729 Umpire Jokes That Pitch the Perfect Punchline

If you’ve made it here, you’re ready to step up to the plate of umpire jokes.

These aren’t just any old jokes, but the top of the line-up.

That’s why we’ve compiled a list of the most hilarious umpire jokes.

From outlandish puns to quick-fire one-liners, our collection covers every base.

So, let’s call it like it is and swing into the heart of umpire humor, one joke at a time.

Contents show

Umpire Jokes

Umpire jokes have a certain swing and hit that can lighten up the mood of any baseball enthusiast.

They’re not solely about the umpire himself, but about the entire baseball game setting.

From the tension between the teams to the heat of the crowd, umpires, with their powerful decision-making roles, become perfect subjects for humor.

Creating the ultimate umpire joke involves clever wordplay, dramatizing the umpire’s stern, unswayed demeanor, and unexpected twists related to the game (like the umpire missing a clear foul ball or a quirky misunderstanding between the players and the ump).

Ready to call a strike on gloominess?

Step up to the plate of laughter with these umpire jokes:

What did the umpire say when he forgot his glasses? “I can’t see, but I can still call ’em as I imagine ’em!”
What did the umpire say to his wife when he got home from work? “Honey, I had a ball today!”
Why did the umpire become a stand-up comedian? Because he loved getting people to laugh at his calls.
Why did the umpire refuse to eat sushi? He didn’t want to call anything “foul”!
Why did the umpire become a teacher? He wanted to show his students how to properly call fouls!
What did the umpire say when he had a bad day at work? “I can’t catch a break!”
Why did the umpire bring a broom to the game? Because he wanted to clean up the base paths!
Why did the umpire refuse to eat at the ballpark? He couldn’t stomach all the bad calls!
Why did the umpire join a band? Because he wanted to call all the “strikes” in the music!
Why did the umpire bring a pen and paper to the game? To take notes on all the foul play!
Why did the umpire always carry an umbrella? Because he knew there was a high chance of rain on his parade.
What did the umpire say to the baseball player who kept swinging and missing? “You’re really striking out with me!”
Why did the umpire always wear two watches? Because he wanted to make double sure he made the right calls!
Why did the umpire bring a ladder to the game? Because he heard the players were going to throw some shade!
Why did the umpire go broke? He lost all his dough on batters!
What did the umpire say to the baseball after it made a bad play? “You really struck out there!”
What did the umpire say to the player who was arguing? “You’re not in my league!”
What did the umpire say when the baseball player asked why he made a bad call? “I must’ve had my eyes on a different game!”
What did the umpire say to the baseball player who kept arguing? “You’re outta here, and I’m not referring to the game!”
Why did the umpire go broke? Because every call he made was a bad one!
Why do umpires make great detectives? Because they always know when something’s foul!
Why did the umpire bring an umbrella to the game? Because he was always making rain or shine calls!
Why did the umpire bring a ladder to the game? In case the baseball had high expectations!
What did the umpire do when he forgot his glasses at home? He called everything from memory… but it was a blurry decision!
Why did the umpire bring a pillow to the game? In case there was a lot of snoozing on the field!
Why did the umpire bring a stopwatch to the game? So he could keep track of how long he takes to make a bad call.
Why did the umpire bring a calculator to the game? He wanted to count the pitches in a “calculated” manner!
What did the umpire say to the baseball after it made a bad pitch? “You’ve got to be a-ball to yourself!”
What do you call an umpire who can’t stop making bad calls? A “foul” play!
Why did the umpire bring a parachute to the game? Because he wanted to make sure his calls had some airtime!
What did the umpire say when he found out he won the lottery? “I finally made the right call!”
Why did the umpire bring a ladder to the game? He wanted to be able to give his calls from a higher position!
What do you call an umpire who can juggle? A multi-tasking whistle blower!
What did the umpire say to the baseball after it apologized? “Apology accepted, that’s a fair ball!”
How does an umpire call a strike when he’s hungry? With a lot of “ham” in his voice!
What do you call an umpire who can’t see very well? A no-see-um-pire!
What did the umpire say to the batter who was struggling? “You’re really striking out, and I’m not just talking about your swing!”
Why did the umpire become a chef? He loved giving out “batter” calls in the kitchen too!
What did the umpire say to the unruly baseball? “You’re not playing by the rules! You’re outta here!”
Why did the umpire bring a parachute to the game? Just in case someone tried to fly over the outfield!
Why did the umpire go to therapy? He had trouble making any ‘strikes’ in his personal life!
Why did the umpire bring a magnifying glass to the game? Because he wanted to get a closer look at the plays!
Why did the umpire go to the bakery before the game? He wanted to get a few rolls in before making his calls!
Why did the umpire become a comedian? Because he wanted to umpress everyone with his jokes!
Why did the umpire become a gardener? He was an expert at calling balls and strikes!
What do you call an umpire who doesn’t like to make calls? A non-decisional referee!
Why did the umpire become a musician? He liked calling the tunes!
Why did the umpire go to a comedy club? To brush up on his strike jokes!
Why did the umpire always bring a broom to the game? Just in case he needed to “sweep” the bases!
What did the umpire say when the pitcher threw a wild pitch? “That was a curve ball I definitely didn’t see coming!”
Why did the umpire become a stand-up comedian? Because he always knew how to deliver a good punchline… even if it was just a strike!
Why did the umpire become an artist? He loved giving out “fair” and “foul” sketches!
What did the umpire say when he made a bad call? “I’m sorry, I must have had a bad eye-dea!”
What did the umpire say to the baseball player who kept arguing? “I’ve made my pitch, now you make yours!”
Why did the umpire start a comedy club? He wanted to bring some “laughter” to the ballpark!
What did the umpire say to the baseball who was always complaining? “Quit throwing a fit!”
Why did the umpire have a hard time picking a favorite dessert? Because he couldn’t decide between “pie” and “base”ball!
Why did the umpire bring a telescope to the game? So he could have a closer look at those “borderline” calls!
What did the umpire say to the baseball player who was complaining about a call? “You’re out of line!”
Why did the umpire bring a book to the game? Because he loved calling “strikes” of literature!
Why did the umpire always carry an extra pair of pants? In case he needed to make a quick change in decision!
What did the umpire say when he got a job as a chef? “Strike one, you’re outta here!”
Why did the umpire start a gardening business? He had a knack for making fair calls on foliage!
Why did the umpire always have a pencil behind his ear? In case he needed to draw a line in the sand!
Why did the umpire become a weather forecaster? Because he loved calling “rain” every time a pitcher threw a curveball!
Why did the umpire go to school? To learn the ropes and become a master of fair play!
Why did the umpire always carry a suitcase? Because he was a traveling “strike” show!
Why did the umpire bring a broom to the game? To sweep away any doubts about his calls!
What do you call an umpire with no arms or legs? Fair and square!
Why did the umpire bring a map to the game? So he could show the players where they went wrong.
What did the umpire say to the baseball after it struck out? “You’re out of here!”
What did the umpire say when he accidentally swallowed the baseball? “I guess that’s a real gut strike!”
Why did the umpire bring a pillow to the game? In case he had a bad call and needed to take a nap!
Why did the umpire go to school for acting? He wanted to perfect his strike zone performance!
Why did the umpire join a band? He wanted to make sure every performance had a ‘fair play’ rhythm!
Why did the umpire go to school? He wanted to improve his counting skills – “One, two, three strikes, you’re out!”
Why did the umpire bring a calculator to the game? He wanted to make sure his calls added up correctly!
What’s an umpire’s favorite type of music? R&B, because it stands for “Right” and “Balls”!
What did the umpire say when he tripped and fell on the field? “I made an error in judgment!”
Why did the umpire go to the library? To get some peace and quiet for his “out” calls!
What did the umpire say when he lost his glasses? “I can’t see the play, it’s all a blur!”
Why did the umpire become a chef? Because he loved calling foul on too much seasoning!
Why did the umpire go to the bakery? Because he wanted to get his bread and butter calls!
What did the umpire say to the batter who argued with him? “I’m not taking this any longer, you’re out of line!”
Why did the umpire bring a map to the game? Because he didn’t want to make any baseless calls!
Why did the umpire bring a parachute to the game? Just in case things went foul!
Why did the umpire become a baker? Because he always called it a dough!
What did the umpire say to the pitcher who threw a wild pitch? “That was a ‘wild’ decision!”
What did the umpire say to the pitcher who threw too many balls? “You’ve really lost your marbles, and I’m not just talking about strikes!”
What did the umpire say when he got a promotion? “I’m really moving up in the world!”
Why did the umpire always carry a thermometer? So he could make sure the game wasn’t too “hot” to handle!
What did the confused umpire say when he couldn’t make a call? “I’m in a real pickle!”
Why did the umpire bring a thesaurus to the game? So he could make “striking” vocabulary choices!
What did the umpire say to the rain? “You’re not gonna ‘dampen’ my decision-making skills!”
Why did the umpire start a gardening club? Because he loved calling “grounds” rules!
What did the umpire say when he saw a squirrel on the field? “Play ball… or nuts!”
Why do umpires make good comedians? They always know how to deliver a punchline!
What did the umpire say to the pitcher who couldn’t throw strikes? “You’re really throwing off my game!”
Why did the umpire become a gardener? Because he wanted to make sure all the players were “out” of bounds!
What do you call an umpire with a low voice? A mumble-ump!
What did the umpire say to the pitcher who ate too much before the game? “You’ve got a lot of balls… in your stomach!”
Why did the umpire always carry a dictionary? So he could look up the definition of “strike” whenever he needed to!
Why did the umpire start a bakery? Because he always wanted to make some dough!
Why did the umpire become a comedian? Because he was always good at making strike-out jokes!
Why did the umpire become a comedian? He loved making people laugh with his ‘strike-out’ jokes!
What did the umpire say when the baseball asked him how he was doing? “I’m fair, thank you!”
What did the umpire say when he was offered a bribe? “Sorry, I can’t be bought… I’m not on sale!”
How did the umpire survive the zombie apocalypse? He kept calling them out!
Why was the umpire not afraid of ghosts? Because he always called the spirits out!
Why did the umpire bring a dictionary to the game? He wanted to be able to explain the rules with perfect definition!
Why did the umpire bring a dictionary to the game? To make sure he understood all the “pitcher” and “catcher” jokes!
What did the baseball umpire say when he found out he got a promotion? “I’m calling the shots now!”
Why did the umpire go to the optometrist? He needed to improve his vision on calls!
Why did the umpire start a band? Because he wanted to be known for his pitch-perfect calls!
What did the umpire say to the baseball player who kept complaining? “You need to stop throwing a fit, or you’ll be thrown out for good!”
Why did the umpire bring a dog to the game? So he could have a little “bark” behind his calls!
How do umpires stay cool during the game? They have fans in the stands!
Why did the umpire join a band? He had a knack for making pitch-perfect calls!
Why did the umpire refuse to eat at the ballpark? He didn’t want to be biased towards one concession stand!
Why was the umpire always a hit at parties? Because he knew how to call the shots!

Short Umpire Jokes

Short umpire jokes are just like a perfectly timed out call—unexpected, amusing, and exhilarating.

These jokes are perfect for a light-hearted moment during a tense baseball game, as a quick ice-breaker at a sports gathering, or even as a clever caption for your social media post.

The appeal of short umpire jokes lies in their ability to deliver a quick chuckle using the unique language and situations from the world of baseball.

And now, just like a home run, get ready for short umpire jokes that will definitely hit your funny bone out of the park.

Because he couldn’t see the strike zone!
He wanted to stay in shape for all those ‘out’ calls!
Why did the umpire go broke?
What did the umpire say when he lost his glasses?
Because he always called strikes on the flowers!
How did the umpire greet the batter? With a strike “hello”!
He wanted to look up the definition of ‘strikeout’ for the players!
So he could call “nap time” for both teams!
To make his point!
Why did the umpire become an astronaut?
How do you make an umpire happy? Give him a good call!
Because he wanted to improve his flexibility in bad calls!
What did the umpire say when the catcher asked for a timeout?
Why did the umpire start gardening? He wanted to call the shots!
Because he had a great eye for foul lines!
To learn how to make the perfect “safe” call!
He wanted to call ‘out’ of this world pitches!
Because he always gets lost in his own strike zone!
A pitch-perfect referee!
Sorry, but I don’t have time for your pity party!
Because he wanted to reach a higher decision!
How did the umpire lose weight? He started calling more strikes!
What did the umpire say to the unruly baseball? “You’re outta control!”
He wanted to get a fresh roll, just like his strike calls!
What do you call an umpire with no arms? An impartial judge!
Why was the umpire always hungry? He never stopped calling “ball meals”!
Because he wanted to make his mark on the game!
He loved calling strikes and playing the drums!
Because he couldn’t make ends meet!
A fence-sitter!
Why did the umpire go to the eye doctor?
I’m the law here, so don’t swing and miss with me!
He wanted to get a check-up on his wisdom (calls)!
He wanted to check if the buns were fair and square!
Because he didn’t want to make any “baseless” calls!
What did the umpire say to the batter who argued?
How do you become a successful umpire? Make sure you’re always fair!
You’re outta line!
Because he had a knack for delivering punch lines!
You’re not the first or the last, so keep it moving!
Why did the umpire start a gardening business?
Because he loved calling balls and strikes in the kitchen!
What did the umpire say to the catcher? You’re a great backstop!
He wanted to get a fresh pair of buns for the game!
Because he wanted to call a lot of snooze balls!
Because he wanted to make sure his vision was still bad!
Why did the umpire take up yoga?
He wanted to be prepared for a rain of complaints!
He wanted to get a good roll!
You’re outta here, and so is your career!
Because he wanted to reach new heights in bad calls!
What did the umpire say when he caught the pitcher cheating?
Why was the umpire always counting? He wanted to be a referee!
What’s an umpire’s favorite song? “Three Strikes, You’re Out!” by The Ump-tations!
Why did the umpire start a bakery? He kneaded a new career!
Why was the umpire always happy? He loved calling the shots!
Unicorn! Because they don’t exist!
Why did the umpire go to school? To learn the rules… duh!
What did the umpire say to the rain cloud?
Don’t make me throw you out, you’re already out of touch!
He loved making safe calls on the bases!
You can’t rain on my parade, I’m in charge here!
What did the umpire say to the overzealous coach?
Why did the umpire become a comedian?
Why did the umpire always carry a pen and paper?
Fair and impartial!
He wanted to improve his vocabulary of strikeout calls!
Strike-a-pella!
Why did the umpire become a comedian? He loved calling “strike” jokes!
Time flies, so get back behind that plate!
What’s an umpire’s favorite type of food? Anything with a good call!
Because he couldn’t stop obsessing over foul balls!
He wanted to dish out fair play on and off the field!
These will really help me stay in sole control!
Why was the umpire a terrible gardener?
Why did the umpire go to the bakery after the game?
Quit throwing shade, I’m just doing my job!
Batter luck next time!
Suck it up, buttercup!
What do you call an umpire who is always right?
What did the umpire say to the fan who yelled at him?
Why did the umpire join a gym?
Because he wanted to make some safe calls!

Umpire Jokes One-Liners

Umpire jokes one-liners are the quintessence of humor wrapped up in a single sentence.

They’re the verbal equivalent of an umpire’s decisive call – sharp, unexpected, and irresistibly amusing.

Creating an engaging one-liner demands a fusion of imagination, accuracy, and a profound understanding of the playful side of language.

The challenge lies in capturing the essence of both the setup and punchline in a concise format, hitting the funny bone with the least possible words.

Here’s to hoping these umpire one-liners will have you roaring with laughter like a home run call:

I asked the umpire if he wanted to hear a joke, but he said he would just call it as he sees it.
I told the umpire he needed to get his eyes checked, but he just couldn’t see my point.
Why did the umpire start a gardening business? Because he was great at making fair calls.
I asked the umpire if he needed glasses, and he replied, “No, I prefer to make questionable calls in style!”
Why did the umpire open a bakery? Because he was great at calling dough balls.
Why did the umpire start a comedy club? He had a knack for delivering punchlines and strike calls at the same time.
Why did the umpire start a gardening club? Because he loved seeing things grow, especially arguments with coaches!
Why did the umpire go to a bakery? He wanted to get some buns to go with all the rolls!
Why did the umpire become an actor? He loved being the center of attention and making dramatic calls!
Why did the umpire go to school? Because he wanted to get a degree in foul play.
What did the umpire say to the unruly player? “You’re outta here, and I don’t mean for dinner!”
Why did the umpire become a musician? Because he loved the sound of strike three.
Why did the umpire always carry a parachute? Because he was used to making jump-to-conclusions.
Why did the umpire go to the optometrist? Because he kept calling everything he saw as a foul play.
Why did the umpire become a baker? Because he wanted to know how to properly judge a dough ball!
Why did the umpire refuse to play cards? Because he couldn’t help but call “foul” on every hand dealt.
What did the umpire say when asked about his favorite type of music? “I’m a big fan of pitch-perfect harmonies.”
Why did the umpire start a gardening club? He wanted to perfect the art of calling balls and strikes!
I asked the umpire if he ever makes mistakes, and he replied, “Only when I’m awake.”
Why did the umpire become a surgeon? Because he loved making precise incisions with his strike calls.
I used to be an umpire, but then I called a strike on a guy and he called me a terrible singer. It was a pitchy insult!
What did the umpire say when he got a new pair of shoes? “I’m ready to make some sole calls!”
Why did the umpire have a successful career in music? Because he always knew how to hit the right notes!
Why did the umpire become a stand-up comedian? He wanted to add some punchlines to the game!
Why did the umpire bring a ladder to the game? He wanted a better view of the high pitches.
Why did the umpire always carry a broom? So he could sweep the game with his bad calls!
What did the umpire say when asked how he handles difficult players? “I just remind them that I have the final say.”
Why did the umpire become a magician? Because he could make good calls disappear in an instant!
Why did the umpire bring a suitcase to the game? To pack up all the bad calls and take them home!
Why did the umpire become a gardener? Because he enjoyed planting seeds of doubt in players’ minds with his calls.
Why did the umpire always carry a pen and paper? He wanted to draw a line in the sand!
Why did the umpire join a band? Because he knew how to keep the rhythm of the game.
I asked the umpire if he believes in love at first sight. He said, “No, but I do believe in love at first strike!”
Why did the umpire study psychology? Because he wanted to better understand the mind games played by players.
Why did the umpire bring a parachute to the game? In case his calls were so bad that he needed to make a quick exit!
Why did the umpire take a nap during the game? He needed to catch up on his “resting pitch face.”
Why did the umpire always carry a pencil and paper? He wanted to draw his own conclusions!
I tried to become an umpire, but I couldn’t keep my eye on the ball.
Why did the umpire bring a ladder to the game? Because he heard it was a high-stakes match!
What did the umpire say to the baseball after a bad call? “You’ve really thrown me a curveball!”
Why did the umpire wear sunglasses? Because he wanted to make sure he didn’t miss any shady plays!
Why did the umpire go to therapy? Because he couldn’t stop making bad calls; it was a real strike against him!
I asked the umpire if he was a banker because he seemed to be making a lot of bad calls!
Why did the umpire start a gardening business? He enjoyed planting seeds of doubt in the minds of players and coaches.
Why did the umpire bring a ladder to the game? Because he heard the catcher was high up in the rankings!
Why did the umpire refuse to eat steak? He didn’t want any more beef with the players.
I asked the umpire if he’s ever been to a comedy club, and he said, “Yes, but I always end up calling foul play on the punchlines.”
Why did the umpire become a chef? He loved calling balls and strikes in the kitchen – it was a real plate affair.
What did the umpire say to the pitcher who couldn’t throw a strike? “You can’t catch fish without baiting the batter!”
Why did the umpire bring a map to the game? Because he wanted to make sure his calls were all in the right ballpark!
Why did the umpire become a chef? Because he was tired of just calling balls and strikes, he wanted to call the dinner menu too!
Why did the umpire go to the dentist? To get his teeth in perfect “pitch”-shape!
What did the umpire say when the pitcher asked if he could throw a curveball? “Sure, just make sure it doesn’t go outside my jurisdiction!”
What did the umpire say to the pitcher with bad aim? “You’re throwing strikes, but they’re just in the wrong ballpark!”
What did the umpire say to the baseball? “I’m calling you out on strikes, but don’t worry, it’s just a fair ball joke!”
Why did the umpire become a tour guide? Because he always knew the right direction.
Why did the umpire start a garden? Because he had a talent for calling foul plays!
What did the umpire say to the coach who complained about a call? “You can’t always get what you pitch for!”
What did the umpire say when the pitcher struck out? “You’re outta here!”
Why did the umpire become a comedian? Because his bad calls always got the crowd laughing!
Why did the umpire go broke? Because he lost all his cents of humor!
Why did the umpire never get invited to parties? He always had a strike against him.
The umpire told the batter, “You’re out of here!” and the batter replied, “No, I’m just getting started!”
Did you hear about the umpire who had a fear of making decisions? He always called it a “strike-out”!
What did the umpire say when asked how he handles pressure? “I just call it as I see it and hope nobody throws me a curveball.”
Why did the umpire become a detective? Because he could always spot foul play.
Why did the umpire join a dance class? Because he had a knack for delivering perfect “ballroom” calls on the field.
Why did the umpire try his hand at comedy? Because his outrageous calls were already making everyone laugh on the field.
I told the umpire he should audition for a comedy show, but he said his job was already a comedy of errors.
Why did the umpire go to the bank? He wanted to make some better calls, so he needed more change!
Why did the umpire love gardening? Because he enjoyed being the final arbiter of fair and foul lines!
Why did the umpire always carry a map? Because he wanted to make sure he was always “on the ball” with his calls!
What did the umpire say to the pitcher who kept throwing wild pitches? “You’re not even in the ballpark!”
Why did the umpire bring a broom to the game? He wanted to sweep the competition with his bad calls!
Why did the umpire get a job at the bakery? Because he loved calling strikes and bread!
Why did the umpire become a detective? Because he was an expert at making questionable calls and solving mysteries!
Why did the umpire open a bakery? Because he loved giving “batter” a chance to rise!
Why did the umpire become a weatherman? Because he was great at predicting rain, and also terrible at his job!
The umpire said he used to be an acrobat, but I guess he got tired of being on the wrong side of flips!
What did the umpire say to the baseball? “I’ve got you covered… with my strike zone.”
Why did the umpire bring a ruler to the game? Because he wanted to measure up to the players’ expectations.
Why did the umpire become a chef? Because he loved serving up questionable calls on a platter.
Why did the umpire become an artist? He wanted to perfect the art of giving players the brush-off!
What did the umpire say to the pizza? “You’re too cheesy for this game!”
Why did the umpire go to the bank? He wanted to make some questionable withdrawls!
What did the umpire say to the baseball player who complained about a call? “You’re just not catching on!”
Why did the umpire become a barber? Because he was an expert at “cutting” through the strikes!
What did the umpire say to the coach who argued a call? “I’m sorry, but I can’t reverse the rules of the universe!”
What did the umpire say to the coach who argued a call? “I’m not buying what you’re selling!”
Why did the umpire become an astronaut? Because he wanted to be able to make out-of-this-world calls.
Why did the umpire enroll in a cooking class? Because he wanted to learn how to stir up controversy in the kitchen too.
What did the umpire say to the pitcher who threw a wild pitch? “You really let that one go with wild abandon!”
Why did the umpire become a tour guide? Because he was an expert at showing people the right direction.
The umpire’s favorite song is “Hit Me Baby One More Time” because he loves giving out strikes.
Why did the umpire go to the bakery? He wanted to get a fresh batch of doughnuts, just like his strike calls!
I wanted to be an umpire, but I couldn’t handle the pressure. It was just too much to call.
Why did the umpire take up yoga? He wanted to master the art of making flexible calls.
What’s an umpire’s favorite dance move? The strike-two-step!
Why did the umpire get kicked out of the comedy club? His jokes were always a swing and a miss!
Why did the umpire go to therapy? Because he couldn’t handle the emotional baggage of calling balls and strikes!
The umpire told me he loves going to the beach because it’s the only place where he can make sand calls.
Why did the umpire go to the bank? To get his fair share of change!
I asked the umpire if he had a degree in physics because his strike zone was in a different dimension!
Why did the umpire go to the optometrist? He needed a better vision for making calls.
What do you call an umpire who loves sushi? A fan of raw calls!
Why did the umpire bring a ladder to the game? Because he wanted to be on a higher level when making decisions.
Why did the umpire become a tour guide? Because he loved taking people on a wild ride with his unpredictable calls.
What did the umpire say to the batter who was always late? “You need to be more timely in your swings!”
I asked the umpire if he believes in ghosts, and he said, “I don’t make calls on spirits.”
Why did the umpire start a gardening club? Because he loved calling foul on any plants that overstepped their boundaries.
Why did the umpire get a pet parrot? Because he wanted someone to repeat all of his calls.
I asked the umpire if he had any spare change, and he said, “Sorry, I only make calls.”
I told the umpire he should consider a career in comedy, but he said he already had enough jokes on the field.
I saw an umpire with a t-shirt that said, “I call ’em like I see ’em… but sometimes I need glasses!”
Why did the umpire become a weatherman? Because he could predict the game’s forecast.
What do you call an umpire who loves to dance? The twerking whistle-blower!
How do you become an umpire? Just learn to call the shots without getting caught in the crossfire!
Why did the umpire start a band? Because he wanted to have the final say in every jam session!
Why did the umpire become a stand-up comedian? Because he had a great sense of strike!
What did the umpire say when the batter asked for a second chance? “Sorry, but in this game, there are no extra innings!”
Why did the umpire love gardening? Because he was great at calling foul plants!
What do you call an umpire who likes to dance? A strike-a-pose master!
Why did the umpire bring a magnifying glass to the game? Because he wanted to make sure he didn’t miss any microscopic strikes!
The umpire told me that he used to be a magician, but he had to retire because he couldn’t make the right calls disappear.
What did the umpire say when he caught someone stealing his dinner? “You’re out… of my fridge!”
What do you call an umpire who can’t make up his mind? A decisional procrastinator!
Why did the umpire switch to decaf coffee? Because he needed to stay calm while making questionable calls.
Why do umpires make good teachers? Because they know how to keep everyone in line!
Why did the umpire join a band? Because he wanted to be the master of rhythm and strike out any off-beat notes.
Why did the umpire become a chef? Because he loved calling balls and strikes, but he also loved calling dinner time!
What did the umpire say to the baseball when it asked for advice? “You better pitch yourself a good game!”
Why did the umpire bring a calculator to the game? So he could always count on making the right call!
What did the umpire say to the hot dog vendor? “You can’t sell sausages without the batter’s permission!”
Why did the umpire wear a crown? Because he believed he was the king of fair play.
Why did the umpire become an actor? Because he knew how to put on a dramatic performance at every game.
Why was the umpire always in a hurry? He wanted to get to the ballpark on time so he wouldn’t miss the first pitch, the second pitch, or the third pitch.
What did the umpire say to the player who complained about a close call? “Quit whining, you’re not in the right ballpark!”
Why did the umpire start a gardening business? Because he loved calling “safe” or “out” on the sprouting plants.
Why did the umpire get a job at the bakery? Because he was a master at giving batters a bread and butter strike call.
What do you call an umpire who can’t stop eating during games? A snack-countant!
Why did the umpire become a motivational speaker? He knew how to inspire players to swing for the fences and aim for greatness.

Umpire Dad Jokes

Umpire dad jokes are a grand slam when it comes to cracking up your family and friends.

They bring together a love for baseball and a passion for perfectly corny humor.

These jokes are so bad they’re practically foul, but that’s why they’re a total home run.

These jokes are perfect for any baseball game, family get-together, or whenever you feel like throwing a curveball into your conversation.

Get ready to swing for the fences with laughter.

Here are some umpire dad jokes that will certainly be a hit:

Why do umpires always carry a whistle? Because it’s their way of blowing the game wide open!
Why did the baseball umpire go to the bank? He wanted to check out his safe calls!
Why do umpires make good comedians? Because they always have a funny way of calling the shots!
Why did the umpire start a restaurant? Because he wanted to serve up fair play with every meal!
Why did the umpire go broke? Because he lost his strike zone!
Why did the umpire take an art class? To perfect his strike zone painting!
Why was the umpire a great singer? Because he always hit the right notes when calling strikes!
Why did the umpire refuse to eat the hot dog at the game? Because he didn’t want anything interfering with his ability to call balls and strikes!
Why did the umpire go to the fancy restaurant? Because he wanted to experience a first-class plate appearance!
Why did the umpire bring a dictionary onto the field? Because he wanted to learn some new words to call the plays!
What do you call a nervous umpire? A decision-making wreck-tangle!
Why did the umpire start a gardening hobby? He loved making fair calls on foul balls!
Why did the umpire become a gardener? Because he always wanted to call the shots in the outfield!
What did the umpire say to the baseball player who kept arguing with him? “I’m warning you, I have a strike record!”
Why did the umpire become a teacher? Because he wanted to educate everyone on the right calls!
What did the umpire say when the pitcher asked for a second chance? “Sorry, but that’s a no re-pitch!”
Why did the umpire become a teacher? He wanted to make sure everyone learned the rules of the game!
Why did the umpire refuse to eat at the baseball game? He didn’t want to get called for a balk!
Why did the umpire bring a ladder to the game? Because he wanted to reach a higher level of calling balls and strikes!
Why did the umpire become a comedian? Because he knew how to deliver the perfect punchline after every pitch!
Why did the umpire become a gardener? Because he wanted to make sure all his calls were “grounds” for celebration!
Why did the umpire join a rock band? Because he was great at calling out hits!
How did the umpire settle an argument? By “striking” a compromise!
Why did the umpire carry a stopwatch? Because he liked to keep the game in check!
Why did the umpire bring his suitcase to the game? Because he was ready to travel the bases with his calls!
What do you call an umpire who always wears sunglasses? “Shady” McCalls!
Why did the umpire go broke? He couldn’t stop making “bad calls” at the stock market!
Why did the umpire always carry an extra pair of pants? Just in case he called a “foul” ball!
Why did the umpire always carry an umbrella? Because he wanted to be prepared for a rain delay!
Why did the umpire become a musician? He wanted to be the ‘umpire-stra’ conductor!
What did the umpire say to the baseball after a bad call? “You’re way off base!”
Why did the umpire bring a chair onto the field? Because he wanted to have a seat at the game!
What did the umpire say to the baseball after it complained about a bad call? “Quit throwing a fit!”
What did the umpire say when the player asked to borrow his glove? “Sorry, I can’t lend a hand!”
Why don’t umpires ever make good comedians? Because their jokes always strike out!
Why did the umpire bring a stopwatch to the game? Because he wanted to make sure the players didn’t steal too much time!
What did the umpire say when the batter complained about his strikeout call? “I’m sorry, but I make the final ‘strike’ decision!”
Why did the umpire start a landscaping business? Because he knew how to make the right calls on grass and dirt!
Why did the umpire bring a stopwatch to the game? So he could keep a close eye on the second base!
What did the umpire say to the baseball player who complained about a call? “I’m sorry, I can’t make all the right calls. I’m only human.” .
What do you call an umpire with no eyesight? “Not-see”able!
Why did the umpire go to the doctor? He was having trouble with his strike zone!
Why do umpires make good comedians? Because they always have a great sense of “strike” timing.
How did the umpire die? He called strikes and then got hit by a pitch!
Why did the umpire become a musician? Because he wanted to call all the pitches in perfect harmony!
What did the umpire say to the baseball? I’ve got you covered, no need to be a-baseless.
Why did the umpire go to the bank? Because he wanted to learn how to make better calls on the money pitch.
Why did the umpire go to the bank during the game? Because he needed to check his balance!
Why did the umpire bring a parachute to the game? Just in case the game goes into extra innings, he’s always prepared to make a safe landing!
What did the umpire say when he got hit by a foul ball? “I’ll walk it off!”
How did the umpire become a successful magician? He always knew how to make the right calls disappear!
Why did the umpire start a garden? He wanted to have a good eye for balls and strikes, even off the field!
What did the umpire say to the coach who complained about his calls? “You’re out of line!”
Why did the umpire become a detective? Because he wanted to investigate every pitch-perfect call!
Why was the umpire not allowed to play cards? Because he always struggled with calling the clubs!
Why did the umpire go broke? Because he couldn’t make any cents out of the game!
What did the umpire say when the batter asked for a timeout? “Sorry, I don’t have the power to pause the game!”
Why did the umpire become a chef? Because he wanted to dish out some fair play on the field!
What’s an umpire’s favorite type of TV show? They love watching game shows, of course!
Why did the umpire bring his own chair to the game? Because he wanted a seat of power!
Why did the umpire bring a bag of chips to the game? Because he wanted to have some “snacks and strike calls!”
Why did the umpire always have an umbrella? Because he was an expert in making rain calls!
Why did the umpire bring a pillow to the game? Just in case there’s a lot of sleepers in the outfield!
What did the umpire say to the baseball after it asked for a day off? “Sorry, you can’t take a pitch day!”
Why did the umpire bring a compass to the game? To “point” him in the right direction when making calls!
What do you call an umpire with a bad attitude? A “grumpy ump”ire!
What did the umpire say to the baseball when it asked for a break? “Sorry, I can’t call a timeout, you’re out of pitches!”
Why did the umpire start a baking business? Because he knew how to judge a good batter!
Why did the umpire bring a pencil and paper to the game? Because he wanted to draw a line between fair and foul!
What do you call an umpire who is also a magician? The master of illusion strikes and balls!
Why did the umpire always carry a whistle? Because he wanted to make some noise and keep things in order!
Why did the umpire become a chef? Because he always knew how to call foul play.
Why did the umpire bring a watch to the game? Because he wanted to make sure he had the right timing for every call!
Why did the umpire become a weatherman? Because he’s great at calling “rain outs” too.
Why was the umpire always calm and composed? Because he knew how to keep his cool and maintain control of the game!
Why did the umpire bring a flashlight to the game? In case he needs to shed some light on the situation!
What did the umpire say when he caught a cold? “I’m calling in sick, there’s no ‘achoo’ in baseball!”
What did the umpire say to the baseball player who complained about his calls? “I’m sorry, I can’t listen to you. I have umpire-blocking headphones on!”
Why did the umpire go to the doctor? He couldn’t stop making ‘out’ calls!
What did the umpire say to the baseball player who was arguing? “You’re really throwing me off my game!”
Why did the umpire go to the seafood restaurant? Because he wanted to call some “shrimpy” plays!
Why was the umpire always reading books? Because he loved learning the rules of the game!
Why was the umpire always confident in his decisions? Because he had a good eye for it!
Why do umpires make good comedians? Because they always have the perfect pitch!
Why did the umpire go to school? To get a degree in making safe calls!
Why did the umpire start a garden? He wanted to grow his own strike zone!
Why do umpires always carry a pencil? In case they have to draw a line in the field.
What did the umpire say to the batter who was hitting too many foul balls? “You need to start getting fair-er!”
What did the umpire say when he caught a fly ball? You’re outta here, little bugger!
Why did the umpire become a teacher? Because he knew how to “school” the players on the rules!
Why did the umpire become a comedian? Because he always had a good delivery!
Why did the umpire start a garden? He wanted to grow some great calls!
Why do umpires always carry a whistle? Because they like to “blow” the competition away!
Why did the umpire go to the art museum? He wanted to learn how to make accurate “calls” on abstract paintings.
What did the umpire say when the baseball asked if it could borrow his jacket? “Sorry, you can’t wear this, it’s a strike coat!”
Why did the umpire go to the bank? Because he heard they had great interest in making calls!
Why did the umpire always carry a pencil behind his ear? So he could draw the line on fair play!
What did the umpire say to the pitcher who asked for a second chance? “Sorry, you don’t get a re-pitch!”
Why did the umpire start a gardening business? Because he had a knack for calling things out of bounds!
What did the umpire say to his wife when she asked him how the game went? “I don’t know, I wasn’t watching!”
Why did the umpire become an artist? He loved to make accurate sketches of the strike zone!
What did the umpire say when he didn’t catch the ball? “I’m just not cut out for this, it’s a “missed” opportunity!”
What did the umpire say when the baseball player asked for his autograph? “Sure, but only if you promise not to strike me out!”
Why did the umpire become a baker? Because he wanted to be an expert at calling doughnuts!
Why did the umpire always carry a mirror with him? So he could have a quick reflection on his calls!
Why did the umpire go to the bank? Because he heard they had a lot of good change!
Why did the umpire bring a stopwatch to the game? So he could keep his time management skills in check!
What did the umpire say to the baseball player who complained about the call? “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of me being right!”
Why did the umpire bring a net to the game? Because he wanted to catch all the fly balls!
Why did the umpire become a chef? Because he loved dishing out “fair” servings!
What did the umpire say to the catcher who asked for a break? “Sure, but I can’t catch a break either.” .
Why was the umpire always calm? Because he had excellent pitch control!
Why did the umpire bring a pillow to the game? Because he wanted to have a soft spot for close calls!
How does an umpire like his coffee? With a little bit of cream and lots of ground rules!
Why did the umpire become a chef? He was tired of making ‘foul’ calls and wanted to make ‘fair’ meals instead!
Why did the umpire bring a pillow to the game? He wanted to call the balls and strikes from a comfy position!
Why did the umpire bring a dictionary to the game? Because he wanted to understand all the “word” plays!
Why did the umpire always bring a thermometer to the game? So he could measure the “heat” of the players’ tempers!
What did the umpire say when he got a new job at a bakery? “I guess I’ll be making a lot of dough now.” .
Why did the umpire become a comedian? Because he was tired of calling all the strikes and wanted to deliver some punchlines!
What did the umpire say to the batter who couldn’t hit the ball? “Don’t worry, it’s a strike of bad luck!”
What’s an umpire’s favorite type of music? They’re big fans of strike songs!
Why do umpires always carry an extra pair of pants? In case they have to make a split decision!
Why did the umpire become a gardener? Because he knew how to “call” the shots with plants!
What did the umpire say when his wife asked if he wanted to go out for dinner? “I’ll make the call!”

Umpire Jokes for Kids

Umpire jokes for kids are like the light-hearted innings of the joke world—safe, entertaining, and always a home run with the little ones.

These jokes help children to engage with sports in a fun way and introduce them to the humorous side of baseball.

They encourage laughter, learning, and a love for wordplay that’s as thrilling as a grand slam.

Moreover, umpire jokes for kids can turn a casual baseball match into an amusing spectacle, making the role of the umpire a source of comedic relief.

Ready to step up to the plate?

Here are the jokes that will have them laughing all the way to home base:

Why did the umpire always carry an umbrella? In case of a rain delay!
What did the umpire say to the baseball player who stole second base? “I’ve got my eye on you!”
What did the umpire say to the grasshopper? “You’re not cricket!”
Why did the umpire always carry a stopwatch? To keep an eye on the game’s “second” chances!
What did the umpire say when he was asked to do math? “I’m great at counting strikes and balls!”
Why was the umpire always cool? Because he never lost his cool!
How do umpires stay cool during a game? They stand in the shade of the players!
Why did the umpire bring a pencil to the game? Because he wanted to draw attention to his decisions!
Why did the umpire bring a math book to the game? Because he wanted to improve his counting skills for all the strikes and balls!
Why did the umpire bring a stopwatch to the game? To keep track of all the running jokes!
What did the umpire say to the little league player who asked for a time-out? “I’m sorry, but I can’t grant your request. We don’t have a time machine!”
What did the umpire say to the baseball when it was misbehaving? “You’re outta here!”
Why did the umpire bring a camera to the game? To capture all the picture-perfect plays!
What do you call an umpire with no friends? A lone referee!
What do you call an umpire who loves math? A calculating referee!
What did the umpire say to the impatient baseball player? “Quit bunt-ing your time!”
What did the umpire say when he caught a fish? “You’re out of the water!”
Why did the umpire bring a telescope to the game? Because he wanted to see things from a different perspective!
Why did the umpire go to school? To learn how to make the best calls during recess!
What did the umpire say to the baseball after it got a strike? “Nice catch!”
What did the umpire say to the baseball player who wasn’t paying attention? “You’re not on the ball!”
How did the umpire feel after a long day of officiating? He was a bit “tired” of all the calls!
What did the umpire say when it started raining during the game? It’s a rain delay, time for a water break!
What’s an umpire’s favorite kind of snack? Popcorn, because it’s fair and corn-y!
What did the umpire say to the pitcher who kept throwing wild pitches? “You need to get back in the strike zone!”
Why did the umpire bring a whistle to the game? To keep the players in line and the fans on their toes!
Why did the umpire bring a dictionary to the game? He wanted to look up “strike” and “ball” just to be sure!
Why did the umpire wear sunglasses during the game? Because he didn’t want to get caught looking!
Why did the umpire wear sunglasses to the game? To keep an eye on the sunny side of things!
What do you call a rabbit who’s an umpire? A hoptical illusion!
Why did the umpire bring a dictionary to the game? Because he wanted to look up the definition of fair play!
What did the umpire say to the baseball when it complained? “I’m calling it like I see it!”
Why did the umpire become a gardener? Because he loved calling strikes and watching the grass grow!
What do you call an umpire who can predict the future? A “sooth-sayer” umpire!
Why did the umpire bring a fishing rod to the game? Just in case he needed to catch a foul ball!
Why was the umpire always cool and calm? Because he knew how to maintain his composure and make the right calls!
What did the umpire say to the baseball after it made a mistake? “You’re outta here!”
Why did the umpire always carry a rulebook? So he could make sure he was always calling the shots correctly!
What did the umpire say when he had a delicious dessert? That’s a sweet decision!
What did the umpire say when the baseball player asked for a timeout? “Sorry, I can’t grant that request, it’s not in my “time” zone!”
Why did the umpire wear sunglasses during the game? He wanted to make sure he had a good eye on the ball!
What did the umpire say when the baseball asked if it could pitch in the game? “I’m sorry, but you don’t quite have the right spin!”
Why did the umpire become a chef? Because he knew how to serve up some fair and square calls!
What did the umpire say to the catcher who couldn’t catch the ball? “You need to glove it or leave it!”
Why was the umpire so good at math? Because he knew how to count strikes and balls!
Why was the umpire always hungry? Because he kept calling strikes!
How did the umpire feel after making a bad call? He was base-ically speechless!
How does an umpire call for a hot dog? “Mustard, ketchup, and a fair decision!”
What’s an umpire’s favorite type of cookie? Foul-tine cookies!
Why did the umpire go to school? To improve his counting skills, of course!
Why did the umpire become a baker? Because he always loved calling strikes and baking cakes!
What did the umpire say to the lost baseball? “You can’t hide from my calls!”
Why did the umpire go to school? To learn how to make the “right” decisions on the field!
Why did the umpire bring a magnifying glass to the game? So he could see every little detail!
What’s an umpire’s favorite type of music? Foul and B-Sides!
Why did the umpire bring a map to the game? In case he needed to find his way to home plate!
Why did the umpire always carry a tissue? Because he was always blowing his calls!
Why did the umpire become a chef? He wanted to make sure everything was fair and well-seasoned!
How did the umpire calm down the angry baseball? He threw it out of the game and said, “You’re outta here!”
Why did the umpire go to school? To learn how to call a foul play!
Why did the umpire go to the bakery? Because he wanted to get his fill of doughnuts and rolls, just like the players!
What did the umpire say to the baseball when it asked for directions? “You’re going straight to the outfield!”
Why did the umpire bring a towel to the game? In case there’s a “foul” smell!
Why did the umpire become a musician? Because he enjoyed calling the “strikes” in music notes!
Why did the umpire bring a pillow to the game? He wanted to catch some zzz’s during the slow innings!
Why did the umpire eat his hat? Because the coach told him it was a “capsule” of wisdom!
What’s an umpire’s favorite bedtime story? “The Three Strikes and You’re Out!” .
Why did the umpire bring a magic wand to the game? In case he needed to make a disappearing strikeout!
Why did the umpire become an artist? Because he loved drawing his own strike zones!
Why did the umpire bring a parachute to the game? In case he needed to make a safe landing during a close play!
Why did the umpire go to the doctor? Because he had a case of blurred strikes and balls!
What did the umpire say to the baseball when it asked a question? “I’ll give you the answer, but you’re out of line!”
What did the umpire say to the baseball after it made a bad joke? “You’re not very pun-ny, ball!”
What did the umpire say when he found a bee on the field? “Bee-ware, this game just got a little more buzzy!”
What did the umpire say to the baseball? “You make a good pitch!”
Why did the umpire become a musician? He was great at calling the pitch perfect notes!
Why was the umpire always cool? Because he had a lot of fans!
What did the umpire say when the baseball asked if it could have a turn at bat? “Sorry, you’re not in my league!”
Why did the umpire become a teacher? Because he loved giving students fair grades!
Why did the umpire bring a calculator to the game? To add up all the laughs and strikes!
What did the umpire say when the baseball asked if it could play in the game? “Sure, just don’t throw any curveballs!”
Why did the umpire become an artist? He loved drawing lines in the sand!
Why did the umpire become a chef? Because he always called the shots in the kitchen!
What did the umpire say to the baseball player who lost his bat? “You better find it or you’ll strike out!”
Why did the umpire wear a raincoat to the game? Because he didn’t want to get caught in a wet decision!
What did the umpire say to the baseball player who stole second base? “That’s not fair, you’re taking what’s mine!”
What did the umpire say to the baseball when it asked for directions? “I can’t make any calls, I’m just a referee!”
Why did the umpire always carry a pencil and paper? So he could draw lines when he made a call!
What did the umpire say to the pitcher who kept throwing wild pitches? “You’re way off the plate! Time for some accuracy training!”
What did the umpire say when the batter hit a home run? That’s a fair hit and a home run!
Why did the umpire wear a raincoat to the game? Because he wanted to make sure he didn’t get “showered” with complaints!
What’s an umpire’s favorite type of music? Pitch-perfect harmonies!
Why did the umpire go to the bakery before the game? Because he wanted to get a good roll!
What did the umpire say to the batter who swung and missed? “You’re striking out on this swing and a miss-take!”
What’s an umpire’s favorite drink? Instant replay-sberry juice!
What do you call an umpire who can juggle? A multitasking umpire who can keep all the balls in play!
What do you call an umpire who tells jokes? A funny referee!
Why did the umpire bring a stopwatch to the game? Because he wanted to keep track of the “timely” decisions!
Why did the umpire go to the bank? He wanted to learn how to make some accurate coin tosses!
Why did the umpire bring a backpack to the game? So he could pack up his bad calls and leave them behind!
Why did the umpire bring a stopwatch to the game? To keep his eye on the time!
Why did the umpire wear a hat? Because he wanted to stay ahead of the game!
What did the umpire say when the baseball asked if it could have a catch? “I’m already taken!”
Why was the umpire always happy? Because he always made fair calls!
Why did the umpire bring a dictionary to the game? Because he wanted to be sure everyone understood his “strike” calls!

Umpire Jokes for Adults

Who says adults can’t enjoy a hearty laugh with some umpire jokes?

Umpire jokes for adults take the game of humor to the next level, intertwining sophisticated wit with a pinch of mischief.

Just like a high-stakes baseball game, these jokes blend elements of humor, intelligence, and a sprinkle of boldness for a unforgettable chuckle.

These jokes are perfect for sports gatherings, barbeques, or simply to inject some humor into a serious discussion among sports enthusiast friends.

Here are some umpire jokes that are perfect for adults:

Why did the umpire start a diet? He wanted to cut back on his excessive strike calls!
Why did the umpire go to the circus? He wanted to learn how to juggle all those balls and strikes!
What did the umpire say to the coach who complained about a call? “I’m sorry, I can’t see your point of view from my perfect position!”
Why did the umpire go to the bakery? Because he wanted to get some doughnuts for the players!
Why did the umpire go to therapy? He had unresolved issues with making fair calls!
What did the umpire say when he got a promotion? “I guess I’m just a cut above the rest!”
Why was the umpire always so calm and collected? Because he knew how to keep his cool and maintain a fair game, unlike some players!
Why did the umpire join a band? He wanted to be the one calling the “strikes” and “chords”!
Why do umpires love gardening? Because they have a natural ability to call foul!
Why did the umpire wear a helmet? He wanted to protect his head from all the flying insults!
Why did the umpire go to therapy? He had a hard time making fair judgments!
Why did the umpire always bring a compass to the game? So he could find his way to making terrible calls!
Why did the umpire become an archaeologist? He enjoyed digging up foul play from the past!
What did the umpire say to the baseball player who kept arguing with him? “You’re out of line!”
Why did the umpire become a stand-up comedian? Because he wanted to call strikes and make people laugh at the same time!
Why did the umpire become a gardener? Because he loved watching the players dig themselves into a hole with bad calls!
What do you call an umpire who can’t stop dancing during a baseball game? A twirlumpire!
Why did the umpire get a ticket? He was caught speeding on the “base” paths!
Why did the umpire go to a comedy show? He wanted to learn how to call the strikes and deliver punchlines!
Why did the umpire go to therapy? He had a fear of commitment to making calls!
Why did the umpire always carry an umbrella? Because he knew it was going to rain on the players’ parade with his calls!
Why did the umpire start a garden? He wanted to see how many plants he could call “out”!
Why did the umpire start a business selling glasses? He wanted everyone to see things his way on the field.
Why did the umpire become a chef? Because he knew how to spice things up with his strike calls!
Why did the umpire go to the doctor? He had a terrible case of “foul play” and needed a diagnosis!
What do you call an umpire who can juggle? A multitasker who can “handle” anything!
Why did the umpire go to law school? He wanted to learn how to make more convincing calls!
Why did the umpire bring a magnifying glass to the game? He wanted to make sure he saw every tiny infraction.
Why did the umpire go to therapy? He had a hard time coping with all the balls and strikes!
Why did the umpire become a stand-up comedian? Because he always had everyone in stitches with his calls!
What do you call an umpire with a good sense of humor? A funny decision maker!
Why did the umpire become a chef? Because he loved making calls: “Strike one, strike two, you’re outta here!”
Why did the umpire go to the art museum? He wanted to brush up on his “fair or foul” judgment skills!
Why did the umpire become a stand-up comedian? He already had a knack for delivering punchlines during games!
Why did the umpire become a detective? He was tired of people questioning his calls, so he decided to investigate them!
Why did the umpire go to therapy? He had serious strike issues!
What do you call an umpire who can’t stop talking? A babbling referee!
Why did the umpire go to a haunted house? He wanted to practice his scream, “You’re outta here!”
Why did the umpire go to the dentist? He wanted to learn how to give better toothless calls!
Why did the umpire start a gardening club? He wanted to cultivate a better understanding of fair and foul territory!
What do you call an umpire who loves puns? The umpire who’s always bringing the funny calls!
Why did the umpire open a bakery? He loved giving out “bread” balls to the pitchers!
Why did the umpire join a band? He loved yelling “Strike three!” at the top of his lungs!
Why did the umpire refuse to wear glasses during the game? Because he believed in making blind calls!
Why did the umpire go to therapy? He couldn’t handle all the bad calls weighing on his conscience!
Why did the umpire love gardening? He enjoyed making fair calls between the flowers and the weeds!
Why was the umpire always the life of the party? He knew how to “call” the shots!
Why did the umpire bring a pillow to the game? Because he was ready for a long nap between innings!
What’s an umpire’s favorite food? A questionable call-iflower!
Why did the umpire go broke? Because he couldn’t make both ends meet!
What did the umpire say to the pitcher who kept arguing? “I’m calling a time out on your tantrums!”
Why did the umpire always carry a dictionary? He wanted to make sure he had the right words for his bad calls!
Why did the umpire make a terrible weatherman? Because he always called rain when the game was already over!
Why was the umpire always confident? He had a perfect “strike” record!
Why do umpires always carry a brush? So they can sweep the game!
Why did the umpire take up gardening? He liked being the final arbiter in the battle between the flowers and the weeds!
Why did the umpire bring a GPS to the game? Because he always managed to get lost in his own strike zone!
Why did the umpire get a part-time job as a weatherman? He was tired of only making rain calls!
Why did the umpire bring a calculator to the game? To count all the compliments he receives on his calls!
Why did the umpire go to school? To get a degree in calling balls and strikes!
Why did the umpire go on a diet? He wanted to have a thinner waistline for better calls at home plate.
Why did the umpire go to therapy? He was tired of always being called “out of his strike zone”!
Why did the umpire start a clothing line? He wanted to specialize in “striking” fashion statements!
Why did the umpire open a bakery? He wanted to make sure every decision was “well-bread”!
Why did the umpire bring a ladder to the game? Because he wanted to be able to see over everyone’s heads!
Why did the umpire carry around a stopwatch? So he could make “timeouts” whenever he wanted!
Why did the umpire go to therapy? He couldn’t stop making bad calls and needed some guidance.
Why did the umpire always carry a compass? So he could point in the right direction, even if his calls were wrong.
Why did the umpire start a garden? He enjoyed making calls and watching things grow, especially his strike zone!
What did the umpire say to the batter who argued with his call? “Don’t make me throw you out of the batter’s box!”
Why did the umpire refuse to play cards with the players? Because he always saw through their bluff!
Why did the umpire eat a clock? Because he wanted to have seconds!
Why did the umpire become an artist? He was tired of calling strikes and wanted to paint the corners!
What did the baseball say to the umpire? “Do you have the balls to make the right call?”
Why did the umpire bring a ruler to the game? To measure the players’ strikes and balls!
Why did the umpire become a teacher? Because he enjoyed showing everyone how to play “by the book”!
Why did the umpire start a gardening business? Because he had a knack for judging whether something was foul or fair!
Why did the umpire get invited to all the parties? Because he could always keep the crowd entertained with his lively play-calling!
What did the umpire say to the pitcher who kept throwing wild pitches? “You’re not fooling anyone, just throw the ball over the plate!”
Why did the umpire get a ticket? Because he was caught speeding through strike zones!
What did the umpire say when a player asked for a second opinion? “Sorry, I’m the only one qualified to make bad calls here!”
Why did the umpire go to the bank? He wanted to make a pitch for a loan!
Why did the umpire bring a pillow to the game? In case there were any close calls!
Why did the umpire become a weatherman? He loved predicting “rain delays” during games!
Why did the umpire always win at poker? Because he had an uncanny ability to spot bluffs and call everyone’s bluff!
What did the umpire say to the batter who complained about a strike call? “You’re just not on the same ‘wavelength’ as me!”
Why did the umpire become a comedian? He realized he could get more laughs from his calls than from his jokes.
Why did the umpire become a teacher? Because he was great at giving lessons on strikes and balls!
What do you call an umpire with perfect vision? A rare sight!
Why did the umpire refuse to date? Because he always called balls and strikes!
Why don’t umpires ever get married? Because they’re afraid of making bad calls!
Why did the umpire go on a diet? Because he wanted to make sure he was in tip-top shape for yelling, “You’re out!”
Why did the umpire become a chef? He always wanted to make the best “plate” calls!
Why did the umpire become a stand-up comedian? He loved hearing the crowd’s laughter after every bad call!
Why did the umpire wear a referee’s whistle? He wanted to have a backup plan if his voice got tired from making calls.
Why did the umpire bring a stopwatch to the game? He wanted to keep track of the “time out” for hotdogs and popcorn!
Why did the umpire go to therapy? He had a fear of making the wrong call and needed some judgment counseling!
Why did the umpire start a bakery? Because he knew how to knead the rules!
What did the umpire say to the player who argued every call? “I’m not a therapist, but I can tell you’re having a hard time accepting reality!”
Why did the umpire always bring a tissue to the game? He wanted to be prepared for any crying players!
Why did the umpire bring a broom to the game? So he could sweep the opposing team away!
Why did the umpire always wear sunglasses? He needed to protect his eyes from all the fans throwing shade at him!
Why did the umpire join a gym? Because he wanted to work on his “call” muscles!
Why did the umpire always have a sweet tooth? Because he loved calling “Snickers” on the players!
Why did the umpire bring a band to the game? He wanted to add a little ump-mp-mp to the atmosphere!
Why did the umpire go to the psychiatrist? He was struggling with making fair judgments and needed therapy!
Why did the umpire bring a watch to the game? So he could tell when it was time to make a call!
Why did the umpire become a detective? He loved solving the mystery of each call!
Why did the umpire become a magician? He wanted to make the wrong call disappear!
Why did the umpire become a stand-up comedian? He couldn’t resist calling strikes and cracking jokes at the same time!
What did the umpire say to the batter who kept complaining? “Quit swinging and start singing! You’re outta tune!”
Why did the umpire go broke? He always had a bad call rate and had to pay for glasses!
Why did the umpire go to the library? He wanted to learn new ways to say, “You’re out!” in different languages!
Why did the umpire go to therapy? He had trouble making tough calls because he was always second-guessing himself!
What did the umpire say when the batter asked if he could hit a home run? “Sure, if you don’t mind me calling it a foul!”
Why did the umpire go to art school? Because he wanted to learn how to draw out the game even longer!
Why did the umpire bring a dictionary to the game? He wanted to define the strike zone more accurately!
Why did the umpire become a yoga instructor? He mastered the art of making “stretch” calls!
Why was the umpire a great dancer? He had mastered the art of making smooth moves and avoiding collisions on the field!
Why did the umpire become a teacher? Because he was an expert at giving people the third degree!
Why did the umpire invest in a fortune teller? Because he wanted to see into the future and predict the plays!
Why did the umpire have a hard time making decisions? He was stuck in a constant “should I stay or should I go” dilemma!
Why did the umpire become an artist? He wanted to draw the line between fair and foul!
Why did the umpire start a comedy club? Because he knew how to deliver the perfect punchline!
Why did the umpire bring his own insect repellent? He hated all the bugs in the outfield!
Why did the umpire always carry a math book with him? He wanted to make sure his strike counts were accurate!
What do you call an umpire who loves to tell jokes? A pun-pire!
Why did the umpire become a stand-up comedian? He was tired of being the butt of every joke!
Why did the umpire become a comedian? He figured it was easier to get booed for bad jokes than bad calls!
Why did the umpire refuse to go on a roller coaster? Because he didn’t want any sudden ups and downs!
What did the umpire say when he got hit by a foul ball? “I guess I’m in fair territory now!”
Why did the umpire become a weatherman? Because he was great at predicting whether it’s a ball or a strike!
Why did the umpire bring a magic wand to the game? Because he wanted to turn foul balls into fair ones!
Why did the umpire become a gardener? Because he loved to call strikes on the daisies!
What do umpires do in their free time? They practice their strike-out dance moves!
What did the umpire say to the pitcher who kept throwing wild pitches? “I hope you brought a GPS because you’re all over the place!”
What did the umpire say when he ordered a pizza? “I’ll have one with extra strikes, please!”
Why did the umpire become a teacher? He wanted to make sure every student knew the strike zone!
Why did the umpire bring a map to the game? So he wouldn’t get lost in making his decisions!
Why did the umpire join a band? He wanted to be the ultimate judge of rhythm!
Why did the umpire bring a ladder to the baseball game? He wanted to reach new heights in making questionable calls!
Why did the umpire become an artist? He had a talent for drawing “base lines”!
Why did the umpire invest in a hearing aid? So he could always catch every little foul word!
Why did the umpire always carry a compass? To make sure he was always pointing in the right direction!
Why did the umpire become a chef? He loved making precise calls, just like measuring ingredients in a recipe!
Why did the umpire go to a fancy restaurant? Because he wanted to serve up some fine dining decisions!
Why did the umpire start a gardening hobby? He loved “calling” balls and strikes!
Why did the umpire become a weather forecaster? Because he was great at calling strikes and predicting storms!
Why did the umpire start a garden? He loved calling the pitches “foul”!
Why did the umpire go broke? Because he always lost his cents when making calls!

Umpire Joke Generator

Striking the perfect balance in an umpire joke can sometimes feel like a swing and a miss.

(Enjoyed that pun, didn’t you?)

That’s where our FREE Umpire Joke Generator steps in to hit a home run.

Engineered to mix witty wordplay, sports humor, and sharp phrases, it crafts jokes that are guaranteed to get you laughing out loud.

Don’t let your humor strike out.

Use our joke generator to whip up jokes that are as sharp and engaging as a fastball pitch.

FAQs About Umpire Jokes

Why are umpire jokes so popular?

Umpire jokes are popular because they often play on the unique role and responsibility of an umpire in sports games, especially in cricket and baseball.

They provide a lighthearted take on the often serious business of umpiring, making them appealing to both sports lovers and general audiences alike.

Can umpire jokes help in social situations?

Absolutely!

Umpire jokes can be a great conversation starter, especially among sports enthusiasts.

They can lighten the mood, break the ice, and spark friendly debates over sports rulings and plays.

How can I come up with my own umpire jokes?

Get to know the specific terminology and rules involved in the sport where the umpire is involved, such as cricket or baseball.
Consider the common perceptions and stereotypes of umpires—how could these be humorously challenged or exaggerated?
Think about the situations or settings where umpires operate. Is there an element of tension, excitement, or absurdity you could play on?
Twist a well-known saying or phrase to include an umpire or sports element.
Puns and wordplay are your friends. With terms like strike, out, and run, there’s plenty of comic potential.