888 Voldemort Jokes for a Bewitching Bout of Belly Laughs

If you’re here, it means you’re ready to delve into the world of Voldemort jokes.

Not just any jokes, but the darkest of the lot.

That’s why we’ve conjured up a list of the most hilariously sinister Voldemort jokes.

From He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named puns to horcrux-inspired one-liners, our compilation has a joke for every wizard and muggle.

So, let’s journey into the heart of Voldemort humor, one joke at a time.

Voldemort Jokes

Voldemort jokes are a magical concoction of humor that can charm anyone into fits of laughter.

They’re not only about the infamous dark wizard himself but also about the intriguing universe of Harry Potter in which he exists.

From his peculiar, noseless appearance to his petrifying fear of a mere schoolboy, Voldemort offers endless fodder for jokes.

Creating the ideal Voldemort joke requires a clever twist on words, a dash of unexpected humor, and a playful nod towards the uncanny characteristics of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (like his inability to understand love or his obsession with immortality).

Ready to cast a laughter spell?

Wave your wands as we delve into these hilariously enchanting Voldemort jokes:

• Why was Voldemort so bad at dating? He had no nose for romance.
• Why did Voldemort start a band? Because he was tired of being a solo artist!
• Why doesn’t Voldemort use Twitter? Because he can’t handle followers, only Death Eaters!
• Why did Voldemort go to the dentist? Because he wanted a cavity removed from his “horrortooth.”
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite dessert? Snake-eye scream!
• What do you call Voldemort when he accidentally sneezes? You-Know-Achoo!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter when he heard a joke? “Avada Kedavra, I’m dying of laughter!”
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? He wanted to make sure his plants had a root of evil!
• What do you call it when Voldemort’s pet snake sheds its skin? A “slithering make-over!”
• Why did Voldemort become a math teacher? He wanted to show everyone the power of subtraction.
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? Because he had too many “he-who-must-not-be-named” issues!
• Why did Voldemort go to the gym? Because he wanted to “tone” up his evil muscles.
• Why did Voldemort start using essential oils? He wanted to relax and unwind with a Horcrux massage.
• Why did Voldemort become a dentist? He loved filling cavities with dark magic!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite sport? Quidditch, because it involves broomsticks.
• What did Voldemort say when he got a job at the zoo? “I can finally embrace my snake side.”
• Why did Voldemort refuse to use the internet? He didn’t want to risk accidentally clicking on a Facebook “like.”
• Why did Voldemort refuse to play cards? He was tired of people constantly telling him to “put your hand down!”
• What is Voldemort’s favorite kind of music? Soul.
• How did Voldemort feel after going on a roller coaster? He was Riddikulusly thrilled!
• Why did Voldemort become a weatherman? He always loved the forecast for Dark and Stormy nights.
• Why did Voldemort go to the hair salon? He wanted to get rid of his split ends.
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? Because he likes to nip evil in the bud.
• What did Voldemort say when he found out he won a contest? “I can’t believe I Slytherin!”
• Why did Voldemort start using moisturizer? To get rid of his dry spells.
• Why did Voldemort never use email? He didn’t want to deal with all the “spam.”
• Why did Voldemort join a gym? He wanted to “workout” his anger issues.
• What does Voldemort use to brush his teeth? Crest of death.
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite TV show? “Nosebleeds and Order of the Phoenix!” It’s a real nose-twister!
• What did Voldemort say when he accidentally bumped into someone? “Sorry, I didn’t see you there. Oh wait, I can’t see anyone!”
• Why did Voldemort always carry a map? Because he couldn’t find his nose without directions!
• What does Voldemort say when he’s about to sneeze? “Avada-Kachoo!”
• Why did Voldemort never have a pet? He couldn’t stand anyone being more Slytherin than him.
• What did Voldemort say when he discovered a time-turner? “I could really use a nose pick-me-up.”
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite type of music? Soul! Or should we say, Horcrux and roll!
• Why did Voldemort break up with Bellatrix? She was always Nagging him.
• What is Voldemort’s favorite instrument? The “horncrux.” He loves to blow it.
• Why did Voldemort become a referee? Because he loves to make people disappear, especially during Quidditch matches.
• Why did Voldemort become a lawyer? He was great at using the Unforgivable Curses… as evidence!
• Why did Voldemort start a garden? He wanted to grow some snake plant.
• Why did Voldemort start a rock band? He wanted to make sure his music hits everyone right in the face.
• Why did Voldemort never go on vacation? He didn’t want to “Riddle” himself with relaxation!
• What did Voldemort say when he failed his baking class? “I guess I’m just a half-baked dark lord!”
• What did Voldemort say to his snake after a long day? “I need a hiss-terectomy!”
• Why did Voldemort start his own band? He wanted to be the lead singer of “The Deathly Hallows”!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter in the dark forest? “I’ve got my eye on you… oh wait, no I don’t.”
• What did Voldemort do when he lost his wand? He just went back to Slytherin and asked for another one.
• Why did Voldemort go to the therapist? He couldn’t handle all the “nosey” questions.
• Why did Voldemort go to the dentist? He needed to “fill” the cavity in his heart.
• Why did Voldemort go to the optometrist? He needed new specs on his nose!
• How does Voldemort like to travel? By “Hogwarts” Express!
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? Because he had a knack for bringing out the dark side in his students!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite music genre? Nostril-damus!
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? He loves giving “dark” arts and crafts lessons.
• Why did Voldemort get a pet snake? Because it couldn’t tell anyone what a noseless freak he was.
• Why did Voldemort open a bakery? He wanted to make some dark chocolate mousse!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter when they went for a walk? “Let’s take a dark stroll down memory lane!”
• Why did Voldemort start gardening? He wanted to Slytherin some peace and quiet.
• Why did Voldemort go to the dentist? To get his missing teeth horcrux repaired!
• What do you get if you cross Voldemort and a teacher? You’ll never find out, he curses every answer sheet!
• Why did Voldemort refuse to use Twitter? He couldn’t handle being unfollowed!
• What did Voldemort say to his Death Eaters after a long day of evil plotting? “Let’s call it a “knight!””
• Why did Voldemort always carry a map with him? So he could navigate his way to the Sorcerer’s Stone.
• How does Voldemort keep his hair so sleek? With horcrux conditioner!
• Why did Voldemort become a weatherman? Because he loved casting dark clouds over people’s sunny days!
• Why doesn’t Voldemort use the internet? Because he can’t connect to Wi-Fi, he’s always “No-Network.”
• What did Voldemort say when he saw Harry Potter in the Triwizard Tournament? “I didn’t nose you were competing!”
• Why did Voldemort join a cooking class? He wanted to learn how to make the perfect “Deathly Halloumi”
• Why did Voldemort start using skincare products? He wanted to find the nose-t effective solution.
• Why did Voldemort always carry a map? So he could find his way back to the dark side.
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite party game? Horcrux Hunt!
• Why did Voldemort take up gardening? He wanted to grow some “Death-eater” plants!
• What does Voldemort use to style his hair? Frizz-ard control gel.
• What do you call a sleeping Voldemort? A “You-Know-Zzzzz”
• Why did Voldemort get kicked out of the zoo? He kept trying to talk to the snakes in Parseltongue.
• Why did Voldemort never have a girlfriend? He couldn’t put his dark arts aside and become a charmer!
• Why does Voldemort always carry an umbrella? In case of a “rain” of terror!
• Why did Voldemort become a barber? He loved giving people the “bald” curse!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry when they went to the zoo? “Let’s snake a tour!”
• Why was Voldemort not invited to the costume party? Because his face was already a mask!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite game? Hide and shriek!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite dessert? Devil’s food cake, of course!
• Why did Voldemort start wearing high heels? He wanted to add a little “heel” to his menacing presence!
• Why did Voldemort become a dentist? He loves to extract teeth with a little dark magic.
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? He wanted to “Avada Kedavra” the class.
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? He heard it’s a good way to “Curse” students.
• Why did Voldemort refuse to play cards? He could never handle a full deck of hands!
• Why did Voldemort get a job at the bakery? Because he wanted to put a little dark magic in every loaf.
• What do you call it when Voldemort’s snake has a cold? A hissy fit!
• What do you call Voldemort when he’s on a roller coaster? The Heir of the Loops.
• Why did Voldemort become a comedian? Because he wanted to “curse” people with laughter.
• What did Voldemort say when he saw his reflection in the mirror? “Now that’s what I call a good-looking Dark Lord!”
• Why did Voldemort take up baking? He wanted to make the best dark magic cookies in the wizarding world!
• What did Voldemort say to Draco when he messed up a spell? “You’re a disgrace, Malfoy, even your wand won’t choose you!”
• What do you call it when Voldemort accidentally kills someone? A “whoopsie-petrificus-totalus.” .
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite Muggle song? “I Will Always Avada Kedavra You.”
• Why was Voldemort never a good stand-up comedian? Because he always had a nose for trouble.
• Why did Voldemort go to school? To get his “nose” into books!
• Why did Voldemort become a baker? Because he wanted to make “spell-binding” cakes.
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite type of cereal? Horcrux flakes.
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? He needed some soul-searching!
• What did Voldemort say when he saw a Dementor? “I’ve finally found my soulmate!”
• How does Voldemort like his coffee? Dark, with a little bit of his soul in it!
• What do you call it when Voldemort takes over a bakery? A “sour”cerer’s stone!
• Why did Voldemort start a gardening club? He wanted to make everything green and snakey!
• What do you call Voldemort after he’s been working out? Lord Swol-demort!
• Why did Voldemort become a baker? He wanted to make sure no one had a nose for his pastries.
• Why did Voldemort start a gardening club? He loves the Dark Arts… and horticulture.
• Why did Voldemort become a math teacher? He loved dividing and conquering!
• Why did Voldemort never succeed as a chef? He always undercooked the “Death by Chocolate” cake!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite spell in the kitchen? Expelliamuffin!
• What do you call a noseless Dark Lord who loves to cook? Chef Voldemise.
• Why was Voldemort a terrible stand-up comedian? Because all his jokes were “dead”pan!
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? To talk about his nose-bleeding problem.
• Why did Voldemort go to school? To get his degree in dark arts!
• Why did Voldemort never play Quidditch? Because he didn’t like the idea of a “Nose Dive”!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter when they were about to duel? “I’m going to defeat you in a snap!”
• Why did Voldemort hate going to the dentist? Every time he opened his mouth, they would yell, “It’s the cavity who lived!”
• Why did Voldemort start a gardening club? He wanted to learn how to be a better “root” of all evil!
• What do you call Voldemort when he becomes a rapper? MC No-Nose!
• Why did Voldemort go to art school? He wanted to perfect his portrait skills.
• Why did Voldemort fail as a stand-up comedian? He couldn’t spell “punchline” without “punch”!
• What do you get when you cross Voldemort with a tomato? The Heir of Slytherin salsa!
• Why did Voldemort become a banker? He wanted to make some galleons!
• Why did Voldemort get a pet snake? He wanted someone who couldn’t judge him for not having a nose.
• What do you call Voldemort when he loses weight? The Half-Slim Prince!
• Why did Voldemort open a pet shop? He wanted to specialize in snake sales.
• Why did Voldemort never go on roller coasters? He was afraid of losing his wand.
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter at the end of their duel? “I can’t handle you anymore. I’m just going to disapparate!”
• Why did Voldemort never invite anyone to his house? It was always a little deathly!
• What did Voldemort say when he finally found the perfect wand? “It’s wand-erful!”
• Why was Voldemort a terrible stand-up comedian? He couldn’t tell a good joke without dark magic.
• What did Voldemort say when he found out he was going bald? “I must be losing my “hair-ry.”
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? He really likes killing plants, too.
• Why did Voldemort become a baker? He wanted to put a little dark magic into his pastries.
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite TV show? Game of Scorns.
• Why did Voldemort become a dentist? He wanted to put a smile on people’s faces, even if it was only temporary.
• What do you call it when Voldemort’s snake is on a roller coaster? The Slitheryn Express.
• Why was Voldemort such a bad singer? He could never hit the right pitch!
• Why did Voldemort never use the internet? Because he couldn’t face the Facebook!
• What do you call Voldemort’s favorite band? 7 Horcruxes and the Deathly Hallows!
• What do you call Voldemort when he’s in his 60s? Moldy Voldy.
• Why did Voldemort take up gardening? Because he wanted to be the root of all evil!
• Why did Voldemort go to the optometrist? He needed to find his glasses-nose.
• What did Voldemort say when he saw a Hufflepuff? “I didn’t know I ordered a side of badger with my evil!”
• Why did Voldemort take up gardening? Because he needed to relax and put down some roots.
• What do you call a Voldemort-themed cooking show? The Half-Blood Prince of Chefs.
• Why did Voldemort go to the therapist? He had a serious case of the “Avada Kedavra”-itis!
• Why did Voldemort refuse to play cards? Because he always wanted to be the “soul” survivor.
• Why did Voldemort go to the therapist? He wanted to talk about his Horcrux issues.
• Why did Voldemort become a baker? He loved making deathly hollows!
• Why did Voldemort start a clothing line? He wanted to make “Dark Mark” fashion trendy.
• What did Voldemort say when Harry Potter asked if he had any hobbies? “I used to collect souls, but it became a bit soul-destroying!”
• What do you call Voldemort when he falls off his broomstick? A bloody good fall.
• What did Voldemort say when he won the lottery? “I guess you could say I’m Riddikulusly rich!”
• Why did Voldemort visit the dentist? He needed a root canal, but he already had no nose!
• Why did Voldemort refuse to use email? He preferred sending curses instead of attachments!
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? He needed help facing his noseless ego.

 

Short Voldemort Jokes

Short Voldemort jokes are like a dark spell from the Potterverse—mysterious, thrilling, and unexpectedly funny.

These jokes are perfect for messages in your wizarding group, social media posts, or to share a chuckle with friends at your Harry Potter marathon night.

The magic of short Voldemort jokes lies in their ability to combine humor with the ominous charm of He Who Must Not Be Named, delivering laughs with a hint of dark magic.

And now, by the power of the Elder Wand, here are short Voldemort jokes that conjure up laughter in just a split second.

• Why doesn’t Voldemort use Twitter? Because he already has followers!
• Why did Voldemort always carry a tissue? He had a noseless problem!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite type of dance? The Horcrux Trot!
• What does Voldemort do when he’s stressed? He takes a Horcrux bath!
• What do you call Voldemort with a sunburn? A red-hot-potato!
• Why did Voldemort become a snake? He couldn’t handle the split ends!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite type of music? Soul-Drain & Bass!
• What do you call Voldemort when he loses his memory? Neville Longbottom!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite dessert? Death by chocolate!
• What do you call Voldemort when he dances? The snake charmer!
• Why doesn’t Voldemort use Pinterest? Because he already has a Horcrux board!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite dessert? Devil’s snare-prise!
• Why did Voldemort open a fashion line? He loves designer robes!
• What did Voldemort say when he opened a bakery? I’m kneading souls!
• What do you call a funny Voldemort? He-Who-Must-Laughs!
• Why did Voldemort start a garden? He enjoys planting snake plants!
• What do you call a nervous Voldemort? You-Know-Who’s-Quaking!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite ice cream flavor? Death by chocolate!
• Why did Voldemort go to school? To learn the killing curse-iculum!
• Why did Voldemort open a bakery? He kneaded some dough!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter? “I nose you’re trouble!”
• Why did Voldemort start a band? He heard they played dark metal!
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? He wanted to put down roots!
• How does Voldemort like his coffee? Dark, with a Deathly Hallows spoon!
• What did Voldemort say when he won a spelling bee? “Avada Kedavra!”
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite pet? A snake called Nagini-cant-keep-a-secret!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite subject in school? Dark Arts and Crafts!
• Why did Voldemort join a yoga class? To find his inner peace!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite fruit? The deathapple!
• Why did Voldemort become a lawyer? He loved “casting spells” in court!
• What do you call Voldemort when he’s sick? A snotty-potter!
• Why does Voldemort use Twitter? To follow all the Death Eaters!
• Why did Voldemort never learn to dance? He had no soul!
• What do you call Voldemort’s favorite dessert? Devil’s Snare-cream!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite pastime? Playing “Hide and Seek” with his nose!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite instrument? The Slytherin-trombone!
• How does Voldemort get rid of a headache? With a head-vada Kedavra!
• What did Voldemort say to his snake? Sssee you later!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite sport? Quidditch-napping!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite Muggle sport? Quidditch, because it’s a real broomstick breaker!
• Why did Voldemort always carry a pen and paper? To write deathnotes!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite drink? Parseltongue-in-cheek!
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? He couldn’t get over Harry Potter!
• How does Voldemort prefer his eggs? De-soul-ed!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter after their duel? “You’re nose-stoppable!”
• Why did Voldemort never go to college? He was scared of Gryffindor!
• Why did Voldemort open a restaurant? He loved serving up dark magic!
• How does Voldemort like his coffee? Dark, with no cream or sugar!
• Why did Voldemort go to the optician? To improve his dark vision!
• What do you call Voldemort in a wig? Baldemort!
• Why did Voldemort start a band? He wanted to perform wicked spells!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite type of pasta? You-Know-Penne!
• Why did Voldemort become a poet? He wanted to spellbind his audience!
• Why did Voldemort always carry a map? He liked to “Marauder” around!
• Why did Voldemort go to school? He needed to learn the spellings!
• How did Voldemort learn to swim? He took the Slytherin stroke!
• Why was Voldemort bad at basketball? He couldn’t handle the Quidditch!
• What does Voldemort use to browse the internet? A Dark Web browser!
• What did Voldemort say to his alarm clock? Avada Kedavra time!
• What did Voldemort say to his iPhone? Siri-usly, where’s Harry Potter?
• Why did Voldemort get a tattoo? He wanted to mark his territory!
• What do you call Voldemort when he loses his temper? The He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Calm!
• What did Voldemort say to his therapist? Avada Kedavra my problems!
• Why did Voldemort volunteer at the library? He loved the hush-puppies!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite sport? Quidditch, because he’s always seeking!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite pizza topping? Extra “dark” sauce!
• Why did Voldemort never have a girlfriend? He was too possessive!
• Why does Voldemort prefer winter? He loves the cold, dark nights!
• What did Voldemort say to the annoying ghost? “You’re haunting my nerves!”

 

Voldemort Jokes One-Liners

One-liner Voldemort jokes are the epitome of humor condensed into a simple, yet hilarious sentence.

They’re the verbal equivalent of casting the perfect spell – quick, powerful, and leaving an unforgettable impression.

Creating a great one-liner requires a combination of originality, accuracy, and a profound love for the wit and whimsy found in the world of Harry Potter.

The challenge lies in capturing both the setup and punchline in a concise format, creating a magical explosion of laughter with just a few carefully chosen words.

So, brace yourself for a spellbinding dose of humor with these Voldemort one-liners:

• What did Voldemort say to his Death Eaters during a team-building exercise? “Let’s all put our heads together, literally!”
• What did Voldemort say when he finally found his nose? “I nose it was here all along!”
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite breakfast cereal? Horcrux Puffs, they’re magically delicious!
• Why did Voldemort become a weather forecaster? Because he was great at predicting dark clouds!
• What did Voldemort say to the Dementor? “You suck, but I’m way worse.”
• Why did Voldemort break up with his girlfriend? She always wanted to put a hex on their relationship!
• What did Voldemort say when he entered a room full of Gryffindors? “Alohomora… I’m leaving!”
• What did Voldemort say when he lost his nose? “I really need to put my face back together.” .
• Why did Voldemort become a stand-up comedian? Because he knew how to kill with laughter!
• What did Voldemort say to the ghost haunting his house? “You’re not so scary – I’ve already conquered death!”
• Why did Voldemort fail as a stand-up comedian? His jokes were always dark and lacking a nose.
• What do you call a noseless Dark Lord who loves gardening? Lord Voldeweed!
• What did Voldemort say to his followers when they complained about his lack of nose? “I’m sorry, I can’t sniffle your complaints.”
• Voldemort’s favorite sport? Quidditch, because it’s the only game where you can actually catch the Snitch.
• Why did Voldemort always bring a snack to the Death Eater meetings? He needed a little soul food to keep him going!
• What did Voldemort say when he lost his wand? “I guess it’s time to give up magic and become a Muggle!” .
• Why did Voldemort go to school? Because he wanted to be the head of Slytherin.
• Why did Voldemort go to art school? Because he wanted to draw out his inner Slytherin.
• Why did Voldemort refuse to play cards? He couldn’t handle the idea of a “full house”!
• Voldemort’s favorite song? “I Will Survive” by Gloria Slaynor!
• I asked Voldemort to donate blood, but he said it’s against his “hemicrux”
• What did Voldemort say when he lost his wand? “I guess it’s time to put my hands to good use!”
• Why did Voldemort go to the optometrist? He wanted to find a better vision for world domination.
• Why did Voldemort become a wedding planner? He believed in the power of the Unbreakable Vow.
• I asked Voldemort if he had a favorite perfume, he said “Eau de Horcrux.”
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter when they bumped into each other at the grocery store? “Fancy meeting you here. I guess we both have a taste for dark arts and milk.” .
• What do you call a noseless Voldemort? No-body knows.
• Why did Voldemort become a weatherman? Because he loved predicting dark clouds and thunderstorms.
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite kind of dance? The snake-cha-cha.
• Why did Voldemort go to the bank? He wanted to check his Slytherin balance.
• What did Voldemort say to his Death Eaters? “I’m the Dark Lord, not the Dark Lordy!”
• Voldemort tried to become a comedian, but his jokes were always dark and lacked a soul.
• Voldemort’s favorite restaurant? The Leaky Cauldron, because it has a nose-friendly policy.
• Why did Voldemort start a gardening club? He enjoys planting seeds of fear and despair.
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite kind of music? Soul-destroying pop.
• Why did Voldemort join a band? He wanted to be known as “The Dark Lord of Rock ‘n’ Roll”!
• Voldemort’s worst nightmare is a tickling charm.
• What did Voldemort say when he failed to brew the perfect potion? “I guess I’m just not a Snape-ist.”
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? Because he knew how to make his students disappear!
• Why did Voldemort go to the dentist? He needed a root canal, but he couldn’t find his nose.
• Why did Voldemort bring a ladder to the library? He wanted to reach the Half-Blood Prince’s edition on the top shelf!
• Why did Voldemort take up gardening? He wanted to grow his own dark arts and crafts!
• Why did Voldemort go to school? To become a Slytherin-ary genius!
• Why did Voldemort open a bakery? He wanted to prove he could make the best dark crusts.
• Why did Voldemort become a comedian? He wanted to make everyone laugh to death!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter at the barber shop? “I’m just here for a little off the top… of your scar!”
• Voldemort’s idea of a good time is playing “Pin the Nose on the Harry.”
• Why did Voldemort open a bakery? Because he wanted to create a lot of “dark” dough!
• I asked Voldemort if he wanted to play hide and seek, he replied, “Let’s split up and I’ll count to seven.”
• What did Voldemort say to the snake when it asked if he wanted a hiss-calator ride? “Slytherin!”
• Why did Voldemort go to the optometrist? Because he couldn’t see nose to nose with Harry Potter!
• Voldemort went to a Halloween costume party dressed as a muggle, but no one recognized him. They thought he was just a bald guy.
• Why did Voldemort never use social media? He didn’t have a Facebook, he had a HorcruxBook.
• Why did Voldemort never go on vacation? He couldn’t relax without his soul-searching tour!
• Why did Voldemort become a referee? Because he loved giving out red cards!
• Why did Voldemort take up baking? He wanted to make some wickedly delicious Dark Arts-cakes!
• How does Voldemort prefer his coffee? Dark and deatheater strong!
• Why did Voldemort go to the orthodontist? To get his Horcruxes straightened out!
• Voldemort tried to apply for a job as a chef, but his resume was just a bunch of “curse-words”
• Voldemort isn’t a morning person. He’s more of a “rise of the dark” kind of guy.
• What do you call Voldemort when he’s having a bad day? Lord Voldemortemort!
• Why did Voldemort take up gardening? He wanted to learn how to sprout evil plots!
• What did Voldemort say when he accidentally bumped into a muggle? “Sorry, I didn’t see you there…because I have no nose!”
• What do you call it when Voldemort is defeated in a rap battle? A diss-armament!
• Why did Voldemort fail as a stand-up comedian? He couldn’t handle the pressure of the killing joke.
• Voldemort’s fashion sense is really snake-y.
• Why did Voldemort break up with his girlfriend? She was always Nagini-ng him about his evil plans!
• Why did Voldemort never become a barber? He couldn’t handle the hair-raising experience!
• What did Voldemort say to his followers at the annual Death Eater convention? “Let’s make this year a real blast!”
• Why did Voldemort become a chef? He wanted to make curse-ed meals!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite type of book? The Nosebook!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite ride at the amusement park? The rollercoaster of doom.
• What did Voldemort say when he won the lottery? “Now I can finally buy a nose!”
• Why did Voldemort never become a gardener? Because he couldn’t stand the thought of “Lily” being in his garden!
• Why did Voldemort never become a chef? He couldn’t stand the idea of sharing his secret recipes.
• What did Voldemort say to the mirror of Erised? “You’re the only one who can truly understand my bad hair day struggles.”
• Why did Voldemort never play sports? He couldn’t handle being a Gryffin-dork.
• Why did Voldemort become a stand-up comedian? Because he wanted to kill it on stage… literally.
• Why did Voldemort go to school? To improve his dark arts and crafts skills.
• Why did Voldemort go to a therapist? He wanted to work on his “lack of nose-esteem” issues!
• Voldemort has a great sense of humor. You could say he has a “nose” for comedy.
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? He wanted to make sure every student had a “dark arts” education.
• Voldemort is like a bald potato, just more evil and less tasty.
• Why did Voldemort never win at poker? He always had a poker face, but no cards!
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? He wanted to grow some dark magic mushrooms!
• Why did Voldemort switch to non-dairy milk? He couldn’t stand the thought of “mudblood” in his coffee!
• Voldemort’s favorite holiday? Halloween, because it’s the only time people take him seriously.
• Why did Voldemort never become a dentist? He couldn’t handle all the toothless smiles.
• Why did Voldemort fail as a stand-up comedian? Because all his jokes were too dark for the audience.
• What did Voldemort say when he saw Harry Potter’s Instagram? “Ugh, another follower I have to Avada Kedavra!”
• Why did Voldemort go to the pet store? He wanted to adopt a snake with a dark mark!
• Why did Voldemort become a stand-up comedian? He loved casting spells on the crowd and getting laughs!
• What did Voldemort say to the snake? “Slytherin, we have hissed enough.”
• Why did Voldemort start playing the piano? He wanted to create some hauntingly beautiful dark magic melodies!
• What did Voldemort say when he won a game of poker? “I guess you could say I’m the master of dark cards!”
• Why is Voldemort so good at hide and seek? Because he’s always “under the nose” of his opponents.
• Why did Voldemort join a dance class? He wanted to perfect the art of the snake-like moves.
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter when they met at a party? “Avada-cadabra-damn, you’re still alive!”
• Voldemort’s favorite type of music? Slytherin’ to the beat!
• Why did Voldemort become a stand-up comedian? He wanted to show off his killer material!
• I asked Voldemort why he doesn’t have a nose, he replied, “I couldn’t scents-ibly find it.”
• Why did Voldemort never go to the bakery? He couldn’t handle all the half-baked ideas!
• Voldemort tried to become a comedian but no one laughed, apparently he had a real lack of charm.
• What did Voldemort say to his Death Eaters during their annual holiday party? “I hope you all have a Voldemort Merry Christmas!”
• Why did Voldemort never use Twitter? He couldn’t handle all the retweets.
• Why did Voldemort join a gym? He wanted to work on his core, and by core, he meant Horcrux.
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite game? Hide-and-seek, because he’s a master at vanishing without a trace.
• Voldemort tried to open a bakery, but his bread always came out a bit dark and crusty.
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? He had issues with his nose being too flat.
• What did Voldemort say to Harry when they met at the grocery store? “Avada Kedavra, it’s always great to see you!”
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite muggle game? Nose-less Twister!
• Why did Voldemort become a math teacher? He was really good at dividing things.
• Why did Voldemort become a stand-up comedian? Because he killed at every open mic night!
• Why did Voldemort never go on vacation? He couldn’t find any travel agents who would book a one-way ticket to the dark side.
• Voldemort’s favorite hobby? HorcruxFit – splitting his soul while doing burpees!
• Why did Voldemort open a bakery? He wanted to create spell-binding pastries!
• Why did Voldemort join the choir? Because he wanted to hit those high notes, like the screams of his enemies.
• Voldemort’s favorite type of joke? Horrific humor!
• What does Voldemort use to clean his house? Horcrux and Windex!
• Why did Voldemort refuse to use a microwave? He preferred to keep things Deathly Hallows.
• What do you call a group of Death Eaters who start a band? Voldemort and the Horcruxtones!
• Why did Voldemort take up gardening? Because he wanted to put a little Slytherin in his basil.
• Why did Voldemort go to the optometrist? Because he couldn’t see himself as a nose-less villain.
• Why did Voldemort start a podcast? He thought it would be a great way to spread his evil voice!
• Why is Voldemort so good at hide and seek? Because he’s always nose-ing around!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite ice cream flavor? Avada-Cadabra Crunch!
• Why did Voldemort never use the internet? He didn’t want to risk seeing a “You-Know-Who” ad!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite type of music? Soul-Stealing Rock-n-Roll.
• Why did Voldemort always carry a map? To avoid getting lost in the nose-less region.
• Why did Voldemort always lose at poker? Because he could never handle a full house.
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite type of pizza? Extra dark crust with lots of “death” sauce!
• Voldemort tried to join a book club, but he was always “chaptering” evil spells instead of discussing the novels.
• Voldemort’s favorite movie genre? Rom-coms, because he’s all about horcrux and chill.
• Voldemort’s favorite musical instrument is the “nose flute.”
• What did Voldemort say when he saw a mirror? “Finally, a reflection of my inner darkness.”
• Why did Voldemort become a hairstylist? He loved giving people “dark and twisted” makeovers!
• Why did Voldemort go to art school? He wanted to master the “dark arts” of painting.
• What do you get when you mix Voldemort and a snowstorm? Frostbite that’s truly Dark Arts!
• Why did Voldemort never play sports? He couldn’t handle the Quidditch pressure, he always Slytherin away!
• Voldemort’s worst pickup line: “Are you a Horcrux? Because my soul feels incomplete without you.”
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? He enjoyed planting snake plants in every garden.
• What did Voldemort say to his followers when they got lost? “Don’t worry, we’ll find a way to navigate through the dark side.”
• Voldemort tried to join a band, but they didn’t want him because he couldn’t handle the bass.
• Why did Voldemort never open a bakery? He couldn’t handle the pressure of rolling out perfect snake-shaped pastries.
• Voldemort’s favorite spell is “Expelliarmus… of my feelings.”
• Why did Voldemort become a professional athlete? He was excellent at “quidditching” away from hugs!
• Why did Voldemort start a bakery? He wanted to make some killer dark magic cupcakes!
• What did Voldemort say when he got a promotion at work? “I’m killing it in my career!”
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? He wanted to get rid of his nose issues!
• How does Voldemort like his coffee? Dark and sinister, just like his soul!
• Why did Voldemort refuse to play Quidditch? He was afraid of catching the snitch.
• What did Voldemort say when he couldn’t find his wand? “I must’ve mis-placed it.” .
• Why did Voldemort always carry a map? He didn’t want to get lost in Diagon Alley, he wanted to get Diagon-alley!
• Why did Voldemort start a bakery? He wanted to make dark, twisted pastries… with a hint of evil.
• What did Voldemort say when he lost his nose? “I can’t smell you, Harry!”
• Why did Voldemort join a cooking class? He wanted to perfect his dark magic recipe.
• Why did Voldemort refuse to go to therapy? He didn’t want to face his Death Eater problems!
• What did Voldemort name his pet snake? Hissslithers!
• Why did Voldemort get a job at the bakery? Because he wanted to turn “flour” into “flower”!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite breakfast cereal? Horcrux flakes, they really stay with you!
• Why did Voldemort become a wedding planner? He wanted to put the “death” in “til death do us part.”
• Why did Voldemort break up with his girlfriend? Because she didn’t have a Dark Mark.
• Voldemort took up gardening, but his favorite plant was the “you-killed-my-parents-lily”
• Why did Voldemort fail at stand-up comedy? He couldn’t perform any “dark” magic tricks!
• What do you call it when Voldemort gets a job at a bakery? The Dark Lord of the Scones.
• Why did Voldemort start using contacts? He heard glasses are for nerdy wizards.
• Why did Voldemort open a bakery? He wanted to make Death Eaters into cake eaters!
• What’s Voldemort’s least favorite holiday? Valentine’s Day, because it’s all about love and not horcruxes!
• Why did Voldemort become a lifeguard? He loved saving people by giving them mouth-to-mouth parseltongue.
• Voldemort went to a fortune teller and asked about his future. She replied, “You don’t have one.”
• Voldemort decided to take up gardening, but he couldn’t grow a nose, so he quit.
• Voldemort went to the dentist, and when asked about his dental history, he replied, “I don’t have any teeth, just horcruxes.”
• Why did Voldemort go to school? To brush up on his dark arts!
• Why did Voldemort start a gardening club? Because he wanted to learn how to make noses grow naturally.
• What do you call Voldemort’s favorite dessert? Horcrux of chocolate cake.
• What did Voldemort say when he saw Harry Potter’s scar? “I nose what you did last summer!”
• Why did Voldemort start a bakery? He wanted to make a killing in the dark arts of pastry-making.
• Why did Voldemort go to the optometrist? He wanted a new pair of spectre-cles!

 

Voldemort Dad Jokes

Voldemort dad jokes are the perfect potion of puns and humor that can make any Harry Potter fan chuckle and cringe simultaneously.

They’re the kind of jokes that are so bad, they’re practically magical.

These jokes are perfect for Potter-themed parties, book club meetings, or just to bring a smile to the face of any Muggle.

Prepare to laugh until you’re Horcrux-splitting.

Here are some Voldemort dad jokes that are sure to cast a spell of hilarity:

• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? Because he wanted to become the Lord of the Roots!
• Why did Voldemort get a job at the post office? Because he wanted to give people a real scare when they received their mail.
• Why did Voldemort take up gardening? He wanted to put his green thumb to good use!
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? He had a knack for “dark arts”iculture!
• What did Voldemort say when he saw a Harry Potter marathon? “I guess it’s time for a Voldemort-athon!”
• Why did Voldemort take up painting? Because he wanted to capture the essence of his true horcrux!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter when they had a rap battle? “I’m the dark lord, you’re just a wizard wannabe.”
• Why does Voldemort never go on vacation? He can’t stand the thought of relaxing at the beach – all that sand is just too “Gryffin-dirty”!
• Why did Voldemort get a job at a bakery? Because he always kneaded dough to rise and conquer the bread world.
• Why did Voldemort go to art school? Because he wanted to learn how to draw a blank.
• Why did Voldemort start a gardening club? Because he heard there were plenty of dark arts in the soil!
• What do you call Voldemort when he’s singing? The Dark Lord of the Chords!
• Why did Voldemort never go on roller coasters? Because he could never find a nose-friendly seat!
• What do you call a Voldemort who can’t cast spells properly? A wizfizzle.
• Why did Voldemort start a rock band? Because he wanted to show off his killer Slytherin guitar skills!
• Why did Voldemort become an artist? Because he enjoyed drawing out his dark side.
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? Because he loved to petunia his plants!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite type of music? Soul music… literally.
• What do you call Voldemort when he goes sunbathing? Lord “Voldetan!”
• Why did Voldemort join a rock band? He thought it would be his chance to finally become a nose-star.
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite mode of transportation? The Slytherin subway!
• Why did Voldemort buy new robes? Because he wanted to “cloak” his fashion sense!
• Why did Voldemort never become a barber? He didn’t have the “harry” hands for it!
• What do you call it when Voldemort can’t find his wand? A disarming situation.
• Why did Voldemort start a band? Because he had a nose for music!
• Why did Voldemort start a band? Because he had a knack for casting spells and a love for heavy metal!
• What did Voldemort say to his Death Eaters when they failed at cooking? “You guys really need to work on your dark arts!”
• Why did Voldemort switch to decaf? Because he was tired of always brewing dark potions!
• Why did Voldemort volunteer at the library? Because he was a master of the forbidden section!
• Why did Voldemort start using social media? He wanted to become the Dark Lord of TikTok.
• How does Voldemort like his coffee? Dark and without a nose!
• Why did Voldemort go to the dentist? To get a root canal of evil performed by a dark molar-tist.
• Why did Voldemort never use email? Because he always preferred to send death threats by owl-mail!
• Why did Voldemort start a garden? To watch his plants grow and wither, just like his humanity!
• What is Voldemort’s favorite type of music? Slytherin-derella songs.
• Why did Voldemort refuse to play cards? He always lost his “hand”!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite game? Nosey-Seek.
• Why did Voldemort start a garden? So he could grow “evil”-utionary plants!
• Why did Voldemort start a band? Because he wanted to create some dark magic with music.
• What did Voldemort say when he saw a Harry Potter book? “I’ve already got the last chapter!”
• Why did Voldemort take up knitting? He wanted to create the perfect disguise—a cozy nose cozy.
• Why did Voldemort open a restaurant? He wanted to serve “spell-binding” dishes!
• Why was Voldemort terrible at baking? He could never find the “right ingredient” – love!
• What did Voldemort say when he saw a Dementor? “Hey, long time no see-who.”
• Why did Voldemort become a professor? Because he wanted to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts… or lack thereof!
• Why did Voldemort never get a haircut? He couldn’t find a salon that would give him a “fringe” benefit!
• How did Voldemort become a good singer? By practicing his high notes with parseltongue!
• Why did Voldemort take up gardening? Because he wanted to learn how to make things Slytherin the ground.
• Why did Voldemort take up gardening? He wanted to master the dark arts of horticulture!
• Why did Voldemort become a doctor? He wanted to put patients under his spell.
• Why did Voldemort start wearing glasses? He wanted to improve his “dark” vision!
• Why did Voldemort go to the pet store? Because he wanted a snake that would never slither away.
• How does Voldemort organize his potions? He puts them in Slytherin cabinets!
• Why did Voldemort apply for a job as a baker? Because he wanted to prove that he could make the best Dark Arts bread!
• Why was Voldemort bad at dating? Because every time he tried to make a move, he’d just lose his nose!
• Why is Voldemort such a good singer? Because he can hit all the high notes, especially when he’s casting Avada Kedavra.
• How does Voldemort like his tea? Dark and “sirius”ly evil!
• Why did Voldemort never use social media? He didn’t want to be tagged as the Dark Lord in photos.
• What did one horcrux say to the other? “I’m feeling a bit fragmented today, how about you?”
• Why did Voldemort never go on vacation? He couldn’t find a travel agent that offered Dark Arts discounts.
• Why did Voldemort start taking singing lessons? He wanted to learn how to hit the high notes, like “Avada Kedavra.” .
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? Because he had a spell for every lesson plan!
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? Because he wanted to “curse” the next generation!
• Why did Voldemort become a chef? Because he loved to cook up some dark magic in the kitchen.
• Why did Voldemort take up painting? Because he wanted to create some dark arts!
• What did Voldemort say when he saw Harry Potter? “I’ve got my “eye” on you!”
• Why did Voldemort open a bakery? Because he wanted to create the darkest crusts the world has ever seen!
• What do you call it when Voldemort takes a bath? A “no-nose” dive!
• Why did Voldemort become a stand-up comedian? Because he loved making dark jokes that killed the audience!
• Why did Voldemort fail at comedy? He couldn’t make anyone laugh, not even a Gryffin-dork.
• What do you call Voldemort’s favorite pet? Nagini the Hiss-trictor!
• What did Voldemort say to his Death Eaters when they failed to defeat Harry Potter? “You guys need to “witch” up your game!”
• What do you call Voldemort when he gets a suntan? Red Voldesun.
• Why did Voldemort open a bakery? He wanted to create the most cursed pastries in the wizarding world.
• Why did Voldemort open a bakery? He wanted to master the Dark Art of making bread rise without using yeast.
• Why did Voldemort take up gardening? Because he wanted to make his nose grow like Pinocchio’s!
• Why did Voldemort get a pet snake? Because he wanted a hiss-terious companion.
• Why did Voldemort refuse to use email? Because attachments are his biggest fear!
• Why did Voldemort cross the road? To split his soul into more horcruxes, of course!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite type of music? Soul music, because he’s always splitting his soul!
• Why did Voldemort never become a stand-up comedian? Because his jokes were always “nose” laughs!
• What does Voldemort use to clean his robes? Scourgifyus-removius!
• Why was Voldemort the worst at cooking? He could never stir without his wand!
• Why did Voldemort start a band? Because he had a knack for giving people the chills!
• What did Voldemort say to the house elf? Avada Kedavra, Dobby!
• How does Voldemort like his coffee? Dark and with a spoonful of evil!
• Why did Voldemort join a fitness club? He wanted to master the art of lifting curses.
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? He wanted to make sure his students were spellbound by his lessons.
• What did Voldemort say to his followers when they complained about his lack of a nose? “No-nose is good news!”
• Why did Voldemort apply for a job at a pet store? He thought it would be a great place to practice his Parseltongue.
• Why did Voldemort start a gardening club? Because he loves to give plants a deathly hug!
• Why did Voldemort never play hide and seek? Because he was always hiding behind a dark cloud!
• Why did Voldemort join a gym? To get a killer abs-olutely evil physique.
• Why did Voldemort start a clothing brand? He wanted to make sure everyone had a “dark” and edgy wardrobe.
• What do you call a snake owned by Voldemort? A hiss-ter.
• Why did Voldemort switch to decaf coffee? He was tired of having a dark roast.
• Why did Voldemort get a job as a waiter? He enjoyed serving up dark magic with a side of fries.
• Why did Voldemort cross the road? To split his soul into seven pieces and achieve immortality on the other side.
• What did Voldemort say when someone asked him about his favorite board game? “I prefer ‘Nose and Crosses’… it’s my specialty!”
• Why did Voldemort become a stand-up comedian? He enjoyed making people laugh by casting spells of hilarity.
• How does Voldemort prefer his coffee? Dark and with a bit of the Deathly Hallows.
• How did Voldemort learn to text? He took a course in “spell” checking!
• Why did Voldemort go to the bakery? He heard they had some killer “Death Rolls”!
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? He loved killing plants, just like his soul!
• What did Voldemort say when he saw Harry Potter wearing glasses? “You’ll never see it coming!”
• Why did Voldemort choose to be a teacher? Because he wanted to give his students the dark arts and crafts lesson of a lifetime.
• What is Voldemort’s favorite day of the week? Frightday!
• Why did Voldemort become a meteorologist? So he could forecast “dark” clouds and thunderbolts!
• Why did Voldemort always bring a map when he went shopping? So he could find all the horcruxes on sale!
• Why did Voldemort start a vegetable garden? He wanted to grow snake-like carrots.
• What do you call Voldemort when he’s in a bad mood? A “Grumpy Dark Lord”!
• Why did Voldemort struggle with dating? Because he could never find someone who could “nose” him better than he “nosed” himself!
• Why did Voldemort start a band? Because he had the voice of a Slytherin!
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? He wanted to watch his evil plans slowly unfold, just like his plants.
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite musical instrument? The Slytherin-in!
• Why did Voldemort never play hide and seek? Because he always wanted to be found!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter when they had a singing contest? Avada Kedavra, voice!
• Why did Voldemort become a chef? Because he loved serving up “deathly” delicious dishes!
• What did Voldemort say when he entered a pet shop? “I’m looking for a snake, but only one that speaks Parseltongue… preferably Slytherin!”
• Why did Voldemort become a car salesman? He wanted to help people find their “dark ride.”
• Why did Voldemort never have a pet? Because he couldn’t stand “cat”-astrophes!
• What do you call Voldemort when he’s throwing a temper tantrum? Lord Snortemort!
• Why does Voldemort always carry a pen and paper? So he can write his “evil to-do” list!
• What does Voldemort do when he can’t decide on something? He takes a poll-yjuice potion!
• Why couldn’t Voldemort ever be a pharmacist? Because he could never master the art of giving a prescription without a nose!
• Why was Voldemort never invited to parties? He was always the life of the party, literally!
• Why did Voldemort become a baker? He wanted to make dark and twisted pastries!
• Why did Voldemort become a math teacher? Because he loves dividing things into pieces.
• What did Voldemort say to his followers during a lightning storm? “Don’t worry, it’s just my dark mark showing off its electric personality.”
• What did Harry Potter say to Voldemort’s stylist? “You have no style, you have no wand!”
• Why did Voldemort never use email? He was afraid of getting “Avada Kedavra” in his inbox!
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? Because he couldn’t handle being so nose-y!
• Why is Voldemort so good at baking? Because he always follows the dark arts of the recipe.
• What did Voldemort say when he discovered Twitter? “I’m following you!”
• Why did Voldemort become a stand-up comedian? Because he loved casting spells of laughter on his audience!
• Why did Voldemort become a baker? Because he kneaded a fresh start.
• Why did Voldemort become a doctor? He wanted to “hex”plain all the mysterious ailments!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter when they were playing hide-and-seek? “Avada Kedavra, you’re it!”
• Why did Voldemort always carry a time-turner? So he could go back and try to make his nose disappear again!
• What does Voldemort use to browse the internet? Firefox-inferi.
• What did Voldemort say to his friends when they invited him to a party? “I’ll be there, nose and all!”
• Why did Voldemort become a wedding planner? Because he loves the idea of a deathly hallows for the bride and groom.
• Why did Voldemort take up painting? He wanted to learn the art of dark magic(k).
• What do you call a dog owned by Voldemort? A Bark Lord!
• What did Voldemort say when he saw a baby dressed as Harry Potter for Halloween? “Look, a Horcrux in disguise!”
• Why did Voldemort refuse to play Quidditch? He didn’t want to catch the Snitch, he wanted to catch the power of the Elder Wand.
• What do you call it when Voldemort takes a break from being evil? A horcrux vacation!
• Why did Voldemort go to college? To major in Dark Arts and minor in Nose Studies.
• What does Voldemort use to navigate? His Google-Horcrux!
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? He wanted to make sure he had enough students to create an army of Death Eaters.
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? Because he believed in the power of Dark Arts education!
• Why did Voldemort apply for a job at the library? Because he wanted to work with silent books!

 

Voldemort Jokes for Kids

Voldemort jokes for kids are like the magical spells of the joke world—mysterious, enchanting, and always a favourite with the little wizard fans.

These jokes inspire kids to explore the fascinating world of puns and double entendres, cultivating an appreciation for humor that’s as captivating as the character himself.

Moreover, Voldemort jokes for kids bring the enthralling world of Harry Potter to life, turning the infamous villain into a source of laughter and fun.

Ready for an enchanting laugh ride?

Here are the jokes that’ll have them chuckling over their Chocolate Frogs:

• Why did Voldemort take up gardening? Because he wanted to grow dark arts-chokes!
• Why did Voldemort fail at baking cookies? He couldn’t find the recipe for “You-Know-Dough!”
• Why was Voldemort never elected as the class president? Because he couldn’t put a smile on anyone’s face – he’s always wearing a frown!
• How does Voldemort like his coffee? Dark with a dash of muggle blood!
• What does Voldemort use to blow his nose? Horcrux tissues!
• Why did Voldemort always bring a pen and paper to meetings? To take notes on how to become the darkest wizard!
• What does Voldemort use to clean his house? Horcruxes! They’re great for sweeping away the competition!
• Why did Voldemort go to the dentist? He needed a “Dark Filling” in his tooth!
• What did Voldemort say to the French waiter? “Can I have some ‘Vold de Mort’ for dinner?”
• Why did Voldemort join a band? He wanted to make sure they were “note-less”!
• Why did Voldemort always carry a map? He wanted to make sure he never got lost on his “Horcrux Hunt”!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite subject in school? Potions, of course! He loves to brew trouble!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite holiday? Halloween, because he gets to dress up as himself!
• What do you call it when Voldemort skips school? Absent Without Riddle!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite dessert? Deathly Hallows-omelet!
• Why did Voldemort always bring a ladder to the bookstore? Because he wanted to find the “He-Who-Must-Read” section!
• What do you call Voldemort when he sings? The He-Who-Must-Tone-deaf!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite subject in school? Potions, because he loves stirring up trouble!
• Why did Voldemort become a comedian? Because he was tired of being such a serious wizard!
• What did Voldemort do when he got a job at the zoo? He became the head of the “Snake-uary”!
• Why did Voldemort visit the bakery? He was searching for some “flour” power!
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? Because he had a lot of dark arts to “teach”!
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? He wanted to put a curse on plants and make them “Avadacado!”
• What did Voldemort say when he finally made a friend? “You can call me Volde-friend now!”
• Why did Voldemort cross the road? To steal the other side’s wand!
• What did Voldemort say when he went to a comedy show? “Avada Kedavra… just kidding, that was hilarious!”
• How does Voldemort like his pizza? Extra dark and with plenty of “pizzazz”!
• What do you call Voldemort when he’s singing in a band? The Lead Slytherin!
• Why did Voldemort bring a ladder to the library? Because he wanted to check out the Dark Arts section on the top shelf!
• Why did Voldemort go to the bakery? Because he wanted to get a slice of “he-who-pies.”
• Why did Voldemort go to the bank? To make a withdrawal of his “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-ey.”
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite type of math? Dark Algebra!
• What kind of car does Voldemort drive? A Horcrux-wagen!
• Why did Voldemort refuse to go on a roller coaster? He was afraid he might “nose-dive”!
• What did Voldemort say when he saw a Dementor? “Hey, wanna be my new best friend? We have so much in common!”
• How does Voldemort send messages? Through email, of course! He’s a real “snail” mail hater!
• Why did Voldemort apply for a job at a bakery? Because he wanted to make some dark, rye magic!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite type of music? Soul-destroying melodies!
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? Because he had a lot of experience in casting spells!
• What did Voldemort say to his snake when it couldn’t find its way home? “Slytherin, you silly snake!”
• Why did Voldemort go to school? Because he needed a nose for knowledge!
• Why did Voldemort start a gardening club? Because he wanted to plant some dark magic beans!
• Why did Voldemort get a job as a baker? Because he loves “dark” chocolate cake!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite subject in school? Potions, because he’s always brewing up trouble!
• What did Harry Potter say when he found out Voldemort has a soft spot for animals? “Petrificus purr-alis!”
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? Because he loves giving his students the Deathly Hallows!
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? Because he wanted to give his students a real scare in Defense Against the Dark Arts!
• Why did Voldemort never go on vacation? Because he didn’t want to relax and let his hair down, he preferred to keep it up in a bun!
• How does Voldemort like his coffee? With a little “dark” roast and a splash of “mud-blood” creamer!
• Why did Voldemort go to school? To learn all the dark arts and crafts!
• Why did Voldemort apply for a job at a bakery? He wanted to be known as the Dark Rye Lord!
• How does Voldemort like to travel? By broomstick, of course! It’s the fastest way to make a clean getaway!
• Why did Voldemort go to school? Because he wanted to make some dark arts and crafts!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite song? “You’re a Vile One, Mr. Grinch”!
• Why did Voldemort go to the doctor? He needed a new nose transplant!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite dessert? Snake pie! It’s hisss-teriously delicious!
• Why did Voldemort go to the bakery? To get his daily slice of “he who must not be named” bread!
• Why did Voldemort start a band? He wanted to become the lead singer of “The Dark Lord and the Horcruxes”!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter when he saw his messy room? “I must not tidy!”
• Why did Voldemort join a band? Because he heard they were “dark wizards”!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter at the beach? “I’m ready to make some sand-castles, Potter!”
• What did Voldemort say when he saw a unicorn? “That’s the last time I drink unicorn blood! It’s too sparkly for my taste!”
• Why did Voldemort bring a ladder to the library? Because he heard the book he wanted was in the top shelf curse-tody!
• Why did Voldemort start a band? He wanted to play “You-Know-Who’s Got the Beat” on his wizarding guitar!
• Why did Voldemort start knitting? Because he wanted to make some Slytherin scarves!
• Why did Voldemort bring a ladder to the library? Because he heard the book “Defeating Harry Potter” was on the highest shelf!
• What do you get if you cross Voldemort with a computer? A spell-checker that only recognizes the Unforgivable Curses!
• Why was Voldemort bad at baking? Because he always forgot to put a bit of soul into his recipes!
• What did Voldemort say to the mummy? “You’re a mummy, I’m a wizard… let’s team up and be the scariest duo!”
• Why did Voldemort always carry a tissue? Because he was afraid of sneezing his nose off!
• Why did Voldemort go to the dentist? To fix his “fang-tastic” smile!
• What did Voldemort say when he accidentally stepped on a frog? “Oops, I didn’t mean to turn you into a toad… Ribbit!”
• Why did Voldemort join a band? Because he wanted to make some wicked spell-tacular music!
• What did Voldemort say to his soulmate? “You’re my Horcrux of love!”
• Why did Voldemort choose to be a bald villain? Because he thought “hair-raising” adventures were overrated!
• What does Voldemort use to brush his teeth? Dark molar toothpaste!
• Why did Voldemort go to school? To sharpen his Slytherin skills!
• What kind of cereal does Voldemort eat? “He-Who-Must-Crunch”!
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? Because he wanted to bring out the inner Slytherin in every student!
• Why did Voldemort start a gardening club? Because he loves planting “Death Eater-berries”!
• What did Voldemort say when he saw a baby? “I think I’ve found my little mini-me!”
• How does Voldemort send messages? By “dark owl” post!
• Why did Voldemort take his math book to the graveyard? He wanted to improve his tomb-ulation skills!
• What do you call Voldemort when he tells a lie? A fibber-dashery!
• Why did Voldemort go to the bakery? Because he wanted to make some dark chocolate cake!
• What kind of pizza does Voldemort like? One with extra snake-roni!
• Why was Voldemort never good at computer programming? Because he couldn’t handle the H-P Coder!
• How does Voldemort prefer to communicate? By “Slytherin” messages!
• Why did Voldemort go to the orthodontist? Because he needed braces for his snake teeth!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite dessert? Snake-in-a-mousse!
• What do you get if you cross Voldemort with a teacher? The Dark Arts of Mathematics!
• Why did Voldemort start gardening? He heard it was a great way to “root” for evil plants!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry when they bumped into each other at the grocery store? “Long time no see, Potter!”
• Why did Voldemort go to the bakery? He wanted to get his “He-Who-Must-Eat” cake!
• What did Voldemort say to his pet snake Nagini when she told a funny joke? “You Slytherin, Nagini!”
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite dance move? The “Avada-Kedavra-shuffle”!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite subject in school? Spelling!
• What do you call Voldemort when he’s on vacation? Volde-rest!
• What does Voldemort say when he tries to flirt? “Are you a Horcrux? Because my heart feels like it’s been split in two.”
• Why did Voldemort go to the dentist? He needed to have a “tooth-less” smile!
• What did Voldemort say when he tried to start a band? “I’m the lead singer, but I’m all Slytherin!”
• Why did Voldemort join a comedy club? Because he wanted to practice his Dark Arts of stand-up comedy!
• What do you call Voldemort when he takes a break? Lord of the Rings!
• What did Voldemort say when he found his lost snake? “Slytherin, I missed you!”
• Why did Voldemort never go to the dentist? Because he never wanted to show his toothless grin!
• What do you call Voldemort when he loses his wand? Disarmed and dangerous!
• What did Voldemort say when he tried to apply for a job at Hogwarts? “I’m sorry, we don’t hire “dark lords” here, only professors!”
• Why did Voldemort never go skydiving? Because he didn’t want to “nose”-dive!
• Why did Voldemort join a band? Because he wanted to be the lead singer…and kill the competition!
• Why did Voldemort always carry a pencil? In case he had to draw his wand!
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? Because he wanted to put his spell-ing skills to good use!
• Why did Voldemort always carry a map? Because he was afraid of getting lost in Diagon Alley!
• Why did Voldemort wear two sweaters? Because he wanted to be double-crossed!
• Why did Voldemort go to the dentist? To get his “You-Know-Tooth” removed!
• Why did Voldemort become a math teacher? Because he wanted to subtract people from his life!
• Why did Voldemort go to the bakery? He heard they were giving out dark chocolate!
• Why did Voldemort never go to the dentist? He didn’t want anyone to know he had a root canal!
• What do you get when you cross Voldemort and a chicken? An evil “fowl”-demort!
• Why did Voldemort become a waiter? Because he wanted to serve up some dark magic!
• What did Voldemort say when he received a gift? “Avada Kedavra-nt you sweet!”
• What did Voldemort say when he won a game of Quidditch? “I must be a Slytherin because I caught that Snitch with my cunning!”
• Why did Voldemort never go on vacation? He couldn’t relax without Horcruxes to worry about!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite dessert? Snake-er Doodles!
• Why did Voldemort become a chef? Because he wanted to put a “spell” on people’s taste buds!
• What did Voldemort say when he visited the dentist? “I’m really tooth-hurty!”
• How does Voldemort like his eggs? In a “horcrux” scramble, of course!
• Why did Voldemort become a math teacher? Because he always loves to divide and conquer!
• Why did Voldemort start knitting? He wanted to create a “sweater-less” world!
• Why did Voldemort go to the dentist? To get a new set of “fang-tastic” teeth!
• Why did Voldemort go to the bakery? He heard they had a great selection of dark rolls!
• Why did Voldemort become a baker? Because he couldn’t resist the allure of dark chocolate cakes!
• Why did Voldemort go to the bakery? Because he needed to get a little dark loaf!
• What do you call Voldemort when he takes a vacation? Lord Going-to-the-beach!
• Why did Voldemort go to the barbershop? Because he wanted a nose trim!
• What do you call a scared Voldemort? A “You-Know-Hoo”!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite dessert? Lemon Meringue “Deathly” Pie!
• What do you call Voldemort when he’s got a cold? A “nose-less” cold!
• Why did Voldemort become a chef? He wanted to cook up some “soul-less” meals!
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? Because he loves planting Slytherinias!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite type of math problem? Divisibility Snares!
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? Because he wanted to be the head of the class…and the head of everyone else!
• Why does Voldemort always carry an umbrella? In case of “Avada Kedavra” showers!
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? He wanted to make everything “root-less”!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter when they met at the bakery? “I knead you to leave, Potter!”
• What did Voldemort say to his friend who was scared of the dark? “Don’t worry, I’ll just cast a “Nox” spell!”
• Why did Voldemort never go to the dentist? Because he didn’t want to lose any of his dark fillings!
• What is Voldemort’s favorite board game? “Snakes and Ladders” – he loves anything with snakes!
• What did Voldemort say when he won a game of chess? “Check-mate, muggles!”
• Why did Voldemort never use a computer? Because he couldn’t stand the thought of pressing the “Enter” key!
• What do you get if you cross Voldemort with a vegetable? A Slytherin Asparagus!
• How did Voldemort get a date to the Yule Ball? He asked out Moaning Myrtle – she couldn’t say no, she’s head over heels for him!
• Why did Voldemort take up gardening? He wanted to learn how to make plants ‘Avada Kedavra’!
• Why did Voldemort become a chef? He wanted to master the art of cooking up evil plans!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite pet? A snake, because it’s always hiss-terical!
• Why did Voldemort take singing lessons? He wanted to become a “Serpentation” singer!

 

Voldemort Jokes for Adults

Who says adults can’t enjoy a good Voldemort joke?

Voldemort jokes for adults blend dark humor with a touch of cleverness, making even the most grim-faced adult chuckle.

Just like the subtlety of the Dark Lord’s magic, these jokes combine elements of wit, intellect, and a trace of wickedness for an unforgettable chuckle.

These jokes are perfect for Harry Potter-themed parties, book clubs, or simply to lighten the mood during a serious discussion among friends.

Here are some Voldemort jokes that are perfectly crafted for adults:

• Why was Voldemort always the life of the party? Because he could “make a killing” with his dark sense of humor!
• What do you call Voldemort when he’s drinking tea? Lord Earl Grey!
• Why did Voldemort go to the optometrist? He wanted to see if he could get a prescription for “dark lenses”!
• What is Voldemort’s favorite type of humor? Dark comedy!
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? He wanted to work on his dark thoughts and horcruxes.
• Why did Voldemort become a dentist? He wanted to give people the true meaning of pain!
• Why did Voldemort join a comedy club? He wanted to learn how to make people laugh without a nose!
• Why did Voldemort never use email? He had a fear of attachments!
• Why did Voldemort start a gardening club? He heard it was a great way to get rid of pesky love potions!
• Why did Voldemort never have a successful career as a musician? He could never find the right pitch, only the high notes!
• Why did Voldemort start a gardening club? He wanted to prove that even without a nose, he could still smell the roses!
• Why did Voldemort open a bakery? He wanted to show everyone how to properly “roll” the dough!
• Why did Voldemort become a musician? He wanted to start a band called “The Nose-less Souls!”
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite type of music? Soul music, because he’s always trying to find one!
• Why did Voldemort never donate to charity? Because he couldn’t stand the thought of giving something away for free!
• What did Voldemort say to the baby before he left? “I’ll be back, baby!”
• Why did Voldemort become a fashion designer? He had a knack for creating killer outfits!
• What did Voldemort say to the snake when it bit him? “Thanks for the venom-ence!”
• Why did Voldemort never go to therapy? He had a real fear of facing his inner demons!
• What is Voldemort’s favorite social media platform? Snap-chat!
• Why did Voldemort never play hide and seek? Because no matter where he hid, you could always find him in the back of the head!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite outdoor activity? Hide and seek, because he’s really good at disappearing!
• Why did Voldemort enroll in a cooking class? He wanted to learn how to make Horcruxes taste better!
• Why did Voldemort start his own fashion line? He wanted to be the Dark Lord of style!
• What did Voldemort say when he found out he was a distant relative of Harry Potter? “Well, that’s a “sirius-ly” awkward family reunion!”
• Why did Voldemort become a banker? He wanted to make a killing in the wizarding world’s financial market!
• Why did Voldemort become an artist? He wanted to paint portraits that capture his good side!
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? He had a serious case of split personality disorder!
• Why did Voldemort start a fashion line? He wanted to make a killing in style!
• What do you call Voldemort when he’s drunk? Tom Gaggle of Shots!
• Why did Voldemort get a pet snake? Because snakes never ask nosy questions.
• What did Voldemort say when he found a great deal on a house? “It’s a real Dark Arts-mansion!”
• Why did Voldemort go on a diet? He wanted to lose some “Slytherin” pounds!
• Why did Voldemort start a hair salon? He wanted to put a spell on people’s hairdos!
• Why was Voldemort a terrible cook? Every time he tried to make soup, he ended up stirring trouble instead!
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? He wanted to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, and also get tenure!
• Why did Voldemort start a gardening club? He loved planting dark arts and casting evil spells on his plants!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite sport? Quidditch, because he loves catching the snitch!
• What do you call it when Voldemort farts? A deadly gas!
• What does Voldemort do when he needs a new wand? He just “wand-ers” into a shop!
• Why did Voldemort never use email? He always had trouble finding the “reply all” button.
• What do you get when you cross Voldemort with a snowman? Frostbite!
• Why did Voldemort always carry an umbrella? To shield himself from the spell “Expecto Patronum”!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry when they met at the pub? “I’m dying to have a drink with you!”
• What do you call it when Voldemort accidentally misplaces his wand? A “dis-arm-us” moment!
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? He needed to work on his attachment issues with his nose.
• What did Voldemort say to his followers when they asked him to dance? “Sorry, I can’t. I’ve got two left feet… and no nose!”
• What do you call Voldemort when he’s wearing a Santa Claus outfit? The He-Who-Must-Not-Wear-A-Hat!
• Why did Voldemort start a bakery? He loved kneading dough (but didn’t have a sweet tooth)!
• What did Voldemort say when he ran out of toilet paper? “I guess it’s time to use a horcrux!”
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter when they met at a coffee shop? “I’ll have a dark roast with an extra shot of Avada Kedavra!”
• Why did Voldemort start a fashion line? He wanted to show everyone that evil can be stylish too!
• Why was Voldemort always terrible at relationships? He could never understand the concept of “love” without an ulterior motive!
• Why did Voldemort become a teacher? He wanted to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts lecturer for life!
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? He couldn’t “Let it go!”
• What do you call it when Voldemort loses at a game of chess? A “checkmate-less” situation!
• Why did Voldemort apply for a job at the post office? He wanted to handle all the “You-Know-Who” mail!
• Why did Voldemort start using a cane? He wanted to walk with a little more dark magic!
• What did Voldemort say when he won a baking contest? “I’ve finally risen to the occasion!”
• What did Voldemort say when he accidentally killed someone? “Whoops, Avada Kedavra-didn’t mean to!”
• What do you call Voldemort when he’s wearing a Santa hat? A ho-ho-horcrux!
• Why did Voldemort join a dating app? He was tired of being a horcrux-y single!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite type of exercise? Avada Kedavra-cise!
• Why did Voldemort become a chef? Because he loved adding a touch of “dark magic” to his recipes!
• Why did Voldemort start a gardening club? He loved “planting” fear in people’s hearts!
• Why did Voldemort become a baker? He found out he had a real knack for the dark arts… of making pastries!
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? To work on his anger management issues, and because he wanted to be a little less “he-who-must-not-be-named!”
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? He had a severe case of “nose-identity” crisis!
• Why was Voldemort a terrible stand-up comedian? He always killed the punchline!
• Why did Voldemort start a cooking show? He wanted to share his favorite recipe for soul stew!
• Why did Voldemort go to the dentist? He needed a new set of teeth to help him spell better!
• Why did Voldemort start wearing eyeliner? He wanted to make his eyes pop, not literally though!
• What did Voldemort say when he saw a boggart in the shape of Harry Potter? “I see you’ve finally taken the form of your greatest fear – a nose!”
• Why did Voldemort start a gardening club? He has a green thumb, literally!
• Why was Voldemort terrible at baking? He always forgot to put a bit of soul in every recipe!
• Why did Voldemort open a pet store? He wanted to teach his customers how to “slytherin” a bond with their pets!
• Why did Voldemort never open a bakery? Because he couldn’t find the recipe for “half-baked” evil plans!
• Why did Voldemort become a math teacher? He wanted to teach his students the Dark Arts of subtraction!
• What did Voldemort say when he met a muggle for the first time? “I didn’t know they made people without magic and without a nose!”
• Why did Voldemort start a gardening club? He loved the idea of planting seeds of destruction!
• What did Voldemort say when he got a new job? “I’m really excited to be the He-Who-Must-Work-From-Home!”
• Why did Voldemort join a book club? He wanted to learn how to read minds!
• Why did Voldemort join a fitness club? He wanted to learn some “dark arts” of weightlifting!
• Why did Voldemort switch to a plant-based diet? He wanted to be the Dark Avocado!
• Why did Voldemort quit his job as a weatherman? He could never “forecast” a sunny day!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite game? Hide and Seek, because he’s always hiding from love!
• Why did Voldemort become a stand-up comedian? He wanted to work on his killing jokes!
• Why did Voldemort never invite Bellatrix Lestrange over? He didn’t want her to “Bellatrick” him into doing her chores!
• Why did Voldemort enjoy going to the beach? He loved “casting spells” in the sand!
• What do you call a snake that is also a Dark wizard? A hiss-terious Voldemort!
• What do you call it when Voldemort is polite? Good Manners Riddle!
• Why did Voldemort become a dentist? He loves extracting information!
• What does Voldemort use to clean his house? Avada Kedavra (a vacuum cleaner)!
• What did Voldemort say when he saw a Dementor? “Finally, someone who understands me!”
• What did Voldemort say when his spell failed? “Well, that was a bit of a “hex-tacle”!
• Why did Voldemort become a referee? He loved calling “foul”-demort on every play!
• Why did Voldemort become a stand-up comedian? He heard laughter was the best way to split your soul!
• Why was Voldemort afraid of going to the dentist? He didn’t want to lose his fangs!
• Why did Voldemort never have a pet? He couldn’t bear the thought of sharing his soul with anyone else!
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? He wanted to keep his green thumb sharp!
• Why did Voldemort fail in his attempt to become a stand-up comedian? He couldn’t tell a single joke without breaking into a snake-like hiss!
• Why was Voldemort bad at relationships? He always had a hard time showing love because he had a “heart”-crux!
• Why did Voldemort become a fashion designer? He wanted to create his own line of “dark magic” clothing!
• Why did Voldemort start wearing glasses? He couldn’t see clearly without his horcruxes!
• Why did Voldemort refuse to go on vacation? He couldn’t relax, knowing Harry Potter was out there surfing the web!
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? He needed help dealing with his nose-identity crisis!
• Why did Voldemort start a music band? He wanted to perform the Dark Arts of Rock ‘n’ Roll!
• Why did Voldemort become a weatherman? He wanted to predict dark clouds and stormy days!
• Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter? Because he can follow people without having a nose to poke into their business!
• Why did Voldemort get a job at the bakery? He wanted to prove that he can rise again!
• Why did Voldemort refuse to go on a date? He didn’t have a nose for romance!
• Why did Voldemort become a professor at Hogwarts? He wanted to teach Defense Against the Hugs!
• Why did Voldemort join the gym? He wanted to work on his abs-olutely terrifying physique!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite kind of bread? Rye-slytherin!
• Why did Voldemort become a barber? Because he loved giving people a “close shave” with his wand!
• Why did Voldemort become a dentist? He loved extracting happiness from people’s lives!
• What do you call a Voldemort-themed cooking show? “The Dark Lord’s Kitchen!”
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? He couldn’t handle his split personality!
• What did Voldemort say when he went to the optician? “I need some dark arts glasses!”
• What did Voldemort say when he found out he wasn’t invited to the Death Eater’s party? “Well, I guess they’re just too cool for school!”
• Why doesn’t Voldemort have a girlfriend? Because he’s a snake in the grass!
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? He couldn’t handle the fact that he didn’t have a nose!
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? He had a green thumb (and no nose)!
• Why did Voldemort always lose at poker? Because he could never find a nose to hold his poker chips!
• What do you call Voldemort’s favorite board game? Horcrux and Ladders!
• Why did Voldemort never invite anyone over to his house? Because he didn’t have any “soul” mates!
• Why did Voldemort become a weather forecaster? He wanted to predict when the Dark Mark would appear in the sky!
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? He had a green thumb for killing plants!
• Why did Voldemort get a job at the bakery? He wanted to specialize in dark rye bread!
• Why did Voldemort become a baker? Because he wanted to create delicious spells!
• Why did Voldemort become a gardener? He wanted to master the Dark Arts of weed-killing!
• Why did Voldemort start a fashion line? He wanted to design the latest trend: Death Eater chic!
• What did Voldemort say to Harry Potter when he offered him a handshake? “I can’t, I don’t have a nose to blow!”
• Why did Voldemort never go to the dentist? He didn’t have any teeth!
• What did Voldemort say to his followers when they asked him for a raise? “There shall be no salary, only Slytherin!”
• Why did Voldemort refuse to play any card games? He always found it hard to “shuffle” his emotions!
• What did Voldemort say when he ran out of shampoo? “I must acquire some Harry Clean-er!”
• Why did Voldemort fail at baking? He couldn’t understand the power of “half a cup” – everything had to be divided into seven!
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? He was tired of being misunderstood as a “nose-less” person.
• Why did Voldemort get a pet parrot? So he could have someone to talk to that never says “Potter”!
• What did Voldemort say to Bellatrix Lestrange when she asked for dating advice? “I’m not the one to give relationship tips, my love life is cursed!”
• Why was Voldemort so good at making potions? He had a knack for stirring up trouble!
• Why did Voldemort only use Twitter and not Facebook? He didn’t want to have a “face”book, considering his lack of nose.
• What does Voldemort use to freshen his breath? Parseltongue!
• Why was Voldemort terrible at making friends? He couldn’t help but “slytherin” to the shadows and scare everyone away!
• What did Voldemort say when he saw Harry Potter for the first time? “You-Know-Who, meet You-Know-Who!”
• Why did Voldemort join a gym? He wanted to work on his core, or as he calls it, “the Dark Core”!
• How does Voldemort go grocery shopping? He just Avada Kedavra’s everything into his cart!
• Why was Voldemort never invited to any parties? He had a habit of killing the mood.
• What did Voldemort say to his snake when it refused to attack Harry Potter? “You’re hiss-tory!”
• Why did Voldemort go to therapy? He wanted to get in touch with his feelings, or lack thereof!
• What did Voldemort say when he won the lottery? “I guess money can buy happiness, after all!”
• Why did Voldemort become a dentist? He wanted to perfect the art of extracting souls!
• Why did Voldemort start a band? He wanted to rock the wizarding world!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite type of music? Soul-sucking rock ‘n’ roll!
• Why did Voldemort become a dentist? Because he loves to extract a smile from his patients!
• Why did Voldemort fail at being a stand-up comedian? He always forgot the punchline… and his nose too!
• Why did Voldemort fail as a baker? He couldn’t make anything rise!
• Why did Voldemort start a bakery? He wanted to make the best kneaded bread in town!
• What did Voldemort say when he lost a duel? “I guess I’m just not the “wand” for the job!”
• Why did Voldemort take up gardening? He wanted to learn how to make his enemies “root” for him!
• Why did Voldemort always carry a map with him? He was constantly trying to find the “right path” to world domination!
• What’s Voldemort’s favorite TV show? Breaking Bad!
• What did Voldemort say to Snape when he asked for a raise? “Sorry, I can’t give you that, it’s against the Dark Arts!”
• Why did Voldemort refuse to attend his high school reunion? He didn’t want anyone to recognize his “nose-less” face!
• Why did Voldemort never use email? He couldn’t stand having a “you-know-owl” address!
• What did Voldemort say to his Death Eaters when they were late? “You’re giving me a bad repu-Tom Riddle!”
• Why did Voldemort always carry a map? He needed to find the “Deathly Hallows”!
• What did Voldemort say when he couldn’t find his wand? “I must be disarmed and extremely dangerous!”
• Why did Voldemort become a stand-up comedian? He wanted to try his hand at dark humor!
• Why did Voldemort start a tech company? He wanted to create a smartphone with a built-in Dark Arts app!

 

Voldemort Joke Generator

Conjuring the ideal Voldemort joke can sometimes feel as tricky as catching a golden snitch.

(Anyone get that reference?)

That’s where our FREE Voldemort Joke Generator swoops in to save the day.

Designed to weave sinister puns, dark humor, and playful phrases, it creates jokes that are bound to cast a spell of laughter.

Don’t let your humor turn as cold and lifeless as a dementor’s kiss.

Use our joke generator to brew up jokes that are as fresh and captivating as your favorite Harry Potter book.

 

FAQs About Voldemort Jokes

Why are Voldemort jokes so popular?

Voldemort jokes are popular because they tie into the iconic Harry Potter series, enjoyed by millions worldwide.

They often rely on the character’s unique traits and the general lore of the wizarding world, making them a hit with fans of the franchise.

 

Can Voldemort jokes help in social situations?

Definitely!

Voldemort jokes can be a great conversation starter, especially among Harry Potter fans.

They can lighten the mood and create a sense of camaraderie among people who share a love for the series.

 

How can I come up with my own Voldemort jokes?

1. Read the Harry Potter books or watch the movies to familiarize yourself with Voldemort’s character traits, notable events, and unique features (like his lack of a nose).
2. Consider the terminology used in the series, such as spells, potions, and magical items. They can be used to create puns or humorous situations.
3. Reflect on the context of your joke. Is it a playful jest at a Harry Potter trivia night, or a light-hearted jab during a book club discussion?
4. Play with well-known phrases or quotes from the series and twist them to include Voldemort.
5. Don’t shy away from wordplay and puns. They can add an element of surprise and amusement to your jokes.

 

Are there any tips for remembering Voldemort jokes?

Try to associate the jokes with specific scenes from the books or movies.

Visualization can make it easier to remember jokes.

Alternatively, you can link the punchlines to memorable moments or quotes from the series.

 

How can I make my Voldemort jokes better?

To improve your Voldemort jokes, aim for a surprising or unexpected punchline.

Use wordplay or puns based on the series’ terminology, and play on the shared knowledge of Harry Potter fans.

The more you tell your jokes, the better you’ll get at timing and delivery.

 

How does the Voldemort Joke Generator work?

Our Voldemort Joke Generator helps you create fun, wizarding world-themed jokes with a few clicks.

Simply enter keywords related to Voldemort or other series’ elements, and press the Generate Jokes button.

The generator will produce a list of original Voldemort jokes for your enjoyment.

 

Is the Voldemort Joke Generator free?

Yes, our Voldemort Joke Generator is absolutely free to use!

Generate as many jokes as you want and amuse your friends with your magical humor.

So go ahead and charm your social media feeds with some hilarious Voldemort jokes.

 

Conclusion

Voldemort jokes are a magical way to add some enchantment to ordinary chats, making life more entertaining with each chuckle.

From the rapid and sharp to the lengthy and hilarity-inducing, there’s a Voldemort joke for every situation.

So next time you’re diving into a Harry Potter book, remember, there’s humor to be found in every Horcrux, spell, and chapter.

Keep conjuring the laughs, and let the good times wand and roll.

Because after all, a day without laughter is like a day without a Voldemort joke—unthinkable and, frankly, a bit less magical.

Happy joking, everyone!

Harry Potter Jokes That Voldemort Would Hate

Horcrux Jokes That Will Split Your Sides With Laughter

Wizarding World Jokes For Those Who Miss Hogwarts

Death Eater Jokes to Feed Your Dark Humor

Dark Lord Jokes That Are Surprisingly Funny