billionaire!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of boat? A survivORca!
Why do survivalists love camping? They’re always prepared for disaster!
What do survivalists keep in their pockets? Survival of the fittest!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of music? “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child!
What did the survivalist say when he found clean water? H2-Yay!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite exercise? “Squat and Gather”!
What did the survivalist say to the comedian? “You’re not very punny-cious!”
What’s a survivalist’s favorite insect? A “sur-thrival” bug!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of music? “Rock” and “roll”ing thunderstorms!
How does a survivalist organize their belongings? They use survival-of-the-fittest!
Why did the survivalist start a garden? To become a plant-based survivor!
How did the survivalist become an expert? Trial and wilderness!
What do you call a survivalist who loves puzzles? A “sur-vival-atrix”!
What did the survivalist say to the bear? “I’m a grizzly expert!”
How did the survivalist survive in the Arctic? They wore polar fleas!
Why did the survivalist join a yoga class? To master emergency flexibility!
What did the survivalist say to the zombie? “You’re dead to me!”
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of music? “Can’t Fight the Thyme”!
How do survivalists stay warm in the winter? They “huddle” for warmth!
What did the survivalist say to the zombie? I can outlive you!
Why did the survivalist take up gardening? To practice self-suffi-cultivation!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite exercise? “Survival of the fittest” workouts!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the wilderness? Bear escapes!
What did the survivalist say to the bear? Can you please hibernate?
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of math? Survivalist-ics!
Why do survivalists trust trees? They’re always branching out for shelter!
What did the survivalist say when they found a secret bunker? Score!
Why did the survivalist always carry a map? To stay on track!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of shoe? Survivor-vivors!
How did the survivalist survive in the desert? They had a “sand”-wich!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of humor? “Survival of the funniest” jokes!

Survivalist Jokes One-Liners

One-liner survivalist jokes are the embodiment of humor wrapped in a single statement.

They’re the verbal equivalent of igniting a fire with just two sticks – surprising, efficient, and impressively resourceful.

Crafting a good one-liner requires a mixture of wit, timing, and a deep understanding of the art of humor.

The objective is to encompass the setup and punchline in a concise package, delivering the maximum laughter with minimal words.

Here’s to hoping these survivalist one-liners find you well-prepared to laugh out loud:

Why did the survivalist bring a map to the desert? To navigate their way through sandy survival situations!
What did the survivalist do when they were attacked by a bear? They pulled out their phone to take a selfie, because if they were going down, they wanted a good profile picture for the news.
The survivalist told me he’s never lost in the wilderness. I guess he just can’t find his way out of a conversation.
My survivalist skills include being able to assemble IKEA furniture without a manual.
Why did the survivalist join a gym? To survive the fitness apocalypse!
Survivalists: because you never know when you’ll need to start a fire with two sticks in the middle of a city.
I tried to start a fire using only two sticks, but I think I accidentally invented the world’s first stick sandwich instead.
I tried to join a survivalist group, but they said I wouldn’t survive the initiation process – it involved finding the TV remote without asking anyone.
What did the survivalist say when he found a water bottle in the middle of the forest? “Well, well, well… looks like someone had a hydration revelation.”
What do you call a survivalist who can’t start a fire? An arsonist in training!
If I were a survivalist, my first rule would be “No spiders allowed.”
What did the survivalist say when he found a four-leaf clover in the wilderness? This is my lucky shelter!
My idea of survival training is successfully hiding my snacks from my kids for more than five minutes.
As a survivalist, I’m always prepared for the worst-case scenario, like running out of coffee filters.
I went camping once, but I quickly realized that my survival skills were limited to finding the nearest Starbucks.
My idea of roughing it in the wild is forgetting to bring my phone charger.
When the apocalypse comes, I hope my survival skills include being the fastest runner in my group of friends.
Survivalists believe in being prepared for anything, whereas I believe in being prepared for naptime.
I’m so committed to survivalist principles that I practice my “hide and seek” skills every time a telemarketer calls.
What did the survivalist say when they saw a bear approaching? “I guess it’s time for a bear-y funny escape plan!”
I’ve mastered the art of foraging, especially when it comes to finding the last slice of pizza in the fridge.
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat clock hands? They didn’t have time for seconds!
Survivalists are always prepared for the worst, but never for a surprise birthday party.
I’m not a survivalist, but I can start a campfire using my extensive collection of scented candles.
What did the survivalist say to the mosquito buzzing around his campfire? “You’re just a little bloodsucker, trying to get a rise out of me!”
Some people stockpile canned food for the end of the world. I stockpile pizza delivery menus.
If the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m pretty sure I’ll be the first one to trip and fall.
I attempted to join a survivalist group, but they kicked me out because my idea of foraging was raiding the fridge at midnight.
Survival tip: Always carry a map, a compass, and a friend who has no sense of direction.
Did you hear about the survivalist who tried to survive solely on puns? Unfortunately, they couldn’t find any pun-damental food sources!
What did the survivalist say when asked about their worst fear? “Running out of toilet paper in the wilderness.” Survival priorities.
Survival tip: If in doubt, just pretend you know what you’re doing.
What did the survivalist say when they found a snake in their sleeping bag? “Looks like I’ve made a slithering mistake!”
Being a survivalist is all fun and games until you realize the great outdoors doesn’t have Wi-Fi.
I’m not a survivalist, but I do consider myself a master of finding the lost TV remote.
What’s a survivalist’s favorite dessert? S’mores-cademy pudding!
The only thing I’ve successfully hunted in the wild is a good Wi-Fi signal.
I tried to become a survivalist, but my houseplants didn’t make it past day one.
What did the survivalist say to his friends when he successfully started a fire with only two sticks? “I guess you could say I’m a real matchmaker.”
What did the survivalist say to the mushroom in the woods? “I’m a fun-guy, but you’re not on my survival menu!”
Why did the survivalist become a baker? Because he kneaded dough!
Survivalists are just preppers who take it too far.
Why did the survivalist start a dating app? Because they wanted to find someone who could start a fire in their heart.
My idea of foraging for food is raiding the fridge at midnight.
I’m not a survivalist, but I can survive without Wi-Fi for at least 5 minutes.
I once tried to start a fire using only sticks and dry leaves, but ended up ordering pizza instead.
I don’t need a compass to find my way in the wilderness – I just follow the smell of fresh coffee brewing.
If the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m just going to start a survivalist group called “The Couch Potatoes.”
Survivalists stock up on water, food, and weapons. Meanwhile, I’m stockpiling Netflix shows for the apocalypse.
Why did the survivalist become an artist? Because they could always paint themselves into a survival corner!
Why did the survivalist start a comedy club in the forest? He wanted to make sure everyone had a sense of lumber!
I’m not a survivalist, but I excel at finding the perfect hiding spot during a game of hide and seek.
Did you hear about the survivalist who found a hidden oasis? Turns out, it was just a mirage-nificent prank!
As a survivalist, I’ve mastered the art of foraging: I can find the nearest drive-thru in any city within minutes.
Why did the survivalist refuse to go camping with their friends? They didn’t want to survive the weekend on store-bought marshmallows and canned laughter.
What did the survivalist say when their friend asked if they had any survival tips? “I can’t share my secrets, that would defeat the purpose!”
I’m a survivalist at heart, but my version of roughing it is staying at a hotel without room service.
Did you hear about the survivalist who opened a bakery in the wilderness? His specialty is wild doughnuts.
Survivalist tip: always carry a spoon, because you never know when you’ll stumble upon a pudding cup in the wilderness.
Surviving a zombie apocalypse is easy, just stay indoors and binge-watch The Walking Dead.
Why did the survivalist join a gym? To train for the ultimate challenge of outrunning a zombie horde on a treadmill.
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the apocalypse? Because they wanted to play a game of “52 Ways to Survive!”
Survivalists are like onions – they have layers, and they can make you cry when they start talking about their bug-out plans.
I’m not a survivalist, but I can survive a power outage by telling ghost stories in the dark.
What did the survivalist say to the mosquito? “I’m prepared to survive your bites, but please buzz off!”
I tried to become a survivalist, but then I realized camping without Wi-Fi is just called “being lost.”
Being a survivalist means having a closet full of “just-in-case” items and zero closet space for clothes.
I may not be a survivalist, but I can definitely survive a marathon of reality TV shows.
I asked a survivalist what his favorite tool was, and he said, “A credit card. It’s the ultimate survival tool for getting out of paying bills.”
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of exercise? Running from their responsibilities.
What did the survivalist say about the bear that saved their life? “It gave me a bear hug I’ll never forget!”
My survival strategy is to surround myself with people who are slower than me when the zombies come.
Why did the survivalist always carry a compass? They never wanted to lose their sense of direction, even during a mid-life crisis.
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat squirrel meat? He said it was too nuts for him.
Did you hear about the survivalist who was scared of heights? They decided to stick to surviving on low ground!
Why did the survivalist join a cooking class? He wanted to learn how to make a mean campfire s’more!
As a survivalist, my biggest fear is running out of Wi-Fi in the middle of nowhere.
My survival skills are so advanced that I can start a fire just by rubbing two ice cubes together.
Why did the survivalist always carry a pencil and paper? In case they needed to draw a survival map for their friends!
I’m trying to become a survivalist, but my inability to find the TV remote is not helping my cause.
I asked the survivalist if he had any advice for surviving a zombie apocalypse. He said, “Just aim for the head, it’s not rocket science!”
Why did the survivalist always carry a map and compass? Because getting lost is just not on their survivalist bucket list.
I’m a survivalist in training – I can open a can of soda with one hand.
I signed up for a survival course, but all they taught me was how to survive awkward conversations at parties.
I’m not a survivalist, but I do have a stash of emergency snacks in my glove compartment.
I became a survivalist after binge-watching a survival reality show, now I’m just really good at avoiding spoilers.
I’m not a survivalist, I’m just prepared for unexpected camping trips that may or may not happen in my backyard.
My survivalist skills include making a gourmet meal out of expired canned goods.
I asked the survivalist how he stays so calm in dangerous situations. He replied, “I have a survival instinct… for dad jokes!”
I’m a survivalist in the sense that I can survive a night without Wi-Fi, but only if I have enough chocolate for comfort.
Survivalist advice: If a bear attacks, just play dead… really dead, like a zombie.
Did you hear about the survivalist who couldn’t start a fire? He had no match-making skills!
Why did the survivalist become a stand-up comedian? Because they always had a punchline for every survival situation!
Survivalist secret: The key to surviving in the wilderness is a really good bug spray and a fully charged smartphone.
Why did the survivalist bring a pencil and paper to the forest? To document their tree-mendous survival skills!
Being a survivalist means spending weekends camping in the wilderness and weekdays fantasizing about room service.
I’ve mastered the art of survival by living off leftovers and convincing myself they’re gourmet meals.
Why did the survivalist open a bakery in the wilderness? Because they kneaded survival skills!
I may not be a survivalist, but I’ve mastered the art of finding the last slice of pizza at a party.
Survivalists prepare for natural disasters, but I’m more concerned about the possibility of running out of ice cream during a heatwave.
What did the survivalist say after catching a fish? “I’m hooked on survival!”
My survival skills are so impressive that I can go camping without Wi-Fi and still not complain.
If you can survive a family road trip, you can survive anything.
What did the survivalist say when asked about their diet? “I’m a vegan, except for when I’m stranded on a deserted island and have to eat insects to survive.”
Survivalist rule #1: Never underestimate the power of a good snack stash.
What did the survivalist say to his camping buddy who couldn’t set up a tent? “Looks like you’re really in-tents on ruining our trip.”
Survivalists say “be prepared,” but I prefer to live life on the edge and rely on last-minute panic instead.
I decided to become a survivalist after realizing how often I get lost in my own neighborhood.
I’m not a survivalist, but I can survive an entire Netflix series in one sitting.
Survivalists: practicing for the apocalypse while the rest of us are just trying to survive Mondays.
Why did the survivalist start a garden in the middle of the wilderness? He wanted to show Mother Nature who had the green thumb.
I’m not a survivalist, I’m just really good at pretending to listen while I’m actually planning my escape routes.
Being a survivalist means always being prepared for the apocalypse or a surprise potluck party.
I asked a survivalist how to fend off a bear, and he said, “Just run faster than the person next to you.” Thanks, buddy!
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat insects? He said they didn’t pass his “survival of the fittest” taste test!
If a survivalist were stranded on a deserted island, they would probably build a shelter, while I would be busy building a sandcastle.
My survivalist skills are unmatched when it comes to avoiding social interactions.
Why did the survivalist become a stand-up comedian? He wanted to master the art of survival laughter!
I may not be the most skilled survivalist, but I excel at avoiding conversations with my nosy neighbors.
The only thing I’m hunting for in the wild is a Wi-Fi signal.
My survival skills include knowing how to open a can of beans without a can opener: it involves a lot of banging and swearing.
Why did the survivalist become a chef? Because they knew how to whip up a delicious survival meal and serve it with a side of laughter!
Did you hear about the survivalist who survived solely on alphabet soup? They spelled out their own survival plan!
To survive in the wilderness, just follow the bears’ lead and always carry a picnic basket.
Why did the survivalist refuse to go camping with their friends? They didn’t want to be stuck with a bunch of amateurs when the zombie apocalypse started.
I may not know how to start a fire without matches, but I’m a pro at burning toast.
The only thing I’ve successfully hunted is the TV remote when it’s lost in the couch cushions.
I’m not a survivalist, but I can survive a trip to the grocery store without buying unnecessary snacks…just kidding, I can’t.
Survivalist mantra: “I can survive anything…as long as there’s Wi-Fi.”
What did the survivalist say when he found a watermelon in the wilderness? “That’s one in a melon find!”
Survival tip: If you’re lost in the wilderness, just follow the scent of bacon, it never fails.
The key to survival is always having an exit strategy…from boring conversations, that is.
Why did the survivalist invest in a solar-powered flashlight? They wanted to shine a light on the bright side of surviving the apocalypse.
You know you’re a true survivalist when you can start a fire with just your credit card statement.
I’m a survivalist, but only when it comes to finding the remote control.
Why did the survivalist refuse to go hiking with a compass? He said he had a magnetic personality and didn’t need one.
Survival tip: If you’re lost in the woods, just follow the sound of people complaining about the lack of Wi-Fi.
What do you call a survivalist who opens a bakery in the wilderness? A doughnut wilderness survivor!
I’m not a survivalist, but I can survive a zombie apocalypse if there’s Wi-Fi.
I have a love-hate relationship with nature – I love it until it tries to eat me, then I hate it a little bit.
How did the survivalist know it was going to rain? They saw a cloud with a survival kit!
The only survivalist skill I have is finding the nearest Starbucks in any given situation.
I consider myself a survivalist expert – I can survive on only expired canned foods for at least a week.
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat insects? Because they were on a strict “no-fly” diet!
As a survivalist, I always keep a spare set of batteries for my TV remote.
Why did the survivalist start a garden in the wilderness? Because they wanted to grow some wild humor!
I like to think of myself as a survivalist, but my idea of roughing it is staying in a hotel without room service.
Why did the survivalist start knitting sweaters out of wild animal fur? They believed in staying warm while being fashionably prepared for any disaster.
Survivalists love telling jokes about caves. They always find them quite humerus!
I panic more during a power outage than a survivalist does during a zombie apocalypse.
I accidentally joined a survivalist group, turns out they were just really good at hiding during hide and seek.
Being a survivalist means always having a backup plan, like ordering two pizzas just in case one gets lost in transit.
They say a true survivalist can live off the land, but I’m more of a “live off the snacks in my pantry” kind of person.
Why did the survivalist open a restaurant in the wilderness? They wanted to serve up some wild game and survival tips as the daily specials.
I’m a survivalist in the making – I can now open a can of beans using only a spoon and a lot of determination.
My survival skills are so impressive that I can make a meal out of a packet of ketchup and a toothpick.
Why did the survivalist refuse to use a GPS? Because they believed that real survivalists should rely on celestial navigation, just like the ancient astronauts did.
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder into the wilderness? In case he needed to reach the top of a tree to update his Instagram.
The only wilderness I’m prepared to conquer is the cereal aisle during a sale.
What did the survivalist say when they found a hidden stash of food? “It’s a meal miracle!”
I call myself a survivalist because I can survive an entire season of a TV show in one weekend.
Survivalists carry knives, but I carry a fork because I believe in being prepared for a good meal anytime, anywhere.
I attempted to build a shelter in the wilderness, but ended up creating the world’s most elaborate birdhouse.
Survivalists say the key to staying alive is being prepared, but I’m still not sure how a collection of takeout menus will save me in the wild.
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the jungle? In case he got lost in thought!
Why did the survivalist always carry a pencil and paper? In case they needed to jot down some humorous survival anecdotes!
My survivalist skills include being able to find the nearest Starbucks in any given situation.
What did the survivalist say when asked about his favorite type of music? “Survival rock!”
I’m not just a survivalist, I’m a pro at surviving awkward conversations by suddenly becoming very interested in my shoelaces.
The survivalist motto: “Always be prepared… to overreact.” .
My survival kit consists of a bag of chips and a Netflix subscription.
My survival plan involves stockpiling Oreos, because they have a longer shelf life than I do.
My survivalist friend told me to always carry a map and compass, but I think GPS should stand for “Getting People Stuck.”
Why did the survivalist become a motivational speaker? Because they knew the best way to motivate people was to constantly remind them that the world could end at any moment.
What did the survivalist say when they successfully started a fire with just two sticks? “I guess I really know how to stick to survival!”
I tried to become a survivalist, but I couldn’t survive the first episode of a cooking show.
Why did the survivalist start a garden in the middle of the forest? He wanted to plant a tree-mail system!
I asked a survivalist how he stays calm in dangerous situations, and he replied, “I just pretend I’m at a family dinner.”
My survival plan includes a lot of Netflix and snacks.
Why did the survivalist become a stand-up comedian? Because they wanted to make people laugh while teaching them how to build a shelter out of punchlines.
Why worry about surviving in the wilderness when I can barely survive in the kitchen?
As a survivalist, I’m proud to say that I can start a fire with just two sticks and an unlimited supply of matches.
Being a survivalist means you’re one step away from wearing a tinfoil hat and living in a bunker.
Survivalists are like human Swiss army knives, always ready to face any situation… except when it comes to assembling IKEA furniture.
I’m not a survivalist, but I can make a mean s’more over a backyard bonfire.
I once tried to build a shelter in the wild, but it ended up looking like a rejected Lego masterpiece.
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the wilderness? He wanted to practice his survival poker face!
The survivalist said he could start a fire with just two sticks. I told him to rub them together and make a popsicle.
Survivalists are like extreme couponers, but instead of saving money, they’re just hoarding canned beans and ammo.
I’m not a survivalist, but I can survive on pizza and sarcasm for days.
If there was a zombie apocalypse, I’d probably be the first one to offer them a cup of coffee and ask if they like long walks on the beach.
Why did the survivalist always carry a watch? To make sure they had a ‘survival minute’ when needed!
I tried to join a survivalist group, but they said I didn’t make the cut.
What do survivalists call their favorite TV show? “Naked and Afraid… of Missing an Episode.” .
Survivalists: they can build a shelter out of anything except a healthy social life.
What did the survivalist say to their friends after surviving a tough challenge? “I’m still standing, surviving!” .
Survival tip: If you ever get lost in the wilderness, just follow the trail of empty snack wrappers.
Who needs survival skills when you have Amazon Prime?
Why did the survivalist refuse to share their secret survival techniques? They didn’t want to spoil the “survival of the fittest” TV show!
Why did the survivalist bring a telescope to the forest? To see if the trees were conspiring against him!
I’m not a survivalist, but I can survive a zombie apocalypse if it’s just about binge-watching TV shows.
I’ve started a new diet, it’s called “survival mode” – I only eat what I can hunt down in my living room.
I tried living off the grid, but my Wi-Fi withdrawal was too intense.

Survivalist Dad Jokes

Survivalist dad jokes are the perfect combination of wilderness wit and humor that can provoke a mix of groans and laughter.

They’re the type of jokes that are so cheesy, they’re actually hilarious.

These jokes are perfect for camping trips, backyard barbecues, or just to lighten up a serious conversation about the great outdoors.

Get ready for a laugh (or a cringe).

Here are some survivalist dad jokes that are guaranteed to amuse:

Why don’t survivalists ever go hungry in the wilderness? Because they always have a “beary” good appetite!
Why did the survivalist refuse to play cards in the woods? They were afraid of cheetahs.
Why do survivalists always bring a mirror into the wilderness? To reflect on their survival skills, of course!
Why did the survivalist bring a solar-powered charger to the mountain? Because they wanted to stay connected with nature and their gadgets!
Why did the survivalist bring a compass to the beach? Because they didn’t want to drift away from their sense of direction!
Why did the survivalist bring a Swiss army knife to the jungle? Because they wanted to be prepared for any vine-dication!
Why did the survivalist pack a deck of cards in their survival kit? Because they knew they had to be prepared for any “wild” card!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of footwear? Hiking boots, because they’re always ready to take a trek!
Why did the survivalist become a musician? Because he wanted to “sur-vive” on his own beats!
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat canned food? Because he believed in “fresh-air-vival” skills!
Why do survivalists always carry a Swiss Army knife? Because they never know when they’ll need to make a “s’more” shelter!
Why did the survivalist learn to tie knots? So they could knot get tangled up in survival situations!
Why did the survivalist always have a whistle? To be on the safe sound.
Why did the survivalist start a garden in the middle of the wilderness? To prove they could make anything grow, even in the direst of situations.
What did the survivalist say to their friend who couldn’t start a campfire? “Don’t worry, I’ll light a fire under you!”
Why did the survivalist carry a map and a compass in the wilderness? So they wouldn’t take a wrong turn and bear the consequences!
Why did the survivalist become a chef? To always have a taste for adventure!
Why did the survivalist always have a backpack full of rope? Because they wanted to be “knot” unprepared!
Why did the survivalist bring a fishing rod to the desert? In case they caught the elusive sandfish.
Why did the survivalist bring a fishing rod instead of a rifle? Because he preferred to catch his own meals, hook, line, and sinker!
What did the survivalist say when their friend asked if they knew how to make a fire? “I’m just kindling your curiosity.”
Why did the survivalist study botany? To leaf no stone unturned in the wilderness.
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the desert? Because he wanted to play a game of sandwich poker!
Why did the survivalist always carry a can opener? Because they knew it was essential for their survival!
Why did the survivalist bring a portable stove on their camping trip? They wanted to be “flammable” in any situation!
Why did the survivalist bring a squirrel to the camping trip? Because he wanted some nuts and bolts!
Why did the survivalist bring a first-aid kit to the desert? Because they knew that when it comes to cacti, accidents prickly happen!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder into the forest? Because he wanted to climb to new heights in wilderness survival!
Why do survivalists make great comedians? Because they know how to lighten the campfire mood!
Why did the survivalist always have a first-aid kit handy? Because they believed in being prepared for paper cuts and stubbed toes!
Why did the survivalist always bring a can of beans? It’s the ultimate survival food, and they never want to “can” themselves short.
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat mushrooms in the wild? He thought they were just too much of a fungi to be around!
Why did the survivalist always bring a Swiss Army knife in their backpack? They believed in the power of multi-survival tools!
What did the survivalist say after making a fire with two sticks? “I’m really good at rubbing things the right way!”
Why did the survivalist bring a map of the ocean on their camping trip? Just in case they needed to find their way to shore.
Why did the survivalist wear camouflage clothing in the city? Because blending in with the crowd is the key to urban survival!
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat clams during their survival training? They didn’t want to get “shellfish” and share with their fellow survivalists!
Why did the survivalist bring a pair of binoculars on his camping trip? Because he wanted to see what the forecast looked like from far away!
Why did the survivalist always carry a map and compass? So he wouldn’t get lost in the wilderness of dad jokes!
What did the survivalist say when they found a hidden water source in the desert? “Well, well, well… look what we have here!”
Why did the survivalist never go hungry in the wild? He always had a knack for finding berries funny!
Why did the survivalist carry a map of the stars? Because they wanted to navigate their way through the wilderness using celestial guidance!
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the desert? So they wouldn’t be lost, but instead “sand” out.
Why did the survivalist bring a tent to the desert? To create an oasis of dad jokes!
Why did the survivalist always carry a can of beans in their backpack? In case they needed a survivalist bean dip.
Why did the survivalist always carry a spoon with them? To ensure they were always prepared for “soup-er” survival situations!
How do survivalists stay warm in the winter? They gather around a dad joke and laugh until they’re in stitches!
Why did the survivalist start a fashion line? He knows how to survive in style!
How do survivalists stay entertained in the wilderness? They go “camp-fire” walking!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite way to start a fire? With a “dad”-ication spark!
Why did the survivalist go to the bakery during a storm? To get a fresh loaf of bread!
What do you call a survivalist who is afraid of water? A “landlubber” who prefers to stay on dry land!
Why did the survivalist always carry a map? So they wouldn’t get caught in a “compass-y” situation!
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the forest? In case they got lost and needed some light reading!
Why don’t survivalists trust trees? Because they can be a little shady!
Why did the survivalist always carry a Swiss Army Knife? In case he needed to cut through the tension of a bad joke!
What do you call a survivalist who can make a fire with just two sticks? A matchless individual!
Why did the survivalist always carry a first aid kit? They knew they had to be prepared for any emergency, even if it was just a paper cut while reading survival manuals!
How do survivalists communicate in the wilderness? They use Morse Code with their trusty flashlight and hope for a light response!
Why did the survivalist refuse to play hide-and-seek in the forest? Because they knew they would always be “tree”mendously good at it!
How did the survivalist start a fire on a deserted island? They simply asked the palm tree for a “matchstick”!
Why do survivalists always pack a Swiss army knife? Because they like to be sharp in any situation!
What did the survivalist say when they found a snake in their tent? “Sssssssuper!”
Why did the survivalist start a garden in the middle of the woods? He wanted to have some wild lettuce for his wilderness salads!
Why did the survivalist bring a solar-powered charger to the wilderness? Because they wanted to stay connected even when living off the grid!
Why did the survivalist carry a magnifying glass all the time? Because he wanted to “sur-vive” by starting fires with sunlight!
How do survivalists stay in shape? They go hiking and always carry a bear-y heavy backpack!
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat the mushrooms he found in the forest? He thought they were fungi to be with!
Why did the survivalist become a beekeeper? To always have a bug-out plan!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards into the forest? In case he had to “s-wild” some time!
Why did the survivalist take a nap while hiking in the woods? They wanted to “rest in peace”!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder into the wilderness? Because he wanted to take his survival skills to a higher level!
Why did the survivalist bring a pencil and paper into the wilderness? To take notes in case they found a beaver dam.
How did the survivalist catch fish in the winter? He broke the ice!
Why did the survivalist bring a magnifying glass into the desert? In case they needed to “start a fire” with the sun’s help!
Why did the survivalist become a comedian? They believed laughter is the best “survival” tactic!
Why did the survivalist start a fire in the rainforest? Because they wanted to prove they could make it in any climate!
Why was the survivalist always happy when he found a river? Because he knew he could always go with the flow!
How does a survivalist make their coffee in the wild? They use a “brew”-haha method, of course!
Why did the survivalist bring a can opener to the forest? Because they knew they’d need to “open a can of whoop-axe” on nature!
Why did the survivalist always carry a compass? Because they couldn’t bear to lose their sense of direction!
Why did the survivalist always carry a whistle? Because they knew it would “blow” their chances of getting lost!
Why did the survivalist bring a tent to the Arctic? Because they wanted to be pawsitive they had shelter from the cold!
What did the survivalist say when they built a fire using only two sticks? “I’m really sparking up my skills!”
Why did the survivalist bring a flare gun to the mountains? Because they wanted to shoot for the stars in case of emergency!
Why did the survivalist take a cooking class? To learn how to s’more efficiently.
Why did the survivalist only pack instant noodles for his camping trip? Because he wanted to be prepared for any situation, even if it meant being a little ramen-tic!
Why did the survivalist never eat clocks? They didn’t want to waste valuable “time” during survival situations!
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat any canned food? Because he couldn’t stomach the idea of being preserved!
Why did the survivalist pack a deck of cards in his survival kit? So he could always have a wild card up his sleeve!
What did the survivalist say when he found a watermelon in the wilderness? Water you waiting for? Let’s survive on this!
Why do survivalists always carry a pencil and paper? In case they need to draw attention to themselves.
Why did the survivalist always carry a compass in his pocket? Because he didn’t want to lose his sense of direction!
Why was the survivalist always successful when foraging for food? They just had a knack for mushrooming their skills!
Why did the survivalist build a shelter made entirely of hay? Because it was the perfect way to bale out of tough situations!
Why do survivalists always carry a map? Because they like to navigate life with ease!
How did the survivalist become a comedian? He had to learn to survive the punchlines!
Why did the survivalist always carry a map? Because they refused to “lose” their way!
What did the survivalist say when they found a snake in their tent? “Well, looks like I’ve got a slithery roommate!”
Why did the survivalist always carry a dictionary? So they could always find shelter!
Why did the survivalist start carrying a dictionary in their backpack? To survive the wild world of spelling bee encounters!
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the desert? Because he heard it was a hot spot for directions!
What did the survivalist say when asked about their favorite type of shelter? “Anything with good Wi-Fi signal!”
Why did the survivalist start a band? Because they wanted to perform “Survivor” at every campfire!
Why did the survivalist become a comedian? Because they knew how to “crack” a joke even in the toughest survival scenarios!
What did the survivalist say to the spider in the cave? “I’m a survivor, not a web designer!”
How did the survivalist stay warm in the Arctic? They just penguin their clothes together!
Why did the survivalist love camping in the winter? Because they wanted to be a snow-vivalist!
Why did the survivalist always carry a watch in the wilderness? Because they liked to “survive” on time!
Why did the survivalist start a YouTube channel? To teach others how to survive the comments section!
How do survivalists stay entertained in the wilderness? They play hide and sneak!
Why did the survivalist bring a solar-powered charger? To make sure their survival selfies were fully charged.
Why did the survivalist bring a pencil and paper to the desert? So he could draw a map out of the sand!
Why did the survivalist start a fire with one stick instead of two? Because he wanted to save the other stick for a rainy day!
Why do survivalists never go out in the rain without a newspaper? So they can “read” the weather forecast and stay dry.
Why did the survivalist bring a can of beans in their survival kit? Because they knew it was important to have a legume of survival!
Why did the survivalist always carry a whistle? Because he believed in making a sound decision in the wild!
What did the survivalist say when he saw a bear coming towards him? “I’m not a good snack, bear with me!”
Why did the survivalist join a band? Because he knew how to survive the guitar solos!
What did the survivalist say when they caught a fish? “I guess I’m a reel survivalist!”
Why did the survivalist become a chef? Because they knew how to turn any wild ingredient into a delicious meal!
How did the survivalist become a master at starting fires? He just had a spark for survival!
Why did the survivalist take up painting? Because they wanted to capture the beauty of nature on their survival journey!
Why do survivalists make great comedians? Because they can always find humor in even the toughest survival situations!
Why did the survivalist always carry a pencil in their backpack? To draw their survival plans, of course!
What do you call a survivalist who can’t swim? A “sink-or-swim” enthusiast!
Why did the survivalist carry around a jar of peanut butter? It’s the perfect way to spread survival techniques.
Why did the survivalist become a comedian? Because they could always rely on their survival instincts for a good punchline.
Why do survivalists make great comedians? Because they always know how to “survive” a bad joke!
How did the survivalist become a chef? He learned how to spice up his survival meals!
Why did the survivalist always carry a can of beans? They believed in “bean-prepared” for any emergency!
Why did the survivalist never get lost in the woods? Because they always had a “compass-ionate” sense of direction!
Why did the survivalist carry a camera in the wilderness? To capture the bear essentials!
Why do survivalists always carry a whistle? In case they need to “survive-al” a tune.
Why did the survivalist bring a jar of peanut butter into the wilderness? Because it was their “survival spread”!
Why did the survivalist bring a first-aid kit on their hiking trip? Because they wanted to be prepared for any situation that might cause treble!
What did the survivalist say when they found a well-stocked bunker? “I’ve hit the survival jackpot!”
Why did the survivalist always have a fishing rod handy? So he could catch some laughs at the comedy river!
How do you spot a survivalist at a party? They’re the ones who always have a “sur-vival” plan for any situation!
Why did the survivalist always carry a deck of cards? To survive any boring situation, they always had a “wild” card up their sleeve.
Why did the survivalist always carry a rubber chicken with them? It was their secret weapon against boredom in survival situations – instant laughs!
What do you call a survivalist who loves to sing? A survivalist superstar! They can always “rock” the survival world!
What do you call a survivalist who can swim like a fish? A survivalist mermaid!
Why did the survivalist always carry a fire starter? In case he needed to ignite his survival skills!
Why did the survivalist bring a tent into the desert? They wanted to show their friends they could “shade” their way through any situation!
Why did the survivalist bring a tent to the jungle? Because they wanted to feel at home in the wildest of places!
How does a survivalist make fire? They just rub a couple of sticks together… until they find a lighter!
What do you call a survivalist who can juggle? A multitasker in the wilderness!
What do you call a survivalist who accidentally starts a fire? A hot shot!
Why did the survivalist bring a fishing pole to the mountains? In case they needed to catch a wild salmon… from the nearest grocery store!
Why did the survivalist bring a fishing rod to the desert? Because they wanted to catch some sand fish!
Why did the survivalist always carry a fishing pole? In case they needed to catch some survival of the fish-est!
How does a survivalist make a phone call in the wilderness? They just use their survival “cell” phone!
Why did the survivalist become a comedian? Because he knew how to “sur-vive” in the toughest crowd!
What do you call a survivalist who’s afraid of camping alone? A “scaredy-camper”!
Why do survivalists always bring a compass? So they never “lose their way” in a survival situation.
How do survivalists stay calm during a storm? They take shelter and tell nature to just weather it out!
Why did the survivalist bring a tent to the beach? Because he wanted to shell-ter himself from the sun!
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the forest? Because they didn’t want to get caught in a sticky situation with no compass!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of music? Wilderness and survival playlists, of course!
How did the survivalist respond when asked why they always wore camo in the wilderness? They said it was their natural survival instinct!
Why do survivalists always carry a mirror? Because they know that even in the wild, it’s important to reflect on yourself!
Why did the survivalist only eat plants? Because he wanted to be a real “sur-vi-leaf-ist”!
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the forest? To compass the situation.
How do you make a survivalist laugh? Just tell them a good “knock-knock” joke, and they’ll be all tents and giggles!
Why did the survivalist bring a spoon to the mountains? Because they wanted to “spork” their way to victory!
Why did the survivalist bring a tent to the desert? He wanted to pitch a sand-castle!
Why did the survivalist go to art school? To learn how to draw a perfect map!
Did you hear about the survivalist who won the survival competition? They really knew how to pitch a tent!
Why did the survivalist always have a map and compass on them? So they wouldn’t have to rely on “survival of the wittest”!
Why did the survivalist bring a map of the stars on their camping trip? So they could navigate their way through the survival constellations!
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the desert? He didn’t want to desert his sense of direction!
Why did the survivalist carry a magnifying glass in his backpack? Because he wanted to always be ready to start a “fiery” adventure!
Why did the survivalist become a gardener? Because he knows how to grow his own survival!
What do you call a survivalist who is also a musician? A harmonica-ning!
What did the survivalist say to the bear in the woods? “I can bear-ly contain my survival skills!”
Why did the survivalist refuse to swim in the river? Because they didn’t want to be a “trout-baiter”!
What do you call a survivalist who is great at finding food in the wild? A true “hunter-gatherer” with some impressive skills!
Why did the survivalist start a fire using only one stick? Because they wanted to ignite their passion for survival!
What did the survivalist say when his friend asked if he wanted to go camping? “Sure, I’m always ready to “pitch” in and have a good time!”
Why did the survivalist bring a rubber chicken into the wilderness? Because they wanted to ensure they always had a “fowl”-proof survival strategy!

Survivalist Jokes for Kids

Survivalist jokes for kids are like the trusty compass of the joke world—guiding young minds towards a sense of direction, exploration, and heaps of laughter.

These jokes inspire kids to engage with creative thinking and understand humor’s adventurous side, cultivating a love for wit that’s as exciting as an unexpected journey through the wilderness.

Moreover, survivalist jokes for kids have the bonus of teaching them about the importance of resourcefulness and quick-thinking in a way that’s fun and memorable.

They’ll find more than just laughs here; they’ll also discover small lessons about resilience and problem-solving.

Ready to dive into a forest of funnies?

Here are the jokes that’ll have them chuckling around the campfire:

What did the survivalist say when he finally built a shelter? “I’m in-tent on surviving!”
How does a survivalist stay warm in the wilderness? They light a fire with their hilarious jokes!
What did the survivalist say to the river? “You’re “streaming” with opportunities for survival!”
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the grocery store? They didn’t want to get “lost” in the aisles!
Why did the survivalist bring a pillow to the forest? To have a soft place to rest while roughing it!
Why did the survivalist become a chef? They wanted to learn how to cook in the wild!
What did the survivalist say when he found a talking tree? “I’m leaf-ing now!”
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the bakery? To find the quickest way to the bread!
What did the survivalist bring to the beach? Sand-castle survival guide!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the desert? Because they heard there was a high chance of sand dunes!
Why did the survivalist take a map to bed? To have sweet dreams about finding the perfect campsite!
Why did the survivalist learn how to fish? Because he wanted to be a master of his own catch!
Why did the survivalist bring a whistle to the wilderness? So he could call for help in case of an emergency!
What did the survivalist say to the bear in the forest? “I’m “bear-y” prepared for anything, are you?”
How does a survivalist make a tent in the wild? They “pitch” a great idea and gather leaves for a roof!
Why did the survivalist take a sleeping bag to the forest? So they could have a “bear-y” good night’s sleep!
What did the survivalist say when they caught a big fish? “This is reel-y impressive!”
What do survivalists use to catch fish? Their bear hands!
What did the survivalist do when they got lost in the wilderness? They found themselves, literally!
Why did the survivalist take a bath in the river? To stay clean in the great outdoors!
What do survivalists use to catch fish in the ocean? Their net-working skills!
How did the survivalist keep warm in the wilderness? By using “bear hugs”!
How do survivalists stay cool in the wilderness? They find a shady tree and enjoy the breeze!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the forest? Just in case they wanted to “climb-vive” a tree!
How did the survivalist catch a fish in the middle of a desert? They used a “sand-wich” net!
Why did the survivalist always carry a Swiss Army knife? They never knew when they might need to open a stubborn juice box in the wild!
Why did the survivalist take an umbrella to the forest? In case it rained cats and logs!
Why did the survivalist become a weather forecaster? He wanted to predict when it would rain marshmallows!
How did the survivalist catch fish without a fishing rod? They used their bare hands and quick reflexes!
Why did the survivalist become friends with a squirrel? Because they knew it could help them find food in the forest!
How did the survivalist start a fire using just two sticks? He made sure one of them was a “matchstick”!
How do survivalists stay calm during a storm? They take shelter and tell knock-knock jokes to lightning! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Thunder. Thunder who? Thunderstand why you’re so loud!
What did the survivalist say when he saw a bear? “I’m all ears!”
Why did the survivalist bring a magnifying glass to the beach? To start a fire with the sun’s rays!
What did the survivalist say to the squirrel in the tree? “Don’t be “nuts,” I’m just here for some survival tips!”
Why did the survivalist bring a compass on their hiking trip? So they could always find their way back home!
Why did the survivalist take a pillow to the forest? In case he found a soft spot to camp!
What do you call a survivalist who loves to eat berries? A berry-llistic!
Why did the survivalist carry a magnifying glass in their backpack? To start a fire in case of emergency!
What do you call a survivalist who can juggle? A multi-tasking survivor!
Why did the survivalist always carry a pencil and paper? To take notes in case they got lost in the wilderness!
How do survivalists make their food taste better in the wild? They add some “s’more” fun to it!
Why did the survivalist bring a mirror to the Arctic? So they could see if they were polar bear-y enough to survive!
What did the survivalist say when he found a wild mushroom? “I’m a fungi, let’s eat it!”
What do survivalists use to communicate in the wild? Morse code-iographs!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder into the forest? To make sure he was always a step ahead!
How do you make a survivalist laugh? Just tell them a good camping joke!
Why did the survivalist always carry a magnifying glass? So he could start a fire in a pinch!
How did the survivalist keep their food from going bad? They always took it on a “grill” trip!
What do you call a survivalist who can’t make a fire? A matchless survivalist!
Why did the survivalist bring a compass to the school? They wanted to make sure they never got lost in the hallways!
How do survivalists make sure their food stays fresh? They use a “beary” effective cooler made of ice and snow!
How did the survivalist start a fire in the rainforest? He used his wit, determination, and waterproof matches!
Why did the survivalist bring a pencil to the forest? To draw their survival plan, tree-mendously!
Why did the survivalist bring a spoon to the mountains? In case they found a bear-y delicious snack!
Why did the survivalist always wear camouflage clothing in the wilderness? So they could easily “disguise”-cover themselves from wild animals!
How did the survivalist make a shelter in the snow? They igloo’d it together with their resourcefulness!
What do survivalists sing around the campfire? “Kumbaya-nas”!
What did the survivalist say when they found a comfortable camping spot? “This site is in-tents!”
Why did the survivalist take a nap in the forest? Because they wanted to log some Z’s!
How did the survivalist win the game of hide-and-seek in the woods? They “wood” not give up!
What did the survivalist say to the raccoon stealing their food? “Please don’t panda to your wild side!”
What did the survivalist do when they got lost in the mountains? They took a peak and found their way back!
What do you call a survivalist who never gets lost? A compass-ionate adventurer!
How did the survivalist build a shelter in the forest? He went out on a limb and built a treehouse!
What did the survivalist say when they built a fire in the rain? “I’m the master of survival!”
How did the survivalist start a fire in the wilderness? They told the sticks and twigs the funniest jokes until they burst into flames from laughter!
What did the survivalist say when they built a shelter in a tree? “I’m really branching out!”
What did the survivalist say when they caught a fish in the river? “You’re a real catch of the day!”
What did the survivalist say to the bear in the woods? “I’m all “ears” if you want to join my survival expedition!”
What do you call a survivalist who is afraid of the dark? A flashlight fanatic!
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the desert? Because they didn’t want to be sand-wiched between dunes!
Why did the survivalist always bring a pencil and paper on their outdoor adventures? So they could draw their own survival plan!
Why did the survivalist bring a flashlight to the desert? So he could make his way through the “sand”-wiches!
How does a survivalist greet their friends in the forest? With a bear hug!
How do survivalists stay warm in the snow? They make sure to bring plenty of “bear” necessities!
What did the survivalist say when they finally built a shelter in the forest? “I’m going to leaf this here for the next camper!”
Why did the survivalist take a shower in the rainforest? So they could have a “jungle clean” experience!
What did the survivalist say to the camping tent? “You’re my home away from home, my portable paradise!”
How do survivalists stay cool in the wilderness? They use bear-ly effective air conditioning!
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the grocery store? Because they wanted to navigate the cereal aisle!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the jungle? To help him reach new heights in adventure!
How did the survivalist stay calm during a storm? He weathered the situation with a smile!
What do survivalists wear to stay cool in the wilderness? Camo-flage shorts!
How did the survivalist make sure they always had clean water? They brought a water filter to purify it!
How did the survivalist start a fire underwater? They used a splash of imagination!
Why did the survivalist take a book on edible plants to the desert? Because they wanted to be able to say, “Aloe, Vera!” to a delicious meal!
How do survivalists stay cool during a heatwave? They set up a fan-tastic breeze with their survival skills!
How does a survivalist start a fire? They use their “spark” of genius!
Why did the survivalist always carry a rope? So they could “tie” their shoes to a tree branch and keep them safe!
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the zoo? In case they got lost in the wilds of the penguin exhibit!
What do you call a survivalist with a sense of humor? A laugh-a-vivalist!
Why did the survivalist bring a backpack full of seeds to the mountains? Because they wanted to plant some high-altitude veggies and grow a-mountain of food!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the desert? Because they heard it had the highest survival rate!
Why did the survivalist bring a tent to the desert? Because they wanted to make sure they were “sandy” proof!
What did the survivalist say to the bear in the woods? “Can’t bear to leave without saying hi!”
How did the survivalist cross the river full of alligators? They used a special alligator bridge made out of toothbrushes!
Why did the survivalist bring a mirror to the desert? Because they wanted to see if they could reflect their way out!
What did the survivalist say when they successfully started a fire? “I’m on fire, but in a good way!”
Why did the survivalist bring a pillow to the jungle? In case they needed a little extra support while they were hanging around!
What do survivalists eat on a hot day? Popsicles made from melted icicles!
Why did the survivalist take a pillow to the jungle? Because they heard the wildlife really knows how to make you feel at ease-sy!
Why did the survivalist bring a magnifying glass to the campfire? To see if they could make “fire magic”!
What did the survivalist say to the mosquito buzzing around their head? “You’re bugging me!”
Why did the survivalist take a cooking class in the forest? To learn how to make campfire “grill”ers!
How does a survivalist start a fire? By rubbing two sticks together until they make a match!
How do survivalists survive the cold in the mountains? They snuggle up with a snowman for extra warmth!
What did the survivalist say when he found a river in the wilderness? “Water way to go!”
What did the survivalist say to the bear in the woods? “I’m not your picnic basket, bear-y!”
Why did the survivalist become a beekeeper? He wanted to “bee” prepared for any situation!
Why did the survivalist bring a magnifying glass to the desert? To have a “hot” spot for starting fires!
What did the survivalist say to the bear wearing sunglasses? “Nice to meet you, Mr. Bear, but aren’t you over-dressed for a picnic?”
Why did the survivalist bring a magnifying glass to the forest? So they could start a fire without matches, using the sun’s power!
What did one survivalist say to the other when they found a hidden treasure? “We really struck gold!”
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the jungle? So they wouldn’t get lost in the wild and end up in a lion’s den!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of bread? S’more-ganizer!
Why did the survivalist bring a phone to the jungle? To take “shelfies” with all the wild plants!
How do you spot a survivalist at a campsite? Just look for the person who brought their own firewood… and a fire-breathing dragon!
Why did the survivalist always carry a magnifying glass? To start fires in case they needed to heat up their s’mores!
Why did the survivalist always carry a watermelon? In case they needed to make a watermelon-aid!
What did the survivalist say when they found a talking tree? “Wood” you like to join my survival team?
Why did the survivalist always pack a can of beans? Because they knew they could survive on the gas alone!
What did the survivalist say to the squirrel? “You’re nuts!”
Why did the survivalist always carry a whistle? To call for backup… jokes!
How did the survivalist make a phone call in the wilderness? He used his “cell” phone!
How did the survivalist make a shelter in the forest? They asked the trees if they could leaf there for a while!
Why did the survivalist bring a pillow to the mountain? So they could rest their peak performance!
Why did the survivalist bring a fishing rod to the desert? In case they stumbled upon an “oasis of fish”!
Why do survivalists always carry a compass? So they don’t lose their sense of direction in the wild!
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the forest? Because they didn’t want to get lost in all those tree-mendous adventures!
Why did the survivalist take a nap on the hiking trail? He wanted to rest in peace…ful nature!
Why did the survivalist bring a sleeping bag to the desert? Just in case he wanted to take a “sand”-wich nap!
How does a survivalist make their camping trip more exciting? By bringing along a bear-ly functioning GPS!
How do survivalists stay in shape? They go camping and do intense s’more-cise!
What did the survivalist say to the hungry lion? “I’m not lion when I say I’ll make it out alive!”
Why did the survivalist carry a camera in the wilderness? To capture the wildest moments and share them with friends!
What did the survivalist say when they saw a squirrel storing nuts for winter? “Looks like someone’s preparing for the apocalypse!”
Why did the survivalist always carry a map? So they could find their way back to the punchline of a joke!
What did the survivalist say when they found a river in the forest? “Water you doing here?”
What did the survivalist say when he found a freshwater spring in the desert? “Water you waiting for? Let’s celebrate!”
How does a survivalist make a phone call in the wilderness? They send a smoke signal!
What do you get if you cross a survivalist with a comedian? Someone who can survive on laughter alone!
What did the survivalist say when they found a mushroom in the forest? “I can’t “spore” to leave you behind!”
How do survivalists find their way through the forest? They follow the moss-terious compass of nature!
How did the survivalist start a fire underwater? He used sea-sparklers!
Why did the survivalist always carry a compass? Because he never wanted to go in circles when trying to survive!
How does a survivalist make a phone call? They use a shell phone!
How do you spot a survivalist at the beach? They’re the ones building sandcastles with moats and traps!
Why did the survivalist bring a phone to the mountains? Just in case they needed to call for pizza delivery!
What do you call a survivalist who can’t find their way in the wilderness? A compass-mentally challenged!
Why did the survivalist take a shower in the rain? To practice their water conservation skills!
Why did the survivalist always carry a map? Because they didn’t want to get lost in the wilderness!
What do you call a survivalist who can predict the weather? A “forecast” survivor!
What did the survivalist say when their friend got a new job at a bakery? “Looks like they’re preparing for the yeast-rising apocalypse!”
Why did the survivalist bring a compass to the beach? So they wouldn’t drift away on a sea of confusion!
What do you call a survivalist who loves to read? A bookworm… and a survival expert!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the desert? To reach the “sand-wich” tree!
What do you call a survivalist who can’t start a fire? A big match disappointment!
Why did the survivalist bring a magnifying glass to the forest? To “focus” on starting a fire!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the wilderness? In case they needed to “play their hand” against nature!
What did the survivalist say to the squirrel who stole his food? “You’re nuts if you think you can get away with it!”
Why did the survivalist take a compass to the grocery store? Because they wanted to make sure they didn’t get lost in the cereal aisle!
Why did the survivalist always have a watch? So he could “watch” out for danger at all times!
Why did the survivalist bring a camera to the jungle? To take selfies with the monkeys, of course!
What did the survivalist bring to the desert? A “sand”-wich, of course!
Why did the survivalist always carry a pencil in their backpack? Because it’s an essential tool for “drawing” up survival plans!
How does a survivalist make tea in the wild? They use wild herbs and tell it to “leaf” them alone!
Why did the survivalist take a pillow to the jungle? To have a “soft landing” when they fell from a tree!
What did the survivalist say to the tree? “I’m rooting for you!”
Why did the survivalist always carry a whistle? So they could call for help in the wilderness or at a soccer game!
What do you call a survivalist who is really good at building shelters? A “cabin”-builder!
Why did the survivalist take a pillow to the wilderness? For a bear-y comfortable camping experience!
Why did the survivalist bring a flashlight to the cave? Because they wanted to shed some light on their spelunk-tacular adventures!
What did the survivalist say when they saw a squirrel gathering acorns? “Looks like someone is stocking up for the nutty end of the world!”
Why did the survivalist bring a magnifying glass to the desert? To start a fire and have a s’more-gency snack!
What did the survivalist say to their friends before going camping? “I’m ready to conquer the great outdoors!”
Why did the survivalist bring a fishing rod to the mountain? So he could “reel” in the experience!
Why did the survivalist take a map to the desert? Because he didn’t want to get lost in the sand-wiches!
What did the survivalist say when they found a wild berry bush? “Berry nice!”
Why did the survivalist bring a map to the grocery store? To help them find the “survival snacks” aisle!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the desert? So they could reach the “sandwich” at the top of the cactus!
Why did the survivalist always carry a tent with them? In case they had to camp out during an unexpected teddy bear picnic!
Why did the survivalist bring a tent to the desert? Because they wanted some shade from the hot sun!
What do you call a survivalist who can never find their way? A “wilderness wanderer”!
How do survivalists stay warm in the winter? They gather around the campfire and tell hot jokes!
How did the survivalist make sure they were well-fed in the wilderness? By becoming a “master” at catching snacks like ants and beetles!
What did the survivalist say when they found a watermelon in the forest? “Wow, this is one juicy oasis!”

Survivalist Jokes for Adults

Who says adults can’t enjoy a good survivalist joke?

Survivalist jokes for adults add a sharp edge to humor, mixing subtle irony with a dash of audacity.

Just like the quintessential survival kit, these jokes combine elements of wit, wisdom, and a hint of daring for an unforgettable chuckle.

These jokes are ideal for camping trips, hiking adventures, or just to bring a lighter note to an intense discussion among friends.

Here are some survivalist jokes that are guaranteed to help you survive any social gathering:

Why did the survivalist bring a mirror to the deserted island? So they could always reflect on their survival skills!
Why did the survivalist become a stand-up comedian? They had great survival jokes to share in every situation!
How did the survivalist cross the river without a boat? They used their impressive “stream”-lining skills!
What did the survivalist say when asked if they could start a fire without matches? “Sure, but it’ll cost you two sticks and a flint!”
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat the berries in the wild? They were a little too “berry” suspicious!
Why did the survivalist bring a calculator into the wild? To calculate their chances of survival!
Why did the survivalist always wear camouflage? Because blending in is key to both survival and avoiding awkward social situations!
Why did the survivalist take a nap in the tent? They wanted to practice their survival sleeping skills!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the apocalypse? They knew they might need to play a mean game of solitaire!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the desert? In case they needed to reach new heights in their survival skills!
Why did the survivalist become a chef? They wanted to survive the taste of their own cooking!
Why did the survivalist always wear camouflage clothing? So they could blend in with nature and avoid predators like their in-laws!
Why did the survivalist take up gardening? So they can say they grew their own food, even if it’s just a tomato plant on their balcony!
What did the survivalist say when they found a hidden stash of chocolate in their backpack? “Sweet survival!”
Why did the survivalist become a beekeeper? They wanted to survive the buzz of adventure!
Why did the survivalist take up gardening? They wanted to be prepared for a “crop-alypse”!
Why did the survivalist become a chef? Because they knew how to ‘spear’ up a delicious meal in the wilderness!
What did the survivalist say when their friend asked for firewood? “Sure, but you better be a good kindling-a friend!”
Why did the survivalist always carry a deck of cards? So they could survive those long nights in the wild with some solitaire!
Why did the survivalist always bring a deck of cards? They knew that even in the wild, sometimes you just need a good survival game!
Why did the survivalist pack a map of the ocean? In case they needed to navigate their way through a “sea” of troubles!
What did the survivalist say when they found a hidden cave? “Well, I guess I cave a new shelter now!”
Why did the survivalist bring a pencil to the wilderness? So they could “draw” a plan for survival!
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat bacon during their outdoor adventure? They didn’t want to be “ham”-pered by unnecessary luxuries!
What did the survivalist say when asked about his favorite book? “The SAS Survival Handbook, of course. It’s my survival bible!”
Why did the survivalist start a garden in the middle of the apocalypse? He wanted to have a ‘zombie-corn’ field!
How do survivalists spice up their meals in the wilderness? They use “wild” seasoning!
Why did the survivalist bring a smoke detector on their camping trip? To make sure they were always “in-tents”!
What did the survivalist say when his friend asked why he always carries a Swiss Army knife? “It’s the key to survival – it’s a slice of life!”
Why did the survivalist refuse to use a compass? He didn’t want to be caught with a “magnetic” personality!
What did the survivalist say when they found a hidden waterfall? “I guess survival really does flow in my veins!”
Why don’t survivalists take showers? They prefer to stay off the grid, even when it comes to hygiene!
Why did the survivalist become a comedian? He wanted to “survive” in the laughter business!
Why did the survivalist become a beekeeper? Because he wanted to be well-prepared for the honey apocalypse!
What did the survivalist say when asked how they stay calm in dangerous situations? “I’ve learned that panic is just not my survival instinct!”
What did the survivalist say after eating a poisonous mushroom? “Well, that was a fungi experience!”
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the forest? In case the trees started climbing back!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the wilderness? In case they needed to build a house of cards for shelter!
How do you know you’re talking to a survivalist? They’ll always find a way to make a pun about “bear” necessities!
Why did the survivalist always carry a pencil and paper in their survival kit? To jot down notes on how to “write” out of any dangerous situation!
How did the survivalist become an expert in camouflage? They mastered the art of blending in with their couch during Netflix marathons!
Why did the survivalist take up gardening? Because they wanted to know how to “survive” on fresh produce!
What did the survivalist say when asked about their favorite vegetable? “I’m a big fan of surviving on raw greens!”
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of music? Heavy “metal” for building shelters!
What did the survivalist say to the bear that entered his camp? “Can I interest you in some ‘bear-y’ tasty snacks?”
Why did the survivalist bring a jar of honey on their camping trip? To sweeten their chances of survival in the wild!
What did the survivalist say when they found a rare plant in the wilderness? “It’s survival of the fittest, and this plant fits my style!”
Why did the survivalist become a gardener? They wanted to learn how to survive with a green thumb!
Why did the survivalist become a comedian? They wanted to ensure they always had shelter – under the big top!
What did the survivalist say when he found a mushroom in the forest? “Well, this is a fungi to be with!”
What did the survivalist say when he found a wild berry? “I’m berry excited about this survival snack!”
Why do survivalists make good friends? They know how to start a fire in any relationship!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the jungle? They were ready for a “wild” game night!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder into the wilderness? To scale back their expectations!
Why did the survivalist become a comedian? Because they found humor is the best survival tool!
Why did the survivalist start a band in the wilderness? They wanted to perform live “off-grid” concerts!
Why did the survivalist always wear a watch in the wilderness? They never wanted to be “out of time” when it came to survival!
Why did the survivalist always carry a pencil and paper in the wilderness? They wanted to “survive” writing down their adventures!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the desert? To reach the top of the sand dunes, of course!
How did the survivalist know they were in a dangerous situation? They saw a bear wearing a “Caution: Survivalist Area” sign!
Why did the survivalist become a stand-up comedian? Because they wanted to always have a joke for when they’re stuck in a fallout shelter!
Why did the survivalist refuse to play cards in the wilderness? They didn’t want to be accused of “cheating” in survival!
Why did the survivalist bring a telescope to the jungle? To look for any signs of civilization in the form of a Starbucks!
Why did the survivalist wear camouflage in the city? So he could blend in with the urban jungle!
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat clock parts in a survival situation? They didn’t want to have to pass the time!
Why did the survivalist become a stand-up comedian? They realized laughter is the best survival skill to keep spirits high!
What do you call a survivalist who hates technology? A modern-day caveman!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards on their solo adventure? They wanted to be prepared for any “wild” situations!
Why did the survivalist only date other survivalists? Because they knew how to start a fire in their hearts!
Why did the survivalist start a fire with one hand? Because the other hand was busy taking a survival selfie!
What did the survivalist say to the bear during a close encounter? “Don’t worry, I’m just here for the berries, not to be the main course!”
Why did the survivalist wear camouflage in the snow? They wanted to blend in with the “surviving” snowmen!
What did the survivalist say when they found a hidden stash of snacks in the woods? “Well, isn’t this a sur-prise-vival!”
Why did the survivalist always carry a Swiss Army knife? Because they never know when they might need to open a can of whoop-ass!
What do you call a survivalist who can’t start a fire? A little “burned” out!
Why did the survivalist start a garden in the middle of nowhere? So he could always have fresh vegetables and a great hiding spot if needed!
Why did the survivalist become a stand-up comedian? They wanted to make everyone laugh, even in the face of danger!
Why don’t survivalists trust the ocean? Because it’s always “tide” up in dangerous situations!
What do you call a survivalist who can’t pitch a tent? A “camp”-lete failure!
Why do survivalists make terrible comedians? They always bring too much dry humor!
What did the survivalist say to their friends after a successful camping trip? “I guess you could say we really ‘pitched’ in for survival!”
Why did the survivalist bring a mirror to the deserted island? To make sure they looked “survival-ly” good at all times!
What did the survivalist say when they found a waterproof match? “I guess I’m just too hot to handle!”
Why did the survivalist always have a map in their pocket? Because they didn’t want to “survive” without directions!
How does a survivalist make a decision? They flip a coin… and then eat it for protein!
Why did the survivalist always carry a toothbrush in their survival kit? To keep their smile bright even in the wilderness!
Why did the survivalist start a gardening project during the apocalypse? They wanted to grow their own survival kits!
Why do survivalists always carry a map in the desert? So they can “sand” their way back home!
Why did the survivalist start a garden? To sow the seeds of survival!
Why did the survivalist join a choir? To survive the apocalypse with harmonious tunes!
What did the survivalist say to their friends when they found a hidden stash of food? “I’ve got the survival of the party covered!”
Why did the survivalist always carry a compass? So they could never lose their “direction” in life!
Why did the survivalist bring a car battery to the forest? To jump-start their camping trip!
Why did the survivalist bring a book to the deserted island? They wanted to survive the boredom of waiting for rescue!
Why don’t survivalists ever get lost in the forest? Because they always have their “bear”ings!
Why did the survivalist bring a hammock to the forest? So they could take survival naps in style!
Why did the survivalist become a comedian? To lighten up the campfire and survive through laughter!
Why did the survivalist refuse to go camping with his friends? Because he preferred being alone and didn’t want to share his bug spray!
What did the survivalist say when asked how they stay motivated during tough times? “I just keep “surviving” to the next challenge!”
Why did the survivalist bring a compass to the supermarket? To navigate through the aisles!
Why did the survivalist always wear camouflage clothing? So they could blend in with nature while still looking stylish!
What did the survivalist say to their friends before going on a survival expedition? “I’ll see you on the other side, if we make it!”
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the jungle? To play solitaire, the most dangerous game!
What did the survivalist say to their friends when they built a shelter from scratch? “I’m all about that self-made life!”
Why did the survivalist bring a bed to the wilderness? So they could sleep under the “stars” comfortably!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the apocalypse? To “deal” with any challenges that come their way!
Why did the survivalist bring a book on survival to the desert? To have some light reading material while they wait for a mirage to appear!
What did the survivalist say to his friend who didn’t know how to start a campfire? “Well, I guess you just can’t handle the heat!”
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards to the wilderness? So they could always play their “wild” card!
Why did the survivalist refuse to swim in the river? They heard it was full of croco-dials!
Why did the survivalist take up knitting? They wanted to make sure they could always survive on the wool!
Why did the survivalist always have a map in their pocket? In case they needed to “navigate” their way out of trouble!
Why did the survivalist become a stand-up comedian? They wanted to survive in the cutthroat world of comedy!
How do survivalists stay in shape? They do “survival of the fittest” workouts!
Why did the survivalist get a job at the bakery? He kneaded dough to survive!
Why did the survivalist refuse to go camping with the bear? He didn’t want to be a “beary” interesting meal!
Why did the survivalist become a comedian? He wanted to make people ‘survival-laff’!
Why did the survivalist go on a diet? To become a lean, mean survival machine!
Why did the survivalist bring a roll of duct tape to the forest? He wanted to “stick” to his survival plan!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards into the forest? They were ready to “survive” boredom with some solitaire!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite game? Hide and seek with nature!
Why did the survivalist become a chef? Because they knew how to make a meal out of anything, even survival rations!
What did the survivalist say to their friends when they found the perfect campsite? “We’ve finally found our survival paradise!”
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the desert? In case they needed to climb the “sandwich” mountains!
Why did the survivalist take a nap in the middle of the forest? They wanted to be “well-rested” in case they encountered a bear!
Why did the survivalist start a vegetable garden in the middle of the forest? So they could have a “wild” salad bar whenever they pleased!
Why did the survivalist start a band in the wilderness? They wanted to make some “survival of the littest” music!
Why did the survivalist never go hungry? They always carried a “survival snack” in their pocket!
What did the survivalist say to his friend during a storm? “We’re in-tents trouble!”
Why did the survivalist start a vegetable garden in the middle of nowhere? They believed in the importance of wilderness survival of the fittest veggies!
What did the survivalist say when they found a stream in the desert? “Water, we meet again!”
Why did the survivalist start a cooking show in the wild? Because they wanted to show off their “sur-vival” skills!
Why do survivalists always carry a map? So they never get lost in survival of the fittest!
Why did the survivalist always carry a compass? So he could always find his way back to his hidden stash of chocolate!
What did the survivalist say when they found a hidden waterfall? “Now that’s what I call a survival oasis!”
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of humor? “Dark” comedy, of course!
Why did the survivalist always carry a compass? So they could navigate their way through both the wilderness and life!
What did the survivalist say to the bear in the woods? “You can’t bear to mess with my survival skills!”
How do survivalists stay fit? They lift logs and run from bears!
How do survivalists stay fit? They go on extreme hiking trips and always carry the weight of their survival gear… and their paranoia.
Why did the survivalist start a band in the wilderness? They wanted to be a true “survivor” rock group!
What did the survivalist say when their friend asked for help finding a lost camping spot? “I’m sorry, but that’s in-tent-sive searching!”
Why did the survivalist prefer to camp with a group? They believed that survival is intense, but it’s even more intense with friends!
What do you call a survivalist who can’t find their way out of a paper bag? Directionally challenged!
What did the survivalist say to the annoying mosquito? “Buzz off, I’m trying to survive here!”
Why did the survivalist take a map into the jungle? To “navigate” their way to survival!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite type of music? Heavy metal, because it’s always good for bugging out!
Why did the survivalist bring a chainsaw to the desert? To “branch” out from the heat!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the forest? To climb up and avoid bears, of course!
Why did the survivalist bring a can of soda to the desert? To quench their “thirst” for adventure!
Why did the survivalist bring a deck of cards on their camping trip? To practice their survival skills in case they needed to play a game of “52 Pickup” with nature!
Why did the survivalist start a dance party in the middle of the forest? To “survive” the silence!
Why did the survivalist bring a pillow to the apocalypse? So he could rest in “end” times!
Why did the survivalist take a nap on a pile of leaves? They wanted to practice their camouflage skills while resting!
Why did the survivalist join a gym in the wild? To have a natural habitat for their workout routine!
How did the survivalist propose to their partner? They got down on one knee and said, “I want to spend the rest of my life surviving with you!”
Why did the survivalist take a calendar into the wilderness? To keep track of their “days” of survival!
Why did the survivalist become a chef? To turn wilderness into gourmet meals!
How did the survivalist stay calm during a storm? They practiced “survival” yoga to find their inner peace!
Why did the survivalist go to a comedy show in the wilderness? To laugh their way through the hardships of survival!
Why did the survivalist start a band? They wanted to survive and rock ‘n’ roll at the same time!
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat the clock? He heard it was time-consuming!
What’s a survivalist’s favorite way to relax? Hammocking – it’s the ultimate stress test!
Why did the survivalist refuse to eat canned food? Because he wanted to avoid preservatives, not preserve them!
What do you call a survivalist who refuses to eat canned food? A can-nibal!
Why did the survivalist bring a ladder to the wilderness? In case they needed to climb to the top of the food chain!

Survivalist Joke Generator

Creating the perfect survivalist joke can sometimes seem like you’re lost in the wilderness.

(Did you catch my drift?)

That’s where our FREE Survivalist Joke Generator comes in to guide your way.

Designed to combine witty puns, rustic humor, and playful catchphrases, it creates jokes that are certain to ignite laughter.

Don’t let your humor run dry and become deserted.

Use our joke generator to craft jokes that are as lively and resilient as your survival spirit.

FAQs About Survivalist Jokes

Why are survivalist jokes popular?

Survivalist jokes are popular because they tap into the adventurous spirit and resourcefulness that survivalists embody.

They often involve humorous situations and clever puns related to wilderness survival, making them unique and entertaining.

Can survivalist jokes help in social situations?

Certainly!

Survivalist jokes can be a great ice breaker in social settings, especially among people who enjoy outdoor activities, camping, or survival shows.

These jokes can lighten the mood and add a fun element to the conversation.

How can I come up with my own survivalist jokes?

Understand the basic concepts of survivalism—such as building a fire, finding food, setting up a shelter, etc.
Identify common terminology associated with survivalism, such as bug out bag, forage, wilderness, and so on. These words can help you create puns or clever wordplay.
Consider the context of your joke. Is it about a misadventure in the wilderness? A survivalist’s quirky habit? Use this to shape your joke.
Think of common sayings or phrases and give them a survivalist spin.
Remember, survivalist jokes often involve humor about resourcefulness and resilience, so embrace these themes in your jokes.

Are there any tips for remembering survivalist jokes?

Try to associate survivalist jokes with certain situations or activities related to outdoor adventures or survival tactics.

This can help you remember them better and also identify the perfect moment to share them.

How can I make my survivalist jokes better?

The key to a good survivalist joke is unexpectedness and wit.

Try to connect with your audience using common survivalist scenarios, play around with words, and always aim for a surprising punchline.

Keep practicing your jokes to see what works and what doesn’t.

How does the Survivalist Joke Generator work?

Our Survivalist Joke Generator uses keywords related to survivalist scenarios, situations, or terms, to create hilarious jokes.

Simply enter your keywords, press the Generate Jokes button, and get a batch of funny survivalist jokes ready to be shared.

Is the Survivalist Joke Generator free?

Yes, our Survivalist Joke Generator is absolutely free to use!

You can generate as many jokes as you want, keeping your conversations and social media posts entertaining and full of laughter.

Enjoy the wilderness of humor with our Survivalist Joke Generator.

Conclusion

Survivalist jokes are a fun way to add a spark to everyday conversations, making life a bit more adventurous with each chuckle.

From the quick and witty to the long and hilariously dramatic, there’s a survivalist joke for every occasion.

So next time you’re packing your survival gear, remember, there’s humor to be found in every compass, canteen, and canned good.

Keep spreading the laughter, and let the good times trek and roll.

Because after all, a day without laughter is like a day without a survival kit—unimaginable and, frankly, a bit less prepared.

Happy joking, everyone!

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Survivalist Joke Generator

FAQs About Survivalist Jokes

Why are survivalist jokes popular?

Can survivalist jokes help in social situations?

How can I come up with my own survivalist jokes?

Are there any tips for remembering survivalist jokes?

How can I make my survivalist jokes better?

How does the Survivalist Joke Generator work?

Is the Survivalist Joke Generator free?

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FAQs About Survivalist Jokes

Why are survivalist jokes popular?

Can survivalist jokes help in social situations?

How can I come up with my own survivalist jokes?

Are there any tips for remembering survivalist jokes?

How can I make my survivalist jokes better?

How does the Survivalist Joke Generator work?

Is the Survivalist Joke Generator free?

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